Chasing the Rainbow
by rewind gone nuts
Summary: After receiving and digesting a long lesson in might-have-beens and could-bes, Ranma decides to start making his own plans for his life and his future. The long-awaited sequel to "Another Rainy Day in Nerima".
1. Chapter 1

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** well, by overwhelming decree, it is this sequel to Another Rainy Day in Nerima that will be our new primary project. We aren't sure how long this will last, or where it will go, but we hope that you'll all enjoy it!

On a off-topic, it appears that the next major project will probably be Legends of Aeron, once Chasing the Rainbow is complete. There's now a poll in my profile to determine what weapon we should have Ranma use as a Swordmage- please stop by and vote.

Prologue: Life Decisions

Ranma tried to fight it, to cling to sleep like he normally would, but there was just no denying it. He was awake and he wouldn't be going back to sleep any time soon. Exhaling something half sigh and half snarl, he thrust himself upright in his futon, eyes still bleary and hair mussed. He had not slept very well the previous night; his mind too occupied by everything he had seen in the Eye of Zygyg. He came home the previous night to little reaction from his 'family', who barely seemed aware of his absence- they hadn't blamed him for being late, but nor had they welcomed him. In fact, they hadn't made even the slightest reference to his having been hospitalized- not even a "you deserved it, but it's good to see you're alright".

He was taken away from his dreary, lack-of-sleep-induced thoughts when Genma suddenly gave a loud snore. Ranma looked the slumbering form of his father up and down, feeling a sudden urge to scream "Wake Up!" at the top of his lungs while simultaneously throwing him out the window and on a direct course for the koi pond. That image cheered him up, though he didn't act on it, and Ranma got up with his usual stealth... not that it really mattered, as being a heavy sleeper was definitely a trait that Ranma had inherited from his father. Genma probably wouldn't have woken up for anything less than a brass band playing in the room. And even then he'd probably try and sleep through it. Peering through the pre-dawn gray, wondering what the precise time was, Ranma headed downstairs.

As he padded downstairs, Ranma heard a gentle tune being hummed from the kitchen and realized that Kasumi was also up. Stopping in the doorway he watched as the eldest Tendo daughter busied herself at the stove and bench top and memories from the Eye flicked through his mind as he continued watching silently.

'She really doesn't get any help, does she? She gives up so much for all of us...' Ranma thought with a surge of sympathy. 'Well, I need to get my mind off of things anyway, so I guess...'

"Kasumi?" He asked softly. "Would you like some help?"

Kasumi stopped her work; she could have sworn she'd just heard someone... no, that was impossible. But then the words repeated, and she turned and found herself staring bemusedly at Ranma Saotome. "Did... you just offer to help me make breakfast?" She asked, mild disbelief in her tone; while the others did help out around the house, she couldn't remember the last time someone asked to help her specifically.

"I did." Ranma replied without hesitation. "I'm up now and I figured, since you handle most of the housework on yer own, well..."

"Are you... feeling alright?" Kasumi asked, trying her hardest to surreptuously examine Ranma's head for any visible signs of concussion or other personality-altering wounds, remembering that time when Akane had tripped Ranma into the koi pond...

"I'm fine. I haven't hit my head, I just feel like being nice." Ranma said, in a rather annoyed tone. "Am I really that much of a jerk?" He said, one half complaint to one half rhetorical question.

At that, Kasumi's pleasant expression, already starting to waver with concern, went glassy. Her kitchen already suffered from what Akane did to it whenever she took it into her mind to try and cook. Who knew what sort of carnage would result from Ranma without the concussion-induced feminine persona at the helms? Ranma was capable of so much destruction it wasn't funny...

Ranma blinked at the expression on Kasumi's face before his own soured. Honestly, even Kasumi obviously thought that all he was good for was lowering land values and allowing construction companies to test new ways to reinforce buildings! "Well, time to get to work Ranma. Miso first." With that mutter to himself, Ranma walked over and before Kasumi could protest as he gently moved her aside, started work on the miso and before her eyes, the soup dish was finished and simmering ready to be served as Ranma stood back to let the older sister study his work before moving to start on another dish with quick, efficient movements.

And nothing was happening, no smoke, no over-enthusiastic 'additions' of household chemicals and ingredients that would actually make people sick, Kasumi watched Ranma work, surprised and somewhat pleased by his skill, "Ranma...how...when?" She paused for a minute to get her thoughts in order, "I didn't know you could cook, Ranma-kun."

"As to the how and when; me and pop lived on the road all my life. What, did you think we simply bought food all the time? I learned to cook before I learned to count. As for why I never showed I could before... well, how does Akane take me being better'n her at anything 'girly'? My girl side has a bigger chest, I can pull off the flirt act easier, I can sew, clean, do tea ceremony, dance..."

"You can dance? I've never seen you dance before." Kasumi blurted out in disbelief.

Ranma waved a hand in idle dismissal. "Well, my school does put a lot of emphasis on grace and mobility, so it's only natural I can dance. Besides, I picked up a few things when I fought that Master of Martial Arts Dancing. Flashy, stuck up boy too fond of his looks and his way with the ladies... even played his own theme music everywhere..." He shook his head. "Gotta admit though; if his partner hadn't learned he was cheating on her with her sister, I probably wouldn't have made it past the Tango."

Kasumi blinked, "And that's how you learned to dance?"

"More or less." Ranma admitted. "Pop never said a word against it... I think getting his butt kicked by a 10 year old girl who happened to be a master of Battle Ballet made him accept the idea that martial arts and dancing could be the same thing."

Now Kasumi was sure she felt a bead of nervous, disbelieving sweat crawl down her face, "Battle Ballet? Did you...?"

"No, she's not a fiancée." Ranma flatly insisted. "... At least, I don't think she is." He muttered to himself. He then refused to say anything more on the subject.

After that Kasumi returned to her own tasks and between the two of them, breakfast was ready by the time the rest of the house's inhabitants were awake, with Genma and Soun being first, followed by a yawning Nabiki and a cranky looking Akane.

'Looks like she didn't sleep well, wonder what happened?' As Ranma thought this, he helped Kasumi bring out everything, the eldest Tendo daughter calmly and gently told Akane that Ranma was helping her when the youngest Tendo gruffly asked what Ranma was doing. Ranma silently thanking Kasumi for stopping the impending temper outburst in its tracks as the entire group sat at their usual places.

Ranma ate his food slowly as he could; it had been a while since he'd had a chance to actually use his skills in that area, and he wanted to reassure himself that they remained as good as they had been. But even that couldn't occupy his entire mind, and so his thoughts began to drift- naturally, to matters brought up by the events of the previous day. Equally naturally, due to their presence, it was matters concerning the Tendo sisters that occupied his mind.

What was it that drew his thoughts to Akane, first of all? He tried his hardest not to think about it, but her constant explosions of fury, as shown to him by the Heartbourne Eye, kept pushing their way into the front of his mind. He would vehemently protest anyone insinuating he had romantic feelings of any sort for her, but... well… he didn't really have that many people he was close to. Oh, he knew now that he was actively pushing the other girls away, that he was being unfair about everything, but until now, Akane had been pretty much the only friend, the only confidant, the only true ally, that Ranma had in the world. She stood with him against the fickle attentions of his rivals, against the challengers, even against their fathers… he'd never had someone like that before, hence why he had latched onto Akane so firmly.

Well, yes, they got on best when Akane was happy, and she did have a tendency towards mood swings... and there was also a darker element to them that he'd been forced to confront by the magical mirror. While there were occasions where he did deliberately tease her, or simply say things that deserved punishment, Akane not only had a habit of overreacting, but also of blowing up at things that she should know didn't require it. Her immediately leaping to the assumption that he was possessed of perverse motivations or otherwise at fault when something went wrong might have been justifiable back when they'd first met, but it was, what, almost a year now that he'd been living here? Despite having so long to get to know him, despite how frequently it was that her suspicions were unfounded, Akane still refused to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was rather tiring, and the Eye had forced him to admit that it didn't exactly make for a healthy relationship.

Ranma forced himself away from that train of thought; he had enough of a headache already, and thinking such things was **not** doing any good for the already-considerable amount of guilt currently working through his system. Instead, he turned his attention to Kasumi, an easy thing to do after the previous events of the morning. Now, here was a girl with whom his relationship (not in **that** sense, of course) could only be said to be positive. At least, if you ignored the fact that they tended to ignore each other. Ranma offered her an occasional helping hand, she offered him the odd kind word or bit of well-intended advice, and they generally stayed out of each other's way, which at least meant that they avoided the barrages of insults and bouts of random violence that sort of characterized Ranma's interactions with Akane. For a moment, Ranma found himself wondering if that polite indifference towards each other was such a good thing, if maybe he couldn't make it work if, the next time things flared up, he persuaded the old men to transfer the promise from him and Akane to him and Kasumi...

Ranma promptly slapped himself across the face. What was he thinking? Dr. Tofu was in love with Kasumi and, while it was true that Ranma had no idea if Kasumi was even aware of the man's crush on her, let alone if she returned his feelings, Akane did believe it was so, and she'd go ballistic if she thought Ranma was trying to interfere with her beloved elder sister's "destined love". To say nothing of the fact that Kasumi was gentle and otherwise totally incapable of handling the sort of rough-and-tumble havoc that tended to make up a large portion of Ranma's life. To get her involved in that, against her will, no less, would be no less cruel then throwing a man with all four limbs cut off into shark-infested waters.

Of course, he didn't have much opportunity to contemplate anything as he realized that the whole table was staring at him for his sudden slap to his own face. Embarrassed, and somewhat afraid they might pry into his secret -he wanted to keep the Eye of Zygyg and what it had shown him to himself- his mind raced desperately for an excuse.

"Mosquito." He finally explained.

Nabiki snorted from her seat and shook her head with a mocking smile on her face, the action bringing the focus of Ranma's mind to the middle Tendo daughter and inwardly he seethed at her while resuming breakfast. There were many reasons Ranma could give for his feelings, but ultimately, it all boiled down to one simple fact. Ranma did not like Nabiki.

Now it wasn't the extortion that annoyed Ranma...apart from the fact that she did it for fun and the money didn't go to the bills, since all she really took was essentially his allowance. It was the fact that Nabiki did it when he was desperate, like she took some sick pleasure in watching him squirm all so that she could add to her own pocket in the end. Shampoo's arrival, Akane's 'swimming lesson', dropping hints in front of his mother without caring that he would have to ritually cut his own freaking guts open! All for her damn wallet!

Damn, if he kept this line of thought he'd likely fire off enough of an aura to tip people off. When you got down to it, what he was thinking was that Nabiki pissed him off enough that, even if he could do everything all over again, he still wouldn't waste his time trying to get to know her. She only considered him a source of profit and amusement? Fine; he'd just ignore her. Let her end up a lonely old maid- he didn't care!

Ranma blinked at the sharp **krak** of his chopsticks breaking in his hands and immediately went for a sheepish grin, "Oops...got any spares Kasumi?"

As the girl smiled and went to get another pair, it allowed Ranma time to find something else to keep his mind occupied.

"Something the matter boy?" Ranma blinked and turned his head to see Genma looking at him with a hint of concern, "You're acting distracted, what's wrong?" Ranma waved a hand as he thought up an excuse, thanking Kasumi as she present another pair of chopsticks.

"Nah, its nothing. Just had a weird dream last night and its still in my head. Don't worry about it pops, I'll be fine." Genma frowned for a few seconds, but then shrugged and returned to his food while Akane stared at him suspiciously for a few seconds. He couldn't help himself; he had to respond to that stare, "What? Something on my face?"

"Are you sure you're alright? This isn't like you at all... in fact, the last couple of times you've acted like this... so, what is it this time? Another evil spirit visiting you in the night? Some pervert haunting your dreams? Some sort of mind-altering concotion? Hallucinations?"

"No, no, and how is that possible? You haven't cooked since I got back." Ranma replied absently, his eyes then shooting open wide as he realised what he'd just said. Akane growled angrily and Ranma promptly decided discretion was the better part of valor, hastily rambling apologies as he shot up from the table and ran for the rooftops, even as Akane's vehement insults buzzed in his ears like angry bees. Once he figured he was a safe enough distance away, he sat down to try and think- clearly, running from the thoughts in his head wasn't doing any good, so it was time to face them head on.

"What am I to do? I just can't seem to get my head around this stuff..." Ranma complained out loud. Talking to himself wasn't really the best of habits, particularly in Nerima, but it was one he'd picked up quite early in life and thus far he hadn't been able to shake the impulse to discuss his plans, problems, or whatever aloud as he tried to sort things out in his head. As part of the process, he envisioned a mirror-image of himself sitting beside him, to help him better concentrate on what he needed to do.

"Well, let's look at things simple-like." The fake-Ranma said. Well, he mouthed the words- it was the actual Ranma who was doing the talking. "What's the main problem here? It's the girls after your hand, isn't it?"

"That's right." Ranma admitted. "I've never really thought of any of them that way, but now I know I could have a happy life with... well, most of them."

"So, what it boils down to is this; do you want to marry one of them? Or do you want to see if there are other fish in the sea- maybe wait for Natsume to arrive?" The fake-Ranma asked.

"I don't know!" Snapped Ranma in exasperation. "I've never even thought about being with a girl, so how am I supposed to just up and choose a girl like that?"

"Then don't. Leave that question alone and just wait for the answer to come. Try some of the simpler questions; have you treated the girls worse than you should have?"

"...Yes." Ranma admitted shamefully.

"Can you start treating them better?"

"Yes." Ranma answered immediately, in a "well, duh" tone of voice.

"Should you start treating them better?'

"Yes!" Ranma snapped in irritation.

"Then do it. Stop worrying about the hints you've been given about the girls and start getting to know them better. Whether you fall in love with one of them or not doesn't matter; it's just something you should do."

"Yeah!" Ranma shouted, standing upright into a triumphant posture as his mental conjuration faded away. "Moping around and worrying about what could be ain't my style- I need to get out and do something! But... which girl should I...? Ah, I'll just go into town- I'll run into one of them sooner or later. First come, first serve, and all that."

As Ranma bounded off into the distance intent on putting his new plan into action, a nearby tree rustled and a masked head popped up of the top holding a tape recorder and microphone as Sasuke Sarugakure, ninja retainer of the Kuno family, stared after the rapidly vanishing figure, "What the hell is wrong with him? Master Kuno should be informed that Ranma Saotome has finally cracked."

_People might have already guessed this, but, as Ranma brings up towards the end of this prologue, there's quite a few ways he could go now that he's taking matters into his own hand. While we do have the basics in our heads, the directions are legion- we could have him stay at the Tendo Dojo, get Natsume & Kurumi adopted into the Tendo family, and marry one of them. We could have him shack up with Kodachi and take her up on her offer to build him his own Saotome Dojo. We could have him go back to China with Shampoo, or stay in Japan to head a new enclave of Joketsuzoku. We could have him hit the road on his own, alienated from all of his former rivals and fiancées, and set out to find new skills and maybe new love. There's really so many choices, we can't pick. So, we're going to have you readers pick for us._

_Simply review this story letting us know which of the following "romance options" you'd prefer us to use, and we will take that into account as we chart out the development of this story. You can vote in any chapter, as well; the path to love is many things, but smooth and straightforward it is not.  
Kodachi Kuno_

_Shampoo_

_Ukyo Kuonji_

_Natsume "Tendo"_

_Nobody from Nerima _


	2. Chapter 2

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** holy hashish, but I've never, in my life, received so many reviews for one chapter! I can't believe that so many people were looking forward to this, that so many think so highly of my writing. It truly humbles me.

Firstly, I'll remind you all that votes are allowed in all chapters… but these merely serve to guide us towards our end-goal. We do have our specific outlines planned, both in short-term (adaptations of the non-serial movies, for example) and in long-term.

Secondly, irregardless of the votes, don't expect crossovers. Even if I didn't doubt my ability to weave such characters into a setup already approaching complexity, I honestly don't know that much about that many other anime or manga series that would be valid material. On a related stance, I'm not going to include material from the late manga; while I know that stories like the Musk Dynasty weren't animated because the anime was cancelled before the manga reached that stage, that doesn't alleviate the fundamental problem. Namely, I know the anime inside and out, but am sorely limited in regards my knowledge of the manga. Patchwork fics really should only be handled by someone who knows all of the canons they're using intimately, and that's not a category I fall into. I may and probably will take inspiration from the late manga, but after my co-writer and I put our own unique spin on things, it would be best to consider it more original work.

Chapter 1: First Steps

Ranma was amazed at how clear his head felt now that he was actually doing something. True, that didn't mean that he had what could be honestly called a plan as yet, but that was something that could come later. After all, he barely had a goal besides getting to know the other girls better, so what was the point in coming up with a plan? True, he probably could have put together some guidelines, if he'd really thought about it… but that would require more free undistracted time than he'd ever get in Nerima. About the only way he could have gotten that sort of time was if he upped sticks and went on an excursion to Jusenkyo… and that was, frankly, impossible, for the same reasons that had held him here so long.

In those other times he was able to do so, that was because he had somebody to help him and, perhaps even more importantly, all of those who would be opposed to him leaving were thrown into chaos. In any of those other timelines, there was nobody inclined or even able to think of tracking him down and getting in the way. Without that backup, Ranma's attempts to run away from Nerima and back to Jusenkyo would be doomed to failure. And that was even if there wasn't a Joketsuzoku "welcoming party" awaiting him- he wouldn't doubt that Cologne might organize such a thing, and a part of his newly awakened thoughts found it hard to blame her for such an idea.

By this point in time, Ranma was somewhere in downtown Nerima, and had left off the rooftops to walk amongst the populace; after all, if he was purposefully going to 'run into' one of the girls, then he should at least take the route they used. Kodachi was the only one of them, as far as he knew, who preferred roof hopping to the streets. Even Shampoo, who rode her bike just about anywhere it could go and a few places it couldn't, tended to be more or less ground-leveled. Ranma's ears twitched as he heard a familiar ringing noise, and for a split-second a decidedly unusual grin crossed his face. Well, speak of the she-devil…

Shampoo hummed to herself as she cycled along the fence; today was shaping up to be a fairly pleasant day. The work wasn't too bad, Mousse had been relatively docile (admittedly, the beating she had given him after Ranma had gotten sent to the hospital had probably helped), and the weather was pleasant- while she didn't get splashed as often as her reluctant fiancé did, cold water still had a tendency to find her when she did **not** want to become a cat. About the only thing that would make today better would be if she could see her airen, Ranma; she hadn't had a chance to visit him in the hospital since he was first admitted, and she was slightly worried about how he was doing. She knew, at least abstractly, that there was nothing to worry about- Ranma was one of the best martial artists she had ever known, and that equated to a truly miraculous healing capacity, but she still didn't like the idea of him being hurt.

'Even if you do sometimes act the opposite…' A treacherous voice from her subconscious whispered to her. She did her best to ignore it; it wasn't her fault that she got carried away when forced to deal with her rivals, or that Ranma tended to get caught in the crossfire. As usual, it still rang rather hollow, but it did make the voice go away. And she quickly found something else to think about when she realized that, yes, that was indeed her beloved standing there on the pavement. With the ease of training and practice she sprang off of her bike, which coasted to a halt without harming anyone, and flipped through the air with a grace that any gymnast would have admired, landing perfectly in front of him and using the impact to throw her arms around him with a joyous cry.

For a moment, Ranma actually did contemplate trying to hug her back. But he decided against it; he needed to be as subtle as he could about this to avoid raising more trouble then he could handle. It wasn't that he was still, frankly, totally unused to physical affection and found the very idea somewhat paradoxical, no, not in the slightest. So, he settled for simply not trying to fight his way free of her embrace… though he couldn't help the initial reflexive squirming. "Hey, Shampoo. How's it going?" He asked casually.

Shampoo beamed back at him, somewhat puzzled (and, maybe, a tad disappointed) at the lack of resistance on Ranma's part, but quite enjoying the chance to hold him in her arms without having to all but grapple him to do so. "Very, very nice day! Is nicer still now that Shampoo find Ranma- Shampoo so happy that Ranma okay now!"

'Well, at least that's someone saying it's good to see me out of hospital,' Ranma couldn't help but think to himself. Brushing that aside, Ranma steeled himself for what he knew was inevitable.

"Shampoo only have few more deliveries to run- when Shampoo done, Ranma take Shampoo on date?" She pleaded.

"Okay." Ranma said, after a moment's delay and in a quieter tone than he would have liked- made him sound rather timid, at least so he thought, and that embarrassed him.

"Please? Ranma come on date with Shampoo? Shampoo sorry about what happen with Jewel, Shampoo not know- wait, what you say…" The Chinese Amazon suddenly broke off, eyes staring into Ranma's with an expression of equal parts suspicion and disbelief.

"I said 'yes', Shampoo." Ranma replied, gently and at least a little amused by her reaction. Though he did start to worry when her eyes went blank and her arms suddenly fell off of him. "Uh… Shampoo? You feeling alright?" He asked.

It would be rather hard to describe Shampoo's mental state at that precise moment. The closest equivalent would be a pinball machine that had, in response to being shaken, suddenly gone **TILT**. However, like said pinball machine, her mind came back- and unlike it, she did not lose the ball. With a shout of what could have been Chinese, but which Ranma was pretty sure was simply a meaningless outburst of pure exhilaration, she suddenly flung her arms back around him and squeezed him until he was reminded painfully of that incident with Ryoga and the waterproof soap. In fact, he was so distracted by protestations from his ribs and spine that he failed to notice she was speaking for several seconds… not that it really mattered, because the excitement had apparently made her forget her Japanese and Ranma certainly didn't speak Chinese well enough to decipher her eager babbling.

"Shampoo, I know you're happy and all… but don't you gotta make those deliveries first?" He asked, his voice somewhat faint from the sheer pressure being placed on his lungs.

Shampoo suddenly stopped, blinked, then flickered through multiple emotions too fast for Ranma to follow before giving him one last squeeze, running over to her bike and rocketing off. Making it perhaps more impressive was that she kept up the running commentary in Chinese, though Ranma still couldn't say for certain exactly what she was saying. He'd have laid even money on it being one part profanities to one part promises that he wouldn't regret this, though. Then he realized that he hadn't told her where they were to meet after she was done… fortunately for him, as he wasn't too sure that even he could have caught up to her on foot at the rate she was going, she evidently realized the same thing and came rocketing back towards him, screeching to a halt bare centimeters away.

"Where…?" She began, breathing hard.

"Uh, the park we went to when I got that lady-killer bandaid stuck to me? You remember that place?" Ranma suggested, it being the first 'open' place that popped into his head.

Shampoo nodded gratefully, then tore off at, if anything, an even more impressive speed than she had been going before. Ranma watched her leave, shook his head, then turned and began heading in the appropriate direction himself; he had acted on his plan, and he didn't need someone bumping into him and causing problems, so best to remove himself from the comparatively public arena. After all, while he knew it wouldn't last long, secrecy would be a great advantage while it lasted and, right now, nobody knew about his plans save himself.

_XXX_

"…And you're absolutely certain of this?" Tatewaki Kuno asked, adopting a position that would have made him appear quite noble and dignified, were it not for the myriad poster-sized portraits of a the "Pigtailed Girl" and Akane decorating the room he had chosen as his 'meditation lounge'.

Not for the first time, Sasuke Sarugakure looked over the pictures and swallowed a surge of disgust, wondering yet again if he should try to share the knowledge he had acquired and persuade his master to accept that Ranma Saotome **was** the "Pigtailed Girl". As always, he persuaded himself otherwise. He of all people knew how stubborn Kunos could be once they made their mind up on something, and, to be honest, he was afraid of how Kuno might react to discovering that he had been chasing after another man. Him taking things out on Sasuke would be unfair, but not out of character, and so the inept ninja held his tongue once again.

"I am certain, master. Though I know not what his plans are, not his motivation, it would seem that he is no longer interested in Akane Tendo and instead seeks to grow closer to one, or all, of the other women who pursue his hand."

"Fah, that such a degenerate could have multiple ladies in pursuit of his hand is unbelievable, that he would scorn one so fair as Akane Tendo for them more so." Kuno spat, jealousy unmistakable in his tone, though Sasuke bit his tongue; he had learned too many painful lessons about when to speak and when to stay silent. "Still… if it means that he will leave my own beloved Akane Tendo alone at last, that he will no longer threaten her with his depraved whims, nor stand in the path of our true love, then I suppose I can be magnanimous. Let him do as he wish, save that he leave Akane Tendo to one who is better suited for her."

"Oh, you truly are a generous lord, my master." Sasuke praised. "But, I beg of you; what of Mistress Kodachi? After all, is it not possible that he may approach her?"

Kuno looked bored and waved his hand negligently. "As she is willing to approach him first, and rebuke me for trying to perform my duties as her guardian and chase him away, I say it shall be on her own head."

"I do not know whether to be pleased or insulted, brother dear." Kodachi's voice suddenly rang out, startling both the self-proclaimed samurai and the incompetent ninja manservant. Instantly, Kuno's hand went to his ever-present bokken.

"Where are you, twisted sister?" He demanded. He promptly blinked as the door flew open, Kodachi standing proud and defiant in its frame. "…You were eavesdropping at the door?" He asked finally, making no effort to hide his disbelief at his sister doing something so… well… _mundane_.

"So what if I was? If what I have heard was true, and my darling Ranma has come to his senses, you will **not** make any effort to interfere when he finally comes to me, do you hear me, brother dear?" She snapped.

"So long as he refrains from his interference with my pursuit, I shall allow him to be with you." Kuno stated.

Kodachi gave him no words in answer, instead laughing uproariously and running away, already boasting about how she had always known that this day would come.

XXX

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Tokyo, Ranma felt and resisted the urge to sneeze. "Oh great, who's talking about me now?" He grumbled.

_XXX_

"When you're done with cleaning the tables, boy, you get in here and wash the dishes." Cologne called from where she was putting away the recently purchased ingredients for tonight's cooking. Ah, the tasks of running a restaurant- they never ceased. Mousse, meanwhile, grumbled angrily, as was his usual past time, but said nothing- he was in no mood to receive one of Cologne's punishments, even if said punishment usually consisted of a whack on the head or, if she was feeling in a rather bitter (or possibly playful) mood, a rather old root vegetable to the back of the head. And so they worked in mutual silence…

…Which was shattered about three minutes later, when the doors suddenly flew open and a very hyped-up Shampoo came dancing (not quite literally) into the main room. Mousse immediately dropped what he was carrying (smashing several plates, much to Cologne's displeasure) and lunged at Shampoo, promptly receiving a boot in the face for his troubles. This, Cologne watched with some amusement.

"You're jubilant today, my child." She noted.

"Is most too-too happy day!" Shampoo proclaimed enthusiastically. "He say yes! He say **yes!**" She cried in delight. "Shampoo just ask him, no blackmail, no barter, no nothing- Shampoo just ask, and Ranma say he take Shampoo on date!" She cheered in her excitement, Cologne looking shocked and then pleased for her great-granddaughter. Unfortunately, the two of them had forgotten Mousse's presence, something they were unpleasantly reminded of courtesy of a wordless scream of rage and hate and jealousy.

"**You DIE, Ranma Saotome!"** Mousse screamed, clawing to his feet and hurling himself out of the door as fast as he could. Such was the vigor with which he moved that he caught both of the women off-guard, so that he had a couple of minutes worth of head-start before Shampoo gave a squawk and gave chase.

"You come back here, Mousse! You **not **ruin this for Shampoo!" She screamed. A second, incoherent squawk of protest came hot on this declaration as she discovered that Mousse had carved her beloved bicycle into useless pieces, doubtlessly justifying this to himself as being 'for her own good'. "Shampoo's bike! **You pay for this, Mousse!**"

"Ah, youngsters. Makes me wish I could shed a century or two." Cologne cackled.

_XXX_

Ranma was enjoying the peace and quiet of the park when his danger sense suddenly went off, leaping aside just as several dozen long, sharp daggers buried themselves practically to the hilts in the tree he had been leaning against. "So what's tied your pinfeathers in a knot, Mousse?" He asked, doing his best to be nonchalant. The male member of the local Joketsuzoku enclave said nothing, instead spitting incoherently in his fury, and charged Ranma with a sword in either fist, lashing out with all of the swiftness he could muster.

Ranma ducked a horizontal swing aimed squarely at his throat, then weaved away from a stab at his heart. An opposing direction dual diagonal swing forced him to leap away, and yet Mousse was attacking with such vehemence that Ranma was finding it hard to spot any chinks in his defense. This had Ranma worried. True, in a technical sense, Mousse was the weakest of the trio of himself, Ryoga and Ranma; this was something that Ranma attributed to Mousse spending most of his time doing odd-jobs at the Nekohanten and mooning after Shampoo, as opposed to wandering all over Japan while trying to learn new techniques, like Ryoga, or fighting off what felt like half of the country come to carve pieces of out his hide, like Ranma.

However, in a practical sense, Mousse was perhaps Ranma's most dangerous opponent- Ryoga might have more skill, but for all his bluster, he was relatively placid and levelheaded. Mousse, on the other hand, was vicious, amoral and, most importantly of all, went into battle carrying enough implements of bladed death to slice, skewer, slash, mangle, eviscerate, decapitate, amputate and otherwise ensure Ranma would have a really shitty day if he managed to get a good hit in.

That was why Ranma was, to put it mildly, rather unhappy that Mousse was showing more skill, focus and pure bloody-minded craziness in this fight than he had ever shown before. It didn't take more than a microsecond for Ranma to realize that Mousse must have heard about him agreeing to take Shampoo on a date- it was the only logical reason for him to come after the heir to the Saotome School at all, never mind in such a state. As he leapt, ducked, dodged and weaved, his mind raced desperately to try and find an answer to a far more important question: how to get the hell out of this mess!

"Oh, Mousse!" Came a sudden feminine call. "Your Shampoo is here for you, Mousse!"

"Shampoo!" Mousse cried in delight, immediately breaking off his attack and running to the Chinese bluenette, who had finally made it onto the scene.

Ordinarily, Ranma would have doubtlessly attacked Mousse while his back was turned- the Anything Goes style as a whole didn't exactly have the finest definition of 'honorable combat', and Mousse was, frankly, deserving of such tricks. However, Ranma was currently recovering from the mental shock: Shampoo calling out to Mousse in a tone other than indifference, anger or disgust? Acting not just friendly to him, but like she was his _girlfriend_? Had he fallen into some sort of weird alternate dimension or something? …Then he saw she had one hand held behind her back, saw her friendly, welcoming expression change to one of anger and sadistic satisfaction as Mousse drew close, saw her bring forth a chúi and deliver a resounding overhead swing directly to Mousse's skull, leaving him unconscious in a crater in the earth, and the world swung back into its proper slant again. Smiling with relief, Ranma walked over to her, watching as she berated him, occasionally punctuating her words with kicks.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid Mousse! Attack Shampoo's Ranma, will you? Cut up Shampoo's bike, will you? Shampoo make you pay for this, you wait and see!"

"I know what you mean- I'd feed him a dose of love mushroom stew if I could think of anyone who deserved being stuck with him." Ranma added.

"You is okay, Ranma?" Shampoo asked, genuinely concerned; while she knew that Ranma could take Mousse easily on most days, she'd never seen him so serious about fighting before.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm glad you showed up though." Ranma replied calmly.

At that, Shampoo smiled; hearing Ranma say he was happy to see her, even if it was because she'd just saved his neck, was something she couldn't get enough of. And then her attention suddenly latched onto Ranma's earlier comment and she couldn't resist her curiosity. "What is love mushrooms?" She asked.

"Eh, some kind of magical mushroom that grows near this shrine a bunch of us visited- it was my dad's idea. Apparently, if two people eat the same batch of stew, they'll fall for each other." Ranma said, trying to give as little away as possible. Then, thinking quickly, he added, "It didn't work, we were lucky, and I couldn't tell you what they're supposed to look like, so don't ask me to go through on that. Besides, like I said, there's no girl I could justifiably sentence to falling in love with Mousse."

"Uh huh…" Was Shampoo's sole reply. "So, Ranma mean what he say? You take Shampoo on date?"

"I said yes, didn't I?" Ranma asked. "But first, some ground rules." He warned.

At this Shampoo found surprise warring with fear. "Yes…?" She prompted.

"I ain't gonna waste our time by warning you to be discrete; if you go bragging about this, there isn't gonna be a snowball in hell's chance that we'll ever be able to try this again. However, if this date ends up involving blackmail, magic, mind control, propositions of marriage, or anything that might lead to us doing something triple-X rated, then you have my word that I'll walk away right then and there. And I won't **ever** think of giving you another chance, ya hear? This is your only shot; screw this up, and you **won't** get another."

Ranma forced himself to avoid giving himself away once he completed his spiel; this was something that he had figured was necessary while waiting for Shampoo to show up, and so he'd been practicing it in his head until she got here. It wasn't the sort of thing he normally would consider doing, and he was kind of disappointed that he had to do it, but he had to admit that it had to be done.

Shampoo swallowed, not even thinking to hide her surprise; where had this come from? Oh, there was a part of her slightly unnerved, mainly by Ranma actually threatening her where it hurt (her heart), but mostly she was just confused. But then again, she had to admit that Ranma agreeing to go on a date with her of his own free will was, sadly, just as unusual, so finally she simply nodded. "Shampoo understand. So, where we go for our date?"

Ranma gave a mental sigh of relief that she had swallowed that so easily. Okay, first the stick, now the carrot… "Wherever you want to go. It's your date, after all." He said.

He found the smile came to him quite easily when her face lit up with delight.

_And thus it begins. I know you're all itching for this, so let's hope we can live up to your expectations, eh?_

_To those reviewers who brought up Nabiki; as I tried to cover in both the prologue and earlier chapters of "Another Rainy Day", while the two could be compatible, there is a certain issue that must be addressed first. Namely, that neither of them has any compulsion to see each other as human, never mind as a romantic interest- Ranma, in this case, knows that he __**could**__ make things work with Nabiki, but has no motivation to __**try**__; why bother when he can simply get to know Shampoo or Ukyo, that's why he's thinking. Canonically, Nabiki considers Ranma nothing more than a source of cash and amusement- she couldn't even give a damn about his life, never mind his comfort. We're talking about the girl who would have legitimately __**sold**__ him to one of his other love interests, family honor be damned, if they hadn't had a spontaneous attack of Stupid Evil and tried to just kill her and take him… tried to sell "her" to the Yakuza to pay off her gambling debts… cheerily shrugged when Akane brought up that Ranma might be dead in the Herb arc…Needless to say, Ranma has no pressing need to try and 'redeem' her when he can simply work on being more comfortable with one of the other girls._

_Anyway, in more important news, when I first posted the prologue, I didn't truly realize that the vote option "Nobody From Nerima" was so ambiguous. One possibility was that Ranma would not end up in a relationship with __**anybody**__, and so the story would end with Ranma not with anyone and either swearing to wait until he's older to find someone, or actively considering/acting on leaving Nerima to find someone else. The other possibility, which pretty much everyone seemed to interpret it as, was that it would result in Ranma being coupled with an Original Character (or, alternatively, a rather minor character, such as Kaori Daikoku). So, I've decided to ask: which interpretation of "Nobody From Nerima" do you readers want me to make the "official" one for terms of voting?_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** I want to thank you all for your reviews; they are inspiring and, in many cases, thought provoking. While we do have our basic concepts for this story in general, and a fairly solid grasp of where we're going (for example, you're **not** going to see some sort of "Un-Ranma", a collective embodiment of all the parallel versions of Ranma who lived miserable lives, spring out of the mirror and start rampaging- that's just a Giant Space Flea From Nowhere moment), your comments, your thoughts, your opinions and your insights all give more material with which to mould this story from concept to reality. For that, I want to thank you.

Chapter 2: First Date

Shampoo fought with the urge to burst out singing in her happiness as she walked down the street, Ranma not only following her, but also doing so willingly- Ranma was actually willing to go on a date with her! A part of her was suspicious about **why** he was so willing… she knew for a fact that she hadn't done anything to try and bargain with him, and that she hadn't stumbled across anything that would persuade him to try and get on her good side… why was he acting this way? Was he under mind control of some kind? No, that didn't make any sense. If someone else had put him under some kind of mesmeric effect, then why would he be approaching her instead of following them around? And his attitude was wrong for being under another of those lady-killer bandaids; the fact he actually waited for her faithfully at the park instead of wandering off after the first pretty girl he saw proved that. So he was most definitely acting under his own free will.

'Not that you would care that much if he wasn't; so long as he's with you, it's all well and good, isn't it?' Whispered her traitorous conscience.

'Can you blame me?' She tried to defend herself. 'He barely looks at me unless I'm throwing myself in his face! I just want him to pay me some attention, to realize that I love him!'

'Maybe he wouldn't be so nervous if you'd stop all the dirty tricks- that doesn't exactly make you look like a loving girl, you know.' Her conscience pointed out.

'I'll stop it when he starts paying attention to me any other way!' Shampoo declared. In fact, she was so caught up in this mental argument that she failed to realize that Ranma had been speaking until the boy in question tapped her on the shoulder, making her visibly start and yelp before she caught herself. "Ah, what is it, airen?" She asked.

"Just wondering if you got some specific place chosen, that's all." He answered casually. At the least, he tried to sound casual; Shampoo knew her reluctant husband's behavior patterns pretty well, if you asked her, and so she could tell that he was genuinely curious… and, perhaps strangely, a little nervous.

She hesitated to answer, though, as she was rather unsure of where to take him herself. Now that she thought about it, she couldn't help but remember that all of their other "dates" had been flops as well. That trip to the movies for the Instant Nanniichuan? Even if worrying over that nitwit Akane had distracted him, she had to admit that neither of them really enjoyed the movie. It was kind of boring, not to mention striking at topics that were too close to home for comfort. Boat riding in the park, with the lady-killer bandaid? …Yeah, **that** was a great idea when both of them had Jusenkyo curses and Shampoo's cursed form sent Ranma running for the skyline.

In fact, now that Shampoo really thought about it, she couldn't remember one single solitary time when doing something romantic had ever worked out for them. Gah! This couldn't be! There was no way fate could be so cruel as to have Ranma actually **ask her** on a date, only for her to be unable to think of anyplace to go! She had to do **something**... and then a bolt of inspiration struck. Yes, it was really only a delaying tactic, but right now she'd take anything she could get. Besides, this would be fun in its own right. Putting on a mischievous smile, she leaned in towards Ranma's face, the pigtailed boy, as always, retreating- though less than he normally would, on this occasion.

"Ranma want to know where Shampoo going to take Ranma?" She asked, her tone reaching a level of saccharine it had never been before. The pigtailed boy nodded, and she promptly leaned even closer. "Shampoo tell you..." She began, lowering her voice so that Ranma was forced to lean in to hear her. "...If you can catch me!" She suddenly shouted, turning and leaping for the nearest roof as Ranma visibly jolted from the shock. She was already three houses over when she heard Ranma's indignant call from behind her.

"Hey, no fair! Wait up!"

She giggled to herself and instead poured on the speed, trusting that Ranma would be able to follow her wherever she went and however fast she went.

Up they went, crossing the gaps separating the nearby houses first with simple jumps, and then Shampoo started putting flips and twists that Ranma quickly copied, and then tried to beat, creating a sight that would have made Olympic gymnasts and professional free-runners jealous as they passed overhead fast enough that by the time anyone registered the sound of their footfalls or laughter, they were already long gone.

Up ahead, Shampoo was grinning as she glanced back to see Ranma starting to gain on her, before turning her attention to the rapidly approaching fence in front of her as her smile widened, and she jumped. Ranma slowed slightly as Shampoo pulled off a triple front-flip and landed on one hand on the fence, applauding while Shampoo balanced back onto her feet and bowed, before dashing off again with a mischievous giggle as Ranma recovered and followed after.

The fence rapidly gave way to a canal and the pair began alternating from one side to another even as the canal widened to several meters as the pair raced into the city of Nerima proper, passers-by blinking at the blurs that flipped up onto the railings of a bridge and then hopped across the roofs of several cars before landing on the top of a small office building, Shampoo pausing just enough to catch sight of a good place to continue their little chase before flipping away from Ranma's attempt to tag her.

"Ah ah ah! Not fast enough!" With a giggle, Shampoo danced just out of reach before leaping across a gap onto another building as Ranma shook his head with a smile and resumed chasing after her, the pair vaulting over air-conditioning units and sliding across cables and wires strung up between buildings like tightropes as the pair seemed to appear as a pair of acrobatic shadows to anyone who bothered to look up, which was fairly rare as the population had been inured to that sort of sight, as Shampoo led Ranma to a nearby park.

The pair flipped and spun from tree to tree, then dropped to the ground. Shampoo was just about to entertain letting Ranma catch her when a shiver went up her spine- and hot on its heels came the last voice she ever wanted to hear.

"Shampoo? Is that you? Oh! It is! Be myi bride, Shampoo!"

Shampoo stiffened in equal parts shock (where had he come from?), fear (for Ranma's sake) and annoyance (not him, not now!)… seconds before two great, hairy, musty-smelling, horribly cold arms wrapped around her, all the proof she needed (as if Ranma's leaping back with a cry of fright wasn't enough) that, yes, Maomolin was here and he was, indeed, going to hit on her.

"There you are, myi sweet Shampoo. It's been so long… what are you doing out here?" The hulking bakeneko asked, his obnoxious whiny voice completely at odds with his husky frame.

"Shampoo go on date with Ranma, not that it any your business!" Shampoo snapped. Not for the first time, in the privacy of her head, she cursed that stupid old woman who had offered to sell her the Bells of Maomolin. Damn old bat hadn't mentioned the legend of Maomolin actually haunting the bells, otherwise Shampoo wouldn't have bought the stupid things. All she had been told was that legend claimed the bells would draw two lovers together, not that "lovers", in this case, meant "Maomolin and whatever poor woman was given a bell"- she had far too much experience with the supernatural, both at home and since moving to Nerima to pursue Ranma, to just shrug off legends and things like that.

"Date? With him?" The ghostly cat growled (as best that word could be applied to him). "Well, not if I have anything say about it! Buzz off, human!" He hissed at the quailing Japanese boy, who backed away against his will, courtesy of thrice-damned Genma Saotome and his incompetent training!

Shampoo snarled, something that should have sent warning bells clamoring in the minds of anyone who knew her. She was **not** going to let her heaven-sent miracle be derailed by some incompetent idiotic ghostly feline! Martial arts meant many things, sometimes more than one to the same person. Among the things it meant to Shampoo was this: she could bend like a gymnast, and deliver a kick like an atomic mule. Maomolin's scream caused glass to shatter as the ball of her foot struck home in the one place that no male, irregardless of species or mortality, liked to be struck, whereupon, his arms having flown open in his pain, Shampoo drove one elbow into his stomach and then her fist shot up into his jaws, sending the giant bakeneko collapsing on his back, out cold. She made a show of squeezing her knuckles and walked away from the unconscious ghost, Ranma giving her an expression of equal parts amusement, wariness and respect.

"We go now?" She asked, only half rhetorically.

"Sure… but, where, exactly?" He asked.

Shampoo balked, and then her face fell. "Shampoo not know!" She cried out in sudden anguish. "Shampoo forget when stupid ghost cat show up!"

"Hey, it's no big deal." Ranma said with a smile. "Why don't we just take a look around? There's gotta be an arcade or something around here; as long as we spend the day together, that's all that matters, isn't it?"

Shampoo blinked and gazed at Ranma suspiciously. She couldn't help it; as much as she wanted this, this was still so unlike Ranma… but what possible plan could he have? She had nothing he wanted (as galling as that was to even think), and it wasn't like him to mess around with peoples' heads unless they started it, so there was no reason she could think of why he _would_ be doing this… Finally, she decided that she'd just keep an eye open and enjoy it: who cared why he was doing it, so long as she was getting a date out of it! Besides, she _knew_, in her heart, that once Ranma started dating her, he would realize that she was the only one for him. She gave him a bright smile, then latched eagerly onto his arm. "Let's go, airen." She told him.

Wandering aimlessly around the Tokyo area would not have been Shampoo's first choice of activities on a date, but she had to admit that it had its charms. They had been walking and taking in the sights for… over an hour, she guessed, and making small talk with Ranma was an activity **not** to underestimate- he so rarely talked to anyone, never mind to her. They'd covered a number of topics, from their respective handwriting skills (he admitted to her that he still hadn't made much progress since that fight with Sotatsu Jikei'ien) to a shared love of video games (that was a welcome discovery- that he seemed receptive to the idea of coming around to visit to play her Super Nintendo even more so), and had gotten quite involved in them. So much so that they barely noticed that they had drifted into a rather seedy area until they had been surrounded by some of the less-friendly locals.

Shampoo looked at the unwanted intrusion and wrinkled her nose disdainfully; there was only about ten or twelve of them, all somewhere in their late teens or early twenties, and not one of them had anything approaching the stance that marked them as a decent threat. Akane wouldn't have even the slightest hesitation about taking these fools on, and certainly would have won without a scratch. One particularly goofy-looking fellow, apparently the leader if one judged by the amount of tacky "thug accessories" he carried, leered at her slovenly and laughed.

"Hey, pretty lady, why don't'cha come widda real man?"

"Already have one. You go now." Shampoo sniffed.

The thugs responded with an array of leers, cackles, dirty comments and slobbering. Goofball sauntered over, some inane pickup line on his lips even as he made his biggest mistake and reached out to try and touch Shampoo. Shampoo didn't even need to consciously think about what she did- while it was true that she could appreciate the romantic aspect of being rescued by Ranma, this sort of "opposition" would invoke only the wrong moods. Ranma himself, meanwhile, had preemptively taken several steps away to let her do her work, cracking joints and knuckles in his usual pre-beatdown tic.

A delicate hand reached out and fastened onto the intruding wrist like an iron clamp. A slight pull, a certain twist of the hips, and goofball was yanked off of his feet and thrown to the ground, his shoulder audibly dislocating as Shampoo 'neglected' to let go, her free hand darting in to tap his knock out point so that he didn't even have time to scream. In the blink of an eye, the gang leader was down, and there was a stunned silence that lasted for all of 2.5 seconds before the others proved themselves no brighter than goofball and attacked. The fight lasted maybe 10 seconds, tops. Shampoo smirked as she watched one thug kick his legs frantically from where he was stuck head down in a garbage can. She turned to her beloved Ranma, and blinked in surprise to find him stealing the money from their opponents.

"What you doing?" She asked.

"I figure this'll teach them more of a lesson then the beating will. Besides, think of it as lunch being on them." Ranma grinned back.

"It lunch already?" Shampoo asked in her confusion, then realized that she was feeling rather hungry, now that she thought about it. "What we do for food?" She questioned, joining him in the looting.

"Don't know." Ranma admitted, then slapped the thug whose pockets he was about to empty. "Hey, you know if there's a joint to eat at around here?"

"There's a Yoshinoya joint nearby…" The mangled goon groaned, naming the most famous donburi franchise restaurant. He promptly coughed up the directions, and Ranma thanked him by not stealing his money. Pockets jingling with yen, the two teen martial artists casually left the beaten gangers behind and headed towards the Yoshinoya restaurant.

Donburi wasn't something Shampoo ate on a regular basis, but it wasn't something she hated either, and so she had no qualms about sitting down at a free table and relishing a nice heaped bowl or two. She broke the chopsticks apart and licked her lips as the bowl of oyakodon was placed before her, Ranma smiling at her from behind his own bowl of katsudon.

"Lucky for us that they were stupid enough to try something, eh?" He asked.

Shampoo stopped eating for a moment to nod in agreement. "Even if was not so lucky for them." Several minutes later, she stopped eating when she saw a sign in the window. "Why this place run eating contest?" She asked curiously.

Ranma cocked his head, then followed her gaze to the sign before shrugging and taking several more mouthfuls of pork and rice. "Eh, probably some Battle Diner managed to make a deal with this place for publicity or something."

"Battle Diner?" Shampoo asked.

"Oh yeah, that's right, you weren't involved in that, were you? I mean a practitioner of Martial Arts Dining." Ranma explained.

Shampoo made no effort to hide her disbelief; Martial Arts Dining? As in, a fighting style based around eating contests? How in the world was that supposed to work? Then her train of thought went down the track questioning how, exactly, Ranma had met someone from such an obscure (not to mention ridiculous) fighting style, and her brows narrowed in anger. "Another fiancée?" She asked.

"Nope. He was after one of Mr. Tendo's daughters." Ranma answered casually.

Shampoo stared, and then: "This Shampoo have to hear." She stated.

Ranma, without the slightest hesitation, explained how his father and Soun Tendo had lost a challenge to the Chardin family of Martial Arts Dining while on one of their training journeys, offering to betroth one of their daughters to one of his sons in lieu of paying their debt. When said son had appeared, Ranma had offered to defeat him and get him to call the deal off, mainly because the Chardin boy had humiliated him by beating him in front of the school. When he was finished, Shampoo sat and stared in disbelief, before shaking her head and giving a mocking grin.

"Well, Shampoo no can suggest Shampoo and other girls use that method to settle who gets Ranma, yes? Is too-too stupid."

"I don't know, I've seen worse…" Ranma murmured. He promptly clammed up and refused to say any more when Shampoo looked at him, partially hopeful, primarily curious. "So, what do you want to do now?" He asked, refusing to acknowledge her questions.

Biting back the urge to pout, Shampoo gave it some thought. "We still have plenty money. We go to arcade?" She suggested.

"Sounds good to me." Ranma replied.

"Darn." Ranma pouted slightly at the sight of the 'PLAYER TWO WINS!' screen in front of him, "I guess that proves being good at martial arts does not equal being good at arcade fighting games."

Shampoo nodded, though she was still grinning from the win. "Was good fight though, Shampoo almost thought airen was going to win."

The pair were inside a local arcade, and after a shot at several Raiden games to test their reflexes and King of Fighters to see if having martial arts skill translated to videogame skill, they started looking around for something different when Shampoo spotted the lightgun games and nodded her head towards them, smiling wickedly when Ranma demurred.

"Ranma looking for challenge, right? Shampoo not think of better way that testing accuracy and speed, or is airen afraid Shampoo win?"

Ranma snorted at the challenge. "All right, you're on."

With that, the pair grabbed the guns for House of the Dead 2 and got ready to start their unofficial contest, "First to game over, loses."

With that the zombie gore-fest began as the pair seemed to instinctively correct for the deliberately off-aim of the lightguns as a crowd started to gather as the pair stormed through the levels, the contest finally ending at the fourth stage boss as the crowd applauded to Ranma and Shampoo's bows. A quick check of their money and time later, and Shampoo reluctantly decided that it was time to wrap up the date. About twenty minutes later, Ranma and Shampoo were in the outskirts of Nerima. Even though Ranma had brought up that they would have to separate here and go home their separate ways, lest the others caught up in the Nerima tangle discover what they had done and break out all hell, Shampoo was hopping with glee. True, today hadn't been the most romantic of events, but considering that she had actually had a successful date with Ranma, never mind one that he had agreed to of his own free will, she was over the moon!

"...Are you happy, Shampoo?" Ranma asked suddenly.

Shampoo looked at him askance, one part of her touched that he would ask, one part suspicious of why he would ask, one part happy that he cared, and one part of her wondering if he needed his eyes examined. She settled for giving him her happiest grin and wrapping her arms around him. "Shampoo **too-too** happy! Shampoo could die of joy right now, that how Shampoo feel!"

"I... uh... I'm glad you're happy." Ranma said softly, his head bowed. "We... I... you wanna do this again?"

Shampoo's heart felt like it had just stopped from a mixture of joy and shock. Was Ranma…? Had he just…? Faintly realizing he was staring at her, unable to find her voice, she nodded frantically, and Ranma gave her a faint smile.

"Okay… I guess I'll see you next time."

He began to work his way free of her embrace… but Shampoo suddenly realized what he was doing and tightened her grip.

"Where Ranma going? We not complete date just yet…" She purred. Ranma gave her an expression that could only be described as 'frightened', and despite herself she found it intoxicating. "Date no is complete until couple give each other goodbye kiss…"

"A kiss…? But… we haven't… we don't… I…"

Shampoo refused to give him a chance to muster a coherent response; selfish as it was, today had been just too perfect for her to be able to consider passing this by. Taking advantage of the fact he was well and truly in her grasp, she cut off his words by pressing her lips gently, but insistently, to his own. Now, if only he would kiss back… she released him at last, watching from between seductively hooded eyes as he stumbled back.

"See you later, my airen…" She breathed huskily, then turned and walked away. Of course, once she was sure she was far enough away that Ranma couldn't see her, her façade of the elegant seductress faded away in an instant to reveal her true self; love-struck and stunned senseless by the joys of the day. In a blissful daze she headed back to the Nekohanten, barely coherent of her surroundings.

_And so ends Shampoo's first date… a pity for her when she discovers that she hasn't won the war just yet. And I rather doubt she's going to be pleased to learn that Ranma basically took notes from this session with her to use in his first session with Ukyo, as you'll see soon enough._

_Now, there's the matter of voting options. There have been a number of thoughtful, well-written reviews on the subject, and each has had its own stance to say. I've been doing a lot of deep thinking on the subject as a consequence, and finally I've decided to trim out both interpretations of the "Nobody From Nerima" from the poll. I know that the "Minor/Original Character" option was a plausible one, but as has been pointed out to me, it can be quite hard to make an OC not seem like a Mary Sue at the best of times; in this story, with a fundamental setup that basically boils down to "Ranma has realized he hasn't been giving the other girls a fair chance and decides to do so", it just strains disbelief._

_For the curious, Natsume is literally on the edge of acceptability, as Ranma's sense of honor (or, rather, desire to remain with his family) means that he's not going to just throw away the Tendo/Saotome arrangement just yet- particularly as he's seen things about Natsume that imply she could be a case of having his cake and eating it too. If she becomes the Tendo Dojo's heir, he can uphold his father's pledge and still marry a girl he can genuinely respect, care for, and otherwise have a happy relationship with. I am on the fence with her, though, as I've seen the reviews pointing out how she falls into much the same "territory" as an Original Character; it feels too hypocritical to say Ranma is going to give Shampoo, Ukyo and Kodachi a fair chance, then have someone he has no background with just walk in and steal him. I might decide to remove her from the list, but currently I have no plans to do so. Because she's a "package deal" with her little sister, who I don't think is more than a year or so younger then Ranma, I've decided that if one "Faux Tendo" is valid, then both are valid._

_Similarly, it's been pointed out that having built up all this anticipation, made all this set up, and then having Ranma decide, essentially "Nope, I'm not going to fall in love with anyone" is a waste of suspense and a frankly terrible option. Now, don't get me wrong; this does not mean that Ranma is guaranteed to get hitched in the final chapter- this story is more about Ranma deciding which of the girls is the one he wants to __**truly**__ be his fiancée, the one girl he is willing to commit to with the intent of marriage at some point in the future. He may end up being wed at the end, he may not, what this story centers on is him learning which of the girls has __**his**__ heart, after seeing so many timelines where he was drawn to one girl or the other._

_So, in summary, these are the valid voting options for "Ranma's Girl"; I'm sorry to those of you who wanted Ranma to get with an OC or Kaori Daikoku or Ling-Ling or whoever, but I think a subject matter like that would be best reserved for a different story.  
Natsume "Tendo"  
Shampoo  
Ukyo Kuonji  
Kodachi Kuno  
Kurumi "Tendo"_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** folks took that declaration in the last end notes much better than I anticipated, and I want to thank you all for being so reasonable. This fanfic has received nothing but positive reception since it was created, and I'm pleased that you're all enjoying it.

Chapter 3: Making Arrangements

Ranma unconsciously touched his lips with the tip of his tongue yet again... it was as if he could still taste Shampoo. Today had been… well, today had been many things, but foremost among them, today had been enjoyable. He knew it was selfish, but he couldn't help but think that if this was the way things were going to be from now on, he was going to enjoy this 'give the other girls a try' thing. He couldn't recall the last time he'd had so much fun without someone getting angry or hurt (the latter usually him). But he couldn't forget that he owed Ukyo and Kodachi the same chance that he was giving Shampoo. Still, he really had enjoyed today… to the point that he was already going over it in his head to determine what he could take from it in order to apply it to his first date with Ukyo…

Realizing he had reached Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, he stopped and blinked in mild confusion. He must have really been out of it to not notice how much time had passed. Staring through the window, he could see that Ukyo didn't have any customers, but he didn't step towards the door. While he knew that things would come out eventually, he wanted to be as subtle as he could for as long as he could. He didn't want people prying into his sudden dramatic change in behavior. And that meant he needed to think about what he was going to do once he stepped foot inside Ukyo's place; as he'd just seen with Shampoo, simply agreeing to go on a date with one of the girls was suspicious, but they'd be too happy to think much about it. Taking the initiative and actually being the one to ask them for a date, on the other hand, was just asking for trouble. None of them would fail to realize that something was up the instant he did that.

Ranma needed to think about how he was going to handle this; Shampoo had been easy, as she was a very direct girl- Kodachi would be the same way, when he saw her. Ukyo, on the other hand, was a rather subtle and withdrawn (comparatively speaking) girl. Ironically, it was that quiet lack of pressure (in relative terms) that had made him so at-ease around her back before he had ever thought to give her a chance… and now that his eyes had been opened, it was going to make giving her a chance harder than it should be. Finally, having determined something that could tentatively be called a plan, Ranma steeled himself and pushed open the door.

"Hello, and welcome to Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, Ranma." Was the unenthusiastic –bordering on tired and forced-sounding – greeting that he received, Ukyo looking directly at him, but not looking especially happy.

"Heya, Ucchan… you're still mad about that business with the Reversal Jewel, aren't you?" Ranma replied slowly and glumly.

"Gee, what do you think? My fiancé only made a fool outta me and almost ended up getting married to another woman, after all…"

"Aw, geeze, Ucchan, I'm sorry, alright? I know I acted like an idiot… but can ya blame me? Shampoo's been chasing me like a hound outta hell for, what, almost a year now? 'Course I'm gonna get suspicious when she suddenly switches around and starts telling me she hates me. You know I'd have done exactly the same thing if you'd been in her place!"

A spatula clinked onto the floor, Ukyo's expression went glassy, and Ranma's own expression briefly flickered into 'oh crap' mode before he managed to control it again. That comment could have been taken either positively or negatively, and with his luck, he'd have bet on the negative interpretation. His crossdressing fiancée bent down and retrieved it, toying with the edge and not looking at him. "That still doesn't change the fact you made an idiot outta me." She said softly.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, Ucchan." Ranma promised, feeling a surge of relief that she wasn't going to explode over something he hadn't meant to be insulting.

"I've heard that before." She muttered.

"No, really- tell me what you want me to do, an' I'll do it. Anything you want." Ranma insisted. This was it; the perfect bit of bait to dangle. Now to see if she'd bite…

"Anything…? How about taking me to the movies tomorrow, then?" Ukyo answered sarcastically. Oh, she'd heard this before- albeit she'd heard other boys using it on other girls. She loved him, but she knew that Ranma was almost as shy as Ryoga was- though he didn't combine it with that bungling thick-headedness that made her want to just pound on him until his skull was dented.

Ranma made a show of looking horrified, then adopted a resigned expression and shrugged in defeat. "If that's what you want… when do you want me to pick you up?" Mentally, he bit back a curse- man, could he get more obvious if he tried? She **had** to pick up on this!

Ukyo promptly dropped the spatula again. Had he just…? Did he really…? Then she realized that he was staring at her, as if he actually did expect her to reply, and her mind raced as she tried to come up with an answer. "Uh… tomorrow morning, maybe? After the lunchtime rush?" She finally answered, stammering a little in her shock.

Suddenly there was a loud click as one of the tables suddenly folded and swirled to reveal one Tsubasa Kurenai, who held both a camera and tape recorder with a grin on his face, "Ranma's going on a date? Now what would the other girls think?" He placed a finger to his chin in mock thought, then grinned wickedly at them. "Unless you want to make a deal for these?" He smirked.

"Tsu-ba-sa!" Ukyo growled, reaching for her battle spatula, only to blink in surprise when Ranma held an arm out in front of her. "Ranma-honey?" She asked in confusion.

"It won't do anything. I know what his type are like- I live with one, after all."

"Don't be insulting." Tsubasa frowned, his usual gravelly, scratchy voice taking a new raspiness.

"Whaddya want?" Ranma asked tiredly.

Tsubasa gave him his best wicked grin... which looked kind of stupid on such a convincing crossdresser. "Simple. I want what you have."

"You can't have Ucchan." Was Ranma's immediate response, prompting Ukyo to blink in delighted wonder and whisper his name.

"...If you'd let me finish?" Was Tsubasa's deadpan reply. "I wasn't asking for 'dear' Ukyo- she's already made her feelings quite clear on the subject... or have you forgotten what happened when I first followed her here?" He asked sarcastically.

"Then why did you work for me when I made that business trip to the beach?" Ukyo asked, sounding somewhat confused... and maybe a little hurt? No, Ranma had to be imagining that.

Tsubasa shrugged. "Same reason I sell those photos of Ranma, and Ryoga, and Mousse and Kuno- I needed the money. These outfits aren't cheap, y'know."

At that, Ranma groaned. "Great, as if Nabiki wasn't bad enough... wait, whaddya take photos of those losers for? I'm the only one with a Nyanniichuan curse."

"Who said anything about the curse? I take photos of you." Tsubasa replied. "That's part of the reason I'm doing this. Look at us- I mean, look at us. I'm an ordinary guy who likes to dress up, and decided to start wearing women's clothing as a sign of my love for Ukyo. Result? Not only do I have damn guys hitting on me, no girl wants anything to do with me- they keep calling me a freak. You, on the other hand, are a sex-changing raised-by-wolves martial artist fiend. Result? Just about every girl who's seen you wants into your pants. You wouldn't believe how much I can make selling juicy photos of you at St. Hebereke's School for Girls, or even at Furinkan High." He explained.

Ranma was caught somewhere between wanting to hit Tsubasa for insulting him and disbelief at this revelation of his popularity. Ukyo, on the other hand, seemed torn between smugness, surprise and jealousy. Finally, he found his voice. "...So what's that got to do with me?"

"What are you, stupid? I want to use your rep with the girls to my advantage!" Tsubasa gloated.

"...I don't follow." Ranma admitted.

"Me neither." Ukyo added.

"Look, it's simple; most of the girls around Nerima would be quite willing to do you a favor if they thought it would get them into your good books. They don't have a chance in hell against Ukyo or Akane or Shampoo, but they like to delude themselves into thinking that they do. If you'll promise to set me up on a date with a pretty girl, you've got my word that I'll make this stuff disappear so well that even that old sleazebag won't be able to find it. So, do we have a deal?" Tsubasa asked.

What choice did he have? Refuse and Nerima would become a battleground, again. Besides, this should at least get the master of disguise out of his hair, "All right, deal. I'll find you after I see if there's any girl's willing to do me a favor."

Tsubasa nodded. "If I don't find you first. Have a nice day."

With that he waltzed out and turned the corner, Ranma knowing that if he looked outside the guy would have vanished into thin air as he whistled through his teeth.

"Well damn, this is going to be interesting. See ya Ucchan, might as well get back to the madhouse before they start hunting me down."

Ukyo waved as Ranma walked out and casually started roof hopping back to the Tendo Dojo, before the girl started dancing around the store in glee.

Meanwhile Ranma was shaking his head, "Great, a date with Ucchan but first I need to find a girl who would be willing to go on a date with a cross-dresser, just great." He landed in front of the Tendo Dojo and shook his head, "Meh, deal with it later." He walked in and grimaced as Nabiki all but materialized in front of him, Akane not far behind her.

"About time you showed up Ranma, Akane was starting to get worried about you."

Akane scowled. "I wasn't worried about the jerk!" She turned her glare to Ranma, her tone containing her usual anger, along with a faint hint of suspicion, "Where were you? You just vanished after you left at breakfast, you even missed lunch!" She narrowed her eyes, "You were on a date with one of the other girls, weren't you?"

"Now, now Akane, I'm sure Ranma wouldn't do anything like that. Right Ranma?"

Nabiki's voice slid over him like oil, causing Ranma to suppress a shiver. Still, he had to respond before Akane jumped to conclusions. Mentally he praised his foresight at having spent the time getting home figuring out a list of half-truths to tell anyone who asked him what he'd done.

"Of course not. When have I ever?" He answered. "I mean, yes, Shampoo did try to ask me on one... but when doesn't she do that?" He asked rhetorically. "And, of course, Mousse was chasing her, saw her trying to latch onto me, broke out the swords and started chasing me. I spent an hour or so beating him down before he finally quit."

Akane sniffed, "I bet that Chinese hussy was so grateful she leapt into your arms, right? Bet you enjoyed that."

"By that time, we were practically on opposite sides of the city. I didn't see her again afterwards." Ranma replied. Okay, that was lying through his teeth, compared to the relative half-truths of before. Still, one blatant lie amidst so many incomplete truths would be swallowed with the rest. "No sooner do I have Mousse out cold, then someone dumps a bucket of cold water out their window and hits me with it. Then Maomolin shows up and I take off. By the time I shake him, I'm hungry, so I grabbed a bite to eat at Yoshinoya's." He finished, then waited to see if they would buy it.

This had been the best he could come up with- the only good part was that it was simple, relatively close to the truth, and nobody would contradict him. Before he and Shampoo had left him, Shampoo had used a Xi Fa Xiang Gao to erase Mousse's memories of having heard her reveal Ranma had willingly accepted her offer of a date- Ranma had been skeptical that it would work, but Shampoo had assured him that only removing that minor detail would make it much harder for him to recall, not that he would be inclined **to** attempt to remember it anyway. True, that left Maomolin, but none of them would be stupid enough to talk to him.

He fought the urge to sigh in relief when Akane visibly relaxed- evidently, she'd bought it. Nabiki looked momentarily upset (annoyed at having been denied her amusement, perhaps?) and then smirked again.

"Are you sure you didn't go anywhere else…?" She purred, Akane stiffening at the insinuations.

Ranma shrugged casually. "I stopped at Ucchan's on the way here- I wanted to apologize for that mess with the Reversal Jewel." That was, while not the whole truth, true enough that he didn't see why they would suspect it.

And he was right, as Akane promptly relaxed again. "Well, as long as it was just you going to apologize, I suppose its fine."

Nabiki giggled. "My, Akane, trusting your fiancé's words so readily? Sounds like you're warming up to him."

Akane blushed while Ranma silently wondered how the counterparts that married Nabiki managed to put up with her.

"S-shut up Nabiki, it's not like that!"

"Yeah, Akane trusts me plenty." Ranma replied unthinkingly. For this he was rewarded with a faint blush and a smile that made his heart pound hard and sent a surge of guilt coursing through his veins. She was so going to be hurt by this… and even if it was saving her from greater pain in the future, that still made him hurt.

"Real smooth lover boy, but somehow I don't think you're getting a date out of that. Of course, I could arrange something if you're interested..."

"I'd sooner try to squeeze an actual lesson out of the old freak. It'd cost less." Ranma grumbled.

Nabiki shrugged, obviously unperturbed by the reply. "Suit yourself, but the way you're going, I wouldn't hold my breath about Akane leaping into your arms and saying 'I Love You' any time soon." With that she walked off.

Ranma watched her go, then, when he was sure that nobody was listening, answered her question. "Maybe she's not capable of doing that to me. Maybe if we hadn't been forced together, she might have done that already. But I think it's too late now." That said, he wiped at his face, lest there be suspicious hints of moisture in his eyes, then turned and headed in the direction of the attic; he wanted to make sure that the Eye of Zygyg was still hidden. Paranoid, maybe, but he knew his father wouldn't think twice about stealing it to pawn it, no matter how little it might turn out to be worth something. To say nothing of what sort of explosions would occur if it was discovered he was hiding magic.

What remained of the day passed without incident. After hiding the Eye again, Ranma spent an hour or so going over his meager belongings -well, meager compared to, say, Akane or Soun- aiming to pick out some suitable clothes for the next day. Hiding them so as to not arouse suspicion would not be a problem. Ranma knew more than a few basics of disguise and camouflage, which was one of the reasons why he had so easily adopted the usage of his female form as a mask (admittedly, he wasn't given much choice in the matter). Also, while Ranma wasn't as good at it as Mousse, he did know some basics of Hidden Weapons- his father had found it most useful for concealing items of questionable origin, and had passed his knowledge in it down to his son, admittedly more from example then anything.

Not for the first time, Ranma found himself pausing and reflecting, with no small amount of worry and dismay, just how much like his father he really was- that sequence in the Eye had been distressing in many ways, but Akane ruthlessly comparing him to Genma had been amongst the things that had bitten most deeply. While admittedly no saint himself, he knew well enough that his father was lazy, selfish, and hypocritical- turning out to be just like him was one of the last things he wanted. Hence why he generally stuck so firmly to his word once given; anything to be unlike Genma Saotome, whose willingness to make and break deals had become a bitter joke in Nerima.

Once he'd found something he considered suitable, he spent some time practicing his daily katas. At some point, Akane came into the dojo and began doing her exercises as well. Ranma watched her at of the corner of his eye; he recognized each and every kata and exercise that she performed. Come to think of it, they were the only ones he'd ever seen her perform. But… why? Why did she never alter her routine, Ranma wondered? She saw him improvise his own katas often enough, she had seen the training for both the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken and the Bakusai Tenketsu, so why didn't she try and copy that training? Was it simply because she didn't want to make the necessary sacrifices, to undergo the difficulty that such an upgrade in training regimes required? Or was Ranma being too hard on her? After all, learning to study and imitate martial arts was something that had been hammered into him (rather literally, sometimes) since his early days, and it wasn't as though Akane had received the same (dubious) benefit.

Still, though, now that he was really thinking about it, the contradiction kind of baffled him. On the one hand, Akane hated to be treated as anything less than an equal in regards the martial arts, even though it was frequently made clear that she was on the lower tiers of capability. She may not have been lacking in skill or talent, she just wasn't up to the same level as Ranma himself, or even any of her rivals. Admittedly that was because Ranma was frequently involved in actual combat instead of merely self-training, and hostile situations were quite good for building skill levels (if you survived them). Hell, that had been the primary foundation stone of Genma's training regimes. Still, that led to the matter on the other hand; despite hating her lower ranking in the martial artists of Nerima, she took no steps to improve herself, not even challenging people herself.

It really was baffling that she didn't even think to try learning either of those special techniques- given how ecstatic she had been after eating that Super Soba, he'd have thought that having legitimate special moves and boosted speed/durability would have been most attractive to her. It wasn't as though she couldn't teach them to herself; they were simple enough (he'd managed to work out the details for the Bakusai Tenketsu through a combination of deductive reasoning and asking Genma just what he'd seen when he'd been spying on Ryoga's training) and Akane had seen exactly how to learn either technique- including his own special take on the Amaguriken training. And it wasn't as though an actual teacher was needed for either of them- even the Bakusai Tenketsu only required extra help because it made it easier to set up the ropes and boulders… and to make sure the trainee didn't injure themselves _too_ badly while beating themselves against boulders in order to toughen up.

He actually got so caught up in puzzling over that conundrum that he barely noticed when Akane deemed her training finished and left the dojo. In fact, he only snapped out of it when Happosai wandered into the dojo, found him practicing on autopilot, and promptly splashed him with a pail of cold water so he could latch onto Ranma's breasts. The resultant chase ended about half an hour later, when Ranma finally admitted he had lost the cackling pervert's trail and went back to the Tendo household, finding everyone had already started eating dinner- he barely managed to get anything (by his standards), thanks to his gluttonous old man. Before going to bed, he naturally had a bath… which was when he remembered the disturbing insinuations that Tsubasa had made earlier that afternoon. While he didn't think that the weirdo would actually be hiding in his own bathroom, he was still more cautious that night then he normally would be.

Though he had thought about trying to get up earlier than usual to give Kasumi a hand again, fate decided to conspire against him- not only did he oversleep, Happosai promptly decided that the best way to start **his** day was to splash Ranma in his own bed and latch onto the resultant boobs like a deformed mussel. Around and around the household they had gone, with the 'fight' finally ending with Ranma's shirt shredded to pieces, Ranma still female, and Happosai sent flying courtesy of his distracted state and one of his own bombs.

Back to the bathroom Ranma went, to restore his masculinity, and then headed back downstairs to grab what remained of his breakfast. He spent the rest of the morning ostensibly reading some old scrolls, but in reality his mind was focused on the problem of getting Tsubasa a date in order to avoid his blackmail. Now, just how was he supposed to do that? Even beyond the fact he was skeptical that he was anywhere near as popular with the girls as Tsubasa claimed he was, how was he supposed to arrange a date for a guy whose hobbies included pretending to be a kawaiiko? And yes, he had to make sure that the girl he set Tsubasa up from was at least okay with the idea; he had little doubt Tsubasa would make him pay if the girl mocked him as a freak or something. And then, at last, inspiration struck, and Ranma grinned wickedly. What better date for a kawaiiko-wannabe then an actual kawaiiko? She'd probably annoy the hell out of Tsubasa, too, but more because of being her actual obnoxious kleptomaniac self then of actual dislike of him. Who knew? Maybe they'd actually work out…

"Ranma, time for lunch!"

He blinked in surprise; had he been here that long? It was almost time to get to Ucchan's Okonomiyaki… but first, lunch. One of the good things about having a reputation as a savage, Ranma found himself contemplating during the meal, was that nobody really noticed that you were eating faster then normal, save Kasumi's polite request to kneel on the floor instead of crouching on the table. When he was finished, he bowed his head respectfully to the eldest Tendo daughter.

"Thanks for the meal Kasumi; I'm heading out now."

Akane immediately threw him a suspicious glare. "Planning on visiting Ukyo or Shampoo?"

Ranma narrowed his eyes in a glare that wasn't entirely faked.

"What, can't I go and stretch my legs? I'll be back before dinner, see ya then." Vague excuse given, he headed out to go roof-hopping to his destination. As he left, he heard Akane asking Nabiki to keep an eye on him, and Nabiki of course asking for money, 'Typical, just typical. Well, not like she'll find me at the movies with Ucchan. Still, better hurry.' With that he went to get changed and barely a minute later, a suitably well-dressed Ranma Saotome was on his way to meet Ukyo, rapidly leaping from roof to roof fast enough that most people would only be able to catch a glimpse of him as he landed and then was off again, until he landed gently on the roof of Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, ready for the second date of his life.

He waited up there on the roof, watching as the flow of customers entering ground to a halt and the customers leaving peaked. Finally judging that the lunch hour rush was over and it was time, he leapt down to the pavement in front of the store. Taking a deep breath, Ranma pushed through the door and headed inside, walking to the foot of the stairs leading to the residential area in the upper level.

"Ucchan? I'm here." He called up.

"Just a second!" She called back.

Ranma sighed and turned around, placing his arms behind his head as he reclined against the air. He'd heard about this particular phenomenon from the other guys at Furinkan, though precisely why they thought he gave a damn puzzled him… Then again, they actually considered him _lucky_ for having so many girls after him, even if he did get caught in violent crossfires between them, so they clearly didn't have their heads screwed on straight. Ranma figured he was in for a fair wait, but when footsteps did resound from the steps barely two minutes later, he would have been pleasantly surprised... had he not turned to look at his date and found his voice deserting him.

"R-Ranchan? H-How do I look?" Ukyo asked timidly, fighting a blush of embarrassment. She wasn't a total stranger to wearing women's clothes, but the last major occasion she'd worn them hadn't turned out very well. For this outing, she had gone with a long skirt, a jacket and a neutral-colored blouse; a bit overkill for just going to the movies, but this was the closest equivalent to a date she had gotten out of Ranma so far, so she was going to squeeze everything she could out of it.

Ranma, meanwhile, was trying to kick his brain back into gear. Ukyo's appearance had really flung him for a loop- he had always thought Ukyo was pretty cute, even in her masculine outfits and when he had tried to just keep her away. But now that he was actually looking at her, seeing her for the first time, he was stunned by just how pretty she could be. For the first time, he really found himself wondering just what might have happened if Genma had actually lived up to his promise to Ukyo's father- if his young self had said he preferred Ukyo (if that had actually happened; Ranma still wasn't entirely doubtful that Genma's claims about that little "discussion" weren't Grade-A Bullshit) and Genma had accepted that and brought her along. Finally, his gears managed to slip back into alignment sufficiently that he could speak.

"Beautiful..." He breathed, then his eyes widened and he clamped his hands over his lips in shock as he realized what he had said- where in all the bloody hells had **that** come from!?

"R-Ranchan..." Ukyo murmured in delighted disbelief, blushing bright red.

For several minutes they stood there in mutual embarrassed silence, then Ranma coughed emphatically. "Uh... where's your spatula?" He asked.

"Upstairs. It's not appropriate for something like this." Ukyo explained. Seeing Ranma's guarded expression, she gave him a reassuring grin. "Relax, nobody's going to catch us- besides, it's not like I'm totally defenseless..." She flicked her wrists and a pair of regular spatulas slipped into them, then vanished again with another flick of her wrists. Descending the remaining steps, she smiled and couldn't resist the urge to hold her hand out like a courtly lady. "Shall we go?" She asked. She was a little disappointed, but not particularly surprised, when he didn't take it. The fact that he seemed unable to stop staring at her helped her feel better.

_I've had the odd reviewer speak up about Nabiki Tendo again, so I'll just take this as an opportunity to make something clear. The reason she's being treated as something of a villain in this story is because, canonically, she __**is**__ a villain, just one of very petty goals and who never gets any comeuppance. Furthermore, Ranma Saotome is the primary focus of this story, and consequently his conceptions color the depictions of various characters. And Ranma, as I've taken pains to point out in the story, does __**not**__ like Nabiki very much- he doesn't try to pull her head off, but that's because he's not that sort of person. Hell, in the original Japanese, whenever Ranma has to address Nabiki, the word he uses would translate directly as "You Bitch". That's pretty telling of how little he thinks of her._

_Anyway, just to let folks know, this story will not only cover original flavor chapters as Ranma starts getting to know the other girls better, but will also adapt the various "Specials"- the OAVs and Movies. The first such adaptation will be coming up real soon, and it __**will**__ be tied into the general feel/flow of the story, and I hope you all enjoy it._

_Oh, and does anybody have any guesses as to who Tsubasa's "date" is going to be? Also, before anybody point out that Tsubasa is fixated on Ukyo, allow me to remind you that, canonically, Tsubasa got over her and started chasing Ranma-chan (and then began to contemplate going after Akane) after Ukyo deliberately broke the tie on the contest between him and Ranma-chan in Ranma's favor. While he did show up in Ukyo's presence in "Battle for Miss Beachside" and "Big Trouble in Nekonron, China", that doesn't necessarily mean he's still chasing after her. Particularly as how Ukyo (or was it Akane?) pointed out how incredibly fickle (by Nerima standards) Tsubasa is after he started chasing Ranma-chan._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** fun fact; the last chapter was actually the longest one this story had received at the time. I do admit that was rather abrupt with the ending, and for that I apologize. I hope folks aren't too disappointed that we left what happened on Ranma and Ukyo's date to your imagination, but we don't want to get in a rut, now do we? And I guess I did make it a little easy to guess who Tsubasa will be set up on a date with- as to how that's going to go, well, you'll see soon enough.  
Biftec1523; the Eye will get referenced now and then, but we don't want to use it too often, lest we make life too easy for Ranma.  
Artful Lounger; actually, in canon, Ukyo has never been shown fighting without her spatulas, so the implication is pretty strong that, similar to Kuno, her bare-hands capabilities are virtually nil- hence why she carries that battle spatula of hers around everywhere she goes.  
Just to set the record straight; no matter which girl Ranma ends up with, don't expect a Ryoga/Ukyo or Shampoo/Mousse from me. I'd feel I was slacking off if I went with such a cliché, to say nothing of the fact I don't consider them any more believable couples then I do Ranma/Akane- if anything, they're worse. Neither girl likes their "partner", Ryoga dislikes Ukyo right back, and in the Ryoga/Ukyo case, would Ukyo really want to hitch up with somebody who's been trying to kill her old friend/love interest? Would Ryoga really want to be "sloppy seconds" to Ranma? I personally doubt it.

Chapter 4: Culinary Craziness, Part 1

It was a peaceful afternoon in the Tendo Dojo. Kasumi was hanging out the washing, Nabiki was in her room reading and enjoying a late-afternoon snack, Soun and Genma were at yet another of their interminable board games, and Ranma was doing pushups nearby. It was quiet and calm and perfectly ordinary… until a scream suddenly broke out, startling all concerned. Once he recovered from smacking his face into the floor, Ranma joined the others in racing to investigate the source, discovering Akane kneeling in front of an open closet on the upper level, staring at something they couldn't see.

"Akane, what's the matter?" Soun asked in concern.

Hearing her father's voice, Akane shuffled around and presented her find to them, a rather worn notebook. "It's this." She said, as though that would explain everything.

"Ah, geeze, it's just a crummy notebook- you had us scared to death over that?" Ranma complained. He blinked as Kasumi suddenly pushed past him and knelt down in front of Akane, gently taking the book from her.

"I was just doing some cleaning, and I found it tucked away in the back of this closet- Kasumi, isn't this…?" Akane asked.

The eldest Tendo daughter didn't respond at first, instead flipping through the pages of the booklet, and then closed it before nodding reverently. "It is. It's mother's recipe book." She said quietly.

"Mother's…? You mean, your mom's cooking book?" Ranma asked quietly.

Kasumi nodded again. "A list of all the meals she used to enjoy cooking, and the explanations of how to cook them- down to the last detail. I remember watching her using it, writing it, when I was a little girl and started learning to cook. I was a disaster at first- I couldn't even boil water. It was really more like make-pretend, but with real food. I kept at it though, especially after mother passed on, and eventually I was able to cook dishes just like the ones she used to make. But, by the time I finally managed to master most of the basic recipes in the notebook, it vanished… and here it is, after all this time."

As she finished this, Ranma abstractly noted he was feeling two things. The first was a complicated tangle of emotions as he was brought to mind of the mother he had never known and could never know while he bore this stupid curse. The second was a strange feeling of déjà vu, which rather confused him, as he had no idea why this scene would be familiar.

"Kasumi… could I… have the notebook?" Akane asked shyly, hesitantly.

"I don't see why not. I've learned all I can from it, and she would have wanted you to have it." Kasumi replied mildly, passing the precious family relic to her youngest sister.

'Uh oh…' Resounded Ranma's mind. **Now** he knew why he had a feeling of déjà vu; he'd have bet money that this was the start of that vague image he'd seen in the Eye of Zygyg, that cooking contest between "Ranko" and Akane underneath his mother's watchful eye. He didn't really know what, exactly, was going to happen, but he just knew that trouble was on the way… at the very least, it was likely Akane would muscle her way into dominating the kitchen until she got bored of constant failures, just like every other time a particular recipe book caught her eye.

As everyone else was drifting away, the drama being over, Ranma promptly called upon his capacity for stealth and slipped away unseen, leaping over the wall and heading stealthily for Ucchan's Okonomiyaki; it had been a couple of days since he took her to the movies and he wanted to see her anyway- this business with Akane was just an extra excuse. Part of the reason why he was still taking pains to not be seen was because he didn't want to risk being seen by Shampoo just yet; while he was going to keep his word, it would be inconvenient to be seen by her right now. But Ranma was quick and agile and good at avoiding being seen unless he wanted to, and so he reached Ucchan's Okonomiyaki without incident, pausing to scope out that, yes, there were no customers there before pushing through the door.

Ukyo looked up and, after an expression of curiosity flashed across her face, beamed widely at the sight of her fiancé. "Hello, Ranchan, what brings you here?" She asked enthusiastically, making no secrets of her happiness at seeing him.

"What, I can't just drop by?" Ranma joked, smiling back at her. He was pleased on several levels (one of them admittedly rather selfish) that she was so happy, but also a little sad; that she could get so hyped up as a result of one trip to the movies just highlighted what an asshole he was to her beforehand. "Was I that much of a problem at the theater?" He added.

"Of course not, Ranchan! It was the most fun I've had in weeks!" Ukyo insisted. Then, her happy expression wavered. "By the way, have you had a chance to talk to a girl for you-know-who…?" She asked quietly, trying to look around as if expecting to see Tsubasa pop out of nowhere again.

"I've got a girl lined up for him, I just need to get a chance to talk to her- she goes to a different High School and I haven't seen her yet." Ranma replied casually.

Ukyo nodded in relief; the last thing she wanted was for someone to find out about Ranma actually having gone on a date with her- even if he survived the fallout, he might never be able to go on another one. "So, what brings you here? Looking for something to eat?"

"Nah, but tomorrow and for the rest of the week, probably. Akane found a new recipe book this afternoon, and that means she'll try and take over the kitchen again until she gets bored with it." Ranma replied, shuddering in nauseated horror at the idea of being forced to eat Akane's cooking for multiple days in a row. **Again**.

Ukyo cocked her head to the side quizzically. "Is she really that bad?" She asked, having heard many terrible rumors about Akane's lack of cooking prowess, but never having actually seen any of her supposed culinary disasters. "She didn't do too bad in that cooking contest Kodachi arranged- she needed patience and a lot more finesse, but it was edible, if poor quality." She added, for emphasis.

"Yeah, that really threw me for a loop- s'why I couldn't name a winner, I was too confused over that. I finally figured it must have been because there were only the minimal ingredients, so she couldn't get mixed up and she didn't have anything to 'experiment' with." Ranma replied.

"Experiment?"

"Akane seems to have this thing against following recipes. Give her the chance, she'll throw in anything that she thinks might make it taste good, even if it's obviously wrong. She doesn't pay attention to what she's doing, either, so she ends up putting stuff in that she didn't mean to add in the first place." He explained. "Let me put it like this; would you add white wine to curry?" He asked.

"Certainly not." Ukyo answered immediately, wrinkling her nose in distaste.

"If you did, and then discovered you'd added vinegar because you weren't looking, would you then add mayonnaise, horseradish and pineapple chunks to the vinegar-curry in an attempt to salvage it?" Ranma went on.

"Bleugh!" Ukyo spat in disgust.

"She can't eat it, nobody but Ryoga's dumb enough to choke that slop down, but she still tries to force it on me whenever she feels like making it. And, of course, the old men are right there at her side to ram it down my throat." Ranma complained. "Cruelty to the ingredients, that's what I call it…" He muttered to himself.

"Well, don't you worry, Ranchan; you won't have to put up with that while I'm here." Ukyo promised.

"Thanks, Ucchan- but you know you're more then just a cook, right?" Ranma told her, not quite sure what prompted that, but feeling that it was the right thing to say.

Ukyo promptly stared at him, blushing fiercely. "R-Ranma…" She began.

Ranma shook his head. "Don't worry about it." He stood up, ready to leave. "I better get back; who knows how they'll react if they realize I'm gone."

Ukyo nodded. "Alright, Ranchan, but… can I ask a question?"

"Go ahead." Ranma replied absently, mildly curious.

"It's not that I don't appreciate the view… but what's with the outfit? Or lack thereof?"

Ranma stared at her, blinked slowly, then looked at himself to discover that, yes, in his hastiness and absent-mindedness, he had had come to Ukyo's wearing his 'work out clothes'- his usual Chinese pants, bare feet, and undershirt.

Ukyo fought against the urge to laugh at Ranma's expression and the way the color vanished from his skin, and failed miserably. She was so busy laughing that she didn't even notice when the embarrassed heir to the Saotome School fled her shop as fast as he was able, cursing a blue streak as he made for the Tendo Dojo with all available speed.

Despite what Ranma (and quiet likely everyone else) had been dreading, Akane did not ask to cook that night. Though she did her best to ignore it, as was her usual tendency, Akane had picked up the unease of her family and the guests, and had kept quiet about the possibility of her cooking. Mentally, however, she swore a vow that she would study her mother's notebook and make them all sorry that they had doubted her! That night, she went to bed with many dreams in her head, all of which in some way revolved around her mastering cooking; from dreams of her mother's spirit praising her for finally learning to cook, to dreams of her rivals cast down at her feet, weeping bitterly as they admitted that her culinary skills were beyond their reach. Yes, this night's sleep was a pleasant one for Akane…

When she woke the next morning, Akane was filled with eager anticipation; today was the day that she would begin to study her mother's recipes. She got out of bed, but any thoughts about taking up the notebook were scattered when she heard her father's distressed cries emanating from Kasumi's room. At once she ran to her eldest sister's bedchambers, flinging open the door in her concern.

"What's wrong with Kasumi?" She blurted. Then she blinked as she took in the tableau; her father kneeling beside Kasumi's bed, his head on her sheets, weeping audibly, Ranma digging through an old and ratty backpack and pulling out something she vaguely recognized (was that the same packet of medicine he'd given her when she'd caught that cold after falling into the sewer?), Genma staring at Soun with an unreadable (save for vague overtones of pity) expression, and Nabiki sitting at the head of Kasumi's bed and placing a damp cloth on her sister's forehead.

"It's nothing- she just has a slight fever." Nabiki remarked calmly.

Kasumi promptly nodded, then coughed slightly. "Yes, I'm alright, father's just overreacting. I- I should get up; I have chores to do…" She began pushing herself upright with her arms, only for Soun to pull himself to his feet and gently but firmly push her back down.

"Kasumi, no! We appreciate your sacrifice, but you need your rest!"

"But…" Kasumi began, only to be cut off by Soun again.

"But nothing; you stay in bed and get better. We can handle things until you get better." He insisted.

Akane, motivated equally by genuine concern and by the fact she realized a golden opportunity, chose that moment to dive into the conversation. "That's right! Don't worry Kasumi, I'll take care of all the cooking until you're back to normal!" She vowed.

Kasumi stared at her youngest sister with unblinking eyes, even as Soun flinched away, fighting to keep her thoughts from altering her expression. As much as she loved her little sister, she was aware of Akane's culinary faults, and the idea of leaving her family to live off of Akane's food (to say nothing of the terrifying possibility that Akane might make **her** eat some- Kasumi occasionally had nightmares about that "healing potion" Akane had force-fed her at the end of that incident where grandfather Happosai took to his bed) was not a welcome one. Reluctantly, she turned her head to try and direct a pleading expression at Ranma; she felt guilty about revealing his secret, but he was the only one she could turn to in this desperate situation. But he was gone, she realized. Instead, she had a perfect view as Genma suddenly grabbed the backpack that Ranma had brought into her room and hefted onto his shoulders.

"Ranma! Come on, it's time to go! …Where'd you go? How dare you abandon your father to Akane's cooking like this!"

Genma quailed and turned a shade of off-white that, frankly, rather matched his worn old gi as Akane spun on her heel and glared at him. Despite the death gaze, she let him get away with a comment she would have struck his son for (as was usually the case, much to Genma's relief), striding angrily from Kasumi's room in search of her traitorous fiancé.

"You know, that might be the smartest thing Ranma's done since he came here." Nabiki commented idly. Kasumi did her best to give her sister a disapproving stare, but as she had no practice at it, it frankly wouldn't have intimidated a puppy.

Ranma quietly and stealthily made his way to the front door, his goal and escape from the nightmare that was sure to occur once Akane reached the kitchen. Sure he was leaving the other Tendos and Genma to suffer poor food and even worse cooking skill, but like he learned from Pops during the training trip, when in trouble its every man for himself!

Ranma continued inching towards the door and his fingers were just about to brush the doorknob when something slammed into the back of his head as Akane hefted a frying pan, "Honestly, Ranma! Every time I say I'm going to cook you act like I'm going to poison you! I'm not that bad!"

"How can you say that with a straight face?" Ranma commented dazedly; martial artist or not, a blow to the back of the head **hurt**, particularly when it was done with one of those old-fashioned cast iron skillets and Akane was on the other end of it.

WHAM! "Stop acting so high and mighty Ranma! Unless you know how to cook, than stop acting like a baby about my cooking!"

Ranma didn't answer immediately, too busy recovering from having his head knocked into the wall. When he did regain his senses, he couldn't help but glare at her, despite knowing in the back of his mind it was a bad move. "How am I acting like a baby? You can't eat that stuff either!" He pointed out angrily.

Akane's face reddened at the accusation and the fact that she had no retort to that, except to lift the skillet once more. KERRACKO! Akane sniffed as she turned away, "I'll show you, I'll cook the best meal anyone's ever seen and you'll be sorry you teased me about my cooking."

Ranma didn't answer. He was out cold, with his head currently rammed into a small hole in the floor. His last conscious thought was speculation that maybe it would be best not to recover too quickly; it would at least give him the opportunity to avoid breakfast. And so it was that he remained where he was for a few hours before he finally stirred and pulled himself to his feet. His stomach growling in hunger, he snuck towards the kitchen, hoping that Akane would be elsewhere and he could fill up at the source, so to speak. Instead, he was forced to slink away disappointed, as Akane was there, messing around at the sink as she cleaned off the tools and utensils from that morning. As he passed by the porch overlooking the koi pond, he found Genma sitting there, groaning with either hunger or stomach upset. Bitter and looking to take his bad mood out on somebody, Ranma walked up behind him.

"Enjoy your breakfast?" He sneered.

Genma groaned particularly loudly, but otherwise said nothing. Feeling his irritation spike, Ranma decided to stick a real knife in Genma's back, so to speak.

"And you know what the best part is? If, by some miracle, this harebrained scheme of yours actually goes through, you'll be eating Akane's food every day for the rest of your life!"

The heartrending sob that Genma promptly released almost made Ranma feel guilty for stooping that low. Almost. Before either Saotome could say anything else, Nabiki chose that moment to poke her head in from the corridor leading to the front door.

"Hey, you guys, Mrs. Saotome's here."

With perfect synchronicity and not a wasted moment the two male Saotomes dove into the much-abused pond, reverting again to their 'disguises' of "Ranko Tendo, and her pet panda". No sooner was the change complete then Ranma jumped out of the pond; last thing she needed was for her mother to get suspicious about why "Ranko Tendo" would be sitting in the koi pond. Shaking off the worst of the water, her eyes lit up as Nodoka Saotome made her way onto the porch.

"Oh, it's Auntie Saotome!" Ranma cried, with exaggerated sweetness and genuine enthusiasm.

"Hello, Ranko." Nodoka said gently, smiling at Akane's strange cousin. "Oh, my, I see Mr. Panda likes to play in the water."

Ranma blinked and turned to the pond to affirm that, yes, her father was still sitting there and holding aloft his dumb "Hello, somebody else's wife!" sign. She gritted her teeth at his stupidity; could this possible get any worse?

…And that was when Shampoo came leaping over the wall.

"Nihao!" Shampoo called happily. Today was a good day, so far; she had persuaded her great-grandmother to give her the day off, and she was going to ask for another date from Ranma, certain down to her bones that Ranma would agree again. She blinked as she took in the tableau before her; Genma, in panda-form, sitting in the koi pond and bearing a sign aloft, Ranma, in female-form, staring at her with an expression of shock, and a strange, attractive woman who was looking at her curiously.

"Ranko? Who is this girl?" She asked, staring at Ranma. Before Shampoo could even think to wonder why the strange woman was calling Ranma by a different name, much less to answer that question herself, Ranma suddenly did something very out of character.

"Oh, Shampoo! Where have you been, it's been so long!" She cried, latching onto the startled Chinese Amazon in an amateurish, but vice-like, glomp. Shampoo couldn't speak, too caught up in trying to figure out what had prompted this weird behavior… and also in trying to get free of the unintentional chokehold that her fiancé had put her in.

"You know this girl, Ranko?" The strange woman asked, and Ranma spun around to be able to look at her, though her grip never slackened from around Shampoo's neck, despite the Chinese Amazon's struggles.

"Shampoo and I are good friends- she's teaching me martial arts!" Ranma explained, causing Shampoo to stop struggling due to the sheer shock. Ranma, describing herself as an amateur martial artist? And claiming Shampoo was his, er, her, teacher? Had she stumbled into some kind of parallel world or something? Yes, that didn't make much sense, but weirder things had happened here!

"So, does she know Ranma too?" The strange woman asked, sounding interested… and maybe a little hopeful? But why was she talking as though Ranma wasn't Ranma?

"Yeah, but not in a good way- she's a martial artist come to study in Japan from China, and, well, you know how martial artists can be. They're rivals." Ranma replied.

Shampoo's legs promptly gave out from shock, forcing Ranma to have to shift her grip in order to keep her from falling. Just what the hell was going on here?! In a stroke of luck (whether good or bad, she couldn't tell), Soun Tendo promptly arrived on the scene, not looking too happy to see her. He looked from Ranma, whose face Shampoo couldn't see, to the strange woman, then visibly composed himself and coughed to draw the stranger's attention.

"It's been some time, Mrs. Saotome. Please, won't you have some tea? Ranko, why don't you go off and play with your little friend?"

"Okay, Uncle Soun!" Ranma chirped brightly, knocking the wind right out of Shampoo's sails again as she began to muster herself to protest being called Ranma's "little friend"- it made them sound like children! The boy-turned-girl literally dragged Shampoo over to the wall, adjusting her arms so that she could carry Shampoo with her as she leapt over the wall and into the street beyond. Once they were on the other side, and Shampoo seemed to be able to stand up again, Ranma let her go, flinching as the wild-eyed Chinese girl whirled to face her.

"What the hells that all about!?" Shampoo demanded.

"It's a long story, and one that Ukyo needs to hear too. Come on." Ranma said sullenly, before turning and heading in the direction of Ucchan's Okonomiyaki. Shampoo protested and argued, but the shapeshifted redhead refused to say anything more and so Shampoo was forced to follow her to the business/home of her main rival, if only to avoid being left behind. The crossdressing martial artist looked up with a smile at the sight of Ranma, then frowned as she saw Shampoo.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"That what Shampoo want to know." Her rival said honestly. Silently, the two newcomers took up seats in front of Ukyo's grill. "Shampoo go to Tendos to ask Ranma for date," She began, wondering if maybe she should let Ukyo know that Ranma had already taken her on a real date, then decided against it; she knew that the crossdresser would start a fight if she spilled that juicy tidbit, she was already twitching from the information Shampoo had already given, and Shampoo wanted to find out what was going on. So she continued, "But find Ranma in girl-form, stupid old man in panda-form, and strange woman there. Ranma act really weird, Shampoo demand explanation, but he says he won't say anything until we here. So, we here." Shampoo shrugged. Then she turned to her partner. "You tell what going on now, please." She stated.

Ranma sighed, grimaced as her stomach suddenly groaned loudly, then began to speak. "You probably didn't hear him, but do you remember what Mr. Tendo called her?"

Shampoo thought hard, then blinked as she managed to recall it. "He called her Mrs. Saotome… she is relative of yours, airen?"

"She's my mother." Ranma answered glumly, staring into space as the girls' jaws dropped in shock.

"Y-Your mother?" Ukyo stammered. "You never told me about your mom." She declared, making no effort to hide the hurt in her tone. Shampoo nodded agreement, looking just as upset as her rival.

"I didn't know I had one, not until recently," was Ranma's gloomy response. "My earliest memories have always been of walking some dusty road with the old man. About two weeks ago, I found out why that was. I'd always figured, when I bothered to wonder why other kids had a mom and I didn't, that she must have died, or run off and left me with pop- I didn't blame her. Then she steps through the Tendo door and I find out the whole ugly truth…" She trailed off. The other girls stared at her, wordlessly prompting her to continue, but unwilling to disturb their gender-bending fiancé from whatever s/he was thinking about. Finally, Ranma began to speak again.

"I've been on one single training journey all my life, so far. Pop took me away from mom because he was afraid she'd 'coddle' me, spoil me, make me 'weak'." She grimaced in disdain, and both of the girls scowled and swore to give Genma some pain the next time they managed to get their hands on him. "The old man was desperate to get me on the road- I don't know if he was fixated on me 'carrying on the school' or on that stupid promise to make me marry a Tendo girl or what, but he finally offered to make a promise to mom. He vowed to make me a man among men – and if he failed, the two of us would commit hara-kiri." She concluded grimly, using the vulgar term for seppuku to make her feelings clear.

Ukyo and Shampoo both recoiled. "You've gotta be joking, Ranma-honey!" Ukyo yelped.

"That right! Mother no could accept promise like that!" Shampoo insisted.

Ranma stared at her for a moment, and Shampoo couldn't repress a shiver at the look in Ranma's eyes. It was strangely sad, and somewhat pitying too, but not for herself; for Shampoo. Then Ranma looked away and began to speak again. "But my mother did. Pop put his thumbprint on it, then put it on the floor so I could make some handprints on it. I had no idea what I was doing – how could I? I was only two or three years old…"

Ukyo and Shampoo were torn between their disgust at Genma, their horror at what Ranma was telling them, and the urge to go into daydreams as they tried to picture their love interest as a cute little boy. Ukyo was the first to snap back to the real world. "Is she serious about it?"

"The old man thinks she is, and she does carry that damn sword everywhere she goes- that's why we're hiding. He's convinced that this curse of mine is an automatic failure of the vow, and I'm inclined to agree with him. He's not too bright sometimes, but when it comes to saving his own skin, well…"

"There's none better." Shampoo concluded icily. "Wonder how long he last if Shampoo try to make panda-skin rug…?" She murmured, eyes glittering wickedly. Ukyo nodded thoughtfully and began to draw her battle spatula.

"Now cut that out." Ranma protested in a tired tone. "It's not helping. Look, my mom doesn't know… well, anything about my life here- the curse, the engagements to you girls, nothing. And if she does find out, my life's at stake." She cut off there and gave them a hopeless look.

"Don't worry, Ranma-honey, we'll keep our mouths shut." Ukyo promised, clasping onto the startled boy-turned-girl's hands, much to Shampoo's displeasure, as the Chinese girl promptly flung her arms around her fiancé's shoulders.

"That right! We help Ranma get out of this somehow. Even if stupid old man have to die trying!"

Ukyo nodded eagerly. "Alright, just give me a moment to close up and we can get going."

"Going where?" The other two asked in surprise.

"She's at the Tendo dojo, isn't she? We've got to go and see her." Ukyo answered, already beginning the brief cleanup.

"Ucchan!" Ranma protested, getting an unhappy glance from Shampoo at the use of the name.

"Now, now, Ranma-honey, how do you expect us to know to keep our mouths shut around your mom if neither of us knows what she looks like? Besides, if we talk to her, maybe we can start figuring a way to get you out of this mess." Ukyo calmly pointed out.

"That right!" Shampoo agreed; while it galled her to do so, her rival had a good idea and Shampoo had no intention of allowing her to poison her future mother-in-law's mind against her! Bad enough that Ranma had already portrayed her as one of his rivals, though she knew that was just because s/he had to make something up on the spot.

Ranma opened and closed her mouth a few times, then sighed. "I guess you two have a point." She admitted, then pushed herself to her feet. Once the restaurant was closed, the three began heading in the direction of the Tendo household, and Ranma's mysterious mother.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** surprisingly few reviews for the last chapter, but I admit that not much happened there and all the reviews I did get were positive, so that's alright. I hope that this chapter isn't too bad, but it turned out surprisingly difficult to translate this particular incident from animation to writing.  
Borg rabbit, remember, the artifact's sole intended purpose is to show Ranma how things might go if he takes/took a specific course of action with another girl, it's not a general 'window into the future/alternate timelines' thing. If Ranma asked it to tell him how to fix things with Nodoka, not only would that be going against the warning from the epilogue of "Another Rainy Day" not to use it to try and chart his own future, it wouldn't function, as that's not what it was built for. When Ranma will be able to use it to help himself in certain situations, that will be a side-benefit and it'll mostly give him hints and glimpses of what **not** to do (like in the Hinako arc).  
Bree R, what do you mean, 'tone the beatings down'? The last chapter was the first time Akane has hit anyone in this story, and it's really no different to canon – she doesn't blow her top and get violent over the least little thing, but when she does blow (and her cooking abilities are, canonically, one of the things that can make her violent), she's a real vicious Jerk Ass.

Chapter 5: Culinary Craziness, Part 2

As the wall surrounding the Tendo complex came into view, Ranma wondered, not for the first time, if this was really a good idea. However, the currently-female heir to the Saotome School couldn't think of any alternative and so had kept silent, even as the two girls who were battling for her (well, _his_) heart paced along beside her. With a surprising level of synchronicity, they easily leapt the wall and landed in the garden.

Like many traditional Japanese houses, the Tendo estate had an outside tap on a small concrete slab, at which Soun Tendo currently knelt, performing a purification ritual. As said ritual consisted of stripping down to a disturbingly small traditional loincloth and repeatedly pouring cold water over himself, it should be no surprise that what made Soun aware of their presence were two feminine cries of disgust and one sarcastic quote of "Now **that's** a sight I could have gone to my grave without." The patriarch of the Tendo family turned around, slipping across the slick concrete, to see three grimacing, shuddering girls, whereupon he had to bite back the urge to cry out in shock and attempt to cover himself with his arms. Instead, he mustered all of his dignity and tried to look as stoic and stern as possible while shivering with the cold, drenched all over and with mucus dribbling out of his nose.

"Ranma, what's the meaning of this? Why are they here?" He demanded, and then sneezed.

"Never mind that, what the **hell** are you doing?!" Ranma demanded in return.

"Purifying myself." Soun replied with what he personally considered remarkable aplomb.

"Then shouldn't stupid man be freezing ass off on a mountain somewhere and not scaring us?" Shampoo muttered.

Ukyo heard her rival, and privately agreed, but decided on a more diplomatic approach. "Why are you purifying yourself?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but Mrs. - I mean, a close friend of the family has offered to help Akane overcome her little difficulties with cooking." Soun replied.

Ranma's eyes went wide in fright; her mother, a gentle, normal woman, was alone in the kitchen with Akane? A _cooking_ Akane? Who knew what sort of harm Akane might inflict on her! Panic radiating from her body language, the genderbent boy suddenly darted for the door into the house, the two girls startled, then giving chase, as behind them Soun's angry voice drifted after the three.

"Don't you dare ruin my little girl's cure! Don't you **dare**!"

Ranma barged in and slowed as she reached the kitchen, just in time to hear a gentle voice drift out the door, "Now Akane, I think it would be best if you used just a little bit of salt, not an entire tablespoon. Here, let me show you..." Breathing a sigh of relief, Ranma moved to the doorway in time to see her mother gently intercepting Akane from dumping a tablespoon of salt into a pot, taking a small pinch and adding it before directing Akane to return the rest of the spoonful before tasting it with a smile, "There, that's much better, try it."

Akane gingerly tasted from the pot as well, before nodding with a small blush on her face. "It's good! Sorry about that, guess I got a little carried away."

Nodoka nodded in satisfaction and then noticed a flash of red in the corner of her vision turning to face Ranma. "Ah, Ranko! How was your outing with Shampoo?"

Behind the older woman, Akane blinked and then scowled as Ranma scratched the back of her head. "It was fun. Oh, I brought Shampoo and another friend back, you don't mind do you?"

Nodoka shook her head. "Of course not, it's always a pleasure to meet your friends."

Unseen by Nodoka, Akane frowned angrily. What the hell was that idiot Ranma thinking? Bad enough that Shampoo had shown up and seen Auntie Saotome by coincidence, but to tell Ukyo as well? Had he had gone insane?! ...No, now that she thought about it, it did make a little sense; much as she hated the way Ranma constantly flirted with them, and the way they were always rubbing her nose in how much better they were at things like martial arts, she had to admit that they didn't want Ranma dead. If Ranma had left them ignorant of his mother, then what were the odds that they'd say something to her that she'd take as unmanly and cause her to force Ranma to commit seppuku? She could understand him telling them about it, particularly as Shampoo had just proven it was possible for them to bump into her by accident... but still... what the hell was he doing bringing them here?!

...Or had they forced themselves along so they could make fun of her? Those damn girls always loved to rub Akane's face in the fact she wasn't the most talented around, something they had in common with Ranma, and they'd mocked her cooking in the past... well, if that was what they planned, then they were going to be sorely disappointed! With mother's notebook and Auntie Saotome's help, Akane vowed she would make them beg for her forgiveness!

Ranma's grin took on a nervous edge as Akane's aura suddenly flared into life at her angrily determined vow. 'Oh great, she's started to boil over again...'

Blissfully ignorant of all this, Nodoka smiled at the new girls. They seemed nice enough, if a little strange; she didn't know that many Chinese people, but she'd never seen any with blue hair before, and she was sure that this 'Ukyo' girl was wearing boy's clothes... and was that a giant spatula on her back? Not a very lady-like weapon. Still, she should be polite. "So, how do you girls know each other?" She asked.

"Uh... we're just local martial artists. We see each other now and then, but we don't really hang out all that much. We mostly know each other through Ranko." Ukyo finally replied, thinking quickly.

Torn between admiration of Ukyo's ability to make things up under pressure and envy that she managed to think of something first, Shampoo hastened to add. "That right. Ranko go to same school as Ukyo, so when Ranko start learning from me, Ukyo start wanting to learn from Shampoo too."

'Why you sneaky little bitch...' Ukyo mentally spat at her rival. How dare she say something like that! And here was her future mother-in-law just eating it up blissfully.

"So, you're both friends of Ranko, are you? Tell me, Ukyo, do you by any chance know my son?"

"You mean Ranma?" Ukyo replied. "You could say that. We're best friends - we go way back." She grinned, paying no attention to either Shampoo's angry glower or Akane and "Ranko's" silent expressions of shocked dismay. Fortunately for everyone, Nodoka didn't see the expressions of the other three girls.

"Oh really? How did you meet my son?"

Ukyo shrugged casually. "Met him on the road while on my own training journey and we started trading letters, training together, generally hanging out. I meet up with him once in a while here in Nerima but the guy's always off on a new training session or something new."

Nodoka clapped her hands together, "Oh how wonderful, it's good to hear that he's so dedicated. Are you two close friends?" A twinkle grew in her eyes, "Is he manly?"

Ranma stifled the choked sound that would have come from her throat at that last question as Ukyo blushed slightly, "Uh, we're pretty good friends, we go to school together as well so I see him a fair bit and we help each other with schoolwork on occasion." Ranma again stifled another sound as Ukyo continued, "As for being manly. Well..."

Thankfully, Ukyo was interrupted by the arrival of a small black piglet that elicited a squeal of delight from Akane, "P-chan! Where have you been all this time?" She picked up the piglet and started hugging it to her chest while Ranma covertly rolled her eyes at the snide look it was sending her, before whipping her head around as Shampoo suddenly spoke up.

"Is okay if Shampoo help out in kitchen?"

Ukyo blinked and then nodded as well. "Yeah, how about we help you out? Should make everything go by a whole lot faster."

Akane dropped P-chan in shock before she snarled slightly, not even ten minutes and already these two were going to muscle in on her work! What's next? Ranma deciding to help cook as well?

She received a second shock as Ranma gently picked up the piglet and sunnily announced, "I'm going to go play with P-chan while you help Auntie Saotome out in the kitchen, wouldn't want him getting into a mess here. See ya!" With that she was gone, leaving a smiling Nodoka who looked pleased at the extra help and Akane with little choice but to play along.

As soon as she was out of the kitchen, Ranma dropped the friendly smile for a bitter scowl; why did things always seem to heat up and get worse whenever it looked like he was starting to get ahead of whatever trouble had arisen? First Shampoo showed up, and now Ryoga! ...Well, all right, the Eternally Lost Boy's presence was actually quite explainable - to be honest, it was a wonder he hadn't shown up around the same time as Nodoka Saotome before. That didn't stop her from squeezing the boy-turned-pig so hard that he squealed in dismay, thrashing about in an attempt to break free of Ranma's steely grip as she carried him to the bathroom. Filling the bathpail with hot water from the shower, she dropped P-chan on the floor and then drenched him with the hot water, eyes narrowed with bored displeasure as Ryoga looked up at her from his kneeling position.

"So what was that all about?" He complained.

"Are you gonna get dressed?" Ranma wondered, prompting a squeak of dismay from her terminally shy rival and a brief but amusing flurry as he pulled on a spare set of clothes. While Ryoga was restoring his dignity, Ranma's mind was racing: the last thing she wanted to tell Ryoga was the truth about her mother - the girls were one thing, they might hurt her when they got mad or out of control, but they did love her and want what they considered to be best for her. Ryoga was her bitter rival, one who had claimed several times that he wanted her dead; telling him about the seppuku pledge was as good as shoving the knife into her own heart. When Ryoga finally whirled back to her and repeated his demand, she made a decision.

"Oh, you wanna know who she is...?" Ranma teased. "Then come here..." She beckoned, the bandanna-wearing boy hesitantly bending close so Ranma could whisper in his ear... which was when Ranma promptly screamed at the top of her lungs and took off, laughing tauntingly as, behind her, Ryoga recovered and gave chase with an angry roar.

Out into the garden the two ran, and vanished over the wall, Ranma mocking Ryoga, Ryoga bellowing curses and threats. Genma Saotome, currently in his panda body, saw them leave and growled angrily. Just what was that foolish son of his thinking? If that nitwitted wanderer had found out their secret, then he'd tell Nodoka first chance he got, just to spite Ranma! And if Nodoka found out about Ranma, then she'd find out about Genma! And Genma didn't want to die! Roaring as best a panda could, which it must be said is not very well at all; Genma gave chase, unthinkingly and unknowingly leaving his wife alone with all three of his son's fiancées.

Ukyo quickly realized that she was treading on dangerous ground and with Akane looking ready to go into meltdown, she thought fast, "So, what are we going here?"

Nodoka indicated Akane, "I'm teaching Akane how to cook the recipes from her mother's cookbook."

Shampoo made an interested noise. "Can we help?"

Ukyo nodded in agreement. "Yeah, we know a little about cooking ourselves but we're always looking to improve." A massive understatement, but the girl's weren't about to say that they owned a restaurant and worked in one respectively; they could both easily see how sensitive Akane was about this whole cooking endeavor. Not that they particularly cared about the spoiled brat's feelings, but if she threw one of her temper tantrums, who knew what she might let slip?

The thoughts going through Ukyo and Shampoo's heads were essentially identical, as they then focused on their real target, the woman standing next to them. 'If I can show Ranma that I'm the better cook, then he'll pay more attention to me, plus I can get closer to this woman as a potential mother-in-law! This can't fail!"

Akane's thoughts? **'This isn't happening!'**

"Ranma! How dare you do something like that! You'll pay for a petty trick like that!" Ryoga bellowed, lashing out in a right cross, then spinning in a kick, only for Ranma to catch onto his leg and use it as a ledge to somersault over her enraged rival's head, catching Ryoga with a left hook as the Eternally Lost Boy whirled to face her. It wasn't the most powerful of blows, but it still had enough force to make even Ryoga go cross-eyed for a split second. Shaking his head, even as Ranma backflipped to increase the distance between them, Ryoga glowered at her. "Damn it all, what brought that on, you lousy jerk? All I did was ask a measly question!" He complained, pulling off some of his bandannas and spinning them into a blur before unleashing them as razor discs.

They missed Ranma entirely, but Genma, who had chosen just that moment to poke his big furry head out of the shelter of a nearby air conditioner, received several close shaves, something that prompted him to hide again and leave it to Ranma. After all, the boy -er, girl- was close-lipped so far, and the Hibiki boy evidently didn't know about the connection between Ranma and Nodoka, otherwise he would be gloating about it. Yes, much better to leave this to Ranma. A fellow could get hurt getting mixed up in this!

While this battle of fists was going on in the streets of Nerima, a subtler yet no less vicious battle was about to be waged in the Tendo kitchen. Under Nodoka's patient eye and gentle instructions, each of the girls were working on their own separate dish for lunch, each with her own plans and schemes running through her head.

Shampoo was the first to have her thoughts take a particularly nasty turn. 'Lets see how that okonomiyaki chef deals with this.' Shifting position to where Ukyo was working, she waited until Ukyo turned away and quickly and deftly tossed in a goodly amount of tumeric. She was tempted to spit in it as well, but a sharp glace from Nodoka regarding her all too obvious scrutiny of Ukyo's work stayed her actions; the spice would have to be enough as she returned to her own work.

Unaware of the treachery that had transpired, Ukyo returned her attention to her current dish and automatically took a taste.

"Bleagh!" She cried in disgust.

"Oh, my, Ukyo? What's the matter?" Nodoka asked gently. She turned her head to Akane as a sudden snap of wood breaking was heard. "Oh, dear, Akane, you really should be more gentle with your tools." She chided softly.

"It's nothing, Mrs. Saotome, I must have used the wrong ingredient." Ukyo answered, adding a nervous, blatantly fake giggle to the end of her sentence. She glared hatefully at her rival; oh, that was it! How dare she ruin Ukyo's food like that! If the little Chinese witch thought she was going to get away with that, she had another think coming!

Shampoo met Ukyo's glare with level ease, making no secret of the smug smile on her face. Her dish already done, she picked it up and carried it over to the table, sauntering past Ukyo, a mistake which she quickly paid for when something hit her foot and she fell flat on the floor, her plate flying from her grasp and spilling its contents across the floor. She pushed herself up and her eyes widened in horror at the waste of her efforts, while above her Ukyo smirked.

"Oops, clumsy Shampoo, you should be more careful." She mocked.

Keeping her face down to avoid letting her future mother-in-law see her snarling, Shampoo hurriedly picked up all of the spilled food, now reduced to worthless garbage. Standing up, she hissed at her rival. "You do that on purpose!" She accused in a whisper.

"Now we're even, sugar." Ukyo whispered back, the endearment sickly-sweet as poisoned honey on her tongue. The two girls stared daggers into each other's eyes, each making the same vow. This wasn't over!

As the two were engaged in their own private war, Akane's nerves were steadily unraveling themselves as her mind went wild, 'Those two are trying to sabotage me, I know it! Look at those two, waiting for the moment to strike and ruin my work! Well, it won't work, I won't let down my guard!' So engrossed in her thoughts was Akane that she didn't notice that she was adding fish sauce instead of soy. Nodoka did manage to spot this and intercepted her, switching the sauces with a gentle reminder to pay more attention to what she doing, but the damage was already done. 'I knew it!'

Things settled down, but it wasn't long before Ukyo decided to fire another shot, this time she swapped some herbs around, earning a confused expression from Shampoo that she couldn't help but giggle at, earning a glare and a retaliation in the form of wasabi being covertly added to her next dish, burning her tongue. All while Akane was becoming increasingly paranoid, not noticing that she had accidentally boiled the soup instead of simmered it.

It could have gotten far worse when a feminine call of "I'm home!" rang out, signaling the return of Ranko to the dojo, appearing at the kitchen threshold dirty and smiling with a thoroughly worn out P-chan in her arms, and only Shampoo and Ukyo noticed the single twitch in the girl's eyes.

They probably would have thought that the twitch was due to dealing with Ryoga. As a matter of fact, it wasn't, though that wasn't to say that it hadn't been a stressful fight in its own way. Ranma was almost convinced that she had managed to make Ryoga forget about Nodoka, she had the Eternally Lost Boy on the ropes, and then what happened? Her stupid father came onto the scene, back in male form in his confidence that he was safe from his wife, and proceeded to blab the whole story while congratulating Ranma on hiding it from Ryoga. She had kicked him into Lower Earth Orbit and, caught redhanded (so to speak) had reluctantly admitted that Nodoka was her mother and she was, in deed, under a seppuku pledge with her. Ryoga, to her tremendous surprise, had vowed that he would keep the secret, explaining that he wanted to beat Ranma fair and square, so getting her killed by revealing the truth to Nodoka wouldn't be satisfying him. Of course, Ryoga being Ryoga, he hadn't taken Ranma's stunned disbelief about this very well and had attacked her again, resulting in a plunge into a canal. Ordinarily, Ranma would have just let P-chan be washed away and lied about it to Akane afterwards, but she was feeling in a good mood due to Ryoga's display of honor (she had no doubts that Mousse or Kuno would have no hesitation to slander her name to Nodoka and get her killed), so she had rescued him and brought him back to the Tendo complex... where she had found the kitchen a disaster zone.

"What's going here?" She demanded.

"Oh my, Ranko dear! How on earth did you get so dirty?" Ranma simply shrugged with a sunny smile while handing the piglet over to Akane to start mothering over.

"He's a lively one, had me running all over the place, but it was fun!" She cocked her head in apparent curiosity, "What happened here?" Her hand waved to indicate the kitchen as Nodoka's smile slipped slightly.

"Oh, the girls and I had such fun in the kitchen, and, well, we just got carried away. Although, I do think that at some point I'll need to stop by and give them a few more lessons; they have enthusiasm but they just seem to make so many little mistakes."

Ranma nodded in apparent understanding… and the girls somehow knew that it was both for Nodoka's sake and because Ranma knew the whole story. "Gee, too bad I missed it, I could have joined in on the fun. Listen, you look a little tired, how about you sit down and we'll get everything presentable for lunch?" As Nodoka agreed with a comment that she could do with a moment sitting down, Ranma flashed a cold look at Shampoo and Ukyo before she was all sun and smiles again, the brief moment sending a shiver down the spines of the two girls as the redhead started salvaging what was at least edible for the meal before they started helping out.

Lunch was brief, but pleasant. Akane chose to eat in Kasumi's room with her sister to give her some company, though Ranma privately wondered if maybe she wasn't just sulking over Ukyo and Shampoo's ruining her special hour – not that she could particularly blame her, if that was the case. When lunch was over, Nodoka reluctantly declared it was time for her to leave and asked for Soun to call her the next time that Ranma and Genma returned from their training trip, something that made Soun sweat nervously, but he managed to agree.

Ranma watched her mother leave, seeing the mask of pleasantry and happiness slip to reveal a glimpse of the disappointment of not being able to see her family yet again, and felt her own heart crack. Cursing Genma yet again, she turned to her other fiancées, dropping her own mask of pleasantry and revealing her anger and disappointment. "You two are gonna help me clean up the mess you made in the kitchen. And I've got a few things to say to you both before you go home…" She growled deep in her throat, her aura sparking to life around her and the two rivals for her hand gulping in unified dismay…

_And thus this chapter closes. I apologize again for this two-parter; this story really works better in a graphic medium. Ah well, live and learn, eh? The other specials should work much better, and I'm particularly hoping you'll enjoy our unique rendition of "Big Trouble in Nekonron, China"._

_Anyway, just to remind people, feel free to vote for Kodachi, Shampoo, Ukyo, Natsume or Kurumi as 'the winner' in your reviews for this chapter and all subsequent chapters. We've a way to go yet before Ranma begins leaning in any one girl's direction, so if you want a girl to be the ultimate winner, then let us know who you'd prefer. There's also a poll in my profile that I intend to leave running until January 2010, so as to give folks an extra place to make their choices known while I take my Christmas leave. It's a multiple vote poll, so you can pick your two favorite girls, just in case one choice doesn't make it._

_Just to reassure you all, the next chapter will be a return to our original flavor. Now then, seeing whether or not Tsubasa and Azusa will hit it off, or if Tsubasa will have more then he can handle on his date, or the first introduction of Kodachi Kuno to the "new Ranma"? Decisions, decisions…_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** I'm glad that folks enjoyed the previous chapter, even if I felt it was maybe cut a bit short. I know some readers may not like what we chose to do for this chapter, and I apologize and hope you'll bear with us.

On a different topic, Natsume has proven to be a surprisingly popular choice in the votes. Anyone know why that is? I mean, yes, she does seem to have a personality that can best be described as the good parts of both fanon-Kasumi and fanon-Nabiki, backed with enough martial arts prowess to seriously threaten Ranma, but how come so many people are voting for her? Or, at the very least, why am I the first person to ever write Ranma/Natsume?

Similarly, how come Ukyo's getting so few votes? I admit to bucking the trend of established fanon and general fan continuity, but I was of the impression that the general view of Ukyo vs. Shampoo is "Ukyo's the nice girl and Ranma's old friend, Shampoo's the slutty bitch". So how come Shampoo is proving more popular in the votes then Ukyo?

Just because a reviewer pointed it out; I know now that the movies happen before the OAVs (in fact, movie 1 happens in season 6, while movie 2 happens in season 7 - I even know precisely which episodes they happen between), so Gideon020 and I have decided to 'mix up' the timeline of the specials before we get around to adapting them; OAV 2 "Tendo Family Christmas Scramble" will be the very last special adapted, and will probably be used as the finale for this fic. To be honest, I don't recall ever seeing a scene where they get a photo taken in movie 2, so that's why I never noticed that the photo in OAV 2 is from that movie.

Chapter 6: A Sweet Meet

Tsubasa sighed softly and looked at his watch; his date was due almost any minute now. He still couldn't believe that Ranma had actually tried to find him a date instead of simply aiming to track him down, steal the evidence, and beat him to a pulp, which he would have thought was more Ranma's style. That he had succeeded was hardly of note compared to that minor miracle. But he had done what Tsubasa asked, so Nerima's resident master of disguise had handed over the evidence and eagerly set to preparing himself for his first date in way too long.

He was kind of offended that Ranma had told him so emphatically to make sure he was wearing guy's clothes for this; did that lunk think that being a crossdresser defined who Tsubasa was or something? He knew he'd just frighten his date off if he wasn't dressed properly - he had long, lonely weeks of experience to make him realize **that**. He fidgeted restlessly, wondering when she was going to get here and what sort of girl she was going to be like. Oh, he hoped she'd be a nice girl... he'd had enough of tomboys to last him a lifetime.

Meanwhile, in a distant tree, someone else was waiting for the date to start as well. "Come on, where are they? I found the right spot didn't I?"

A person might have wondered why Ukyo was there, and probably would have ended up chalking it up to curiosity about who, precisely, Ranma had managed to persuade to go on a date with her former stalker, possibly tinged with a little malice in the form of hoping it would be Tsubasa's turn to find out what it was like to have someone undesirable after him. They... wouldn't have been entirely wrong, but that wasn't Ukyo's sole motive, or even her primary motive. Mostly, she wanted to forget. Forget the utter disaster of her attempt to impress Ranma's mother, and the tongue-lashing she had received afterwards.

Yet again, her mind went back to it, and she shuddered and tried to push it away. Ranma's anger had been frightening, even though he had managed to repress it so that he did not yell and rant like he normally did, but his disappointment, and the words he had used, had cut Ukyo like knives to the heart. The only saving grave was that he hadn't spared either of them, denigrating their common rivalry and denouncing how careless they got, pointing out the times they had hurt him unintentionally when they were caught up in picking fights with each other, and asking if they would have **cared** if they'd somehow hurt his mother in the crossfire. That, perhaps most of all, had **hurt**. Ukyo hadn't seen him for several days since then, and though she knew in her head that he would forgive her eventually, her heart was deeply afraid of what his continued absence might mean for her. Her only salve was that she was convinced Shampoo was in no better state, given Ranma had been addressing her as much as he was his old friend and had made that point perfectly clear. Ukyo might not have gotten another date since then, but at least Shampoo wasn't having the opportunity to try and get her claws into Ranma!

Just then a girl in a very nice dress, though with a bit too many frills for her liking, appeared from around the corner and Ukyo recognized her, 'Huh, that's Azusa Shiratori of the Golden Pair, wonder what she's doing here?' She watched as the girl stopped and looked around, her bright smile fading to a look of disappointment after a few moments and just as Ukyo thought she was going to leave, she noticed a well-kept topiary hedge nearby and with a squeal, leapt forward and started poking and prodding it as Ukyo shook her head.

'Great, she's adopting...huh?' Ukyo did a double take when she heard a male shout of embarrassed surprise and out from the hedge came one Tsubasa Kurenai, "He actually disguised himself while on his date?" She shook her head, missing the look of surprised pleasure on Azusa's face at the sudden appearance of a handsome boy from the hedge. From where she was, Ukyo did have the ability to hear what was being said, and she listened in without the slightest shame.

"Wow, a kitsune!" Azusa commented cheerfully.

"What? No, I'm human, I just forgot to take off the disguise." Tsubasa replied, surprise giving way to sheepishness as he rubbed his head. "I'm Tsubasa Kurenai... and your name is...?"

"Well he's being polite." Ukyo mumbled to herself, strangely irritated that the boy who had been so overenthusiastic and impulsive when they were in Junior High School together was being so subdued here. What was the deal here? Why was he acting so shy?

"I'm Azusa Shiratori. Tell me, little kitsune, are you the one who wanted a date with me?" She smiled.

"I'm not a kitsune, but, yes, if you don't mind, that is..." Tsubasa answered, inwardly cursing at his nervousness. Why was it that not being the aggressor had all but robbed him of his courage? He'd asked dozens of girls on dates before! True, this was the first girl who'd ever seemed inclined to say yes... but still!

"I don't mind. So, where are we going to go?" Azusa asked happily. Internally, she was actually a bit more cynical; she knew that this would turn out just like all the other times, with the boy just being some egomaniac who wanted to brag he'd gone out with the famous Skating Queen of Kolholtz High or some lecher who thought she was just a brainless airhead he could have his way with (she liked it that people thought she was so cute, but had to admit that the attracted lechers were a nuisance). Still, he was good-looking and he seemed nice enough, and she needed to have hope that not all boys were like that, so she guessed she could at least give him a chance.

"The park alright?" Tsubasa asked, feeling a little of his usual confidence starting to come back to him. Impulsively, he made a gentlemanly gesture and offered her his hand, feeling his heart beat a little faster at the smile she gave him as she took it.

From her perch, Ukyo watched them go, then looked for the best roof to leap to so that she could follow them while staying unseen. She was rather impressed with herself as she sprang from the treetop to her chosen rooftop; she didn't normally get around this way so she had less practice at it then Ranma or that Chinese bimbo.

The pair walked through the park as Tsubasa searched for something, anything to do here before his date got bored, and then sighted his possible salvation, a skating rink. "Would you like to do some skating?" He mistook the sudden look of distaste on Azusa's face and hurriedly continued, "Don't worry, I was the best skater at my school, so I can teach you if you don't know how to skate."

Azusa felt herself blink in shock; he actually didn't know that she was a champion skater? Well now… she gave him her biggest, brightest smile and nodded, "That would be great, lets go get some skates!" With that she started tugging Tsubasa towards the skates eagerly while Ukyo shook her head, staying silent while watching as the pair rented some skates and started skating, Azusa pretending to have a difficult time so that Tsubasa would stay close to her, clever move.

Soon the pair were starting to relax, and Ukyo couldn't help but think that they looked surprisingly cute together. But then, as was seemingly the norm in Nerima, something had to come up and spoil the party, and that something was a smug looking skater who was eyeing Azusa.

"Well hello there cutie. What are you doing skating with a loser like this guy? Wouldn't you prefer to be with a real man?" Azusa and Tsubasa turned to see a handsome, nearly bishonen teen about their age skating easily alongside them, "My name is Ryu. So how about it babe? Ditch the loser and have some real fun?"

He was dressed in a school uniform, the logo not visible due to the open jacket but it was clearly expensive and combined with the open collar of his shirt, the guy had all the hallmarks of a stereotypical bishonen bad boy, if the effect wasn't ruined by the cheesy smile on his face as he drifted along on what were clearly his own personal set of skates, painted in a garish color set that was less bright and appealing and more painful on the eyes than anything else.

Finally, it was the hair that finished off any pretenses that this guy was a smooth operator from the overly gelled appearance (which was catching the sun's rays and spraying them in people's eyes) to the very noticeable smell, and the guy still had that cheesy smile plastered on his face like it was frozen in place like terrible mask.

He skated closer, the light coming off the hair blinding a passing bird and sending it into a car, "A guy like him wouldn't know how to treat a babe like you, so how about ditching the loser and having some fun with me, I'll show you a good time."

"We're having a good time already, go away." Tsubasa snapped at the intruder. Oh, why did he have to run into a jerk like this now, of all times?

"Ooh, tough guy, are we? Well, if you wanna keep this hot little chicky to yourself, then face me in martial arts skating!" The lecher leered at Tsubasa, who paled at the idea: his forte was disguise, not combat!

That was when Azusa skated forward, a very unpleased look on her face. "If it's a martial skating match you want, then fight me!"

"What? No way, you can't fight a girl, it's embarrassing!" The lout proclaimed. From her perch overlooking the scene, Ukyo's eyebrow twitched… wait, was that the faintest glimmer of a battle aura she saw forming around Azusa?

"If you win, then Azusa will date with you. Otherwise, you can leave now." Azusa declared, her back ramrod straight and steel in her tone.

The goon laughed. "Alright, baby, if that's the way you swing..." He skated backwards, Azusa close behind. One scene of indescribable violence later, his feebly kicking legs were protruding from a garbage can, Azusa dusting off her hands dramatically.

"I am Azusa Shiratori, the Martial Arts Skating Queen of Kolholtz High School! Amateurs like you should know their place." She sneered disdainfully. She blinked at a sudden strangled noise from behind her, turning to stare quizzically at a dumbstruck Tsubasa. "What's wrong?" She asked, puzzled.

"You're **that** Azusa Shiratori? Azusa of the Golden Pair?" Tsubasa asked incredulously.

"Ah, yes?" Azusa replied, wondering what the big deal was. So he hadn't recognized her at first, why was he making such a big deal out of it now? As she watched, his face went through several flavors of "oh, crap!", before he let out a surprisingly high-pitched scream of horrified embarrassment and ran away, leaving both Azusa and the spying Ukyo blinking in confusion. In perfect synchronicity, the two spoke the exact same two words: "What the…?" Then Azusa's eyes narrowed and she shook her head, snapping back to reality. "Come back here!" She cried, giving chase in a state of confused determination, and maybe a trace of feeling insulted -- this was the first time a boy had ever run **away** from her!

After a few minutes of searching, Azusa stopped and heaved an irritated sigh to herself. "Now, where could he be...? Think, Azusa; you know he uses disguises... pretty cute disguises at that... and he's pretty cute himself. So, just find the cutest thing around, and there he'll be!" She told herself, smiling at her deduction. Reaching out with her finely honed kawaii sense, she began to follow them through the park.

Ukyo, having followed her, watched in disbelief from a distance. "She can't possibly think that's really going to work." She muttered to herself. She felt a tricklet of sweat run down the back of her neck when Azusa enthusiastically glomped onto a statue of a rearing horse half-hidden in some bushes, which promptly fell apart to reveal the boy she had been dating. "Then again, maybe she is lucky enough to pull off a stunt like that..."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm -- urk!" Tsubasa choked as one of Azusa's arms 'accidentally' tightened around his throat.

"Now, why did you do that? Little Azusa is not used to boys running away from her." Azusa said, slipping, as she tended to do when things got stressful or annoying, into 'kawaiiko mode'.

"Like I said, I'm sorry, I didn't know who you were!" Tsubasa pleaded.

Azusa cocked her head to the side in bafflement. "And... so?"

"You're the famous Azusa Shiratori!" Tsubasa pointed out.

"Again, so?" Azusa asked, wondering just what was wrong with her date... figures; she finally found a nice boy, and he was a lunatic.

"I never would have insulted you by asking you out if I'd known who you are! I mean, yes, I thought the name was kind of odd, and you are the cutest girl I've ever seen (Ukyo felt strangely offended by that), but I didn't think you were the legendary Queen of Martial Arts Skating!"

"Aw, thank you." Azusa said. So that was the deal; he was nicer then she had thought. Well, time to straighten him out. "But it was still very naughty of you to run away from me after we've been having such fun together, little kitsune."

"Wait... you mean you're enjoying this?" Tsubasa asked incredulously.

It should be noted that, while Tsubasa's head was twisting around to follow Azusa's movements, his body was still frozen in place, leading to some rather interesting physical contortions. 'That has to uncomfortable.' Ukyo thought to herself

"Until that big dummy showed up, yes." Azusa replied instantly.

Tsubasa blinked for a moment, then cleared his throat, "Ah, glad you're enjoying everything so far. How about we ditch the skating then, and...let see...go for some ice-cream?" Azusa nodded happily.

"Yay, ice-cream! I love ice-cream!"

'I had a feeling you would. Note to self, cute stuff works best apparently, modify as I get more information.' Tsubasa's mind carefully ran through everything he was finding out about this cute girl with the same precision to detail as planning one of his disguises on the fly as he immediately worked out the closest ice-cream place in the area and headed towards it arm in arm with Azusa, Ukyo discretely following after the pair.

Everything apparently went smoothly after that as Ukyo watched the pair order and then sit down to sundaes, "Well, everything seems to have leveled out." She suddenly saw a girl pass by, glance in the window and spot Azusa, before she frowned and stormed into the ice-cream parlor as Ukyo shook her head, "Spoke too soon." Settling down, she waited to see how the pair would handle this.

"You! Azusa Shiratori!" Azusa blinked and turned to see a fuming girl about her age glaring at her as Tsubasa spoke up, "Ah, is there a problem?"

"Yes there's a problem! This cuteness-obsessed tart stole a dress that I was looking for, for five MONTHS, and when I finally find it she swoops in and grabs it! I want that dress Shiratori!"

Azusa sweat-dropped before she looked a little embarrassed, "Um, which dress was it? I buy a lot of cute dresses after all."

The girl snarled, "Forest green, Chinese style with cherry blossoms in pink? The one that was a limited edition one of a kind designer and had two hundred other woman fighting for it?"

Azusa thought for a moment and then clapped her hands together. "Oh I remember now! Sorry, but can I just pay you the full price of the dress instead?"

Tsubasa blinked, he had seen that dress before and it was *expensive*, some had said that those particular dresses were sold for the price of a small car. It served to inform Tsubasa that Azusa's skills weren't just combat related, they brought in a lot of money as well as the argument started to heat up as the girl would accept nothing less than the dress and Azusa was clearly not going to give it up.

Finally, Tsubasa lost his patience. "Look, we're busy here; if you want a dress so bad, I'll let take some of mine if it'll make you happy! I've got them with bows, I've got them with frills, I've got them with lace; take your pick and leave us alone!"

The girl stared at him, incredulity giving way to the all-too-familiar disgust, curling her lip into a sneer. "Freak! Weirdo! Keep away from me, you pervert!" She spat, and ran off, leaving Tsubasa smirking... for a moment. Then he realised what he had just done so foolishly, so impulsively, and his spirit sank: he had just crushed his own hopes of finally finding a girlfriend.

"Um... I guess there's a story behind that?" Azusa asked, somewhat timidly.

Tsubasa sighed; here it went again. "When I was in Junior High, I had this crush on a real tomboy of a girl -- always dressed up like a boy. I was so head over heels for her that I started dressing in women's clothes to try and impress her. It never went anywhere."

Azusa was silent. "Exactly how far did you...?" She began at last.

Tsubasa groaned; how was he going to explain this without looking like a total freak? For a moment, he contemplated simply showing her, this date was good as done for now anyway, but he mentally chided himself; surely there was a better way then that! ...But, the harder he thought about it, the less he could think of a way to get out of this mess without obviously changing the subject. There really wasn't anyway you could sugarcoat "I looked so much like a girl that everyone thought I was; I even tried entering a Miss Beachside Battle to prove how good a female imitator I was". Finally, he had to admit he had no choice; might as well get this over with quickly and (relatively) painlessly as possible.

"Wait here." He asked, then stood up and headed for the men's room.

A few minutes passed and after another moment Azusa wondered if Tsubasa had run off again when she felt something incredibly kawaii blink on her finely tuned senses just as a cute girl in a beautiful dress of dark brown highlighted by white flowers and ribbons appeared and sashayed towards Azusa and easily catching the eyes of several guys present and the glares of a number of girls as she stopped in front of Azusa, twirled to show off the full extent of the dress and curtseyed before the girl said, "Well, you wanted to know how far, now you know. What do you think?"

Azusa stared at him for several uncomfortably long seconds, then spoke. "How do you feel, doing that?"

Tsubasa shrugged. "I don't hate it, I certainly don't love it, but it doesn't really bother me, you know? I'm comfortable wearing this stuff, and I'm comfortable out of it. It's all the same to me." He felt a strange sensation, a mingling of relief and cold fear, at the glint that suddenly appeared in her eyes.

"Well, this is a surprise, but it's not so bad. So, another parfait?" She offered.

"Please." Tsubasa answered, hope blossoming within his heart. She didn't mind it! The most beautiful girl he'd ever met, and she didn't think he was some sort of freak!

From her own seat, Ukyo sat and watched as Tsubasa, still in girl's clothing, took his seat again and the two continued as though nothing had happened, ignoring the stares and whispers of the other patrons. She wondered why Azusa had taken it so placidly, then figured that, given what she'd heard of the infamous klepto kawaiiko, she was probably in the habit of using her 'friends' for dressing up anyway. Ukyo couldn't keep the smirk off of her face as she began to imagine what Tsubasa might be in for now. She wondered if Azusa would insist on making him wear a fake set of fox ears and a fake fox tail whenever she could; she still wouldn't let up with the whole 'kitsune' thing. For an hour or more the two sat there making small talk and generally acting the part of the cute couple (which really made people stare). Finally, Azusa reluctantly admitted she had to go, and the two exchanged phone numbers and arranged to have another date as soon as time permitted both of them. Once they had led, Ukyo stood up, stretched stiff joints, and headed home herself. She was somewhat surprised to find Ranma waiting at the entrance to her shop.

"R-Ranma-honey?" She asked in excited disbelief, wondering if maybe he wasn't angry with her any more.

"Hey Ucchan, how's it going?"

Ukyo landed near Ranma and smiled. "Everything's going fine Ranchan, what are you doing here?" No need to get her hopes up too high, even if he's just here for food it was a step up.

Ranma shrugged, oblivious to Ukyo's thoughts. "Got kicked out because Akane thought it would be fun to try and cook unsupervised again. Decided to go somewhere where I wouldn't get poisoned. So what have you been doing?"

Ukyo decided to tell him. "I was watching Tsubasa's date with Azusa Shiratori and they had a pretty good date. They even..."

She was cut off by Ranma's sudden interruption, "Traded phone numbers and set up another date? Good, I knew they'd hit it off."

Ukyo blinked. "Wait, how did you know that? Where you watching as well?"

Ranma smiled as the chef opened the doors, staring at him suspiciously. "In a manner of speaking," he told her enigmatically, then refused to say anything more on the subject.

_And thus this chapter comes to an end. I regretfully report that this will probably be the last chapter of "Chasing the Rainbow" that will be produced in this year, 2009. My folks want me to come out to the block for Christmas, so that means I won't have the capacity to write anything new. Updates will resume some time in early 2010._

_When I do return from the Christmas holidays, the poll in my profile will be taken down and its scores added to the current tally. Remember, the poll allows you to vote for two girls, so if there's a girl you'd also like to see have a shot at Ranma's heart, feel free to vote for her as well. As always, when you review, you can vote for which girl(s) will become the official winner for this story, be it Shampoo, Ukyo, Kodachi, Natsume, or even Kurumi._

_Speaking of votes and couples, an early reviewer joked that it sounded like Mousse and Nabiki, particularly as I portray them, would make a good couple. Well, I always have had a soft spot for that couple, particularly as the two-shot that introduced me to the idea was well written and also a nicely handled Ranma/Shampoo. So, here's a simple question for your readers to vote on: Mousse and Nabiki become a couple over the course of Chasing the Rainbow: Yes, or No?_

_Similarly, though I don't find myself able to forget about his nastier qualities, I don't hate Ryoga Hibiki, despite what others may think, and I feel that he does deserve a happy ending – just not with Akane. We have other plans for her… and no, we're __**not**__ going to pair her with Tatewaki Kuno. We're not that cruel. However, I don't particularly like Akari; she's kind of boring, to be honest, and too blatantly made just to give Ryoga an excuse to stop chasing Akane – she's pretty one-dimensional. However, I'm torn between pairing Ryoga with Kasumi Tendo, who I think fits the outline of what Ryoga wants in a girl like a glove, and pairing him with Anna Brown, an anime-only character who Ryoga was honestly attracted to after getting to know her. So, readers, a third voting option; Ryoga and Kasumi, or Ryoga and Anna?_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** It's been a long time since this was updated, and for that I apologize; real life got in the way of both our writing it, and our beta getting back to us on what needed to be changed. Now that this is here, though, we should resume our former regular updating and I hope people still want to read this. To just answer some concerns/points brought up in the last chapter's reviews, I'm not intending to go "pairing crazy" with this story; in fact, after the last chapter, I've decided that any 'sub-romances' will be strictly background material, though the polls from the last chapter will remain open until chapter 10. The poll in my profile has also been closed now that this story is "reopen for business", so to speak, but if you want to let me know which girl you want to see as the official winner of this story, leave a review saying so.

Chapter 7: Lunch Date

It was a quiet, lazy day at the Tendo dojo, and Ranma was the only person in the house. Happosai, thankfully, had vanished to who-knew-where on a panty raid, Akane was out with some friends, Nabiki had tennis practice, Soun and Genma had made vague comments about investigating some flyer and left. Ranma had persuaded Kasumi to go out and enjoy this nice day, firstly with genuine promises of doing the housework for her, and finally by the simple expedient of gently-but-firmly pushing her out of the gate and closing it behind her. He was just finishing up the final task, mopping the floor, and sighed softly to himself, his thoughts now turning to the matter that had been so close to him recently: the other fiancées.

"I guess those two have had long enough to stew. I should probably think of a way to let them know I'm ready to give them a second chance. Come to think of it, maybe it's time I went and spoke to Kodachi...?" He murmured to nobody in particular. Then he stopped; something felt…. Off. Out of place. Like he was being watched… Thinking for a few moments about the possibilities, he then tapped his mop handle on the floor. "You can come out, Sasuke." He called, and then winced at the audible crack of bone against wood. Ranma addressing him directly had clearly startled the ninja manservant of the Kunos, evidently having assumed he was undetected in his favorite eavesdropping spot beneath the floor.

A few moments of pained silence later, Sasuke was kneeling on the edge of the small verandah overlooking the koi pond. "How did you know I was there?" He asked, clearly probing for information despite the submissive tone of his words.

"Do you know how often people are spying on me?" Ranma retorted casually. This wasn't the whole truth of the matter, but Ranma was a very secretive person (doubtlessly a result of living with his father, his various fiancées would have insisted) and so revealing how he had sensed Sasuke was not something he felt inclined to do.

Sasuke bowed his head in acceptance of that fact. It was true; he spied on Ranma a lot, and he was sure that several others also did so on a semi-regular basis.

"So, why did Kuno send you this time? What crackpot magical trinket has he come up with this time that makes him want to call me out?" Ranma asked off-handedly.

"What makes you think Master Kuno would need a magic item to be inclined to challenge you?" Sasuke asked sincerely.

"Because he never calls me out unless he thinks he's found something that'll make him strong enough to beat me. Otherwise he just gets his ass handed to him at school - and even then, he only shows up when he's feeling particularly feisty, it's not like it's an every day occurrence." Ranma pointed out.

"More like two days out of three." Sasuke muttered, quickly clamping a hand over his mouth and looking abashed. "I-I didn't mean!" He stammered.

Ranma waved his hand dismissively. "I won't tell him if you won't. So, as I was saying, why are you here?"

"Why...?" Sasuke repeated, looking somewhat confused himself (not that Ranma could really blame him; that whack on the head had sounded nasty even by **his** standards), then lit up with recognition and pounded a fist into his open palm. "Oh, yes, now I remember!" He reached into his ninja outfit, pulled out a letter, and held it out to Ranma. "Mistress Kodachi sends an invitation to you to join her for a private luncheon at the Kuno estate, and humbly requests that you proceed there with all due haste."

"...If you were going to tell me that, why did she bother writing it down?" Ranma pointed out, then ignored Sasuke's sheepish expression and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. It was true he had sworn to give all of the girls a fair chance, and that included Kodachi... yes, it was somewhat risky to go, but, really, no riskier then it had been to go on those dates with Ukyo and Shampoo -- if anything, less risky, as this time everyone was out of the house and nobody was likely to ever find out... unless Kodachi decided to make a big fuss and drama over the matter, but he was pretty sure he could charm her into keeping it on the low. Finally, he nodded his head. "Alright, I'll come."

"I knew you would." Sasuke chirped happily, at which Ranma looked at him askance; something about that tone and that choice of words bothered him...

A few minutes of roof hopping soon brought the pair to the Kuno estate, Sasuke turning to Ranma momentarily, "Please wait here for a moment, I'll be back shortly." Ranma nodded; the last time he had 'visited' the Kuno's mansion, the front path had been filled with enough traps to turn aside a small army and seriously inconvenience him for the several minutes it took to disable or outright destroy them, so now there was no telling exactly what sort of new hazards were now in place, probably nasty ones if Ranma guessed correctly. Meek and subservient Sasuke may be, but history taught that discounting a ninja, even one like Sasuke, was often bad for your health.

That and living in Nerima had ensured that Ranma had a very well developed sense of paranoia.

Meanwhile, Sasuke nimbly skirted around the traps and opened the door, expertly navigating the hallways to find his mistress waiting for him, an expectant expression on her face, "Well Sasuke? What is my darling Ranma's reply?"

Sasuke bowed. "I have delivered the message, and Saotome is waiting at the gate at this moment."

Shock rippled across Kodachi's face before she schooled it into a more pleased expression. "Well don't just stand there, bring him in and take him to the room overlooking the outside gardens, the one with the view of the natives should suffice. I'll be waiting there." Sasuke bowed and left as Kodachi went to her own preparations.

Ranma was leaning against the gate and whistling softly to himself as Sasuke returned. The diminutive ninja bowed respectfully. "Please follow me; the Mistress awaits you."

So Ranma did as he was told, taking care to copy Sasuke's actions exactly so as to avoid the various pitfalls and boobytraps he knew were scattered around. As they walked in silence, something that had occasionally bothered him about this place occurred to him and he decided that there was nothing to be lost in asking. "So, tell me, how do you look after this place on your own?"

"Pardon?" Sasuke asked, puzzled.

"Well, you're the only henchman I've seen Kuno with, so that means you've got to take care of this whole huge estate all by yourself. How on earth do you manage?" Ranma explained insistently.

Sasuke looked at him in disbelief, and then burst out laughing. "I-I'm sorry, forgive me, but that's the funniest thing I've ever heard!" He managed to stammer out amidst his hysterical humor attack. "No, I may be called upon to perform many services to my masters, but I am not the sole servant here. I am the representative of the Sarugakure Ninja called to this estate; my duty is to attend to the Master and the Mistress personally, while theirs is to oversee the estate as a whole. I may perform menial tasks as the Masters demand, but the majority of such work is handled by those beneath me."

"So, what, you mean this place is swarming with ninja gardeners?" Ranma asked curiously.

"Oh yes, as well as ninja chefs, ninja electricians, ninja accountants..." Sasuke added happily.

"_Ninja accountants_...?" Ranma repeated incredulously.

They walked on in silence for a few moments more as Ranma digested that tidbit, then Ranma realized something else. "Hey, is Kuno going to be here as well? I don't think he'd like it much that I'm eatin' lunch with his sister."

"Master Kuno has his own residential quarters in a different wing of the house. He is unaware of your presence here." Sasuke reassured him. Any further questions or doubts Ranma might have had were cut off as Sasuke stopped and pompously swung open a set of doors. "Mistress Kodachi, your guest has arrived." He declared, still in the same "butler-lite" manner.

Kodachi rose from her seat with a lightly surprised smile, "Ranma-sama, welcome, I'm so glad you were able to accept my invitation. Please, have a seat."

A glance was sent to Sasuke, who nodded and left, closing the doors behind him as Ranma strode in, taking in Kodachi in detail. She was dressed in a formal, and rather pretty kimono, decorated with flowers and trees of various kinds in a rather eye-pleasing combination of blue and green, and it looked ridiculously expensive, but that was par for the course with the Kunos.

A glance at the table and Ranma suppressed the urge to whistle at the food laid out, from what he remembered and from what he acquired from the Eye, Kodachi was a skilled cook in her own right and the sight before him only confirmed it as he took in the dumplings, noodles and cakes there; it looked like this wouldn't be too bad a day at all.

Ranma politely walked over and took the indicated seat, trying to avoid showing any sign of nervousness now starting to well up from within. Though he knew there was more to Kodachi then he had previously thought, it was hard to deny the fact that many situations like this had proven dangerous or just plain mistakes - he had to fight to avoid recalling that time that Kodachi had offered him lunch spontaneously, and promptly poisoned it all with paralysis powder- which would have got him if it hadn't been for Mousse bungling in and eating it himself. This was one of the reasons why he didn't say anything; the other was that he wasn't exactly sure what to say. Luckily for him, Kodachi either noticed or felt it was her place to speak first after he had sat down.

"I apologize for that incident with the paralysis powder." Kodachi's expression seemed genuinely abashed as she said this, "Looking back on that, I can understand that what I did was foolish, and I assure you that this cuisine is untainted." She indicated the food, "But there's plenty to time to speak, let us enjoy lunch first."

Ranma wondered how she had known what he was thinking about, and instead eagerly began eating. One might think that he was hesitant, sensibly tasting minute doses and ascertaining whether or not Kodachi was telling the truth... the reality was that Ranma was never one to let previous experiences with poisoned meals deter him from enjoying excellent food (he found himself momentarily wondering why Akane, the most outwardly normal of his romantic circle, was the only one to be **terrible** at cooking) and so he ate and drank heartily.

True to her own words, Kodachi said nothing, instead enjoying her handiwork and occasionally giving Ranma deep, romantic meaning-filled stares when she thought he wasn't looking. Finally, the two finished and politely pushed their empty plates away, Ranma wondering if Sasuke or one of the Kuno family's "ninja maids" would clear them away and deciding to keep one eye on them if possible, in an attempt to see if Sasuke had really been serious or not. The other eye - well, really, half of his attention in general, he kept on Kodachi, who broke the silence they had previously been enjoying.

"Whoever said that good food is better in company was certainly correct." She looked to the side slightly, "Thank you for accepting my invitation; I hadn't actually expected you to accept." She clapped her hands together with a smile. "But I'm so glad that you did come, thank you." A blur took the plates and Ranma could only barely make out a masked female figure wearing a maid's uniform before she vanished. Another blur, a male one this time, delivered drinks as Kodachi leaned forward, completely ignoring them.

"Tell me Ranma-sama, I've heard that you've all but openly declared your intention to end your engagement with Akane Tendo. What led you to that decision?"

"And where did you hear that?" Ranma asked quietly, neither confirming nor denying its accuracy.

Kodachi smiled slightly. "Why Ranma, who else in my family's employ would be sent to keep an eye on you, and report back any unusual activity from you? Of course, my brother rejoiced about this, going on and on about how Akane was free from your clutches." A dainty snort, "If anything, from the reports Sasuke has sent back it seems that you were one liberated, not Akane."

Ranma ignored that bite against his Tendo fiancée. So, Sasuke had overheard him after that first day back, eh? Well, he really deserved that, and it wasn't as if he could begrudge the poor little guy - he was just doing his job. "I don't know if you've heard anything about a certain incident a little while ago? Involving the Joketsuzoku and a magical brooch?" Ranma began, casting out the first hooks of misinformation.

Kodachi leaned back in her chair, "Some but no real specifics, apparently a jewel that reversed or amplified certain emotions depending on the manner in which its worn, an interesting item but the inherent dangers..." She trailed off, attempting to look uninterested, yet unable to hide a certain stiffness in her spine and arms. "Regardless, you apparently had some trouble involving it, but Sasuke was unable to discover how you solved that situation. Likely you used your usual quick wits and cleverness to do so. Why do you ask?"

"Let's just say that, when everything was over and done with, I had a lot of time to think to myself." Ranma said grimly. "And not much else to think about other then my... uh... 'relationship' with Akane." He added. "I guess, in the end, it came down to the fact that I just couldn't get over how that final incident with Akane was a metaphor for our whole engagement; all sweetness to me one moment, and then hitting me and telling me to stop living in a dream world when I tried to stop and think about her actions the next. I just can't see myself living my life like that, always walking on tiptoes and knowing that there's an explosion coming." He concluded.

Kodachi nodded, "A logical conclusion to come to with time, but then...you've never exactly had time to yourself, have you?" Her eyes were slightly shadowed at this.

"Not... precisely. Usually it's more waiting for the next boot to drop." Ranma answered, somewhat wary of Kodachi's tone and body language.

Kodachi stiffened slightly. "Ah, I suppose I deserved that. I may not have given you good reason to believe me in that regard, but today there is no plan to force you with me. I...simply wish to be with you today, that is all."

"It's not that." Ranma hastened to say; he never could stand girls crying or getting upset, and Kodachi was one of the most emotionally vulnerable of the girls he knew. "I was just wondering what the words you chose meant - seems like everyone I know likes to say one thing and mean two or three other things..." He said this last part in a somewhat sour tone, remembering all the times that this had gotten him hurt, into trouble, or both.

Kodachi sighed, "It seems to be that way with us isn't it? The Chinese girl, the Osakan tomboy, myself..." She shook her head, "No, I mean only one thing this day, and that is to be with the lord of my heart; nothing more, nothing less. And regardless of the turn of our conversation, it feels good to be with you. Indeed, unless that red-headed witch shows up my mood couldn't be better."

At that, Ranma went quiet. Not just from what Kodachi was saying, but from the reminder of something that had been roughly planned out for the future, the refresher that if he was going to give Kodachi a chance, he should truly make her on equal standing with his other fiancées. Besides, this would see if they would even be compatible; all of those timelines he had seen where he had gotten together with Kodachi had resulted from the secret coming out early. Would she take it anywhere near so well when he had been hiding it for so long?

"Kodachi... there's something I need to tell you about the 'pigtailed girl'..." He began.

"Hmm?" Kodachi blinked in surprise and made a show of cocking her head curiously, wondering what Ranma had to say, though it was easy to see the way she had physically tensed at Ranma's words, a cold light glittering in her hardened eyes.

"It's... how do I say this..." Ranma muttered to himself. "...Have you ever wondered why she and I are never in the same place at the same time?" He tried.

Kodachi thought slightly, before nodding, "It is rather strange, you do vanish whenever she shows up."

"And have you ever noticed that we always seem to know things that, logically, only one of us should know?" Ranma pressed on.

Kodachi searched her memory and then blinked with the realization, "Yes..." she said slowly.

"Why that is... is because... well..." Ranma slowly admitted, trying to build up his courage and spit it out at last. Finally, he blurted, "We're the same person." His eyes fell, unable to meet Kodachi's stare, while he waited for her reaction.

Kodachi's reaction, whether Ranma was expecting a laugh, disgust or some kind of anger, was not what he expected.

"What?"

Ranma blinked at the sheer flatness of that word, and decided maybe emphasis would help get his point across. "I am she and she is me," he added.

"And we are all together, goo-goo-gachoo. I know the song Ranma-sama, everyone knows the Beatles."

"Who're the Beatles?" Was the only thing Ranma could think to ask, wincing as Kodachi promptly slipped off of her seat and fell with an audible thump onto the floor. "I don't know what else to say, this is as blunt as I can be." He complained, though his words were directed more at life in general than Kodachi.

Kodachi recovered quickly, shooting a glare at a nearby corner, before taking a breath, "And if what you're saying is what I think it is, you're telling me that you and that annoying, interfering little bitch are one and the same." She shot a small glare at Ranma, "You'll forgive me Ranma-sama, if I don't exactly believe you."

"How can I prove what I'm telling you?" He insisted.

"That is up to you, Ranma-sama." The flat tone was a sure indicator that Kodachi was starting to get annoyed.

Ranma sighed; this was not going as he had expected. Seeing a glass of cold water close to hand (had that been there a few moments ago?), he decided to prove it in the ultimate way. He picked up the glass and poured it down his back, shivering at both the unpleasant tingle of ice down his spine and as his body shifted into an entirely new form. Blinking the last of the water clear with long eyelashes, she stared sympathetically at Kodachi. "Now do you believe me?" Was all she said.

Kodachi froze rock-solid in that instant, her face wiped of all expression, her eyes taking on a glassy hue. Silently she stared at Ranma, the boy-turned-girl feeling nervousness creeping up from within herself. The silence dragged on, until Ranma felt that maybe she should break it, but just as she was opening her own mouth to speak, Kodachi's eyes narrowed and she spoke.

"Get out." She said, her word a tremulous whisper that even Ranma barely caught.

"Kodachi…" The heir to the Saotome family began, then ducked as the glass Kodachi had been using came whistling through the air to shatter against the wall.

"I said get out!" Kodachi screamed, bolting upright. "How dare you! How long? You! Laughing at me!" She shrieked then, words having deserted her in her fury, grabbing the underside of the table and then heaving it up with such strength that it pinwheeled madly through the air, Ranma leaping back as it came crashing down on the floor hard enough to shatter.

"This way, hurry!" Sasuke insisted, materializing as if from nowhere and grabbing hard onto Ranma's hand, tugging her insistently in the direction of the door.

Ranma needed no encouragement; Kodachi was clearly getting more and more furious, and Ranma's instinct in situations like this was to run like all hell was behind him. She just made it out through the door as Kodachi's ribbon snapped at her heels like a bullwhip. On and on they pelted; Ranma was sure that some of the traps went off behind her in their wake, but she was too busy on getting out of the Kuno mansion; the sound of Kodachi crying out incoherently in her rage and betrayal – and the sound of her taking those feelings out on her surroundings – was all the encouragement the boy-turned-girl needed to go as fast as possible. It ended with both of them standing at the gate to the estate, panting hard as they tried to quench the burning in their lungs with great gulps of cool air, Kodachi's rampage still faintly audible even out here.

"Oh, man, she really freaked out. I mean, I knew that she mightn't take it so good, but I wasn't expecting her to act anything like this!" Ranma gasped.

"I think it would be best if you left and did not think of coming here for some time." Sasuke told the red-haired girl flatly.

Ranma did not argue; she was hardly in any position to do so. Still, she winced at a particularly loud crash that caught her attention, and couldn't help but ask. "Is she going to be alright?"

Sasuke merely stared at her, then gestured pointedly at the road beyond the gate. Ranma nodded in resigned acceptance and began walking slowly away, the gate closing behind her with a strangely loud, dramatic noise. She didn't look back, instead sighing softly to herself.

"The path of a true martial artist is fraught with peril. Or, at least, that's what the old men always say. I don't know if this counts or not… Ironic. Barely a fortnight ago, I would have been perfectly happy about this. Now, I feel kind of guilty…"

_And thus the chapter ends. I'm wondering how many of you were expecting this and how many of you were expecting us to have Kodachi just shrug it off…Anyway, will Kodachi decide to keep trying to win Ranma now that she knows she has no "pigtailed rival"? Or will she leave the race the same way that she entered it, of her own free will? You'll have to wait and see to find out._

_For the folks who have been waiting for her, and folks who've been terrified of how we're going to mishandle the canon __**this**__ time, the next chapter will see the introduction of Miss Hinako Ninomiya._

_Just to refresh people's minds, the "polls" I started in the last chapter consist of two separate questions: Should we have Mousse and Nabiki end up as a couple? And should Ryoga end up with Kasumi Tendo, or Anna Brown?  
For those wondering who Anna Brown is, she's kind of the anime counterpart to Akari Unryu, an original character introduced in the 20__th__ episode of the 5__th__ season, dubbed "Ryoga, Run Into The Sunset!" in the English dub._


	9. Chapter 9

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** out of curiosity, why did so many people say Ranma's choice of words to explain to Kodachi in the last chapter was a bad choice? Ranma's reluctant to reveal any of his secrets, he was trying to be diplomatic, he wanted to ease Kodachi into the reality, he just couldn't predict she'd feel quite that wounded when he finally made it clear that he and "her rival" were the same person. Is Kodachi out of the running permanently? Eh, I wouldn't quite say that just yet.

On those who've brought up the fact that Mousse and Nabiki haven't actually interacted in canon, I'd actually consider that something of a plus, as it means neither of them has the baggage associated with so many other "potential couples" (the mutual disdain and aggravation of Ryoga/Ukyo, the kidnapping and threatening of Mousse/Akane, etc). I'll also point out that if it happens, it doesn't quite have to be "natural", and that's all I'm going to say on the matter.

Anyway, I'm glad that people are enjoying this; as long as you keep reviewing, I'll keep writing.

Chapter 8: A Draining Development

Technically, Ranma Saotome should have been on his way to Furinkan High School, not sitting in the uppermost branches of a tree outside of school. However, he had managed to wake up unusually early that morning, and had come here for privacy. Since the previous day, something ominous seemed to be hanging over his head, and he had resolved to asking the most helpful entity he knew in his life for advice.

"Okay, I know this really isn't what you're supposed to do, but can you please help me out?" He asked the Eye of Zygyg, reasoning that since it clearly reacted to his words, politeness would help him persuade it to help him.

The Eye's glass shimmered, went white, and passed through its familiar mistiness.

"Thanks, I owe you." Ranma told it happily. "I figure since I just had that mess with Akane trying to cook for my mom, that weirdo with the ki attack should be showing up next, so can you show me what the deal is with her?" The familiar images began to play in the Eye, and Ranma leaned in closer to absorb all of the details. As he watched, the Eye portrayed a disjointed array of scenes and images. He watched as a little girl was introduced as his classroom's new homeroom teacher, then saw her dive out of a window to pick a fight with Happosai - when the old lech unleashed his aura blast against the two for Ranma "accidentally" stepping on him while saving the girl/teacher, interfering with his panty raid, she pulled off some strange move that caused her to drain Happosai's ki, reducing him to a drifting weakling and growing into a voluptuous woman in the process.

Naturally, mirrror-Ranma began wheedling to her in order to try and get her to teach him the move - after all, if it could take down Happosai in one shot, then it was obviously the sort of technique that Genma had though the Nekoken to be. Unsurprisingly, the mirror's versions of Akane and Ryoga assaulted mirror-Ranma, accusing him of trying to seduce the teacher. "Why does Akane always have to think the worst of me? I mean, come on, she used that move in front of the whole school - how can she think I'd give a damn about her body when she's got a cool move like that?" Ranma complained.

The next shot was of Ranma in the dojo, trying and failing miserably to replicate the move, whereupon Happosai drifted in…"Whaddya mean, I can't learn it? Damn. Wait, why am I listening to the old goat again?" Ranma asked himself, curiosity edging aside his disappointment. As he watched, the mirror-Happosai proceeded to display a pressure point chart, which Ranma promptly began acting upon.

The next array of scenes caused the real Ranma to grimace in distaste; he could actually sympathize vaguely with the mirror-Akane getting angry with his counterpart for them – what he was doing looked really, **really** dirty, even if you knew the context. Finally, the mirror-Happosai revealed that he had been the one who had transformed the woman into what she was in the first place… and the pressure point treatments…

"I have to do WHAT for HOW LONG!?"

He promptly slapped a hand over his mouth, aghast that he had shouted something like that where he was, and began frantically looking around in case someone had heard his outburst. Fortunately, luck was with him and nobody seemed to have either heard or been inclined to come and investigate. Shaking his head, wondering how his other self could have gotten so suckered into such a situation, he silently resolved to avoid getting involved with this... Miss Hinako... no matter what it took; in his life, the last thing he needed was what would happen if he was seen running around trying to grab an older woman's breast. With his fingers and a few muffled profanities, he carved out a large chunk of wood from the tree where he was sitting, apologetically hiding the Eye in the resultant cavity and promising to get it back after school, then dropping to the ground; class would be starting soon.

Hinako Ninomiya strode confidently into the office of her new employer, internally grateful that she had managed to run across those bullies before hand – draining them had given her enough ki that she should remain an adult for most, if not all, of her introduction, and that always made things more go more smoothly. At the sight of what lay beyond, though, she found herself slowing in surprise. 'The decor is...a little quirky.' Was the only thing she could think to herself.

Almost immediately, a more childish voice spoke up in her head, 'It's fun! It looks like a real jungle in here! Ooh! Ooh, is that a monkey?'

Hinako stopped and blinked at the sight of a plush monkey hanging off a palm tree's branch, 'I'll need to talk to this man about proper geographical locations, there are no monkeys in Hawaii.'

'Oh don't be such a spoilsport, let him have his fun! I think it's cute!'

Hinako mentally shook her head before focusing on the person who called her here to Furinkan. Her first impression was that anyone with a palm tree on his hand was…interesting… and then he spoke, adjusting his sunglasses almost in emphasis.

"The big kahuna is so pleased dat you made it miss Ninomiya! The Big Kahuna be having all kinds of trouble with the keikei, running rampant and ignoring the big kahuna's rules! That's why you're here, to put those darn keikei in line!"

Hinako nodded, frowning at the thought of all those troublemakers. 'Although... with someone like this as the principal, some of it may be justified.' She felt a bead of sweat develop at the sight of the man starting to celebrate the "intraduction a law an orda" to the school. 'What kind of student would follow someone this unhinged?'

A disapproving voice promptly whipped through her head. 'Just because he has a slur and likes having fun doesn't give you an excuse to be mean to him! And there's troublemakers! Naughty, naughty troublemakers who won't get good grades and get into nice universities or get good jobs! We need to help them and that means punishing them so they'll be good!'

Hinako nodded inwardly and spoke up, "Principal Kuno." The man stopped and paid attention, though it was hard to say whether it was because of the cold, serious tone that the woman in front of him was using… or the free peek into her ample cleavage that her posture was giving him. Ignoring the possibilities, Hinako continued. "With troublemaking students, the best thing to do is to find the worst one and punish him as an example, its a strategy that's worked in every school I've taught at, and I'm confident it will work here. Who is the worst student here in Furinkan?"

At that point, Hinako bore witness to the most startling display of fury she had ever seen as the Principal suddenly went on a rant. "Ranma Saotome! Ya want a troublemaker, ya'll get the worst of them all in Ranma Saotome! He's the worst student the Big Kahuna's ever had! Never obeys the rules! Always picking fights with da big kahuna's son and causing other troublemaking keikei to show up! But he didn't stop there! He hurt the feelings of my sweet little wahini! Broke her heart and left her crying! He's da worst of da worst, making a girl cry!"

The rant degenerated into some strange pidgin mish-mash of English, Hawaiian and Japanese that not even Hinako could properly translate but her mind ran over the details she picked out. 'Getting into fights with lots of people, including the principal's son and even the principal himself. This one could be a challenge.' She ignored the mention of Ranma "breaking Kodachi's heart", as that wasn't strictly speaking a delinquent act and, more importantly, she was enough of a professional to realize that the principal was in no position to be unbiased.

'He's a naughty delinquent! If we beat him, then no-one will make fun of us!'

Hinako Ninomiya made her decision and, having exhausted her supply of stolen ki and shrunk back down into her child form during the Principal's rant, hopped off her chair, stopping him in mid-diatribe. "When do I start?"

Homeroom 1-F was abuzz with the usual pre-lesson chatter, the current topic of choice being the rumors of a new teacher showing up. Akane turned to Ranma, who was slouching casually in his seat. "How did you get here first?" She asked; she couldn't recall any time that Ranma had been up before she was.

"I woke up early, I don't know why. Hey, do you know where Ukyo is?" He asked.

Akane shrugged, not having the faintest clue, but kept her mouth shut as the principal had just strolled into the room, his presence silencing all of the students.

"Aloha, everybody! Today, me am having exciting news for you all! You is having brand new homeroom teacher, a real miracle worker - she already clean up four reform schools!"

"...Since when is Furinkan a reform school?" Someone asked.

The principal ignored the rather sensible question, instead continuing. "She gonna show you keikei how to walk the straight and narrow! Bruddas and sistahs, give a nice big aloha to Miss Hinako Ninomiya!" He proclaimed happily, gesturing at the door as it flew open to reveal the new homeroom teacher.

Everyone in the room save for Principal Kuno and Ranma blinked in surprise at the sight of a little girl in a yellow dress bouncing into the room with a smile, before twirling to a stop in front of the desk, "Hello class, I'm Hinako Ninomiya and I'm your new teacher! I'm here to make sure you all leave this school as good boys and girls, not troublemakers and delinquents. Do as I say and we'll all have lots of fun, but all you bad kids out there watch out, because I'll punish you if you cause trouble! So be good!"

She playfully waggled a finger in warning, and then winked cheerily. "And an especially big warning goes out to Mister Ranma Saotome; the principal has told me all about what a naughty, naughty boy you've been, even making your girlfriend Kodachi cry, so I'll be keeping an eye on you. I'm going to straighten you out if it's the last thing I do."

Akane was too surprised by the fact a little girl had just been revealed as her new teacher to pay attention to either her words or the way Ranma's expression hardened at them. "Just what did I do?" The heir to the Saotome School complained to himself, not really expecting an answer at all, never mind one he'd like.

"Right, now the first thing to do is to call roll. Please say 'present' when I come to your name, okay?" With that Hinako began organizing her array of teaching equipment and a few other items while the class simply sat there in stunned silence, many of them still disbelieving that they were about to be taught by a little kid who looked like she should still be in elementary school. As they continued to try and accept the situation, Ranma was counting the minutes on the clock, knowing from his little viewing session that Happosai would be appearing at any minute.

Suddenly, just as Hinako was about to call the roll, screams and shrieks filled the air and shocked the class out of their stunned stupor, heading to the windows to see a small form running towards the gates, carrying underwear and gym shorts. Hinako squealed out loud, "A delinquent! Right, none of you leave this class room, especially Mister Saotome!" With only a spare second to open the window, Hinako leapt out with a loud 'whee!' of excitement - to the shock of the watching students.

"Is she crazy!" Akane yelped; sure, Ranma and even some of those bimbos that chased him might do stunts like that, but Miss Hinako was clearly just a little girl- she could get hurt!

Most of the other students were too stunned to do anything, but Ranma had leapt up from his desk and dove after the teacher, hot on her proverbial heels. Knowing what was coming, he just managed to grab her out of the air, then spin around to be the one who took the brunt of the landing. Unfortunately, they had flung themselves out rather earlier then their counterparts in that other timeline, so he didn't end up landing on Happosai. Still, Ranma had jumped higher then this in the past, and so it was no difficulty for him to soak the impact. Gently, he placed the teacher back on her feet.

"You alright, teach?

Hinako spared only a curious glance at Ranma before shouting at the fleeing figure, "Stop right there, you delinquent!"

"Don't waste your time; that old fart just gets a kick out of chasing school girls, he's no student. Hang on, teach, I'll stop him." Ranma told her, shooting the last few words over his shoulder as he darted forward, racing up to the unsuspecting lecher and then lunging into a powerful kick to the back of his head, catching him off-guard and knocking him flying into a tree.

"Why do you keep coming here, y' old goat? You know I can't let you get away with this, ya sicko." Ranma taunted his most hated "tutor".

"Ranma, how dare you disrespect your elders like this! I will not forgive you for interfering with the one pleasure of a feeble, sickly old man!" Happosai proclaimed, dropping his bag of plundered bras and panties in order to fully make his dramatic gestures.

"Feeble and sickly, my ass! You oughta be ashamed of yourself, ya randy old fart!" Ranma snapped back in disgust, then took a step back as Happosai's aura flared; much as he disdained the ancient pervert, he was forced to admit that the he-crone was a powerful foe. However, he discovered the prickling on the back of his neck wasn't entirely due to Happosai, as he heard a feminine voice cry out from behind them both.

"Happo Five-Yen Satsu!"

Ranma hurled himself to the side, not quite fast enough to escape being struck by some of the ki vampire's energy draining attack, a sensation that he would most directly liken to a barbed harpoon slamming into his body hard enough to knock the wind from his lungs, then being brutally wrenched free. But it was Happosai, directly in the line of fire and with his battle aura flaring, who took the full force of the attack. Ranma twisted as he fell, too weak to stay upright, watching as Happosai visibly withered, the coruscating energy of his battle aura flowing from him, tightening into a smoky tendril that streamed through the hole in Hinako's five yen piece and washing over her body... her rapidly changing body.

The rush of ki was always euphoric when they 'acquired' it from troublemakers and delinquents and both voices couldn't help but audibly hiss in pleasure as the Adult fully took over from the Child. The immature body seemed to warp in shape and proportion as the glow hid the way her figure rapidly filled out her dress, before the light faded and the boys watching from the classrooms felt their jaws drop at the sight before them.

Hinako Ninomiya opened her now adult eyes and tossed her hair back, regarding the weakened Ranma and drained Happosai before turning to the school, speaking loud enough that no-one misheard her husky voice sounding clear across the silence, "This is what will happen to any delinquents and troublemakers in this school! No exceptions!" She smiled at the scared nods from the students before turning back to Ranma, "And mister Saotome?" She smiled at the curious look on Ranma's face, "Detention for being out of class."

Without another word, she turned on her heel and strode back towards the school.

For a long while, Ranma lay there, numbed and covered with pins and needles, too exhausted to even complain in the privacy of his head. Slowly and awkwardly he pushed himself upright; he hadn't taken the full drain like Happosai had, but he had been sapped of much of his energy - he felt soft, slow, clumsy, weak, half-blind, half-deaf. Was this what it was like to be an ordinary kid? Or was he just overreacting to the draining? That was a wicked technique - shame about the requisitions, though. Ranma could see why his counterpart, lacking the knowledge that only a specially treated child could learn it, would have thrown himself into trying to learn it himself, or to cut it off in jealousy after finding he couldn't.

Staggering back to class made it clear the ordeal of the day had just begun. Akane was clearly still steamed over that "girlfriend" comment Miss Hinako had made, but between her nature as an obedient student and, Ranma presumed, her fear of Hinako's energy draining ability, meant she settled for merely giving Ranma the cold shoulder, which he was happy to return. The rest of the day passed by in a daze as Ranma focused his attention on building up his depleted ki... partially because he was disgusted by the way just about every guy in class was fawning over Miss Hinako, now that she had revealed her voluptuous true form (which naturally led to an outbreak of sorrow when it was revealed that Hinako couldn't stay adult forever, naturally shrinking back into a child once the stolen ki wore off).

By the time Ranma was finally let out of school, his strength had returned, and he went to the dojo to practice. His goal was to try and think of a way to train himself to be able to either better resist or better avoid Hinako's ki draining attack, but his efforts were quite futile. In a way, he was kind of glad of the distraction when Happosai crawled into the room; apparently, between being caught in the full blast and his own somewhat leech-like approach to ki, it was taking longer for the old pervert to restore himself. Ranma was grateful that he was still too weak to heft a bucket of cold water; getting glomped by Happosai was never his favorite of pastimes.

"Trying to figure out a way to shake off that move?" The old goat cackled.

"Maybe, what's it to you?" Ranma replied, wondering momentarily if that had maybe been a bit harsher then it should have been - he didn't want to get roped into Happosai's attempt to nullify Hinako, but he didn't need to make the old goat suspicious. After all, Ranma shouldn't have prior knowledge.

Fortunately, Happosai didn't seem to get suspicious. "What if I told you that I knew a way to stop her being able to use that nasty technique of hers, eh?" He grinned winningly (well, as much as that word could be said to apply to him).

"I'm listening..." Ranma replied warily; he didn't want to say that, but he had to keep up appearances.

The perverted grandmaster held out a rolled up scroll. "This shows a series of pressure points that you can hit to nullify her capacity to drain the ki from others. Her technique is based on her having a specially modified metabolism, and this undoes the pressure point regime that modified it in the first place." He stage-whispered in a conspiratorial tone.

"And how would you know this...?" Ranma commented sarcastically.

"That's not important!" Happosai snapped. "Do you want this or don't you?" He complained.

"Give it here..." Ranma grumbled, snatching it up and making a show of studying it, then looking irritated and bonking Happosai on the head. "Do I look like some kind of moron?" He snapped in only slightly faked anger.

"Ow! What didya do that for?" Happosai complained.

"That's my line. And look at these points, you old goat!" Ranma snapped, showing Happosai the anatomical diagrams, the elderly martial artist squinting up at them in confusion.

"...What's wrong?" He asked, genuinely bemused.

"If I try to pull these off, I'm going to either look like I'm molesting a little girl, or end up with a hand full of breast!" Ranma complained.

"...Your point?" Happosai asked, still genuinely confused.

"The point is I'll look almost as bad as you on your best behavior, that's what my point is, you senile old pervert!" Ranma shouted, taking this opportunity to punt the still-weakened lech out the dojo's doors and over the wall. Smiling with pride at his accomplishment, Ranma carefully stowed the chart away; who knew, it just might come in handy...

The next day, Ranma felt like he was walking on eggshells when he got to school. As the new homeroom teacher for 1-F, Hinako was the first teacher Ranma had to face that day, and though she would leave to teach other classes at specific times of the day, she still taught many of the subjects Ranma was taking. Between that, and the fact she evidently seemed to consider him her primary "delinquent" (Ranma would bet that the principal was behind this, somehow), he felt under a constant scrutiny. Not wanting to get detention, and wanting to be drained even less, Ranma had done his best to metaphorically tiptoe around the new teacher that day. Fortunately, in her child form, she seemed rather... scatterbrained. Unfortunately, the guys lusted after her adult form so much that she inevitably spent little time as a child; some boy would invariably start acting up all of a sudden, either pressured into "taking one for the team", so to speak, or willingly sacrificing himself to his perversion, and get drained, allowing her to assume her much more focused and coldly seductive adult form. All in all, lunch that day was more of a relief then usual.

"Ranchan!"

Ranma blinked and turned to see Ukyo jogging up towards him and smiled slightly. "Hey Ucchan, haven't seen you in a while."

The girl stopped close to him and smiled. "Had a martial arts contest down in another ward, missed you and decided to finish things up quickly." Ranma shook his head with a smile as the girl continued, "So what's been happening? I hear that some super-teacher's been brought in to 'reform' you."

The slight sarcasm made Ranma chuckle before he got serious. "Yeah, some lady called Hinako Ninomiya, and she's got some nasty tricks Ucchan, like..."

"Airen!"

Ukyo stiffened as Shampoo landed near Ranma, "Shampoo had to make delivery to other side of Tokyo! Shampoo miss Airen too-too much!" Ranma promptly began flailing in much the way he normally did as Shampoo latched onto him eagerly – not because of an intent to hide his change in relationships, but out of a genuine sense of panic, albeit of a different cause. The Chinese girl paid no attention to this, and if she was wondering why Ranma was acting like he had before, she gave no sign of it. Possibly because she hadn't a chance to hold him long before she noticed the other girl present. "What you here for Spatula-girl? Go away now, Airen have Shampoo."

"Get your dirty hands off my fiancé, you Chinese hussy!" Ukyo snarled angrily. How **dare** that woman show up and try to sink her hooks into **her** Ranchan, after he had finally come to his senses!

"Who you calling hussy?! You is one what try and sink claws into Shampoo's airen!" The Chinese Amazon spat. Where did this deluded crossdresser get off accusing Shampoo of stealing what was rightfully hers? It had been laughable before, but now that Ranma had at last accepted that Shampoo was his only choice, it was just plain insulting!

"Girls! Girls! You really don't wanna start a fight here!" Ranma half-protested, half-pleaded. Admirably, only a small part of his concern was that one or both of them might let it slip that he had been on a date with each of them; the rest was genuinely concerned that they might attract Hinako's wrath - there was nothing she hated more then kids fighting on the school grounds.

Hinako was skipping about the school grounds, making sure that the students were being good and behaving, 'Yay! It looks like everything's working out great! Even that meanie Ranma is behaving!' The Adult nodded in the back of her head, before she suddenly felt it, Hinako's head whipping around and her body stopping dead in its tracks as she spoke in an ominous tone, "I sense delinquents". Several nearby students shuddered as the reform specialist dashed off.

'Hmm, not mister Saotome. Interesting, we haven't felt these delinquents before. New students? Or interlopers?' The Adult was speculative while the Child was more concerned with punishing the new delinquents as she rounded a corner and stopped to see Saotome, the boy openly desperate in his attempts to play peacekeeper between the two girls.

'Hmm, perhaps he can be reformed after all. Still, how do we deal with these two? The 5-Yen Satsu won't be able to hit and drain them both without one getting enough warning to dodge out of the way.' The Child nodded and then reached into her pocket.

'No choice, we'll have to use the 50-Yen Satsu to deal with these two delinquents at the same time!' The Adult spared a glance through their eyes and saw that the argument was about to become physical.

'Agreed. Do it.' The Child nodded and pulled out a 50-Yen coin and brought her hand up in the proper stance. At that point, she saw Ranma abandon attempts to defuse the situation and high-tail it out of range as she shouted, "Happo 50-Yen Satsu!" The larger, more powerful beam immediately engulfed the two girls before they had a chance to react and immediately the familiar euphoric rush of the transformation swept through her.

Tossing her hair back as usual from the transformation, Hinako approached the two drained girls as Ranma landed back near them, fixing her typical cool gaze on the boy, "I assume you know these two, Mister Saotome?"

"Uh... yeah, I know them. Ukyo's a student here, Shampoo drops by every now and then. They didn't mean to start any trouble, it's just... you know how martial artists and rivals get..." Ranma trailed off, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head and trying to explain the situation without mentioning the whole conflicting engagement thing.

"A student here? Does she have a reason for being absent?" Hinako looked over the one named 'Ukyo' and made certain to remember her face when she recovered, it wouldn't do for a student to simply come and go as she pleased.

"She runs her own business, and she's a martial artist on top of that, it happens now and then." Ranma replied.

Hinako raised an eyebrow, 'Student and a business owner, impressive. Perhaps we can use her to influence Saotome into being a better student...'

The Child heard the Adult's thoughts and frowned. 'But she's a martial artist! That means she gets into fights! She could be a delinquent as well!'

The Adult nodded internally to the suspicion. 'Yes, but we'll need to give her a chance; she may yet prove useful in reforming Saotome.' The Child huffed, not totally convinced but she gave her assent as Hinako focused back on Ranma, "This...Shampoo was it? I trust she won't disrupt my classes?"

'Such a strange name.' Both minds were in agreement about that.

"She doesn't normally come here except at lunch, and even that's rare. She's a waitress at her great-grandmother's restaurant." Ranma answered, puzzled, but somewhat relieved; it looked like Hinako wasn't going to go on the warpath after all.

'She works? Must only visit on her breaks or days off, acceptable.'

The Child was unsure of the Adult's statement. 'I don't know...she could be skipping work and she might not even go to school if she works full time! She might even be a delinquent in her spare time!'

The Adult shrugged internally. 'She isn't a student, but that doesn't mean I'll go easy on her. She gets out of line, and there will be hell to pay.' The Child nodded in the back of her head; it sounded like a good idea to her. The Adult focused back on Ranma.

"Very well, I'll forgive miss Ukyo's absence on the grounds of her business, Mister Saotome, but I expect miss Shampoo to restrict her visits to lunch times and to leave the school grounds immediately after lunch ends. I will be checking to make sure that Ukyo keeps up with her schoolwork." She glanced at the two on the ground, "Now, I suppose I'll need to get some students to take them to the nurse's office."

"I'll do it. They know me, and I can keep them from doing anything... rash." Ranma immediately volunteered. He didn't know how the girls would take this, and he wanted to try and head anything that they might come up with off at the metaphorical pass.

Hinako nodded, "I'll leave it to you mister Saotome." She turned to leave, before she glanced back over her shoulder at him, "I saw you trying to settle their argument peacefully mister Saotome. Perhaps there's some hope for you after all." With that she walked off.

Ranma sighed; while getting her to ease off on him was good, he would have preferred not to have to done so at the expense of two of his fiancées. Now, how to get these girls to the nurse's office... bending down, he tried to lift Ukyo first - to his surprise, she was much lighter then he would have figured, as though the draining of her ki had left her physically depleted. After a bit of awkward juggling, he managed to pick up both girls at the same time and proceeded to carry them to the nurse's office.

It took several long minutes before either Shampoo or Ukyo had the strength to speak, and both girls were simultaneously pleased to see Ranma had chosen to sit between their beds and wait for them to recover their strength and angered that their bitter rival was also there. It was Ukyo who first managed to speak, her voice wavering from the draining she had taken. "I'm guessing that was Hinako?" She asked.

"Got it in one, Ukyo." Ranma said, trying to sound lighthearted.

"Who Hinako?" Shampoo asked, feeling irked that her husband was practically flirting with another girl.

"She's this new nutjob that the principal hired to be a 'reform teacher'. You two just got a taste of her anti-delinquency methods." Ranma explained.

"What the hell did she hit us with anyway? I feel like I've been sucked dry!" Ukyo complained, Shampoo reluctantly nodding.

"She's got this weird ass technique that lets her drain ki from other people. Her metabolism's been messed with to let her do it; normally, she looks like this little kid, but let her drink somebody's battle aura, and she grows back to her real age." Ranma explained. "That's why I've been laying low; I can't fight her without producing a battle aura, and the moment I do that, she can drain me so badly I can't move, just like you girls."

"There must be some way to fight her! No technique invulnerable!" Shampoo protested, her pride severely wounded.

"Well... there's this one trick you can do that'll fix her metabolism, make it so she can't drain folks anymore..." Ranma hesitantly began.

"What is it? Come on, Ranma-honey, tell us!" Ukyo insisted, managing to force herself upright to look Ranma in the eyes for empasis.

"Yes! Airen tell Shampoo how Shampoo can beat sneaky little cheat!" Shampoo echoed.

Ranma looked between the two girls, then sighed and pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket. "Hit all of these pressure points at the same time, and you nullify her ki drain attack." He told them.

"...If you know this, why not defeat her before now?" Shampoo asked quizzically.

"Gotta admit, she's got a point, Ranma-honey." Ukyo added reluctantly.

"Take a good look at these points. Now try and figure out where they are on a girl's body." Was all Ranma said. When the two girls looked the chart over, then promptly flushed with embarrassment, he couldn't resist a mocking grin. "Now you see why I can't do it; it's easier to just live with the risk then to have Akane go off on me for doing something 'perverted'. But I can't stay here any longer; I gotta get back to class or Hinako will suck me dry too. You girls just rest up here and get your strength back, alright?" After a nod indicating a temporary peace, he got up and walked away.

In the nurse's office, the two girls lay there in silence before Shampoo said, "Look on Spatula-girl's face when technique hit, too-too funny."

Ukyo snarled. "Oh, and the whimper for your mother when you got hit wasn't?" She smiled at the Chinese girl, "I bet Cologne would just love to hear about how you got beat by a teacher."

Shampoo sniffed, "At least Shampoo no take lessons from vampire-woman, spatula-girl probably get detention after this."

Ukyo grinned. "Yeah? With those points Ranma showed us, I'll have her begging me for mercy, not the other way round."

Shampoo glared at Ukyo, who only smugly smiled back. "Shampoo proud warrior! Shampoo not let some, some spatula-girl beat vampire-woman before her!"

Ukyo's eyes narrowed even as her smiled widened. "May the best girl win."

"Thank you, Shampoo will."

Three days passed and for the residents of Nerima, it was strangely quiet. Well, save for the regular attacks on one teacher at Furinkan but for Hinako Ninomiya it was surprisingly routine as she walked away humming from the drained form of Ukyo, the chef groaning as she forced her body to laboriously drag itself to its feet and head back to her restaurant.

"Three days...three days and not a goddamn scratch on her! Smoke bombs, the noodle ropes, the gunpowder tempura, even throwing Sasuke and a mess of throwing spatulas at her and she still beats me!" She winced and stopped to catch her breath, "Damn, is this what's its like to be a civilian? How the hell do they put up with this? Damn aura-vampire bitch! Bet that Chinese hussy is probably laughing at me now!"

Meanwhile, on a connecting street, a certain 'Chinese Hussy' was groaning to herself as she walked down the street, muttering strings of Mandarin and Cantonese swears, along with a smattering of Xiang, Gan and Hui.

Finally, she reached the street corner and had to pull herself short to avoid running into Ukyo, who also managed to avoid colliding into her rival. After a long moment, Ukyo broke the silence, "Sugar, you look like shit."

"Shampoo is Shampoo, not Sugar. Sugar have smaller chest, blue eyes and green hair. Shampoo think Spatula-girl few Jiao short of a Yuan." Shampoo muttered loud enough for the girl to hear before slumping against the wall, "Not fair! Shampoo use everything; Amazon technique, special foods, even use Mousse and bag full of cats and dogs as distraction and still vampire-woman beat me! Vampire-woman cheater, mean cheater with 'I win' button! How Shampoo supposed to beat cheater with technique like that!"

Ukyo nodded, "Yeah, I know. And it's not like a near miss is any better. Get your aura scratched by that and bam! She drains you like a damn juicebox! It...arrrgh! Dammit, this is pissing me off! One on one she's unstoppable!"

Shampoo nodded weakly, before her expression soured, "Shampoo think we outmatched if fight alone. Shampoo think we need work together."

Ukyo snarled, before nodding, "It ain't just about beating her now; it's about our pride! If we let some, some...civilian with a whacked up metabolism and a single technique beat us, how the hell can we call ourselves martial artists!?" She glared at Shampoo, "I don't like you and you don't like me. If it came down to it, we both know we'd sooner see the other one dead than have Ranma, but this woman is bigger than Ranma, its about our pride and we're never going to get it back if we just lay down and behave!"

Shampoo nodded, "But how we beat vampire-woman's cheat?" Ukyo grimaced.

"I don't know Sugar, but something will let us beat her."

"Shampoo is Shampoo, not Sugar! Shampoo really do think Spatula-girl missing few Yuan in her head!"

"Shut up!"

It was the end of the school day directly after the day that, unbeknownst to everyone, Shampoo and Ukyo had reluctantly made their pact to team up against their mutual source of humiliation. Ranma and Akane were walking home together, Akane on the footpath, Ranma on the fence, and the former in quite a good mood. "So what's got you so happy?" Ranma asked.

"You haven't noticed the entertainment of the last few days?" Akane playfully teased him back. "Don't tell me you haven't thought it was funny to see those two attacking Miss Hinako like idiots and getting flattened for it."

"Okay, I won't tell you." Ranma replied deadpan. "Well, speak of the devils..." He said, stopping where he was and turning for a better view.

"Don't tell me those idiots are at it again?" Akane asked, one third disbelief to two thirds delight in her voice. Ukyo might be fairly friendly towards her when Ranma wasn't involved, but both girls were her rivals and made no secret of the fact that they looked down on her, and thusly seeing them being humiliated was quite therapeutic. "So is it Ukyo, or Shampoo?" She asked, trying to see where the latest curb stomp battle was about to take place.

"Both of them; they've teamed up," Ranma commented in disbelief.

"What? Those two? I'd sooner believe Happosai was trying to reform himself." Akane said, even more shocked then Ranma and still trying to find a way to see what Ranma was looking at without actually getting onto the fence (not because she couldn't, but because she was uncomfortable doing so).

"It's not that unbelievable - they've fought together before. Besides, Happosai did try and reform himself once, remember?" Ranma pointed out.

Akane made a dismissive noise, then finally swallowed her pride and sprang up onto the fence beside her protested fiancé, eagerly settling there to watch her rivals get beaten yet again.

"You delinquent girls are stubborn ones, aren't you? I've had to straighten out many bad kids before, but you two take the cake!" Hinako cried.

"Did you really think we'd let you get away with what you've been doing?" Ukyo retorted.

"That right! Shampoo and Ukyo is true martial artists, have much pride; to lose to rank amateur what have cheating technique… that is unforgivable!" The Chinese Amazon decreed, striking a dramatic pose that set her hair billowing in the wind.

"I always suspected she was a Sailor Moon fan… but now I'm sure of it." Akane murmured.

"I don't know what your problem is, but I will reform you no matter how many times I have to drain you to do it! Happo Five-Yen… hey! Stop moving!" Hinako squealed in dismay as her two opponents suddenly split off, racing in different directions at their top speed and then twisting to charge at her. Again and again she tried to drain them, but she could only aim at one of them at a time and their speed and agility made them hard targets in either case.

"I get it, so that's why they teamed up. Smart girls…" Ranma muttered.

"What?" Akane questioned, a hint of warning in her tone. She did not like hearing her rivals praised – mainly because they were so willing to rub their so-called superiority in her face themselves.

"Hey, it's a good tactic!" Ranma protested.

Good tactics or not, this was a battle in which luck was determined to play its part, and eventually it turned against the girls; Hinako managed to catch Shampoo with her Happo Five-Yen Satsu and drained her dry, immediately growing to her adult form. At that, Ukyo suddenly charged in from behind, intending to tackle Hinako before she could react. Unfortunately for her, she had underestimated Hinako's own reflexes. It shouldn't be possible to smirk and shout "Happo No-Yen Coin Return" at the same time, but the new teacher at Furinkan High managed to pull it off as she whirled to face her rebellious student, twisting her hands into a gesture where thumbs and index fingers touched, creating a roughly diamond-shaped opening in front of her eyes. Crackling green energy erupted from between her hands, spreading into a vaguely arrow-shaped bolt that slammed into Ukyo and tossed her flying.

"Where the hell did **that** come from!?" Was the unanimous cry.

"Bullseye!" Hinako cheered, having reverted from her adult form back into a child again… not that it stopped her from making a triumphant pirouette and doing her best to smirk sadistically. "Surprised? After I've absorbed ki energy through a circular object, I can expel it all at once to knock other bad kids like you for a loop! You've lost again."

"That what you think!" Shampoo suddenly shouted, diving for Hinako from behind, the now-child too slow and startled to react. Before she and Ukyo had made their latest challenge, Shampoo had… "borrowed" some special ki restoratives from her grandmother's special supply of herbal medicines, saving a batch for herself and giving a batch to Ukyo. After Hinako had drained her and turned away to face Ukyo, Shampoo had managed to just barely cram the vile-tasting herbal concoction into her mouth and swallow it, feeling her strength pouring back into her as it stimulated her body to rapidly replenish the energy drained from her. There would be a price to pay for it, of course; she would be stiff and sore for a week as her body rebelled at being forced to such levels. Fortunately for her, she had managed to catch Hinako so off guard that she had hoisted her off of the ground by her arms and hold her so that she couldn't use her ki draining technique. Unfortunately for her, she couldn't do anything about Hinako's flailing legs, which were hitting her tender stomach.

"Nasty brat stop kicking, or Shampoo be sick!" The Chinese girl groaned, obviously not far from her threat. Whether Hinako truly believed it was possible she might get vomited on or she simply realized how futile it was, she stopped struggling.

"Oh Hinako… that's what you get for relying on a single technique, my dear."

The fight paused at the sound of a new and very unwelcome voice, all three local girls immediately looking around warily in anticipation of a lustful lunge at their rears or bosoms.

"How long have you been here ya old lecher? And how'd ya know we were here anyway?" Ranma called sourly.

Happosai cackled as he appeared from his treetop hiding-place. "Three girls getting into a fight and you don't think I'd notice? You don't know me very well do you Ranma my boy?" He walked over to where the girls were still standing in the same positions as they had been during the fight, "Looks like you lost Hinako-chan, too bad really. But then, what did I really expect from someone with no real training? Well, I suppose that's the breaks for you."

Happosai shook his head as if he was truly a disappointed sensei, the effect ruined as Hinako's face scrunched up in confusion.

"Um, excuse me, but who exactly are you?" She asked.

Happosai face faulted before he recovered, eyes tearing up. "How could you forget your dear sensei, after he went through all that trouble in the hospital for you!"

Just before any of the girls or Akane could question him further, Ranma took that as his cue. With the ease of practice, he leapt into the air, soaring gracefully to land on Happosai and reduce him to something that resembled a squashed frog even more strongly then normal. "I knew something felt off about this from the start - like how did you know what her technique was, or how to counter it? You've got some connection to her and her tricks, so I suggest you spill it."

Happosai croaked several times, prompting Ranma to reluctantly lighten the pressure he was exerting on the old pervert. "It was... many years ago. I met Hinako when she was just a little girl, a few years younger then she currently looks. She was in hospital with a condition that gave her a frail constitution; I was passing by, met her by chance, and offered to help. I taught her special exercises and modified her metabolism with a special shiatsu regime, so she could drain ki energy from others to bolster her own and cure her frailness. Fortunately, that hospital had a lot of naughty nurses who wouldn't stand for a little old man helping someone they couldn't, so she had plenty of opportunities to drain ki." Happosai promptly croaked louder, his claims cut off as Ranma dug his heel in again, an expression of disgust on his face.

"In other words, you turned an innocent little girl into a weapon to use against the female staff who got upset about you stealing their lingerie? You're sick." He spat.

Hinako was aghast; was that really how she had gained her special powers? It had been so long ago that she couldn't remember... had she really been just a pawn for some ancient delinquent? Had she been so wrong...?

While Hinako suffered a crisis of faith, the other girls had adopted expressions of righteous fury, Akane the foremost amongst them. Ranma barely had time to realize she was a heartbeat away from either punting the old pervert to the next island or mashing him to a pulp and hastened to speak up. "Wait a minute!" He shouted desperately.

"What, Ranma?" Akane growled, so enraged by this latest depraved trick of Happosai's she was having a hard time thinking straight.

"That right; why wait? Why not kill horrible little gnome?" Shampoo spat, having unconsciously dropped Hinako in her anger; child abuse was not something she would stand for, and Ukyo seemed to be sharing her sentiments exactly.

"There's one more thing I need to know - old man, how does this 'counter technique' of yours work... if it works at all?"

"It works fine!" Happosai protested, offended that they would doubt a move of his own development. "It nullifies her ability to affect the ki of other people and to absorb it afterwards... but it only lasts about a day."

"WHAT?!" Was the unanimous outcry from Ranma, Shampoo and Ukyo.

"It can be made permanent!" Happosai quickly clarified. "It just... takes a whole month of consecutive treatments to do so. It's like any treatment really, you need to do it over time for the most -" His voice was cut off in a strangled croak as an angry Ranma stamped down on him - **hard**. Nobody quite knew who shouted "Get him!", but nobody particularly cared as they fell upon the old lech like a pack of raging warhounds.

As the dust cleared, the results were quite clear as Happosai twitched at the bottom of the self-made crater as Akane and Ranma said their goodbyes and walked off. For a moment, Shampoo and were about to leave before Ukyo frowned, "Ya think we should...you know." She indicated Hinako standing nearby staring at nothing as Shampoo looked thoughtful before shaking her head.

"Not worth it, Shampoo not want put up with entire month of hitting points."

Ukyo glanced at Hinako and after a moment, nodded in agreement. "Yeah, you're right Sugar."

The pair walked off as Shampoo growled lightly. "Shampoo is Shampoo! Not Sugar! Why Spatula-girl think Shampoo is Sugar? Spatula-girl never even meet Sugar!"

Ukyo's reply was lost as the pair left, leaving Hinako standing there.

An hour later, she regained her senses and after checking her watch, Hinako Ninomiya started walking home, her childlike appearance at odds with the somber, solemn air surrounding her.

_And thus the chapter ends. Is Hinako defeated? I think not. Will she become even more of a headache for Ranma and company, or back away? Your guess is as good as mine. I suppose you're all wondering when Ranma's dirty little secret will come out…? Let's just say "soon", alright? Anyway, votes are still open, both for Ranma and his official destined girl, and for Ryoga and Mousse, whose votes will remain open until chapter 10 (in the titles sense, not the posted chapters sense). Hope you enjoyed this latest work._


	10. Chapter 10

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** Something I just want to get off my chest: I'm not pairing everybody up just for the sake of it, and no matter what girl wins, I'm not intending to "console" them with their fanon runner-up prize – I may not be a believer in Ranma/Akane, but I despise Ryoga/Ukyo and Shampoo/Mousse. The reason for the Ryoga and Mousse polls is because I've been contemplating an oft-ignored fact that Ranma is actually something of a matchmaker, who is quite aware that getting the other guys off of his back is most easily handled by having them find a girl. However, as he's not trying to get Shampoo or Ukyo off of his back this time around, he's inclined to look into… other possible consorts. Believe me, the romantic hijinks of the other guys isn't going to be a major plotline, once he's made the initial 'set up'.

Speaking of which, this'll be the last chapter to vote on that little sub-plot. I won't go into details, but currently Ryoga/Anna is in the lead and Nabiki/Mousse is looking to get the "yes" vote.

Chapter 9: The First Cut

"Hey, Ranchan, what's wrong? Aren't you enjoying this?" Ukyo asked her reluctant fiancé. The two of them were on another date; it being the next day since she and Shampoo had had their humiliating final encounter with Hinako, and she had just realized that Ranma was much more distracted then was normal for him. Realizing he hadn't heard her, Ukyo looked upset for a moment, then disappointment was nudged off of her face by a mischievous grin. Her hand delicately snaked up to the back of Ranma's neck and pinched him hard, startling him back to wakefulness.

"That hurt, Ucchan." Ranma complained, rubbing his sore neck.

"So what were you thinking about, Ranma-honey?" Ukyo asked, ignoring his complaint as more air then substance.

"…Promise not to get angry?" Ranma hesitantly queried her.

Feeling surprised, and a little suspicious, Ukyo nodded. "I promise." She told him.

"…I've been thinking of how to break it off with Akane." He finally admitted.

At that, Ukyo blinked in shock; just what was she supposed to say? How had he gone from being on a date with her to thinking of getting rid of Akane? She couldn't help but ask Ranma these questions.

"Well, it's just… you know that my pop and Old Man Tendo are never going to let me break off their so-called engagement as long as there's a chance, in their opinion, that me and Akane can 'fall in love', right?" Ranma began.

Ukyo slowly nodded her agreement; she knew, if only vaguely, how stubborn the two old fools were, and it was something that made her burn with anger: Genma had agreed to marry Ranma to **her**, he had accepted **her** dowry; he should be supporting **her** in the pursuit for Ranma!

"Well, Akane's called the engagement off a number of times…" Ranma continued, failing to notice Ukyo going off into an angry little imagine spot of her own. "But if she wants me back, you know the old men are going to encourage her to get me back, don't you?"

"Yeah… and exactly how does that…?" Ukyo began, and then trailed off as the pieces began to fall into place. "If she has someone else, though, she's not going to want you back, and is going to fight the old men with everything she's got." She proclaimed. It seemed so obvious, in hindsight – hell, she'd tried to pull the same sort of idea off herself, by setting Akane up on a date with Ryoga.

Ranma nodded eagerly. "I really didn't mean to get distracted like that, but I just got caught up in trying to think of how to pull it off. I mean, if it's going to work, I need to find a guy that Akane can fall for."

Ukyo nodded absently, now too caught up in the puzzle herself to feel angry with Ranma. "What's wrong with Ryoga?" She asked. "He's head over heels for her, and she certainly treats him better then she does you."

"Yeah, but Ryoga's got that shyness overload thing going on – he either can't show her how he feels, or he goes nuts at the thought of getting affection from her." Ranma pointed out. "Beyond that, Akane insists he's only a friend to her, though I think that might be because of how frightened she got at the end of that date that Shampoo set them up on."

"When did that happen?" The shocked Ukyo interjected. She certainly didn't remember hearing about that!

Ranma waved a hand dismissively. "Ah, some time ago. Long story. Ryoga got his hands on some waterproofing soap Shampoo bought to try and make her curse less of a problem, there was a… little misunderstanding about how long it lasted, she and I tried to steal it back, and she came up with the bright idea of setting Ryoga up on a date with Akane to really distract him. At one point, Ryoga got the idea that Akane had revealed she felt the same way he did – I have no idea how the hell that happened – and he started chasing her all around the bathhouse, demolishing everything in his path and almost crushing her to death in his enthusiasm."

Ukyo winced. "Eesh. So, she's basically been insisting that she and he are just friends so to keep something like that from happening again?"

"That's what I figure." Ranma admitted. "And that's why Ryoga's out… problem is, there aren't exactly many other choices here. Kuno is…"

"No explanation needed." Ukyo supplied.

"Mousse has that whole obsession with Shampoo going on… which is kind of a pity, because if you think about it, he's probably the sort of guy she'd like better." Ranma continued.

"Yeah, well, he is stuck with the Chinese bimbo. Besides, if he did somehow hook up with Akane, that'd just make her even more eager to snare you, and that's the last thing we want, right?" Ukyo snapped, feeling the familiar sensation of jealousy slithering around her heart again. Even beyond the fact she and Shampoo were rivals for Ranma's heart, she actually rather envied the Chinese girl – though she'd sooner have shaved herself bald and run around Furinkan High stark naked then admit it. The girl was a great fighter, Ukyo's equal in culinary skill, she had a much better figure then Ukyo's and **she** certainly didn't have any insecurities about her feminity or even her self as a whole.

"…Right." Ranma answered hesitantly. "Anyway, crossing those three off the list pretty much eliminates anyone I really know, and certainly anyone who she might be inclined to trust. Our whole school seems full of crazy perverts, and given how so many of them used to attack her each morning for a date, I'd have to be crazy to think she'd want to go out with any of those losers now."

"You got that right." Ukyo added. The last few days had helped convince her just what sort of horny losers all of their male classmates seemed to be. She didn't think all that highly of Akane, but she had to admit that Akane had way too much pride to try and go out with jerks like them.

"So, you can see why I've been kind of lost in my own head." Ranma admitted. Then he shook his head and smiled at her. "But we've lost enough time; we need to get moving or we'll miss the movie."

After the movie date ended, Ranma wandered the streets, deep in thought as he considered the problem with Akane before shaking his head, "Crap, this isn't gonna work, I need advice from someone… yeah, and who exactly am I going to find to talk to? I don't think I've met one responsible, sensible person since I've come here…"

Lost in his thoughts, Ranma had headed through a small gap in between some stores, which he knew from past experience opened into an empty space backing onto a wall; his plan was to leap up there and start jogging along to help himself think. Without looking, he sprang up… and promptly ploughed headfirst into a solid wall, knocking himself back onto his rear in a rather undignified fashion.

"Ow! Hey, who put that… there?" He trailed off in disbelief, opening his eyes to find the obstacle he had hit had been the wall of a shop. Honest Abe's Wandering Shop, to be precise.

"No. Way. How did? Where? But come to think of it, this might be useful. I mean, the Eye's helped me so far, so maybe he's got some sort of love potion that actually works…"

Picking himself up and dusting himself off before pushing through the door, Ranma grinned at the shopkeeper. "You have a real knack for turning up when I need you, you know that?" He called in a friendly tone.

"It's part of the job." Abe smiled back. "So, what can I do for you?"

"Well... this is kind of hard to ask..." Ranma began sheepishly. "You know how I left here planning on making some changes in the whole love dodecahedron I'm stuck in?" He elaborated.

"I remember, the fact that you're standing here looking a lot more relaxed means that the Eye must be working out for you at least." Abe smiled, "How is that thing doing anyway? No troubles?"

"No problems." Ranma replied. "In fact, it's helped quite a lot. But, I need a bit of help that it can't give me. You see, I don't want to marry Akane, but I don't really want to hurt her. I also have to admit that if she's missing me, my old man and hers won't ever let me try and get together with another girl. You're the best adult I know, and, well..." He trailed off.

"You need a way to get her hooked up with another guy so you can break it off without any worries, am I right?" Abe looked thoughtful, "I do have items in stock that are useful for such effects… but I must warn you that in magic, as in all things, you get what you pay for."

Nodding, Ranma pulled out all of the money he had been able to stockpile. He'd even gone to the trouble of deliberately stepping up his usual bully hunter routine to find thugs and creeps he could mug, just to build up his cash supply. His recent date had cut into what he had, but he was sure he had enough here to buy something suitable.

Looking over the amount Ranma had, Abe nodded, "Okay, you should be able to afford some of the more moderately expensive ones, which should be enough for what you want. Hold on, I'll go get them out of storage." With that he ducked behind a stack of books and vanished. After a few minutes of waiting, Abe appeared from behind a bookcase and placed an ornate case on the counter, "Okay, what about this?" He suggested, handing over a Western-style book (intended to be read from left to right, instead of right to left as was the Japanese way) with a plain red cover, sealed by a heart-shaped lock, and a small design etched onto the front displaying two vague figures embracing

"What is it?"

"Ah, that's known as the Red Book of Secrets." Abe shrugged at Ranma's quizzical look, "No-one knows its real name, because the man who wrote that book went insane after reading what he wrote in it. It is guaranteed to allow Akane to get a boyfriend of her own...so long as she doesn't allow someone else to read it. Anyone save for the owner who reads it is pretty much going to be reduced to a gibbering, sex-addicted mess after the first chapter, the same failsafe that struck down the author."

Ranma bit back the urge to ask exactly how something like this was supposed to help Akane find a boyfriend, determined not to offend the only ally he had, and put it down. With his luck, Nabiki or somebody would go snooping and end up getting struck with the curse.

Evidently, though, Abe took his silence as a sign of displeasure and made the book disappear behind the counter. "Perhaps this might suit better?" He suggested, holding out a ring with a heart-shaped rose bloom design on it.

"What does this do?" Ranma asked.

"The Sleeping Beauty Ring puts the wearer to sleep, while creating a magical lure that will draw the wearer's one true love to them; only a kiss from them will awaken the wearer. The drawback is you might end up sleeping in stasis for a few centuries or more waiting for your true love to appear." Abe cocked his head, "Of course, you don't want to wait that long, do you?"

"Certainly not." Ranma retorted dryly.

Abe promptly took the ring away. "Well, I'm afraid that this is the last item I have that's in your price range." He said, sounding somewhat apologetic, as he held out a puzzle box engraved with images of what appeared to be a man at one end connected to a woman at another.

"So, what's the deal with this?" Ranma questioned, looking it over.

"Journeyman's Romance is a… portal gate, shall we say?" The wandering wizard began.

"So, basically, if Akane uses this, she'll get zapped away to some far off place where she'll meet a guy who's well suited to be her boyfriend?" Ranma interjected.

"That's it, yes. There's a time dilation effect in progress as well; she will return in about ninety minutes to two hours from your perspective, even though several days may have passed on her side of the portal."

"How much?" Ranma asked; this looked like the best option he had available. Abe named a price and Ranma winced; that would be every last yen he had. Still... "I'll pay for it." He said. "But... could I ask you to lure her into coming here and taking it home herself? I really don't need them being able to pin Akane's suddenly finding herself a real boyfriend on me." He asked.

Abe put a hand to his chin, "I think I might have something. Here, give this to her when you get home." He pulled out a small flyer advertising a puzzle-solving contest. "I think you will find this should be all the bait she needs to come and find me."

Ranma smiled gratefully, passed over his money and took the offered scrap of paper. "Thanks. And I don't say something like to just anyone, either." He told the sorcerer.

"I figured you wouldn't, that makes it all the more meaningful." Abe bowed slightly with his usual grin, "Hope this plan of yours goes well, and please come again to Honest Abe's for all your magical needs."

Ranma nodded, assured the wizard he would (this was the first time he could really recall interacting with magic and **not** being screwed over, after all), then left the shop and hurried home. Fortunately, Ranma got home without any further delays. In fact, he was early enough that he offered to give Kasumi a hand in the kitchen; though the meal was already cooking, she did accept his help in clearing up the remaining mess, particularly as it wasn't unusual for him to do so even before today. Despite contemplations, Ranma didn't give Akane the flyer right away; he figured it would be best to wait until the right moment.

The right moment actually came the next day, after breakfast. The fathers had left the house for some reason or other - Ranma thought they might have been looking into some low-grade tournament to prove their skills; they weren't at his level any longer, but they were still formidable fighters if they got their acts together - Kasumi had gone out to visit a friend, and Nabiki had holed herself up in her room with a new couple of manga volumes. Seeing that the time was right, as now nobody would know that he was the one who had sent her out and so they wouldn't be able to pin any blame on him, Ranma sought Akane out, finding her practicing via breaking bricks in the dojo. "Yo, Akane." He called as she elbow-slammed through a stack of five bricks.

She looked up from amidst the rubble, breathing heavily but evenly from the effort of simultaneously striking so hard and keeping her elbow from breaking. "What is it, Ranma?"

The heir to the Saotome school walked up to her and held out the flyer. "I saw this contest in the marketplace yesterday. Think you can win it?"

His counterpart in the Tendo school furrowed her brow in thought while taking the scrap of paper from him. For an unpleasantly long couple of seconds, time ticked by, before she shrugged absently. "Eh, why not?"

Ranma made a casual gesture of acceptance and took himself over to a distant part of the dojo to start his own katas. He was just finishing up and heading off to bathe himself when he met Akane returning, grinning triumphantly and casually flipping the puzzle box he had paid for the previous evening into the air, catching it in the same hand without looking at it.

"Look what I won! They said I did so well at solving puzzles, they gave this to me as the prize - it's supposed to be even harder then the ones that they had me try." She said happily.

The day passed quietly, Ranma lazed about and watched TV and generally everything was peaceful before Genma and Soun returned from the tournament in a good mood from their victory before lunch arrived and Kasumi looked around, "Oh my, where's Akane?"

"I'll go get her." Ranma 'volunteered'. He knew they'd probably tell him to go and fetch her anyway, and this would be a good way to further protect his "innocence" in the matter. "Yo, Akane! Lunch is ready!" He made a show of calling up to her, even as he walked up the stairs. "Akane? Where are you?" He called again, even as he opened the door to her room and looked inside. There was no trace of Akane, or even the slightest sign of a struggle - the only think out of place was the puzzle box sitting on Akane's bed. She must have been sitting or lying there when she'd solved it and been taken away. Nodding to himself in satisfaction, Ranma headed back downstairs. "She's not up there. I don't know where she went." He told them.

Soun blinked, nonplussed, "That's strange, Nabiki, Kasumi did either of you see her leave?" Nabiki shook her head while Kasumi called out a negative, and by Ranma's reckoning it took barely a second for him to suddenly jump the most logical (for Nerima that is) conclusion, "Waah! Akane's been kidnapped!"

Nabiki sighed, "Again?"

"Hey now, don't you think you've overreacting?" Ranma quickly spoke up. Yes, he did want to cultivate deniability, but this was going a bit too far! Honestly, would they really suspect someone had kidnapped Akane just because nobody had seen her leave the house? ...Okay, so Mousse had tried to kidnap her a couple of times. Cologne had abducted her once, possibly with Ryoga's help. Ryoga had tried to carry her off at least once. The Kunos, for all their talk about "nobility" and "honor", really weren't above such schemes... okay, maybe it wasn't such a ridiculous reaction after all.

Genma immediately leaped to his feet, "Boy, you must go and find her immediately!"

"What? Me?" Ranma blurted, somewhat caught off guard by how fast things were moving out of his control.

"Yes, you!" Soun and Genma shouted as one, and before Ranma could comprehend what they were doing, the two over-excited masters of Anything Goes had jumped up, grabbed him by an arm and a leg each, carried him to the wall and heaved him over it to land painfully on his face in the street.

Sitting up, shaking off the ringing in his ears, Ranma threw a dirty look back at the Tendo dojo. "Alright, already, I'm going, I'm going!" He called back, pushing himself upright and wandering off in the general direction of the places he knew Akane liked to hang out - mostly the shopping center.

Once he'd made a cursory, casual investigation of Akane's favorite hangout spots (at least, the ones he knew about, he tended not to go to the same places she went), he found his way meandering to the Nekohanten. May as well keep up appearances... After all, he didn't need anyone finding out that he was responsible for Akane's "disappearance".

"Welcome to Nekohanten - oh, airen! Why you come here?" Shampoo cheerily called, delighted to see Ranma strolling through the doors of her workplace/home.

"Hey Shampoo. Did you drop by the Tendo dojo and kidnap Akane this morning?" He asked casually.

The Chinese Amazon blinked slowly as she tried to make sense of the question. "You ask that why?" She finally queried.

"Didn't think it was you. What about Mousse? He mysteriously disappear recently?" Ranma asked, nonchalant.

"Just what are you accusing me of, Saotome?" The resident busboy asked angrily. "I've been here all day, working for a living, unlike some freeloaders." He spat.

Ranma kept the grin in place, but the corner of his mouth and one eye twitched warningly. Ranma actually had a number of sore spots, he just didn't blow up quite the way Akane or Ryoga tended to, and being dismissed as a freeloader of the Tendos was one of those sore spots. Well, if Mousse wanted to get personal, Ranma would show him who had the better barbs...

"Well, it's an honest mistake. I mean, how many times have you kidnapped Akane in the past? Let's see... you tried it on her several times after you came back from Jusenkyo, you demanded her as your prize in our first duel... there was that time when Shampoo got caught by Maomolin at the Cat Temple and you glomped onto Akane twice in the space of a few minutes..." Ranma looked intensely at the Chinese boy. "I have to wonder if it's really Shampoo that you're interested in after all..." He finished, suggestion dripping from his words like poisoned honey.

There was dead silence (though Ranma was pretty sure Cologne was trying not to spoil her dignity by snickering) before Mousse finally began spluttering. "Wh-wh-whaaa! What are you talking about, Saotome? I love Shampoo! Don't try and play games with me, Saotome, it won't work!"

Shampoo caught Ranma's sly look and her expression became one that would have made a Cheshire Cat green with envy. "Shampoo think Airen on to something, Mousse do spend too-too much time going after Kitchen Destroyer, make Shampoo think you not serious about Shampoo."

"And doesn't that make you jealous?" Ranma asked, faking sincerity as best he could while struggling with the urge to burst out laughing at the expression on Mousse's face.

Shampoo shook her head with a smile, "Nope, Shampoo think Mousse and Kitchen Destroyer make wonderful couple! Akane destroy kitchen, Mousse destroy house! Is too-too perfect!"

"So, if Mousse was to consider going and confessing his love to her right now, he'd have your blessings?" Ranma pretended to ask casually.

Shampoo looked ecstatic. "Mousse want confess to Akane!? Is too-too wonderful!"

Deciding he had made his point, Ranma turned his attention to the horror-struck Mousse, who was doing his best "Scream" impression. "So, tell me; did you maybe sneak off with Akane to confess to her at last? I don't mind, but her family is worried about where she is." He told the male Joketsuzoku.

"NO!" Mousse screamed out his denial before his overloaded brain finally gave out and, with a whimper, the longhaired teen collapsed like a puppet with cut strings. Shampoo finally cracked up while Cologne shook her head and hopped over.

"As entertaining as the floor show was, Son-In-Law, was there an actual reason for you to come here or were you just bored?"

"Like I just said, Akane left the house without anyone noticing and they immediately leapt to the conclusion she was kidnapped - I wouldn't normally agree with them, but you know what life is like around here." Ranma said, shrugging for emphasis. "I figured I'd ask if you were responsible for her disappearing. Didn't honestly think it'd be true, myself, but it keeps them off my back. Now I gotta go and make like I'm checking out Ukyo's and the Kuno estate, just to keep them happy."

Cologne nodded, "Have a nice day, Son-In-Law." Indicating Mousse, Cologne turned to Shampoo, "Take him up to his room, looks like he's earned a day off it seems."

Shampoo pouted; she wanted to have some more fun teasing Mousse, but complied regardless, grabbing the unconscious teen and hauling him off without a word.

Ukyo looked up as someone pushed through the hangings of her door, smiling with surprised delight to see Ranma again. "Heya, Ranma-honey; are we going out on another date?"

"Sorry, Ucchan, but not today. The old men think somebody kidnapped Akane, so, next thing I know, they're throwing me out and demanding I find her. Don't suppose it was you who did it?" He finished, giving her a playful grin and making it quite evident that he wasn't serious about his question in the slightest.

Ukyo blinked, unable to truly escape her disbelief, then grinned herself and shook her head. "Nope. Where would I keep her if I tried, anyway? And what am I supposed to do with her? Declare I'm gonna hold her hostage until and unless the old men hold a ceremony for wedding you and me?" She drifted off at that particularly delightful mental image, then snapped out of it as a stray suspicion struck her. "Hey... this wouldn't have something to do with what we talked about yesterday, would it...?"

Ranma merely grinned at her, and then departed without a word. All that left was the Kuno estate, and at that his good humor vanished: he hadn't seen Kodachi since that disastrous "first date", and he didn't particularly want to get caught on her home turf. Maybe he'd be in luck and be able to catch Sasuke to "interrogate" him...

And speak of the miniature devil, there was Sasuke doing some minor tasks outside the main mansion, which was good since Ranma did not want to bump into Kodachi or Kuno, if he didn't get lost first. With a small hop, Ranma landed in front of the ninja, "Sasuke, I need to talk to you."

The ninja turned with a small start. "Oh, it's you. Can I help you?"

Ranma raised an eyebrow at the exhausted tone in the ninja's voice, suggesting lots of hard work or long nights without sleep, but ignored it for the moment. "Yeah, Akane's gone missing. Don't suppose she turned up here?"

Sasuke shook his head, physically answering in the negative, then winced as a crash sounded from the mansion. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave now, Mistress Kodachi and Master Kuno have been at each others throats for some time after your...revelation." Ranma winced and was about to speak when suddenly an explosion rocked the ground, followed by lots of gunfire as Sasuke sighed.

"Looks like they've brought out the big guns again." With that, Sasuke bounded off as Ranma watched smoke and flames belch from windows before shaking his head and walking off.

Ranma took his time getting back; he remembered what Abe had told him the previous day, and he was pretty sure that Akane would be home before he was if he took his time. Indeed, as he got inside the door, kicked off his shoes and began strolling towards the main room, he could hear Akane's voice speaking.

"It was really strange. I was near the edge of this high cliff. Behind me, thick, tropical looking jungles. Down at the base of the cliff, though, I saw only smoke-choked wastes of ash and burning coals, stretching as far as I could see. And there were these huge crystals floating up and down in the sky, drifting with the breeze."

"Oh, hey Akane, so there you are." Ranma said as he walked in, stopping as he realized that there was a stranger at the table. "And who's he?"

The stranger, a waifish looking youth with silver hair, pale skin and eyes like molten copper, nodded politely at him, even as Akane looked embarrassed. "R-Ranma! Where were you?"

"Just seeing if you had been kidnapped. No biggie." Ranma brushed the question aside nonchalantly.

"Gee, glad it wasn't any trouble." Akane snarked, sounding somewhat put off by his attitude.

"Eh, something like that happens at least once a week. So, did you pick this guy up wherever you were?" He asked, genuinely curious. Was this supposed to be the guy Akane might hook up with?

"Akane calls me Gelf. It suits me as a name." The stranger spoke up, polite in tone and mannerisms despite his rather gruff choice in words. "And yes, we did make acquaintance through the magic of the puzzle box."

"What is it with you and stumbling across magical crap that causes weird stuff to happen, anyway?" Ranma asked Akane.

"Look who's talking!" She incredulously retorted.

"Anyway." Akane shot a final glare to Ranma, who simply ignored it in usual fashion, "Gelf here is unable to go back home and I was hoping that he would be able to stay here."

The others blinked and turned to Gelf, who simply stared back with an expression as bland as dishwater before Soun frowned. "I'm not sure..."

Gelf spoke up then. "If it is space you are concerned with, I take up little of what you perceive as physical space, I eat very little and will aid you in whatever tasks you wish done."

Soun's concerns weren't about that however; it was about the occasional shy glances his youngest daughter was sending the youth. If Akane fell in love with this boy, then engagement would be ruined!

And then Akane pouted, "Please daddy? Can he stay?"

Nabiki palmed her face as Soun began to crack. "Dammit Akane, he isn't a puppy." The middle Tendo sister muttered to herself before resigning herself to the inevitable as the Tendo patriarch finally collapsed under the assault of cute.

"O-of course Akane-chan, your friend can stay for as long as he likes!"

Akane beamed happily and from his spot, Ranma silently breathed out in relief. Keeping the strange guy here was important if he was going to break the Tendo agreement.

_For those fearing original character domination, let me hurry to assure you that "Gelf" will not be taking any major role in the rest of this story – at least, from Ranma's point of view. What he'll be doing will be pretty important to Akane, but from this story's perception, it'll happen pretty much off-camera. He's not going to be introduced in this chapter and then never show up again, but he's not going to be stealing the spotlight away from Ranma and his issues. We were contemplating that the next chapter show Akane's point of view of what happened after she went on her little "trip", but if you'd rather we didn't then just leave a review saying so: if folks clearly aren't interested in that particular side-story of this serial, we'll do something else instead._


	11. Chapter 11

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** Sorry that this took so long to come out… though, seeing the proliferation of Ranma-chan and Ranma/Akane works on this website, I'm really starting to wonder if this work even fits here… Anyway, folks were wondering what was going to happen to Kodachi, right? Well, here's what we have planned for her…

Chapter 10: Kodachi's Very Bad Day

"You are looking… tired, my twisted sister. Did something trouble your sleep? More so than usual, I mean?" Tatewaki Kuno asked casually across the communal dining table. It wasn't often that the two siblings ate in the same room, but this was as good a way as any to showcase the truce they had so recently declared after their latest squabble.

Kodachi glowered at her brother half-heartedly. Truth be told, she was tired. The previous evening had not been a very restful one. It was several days since that horrible truth had been forced upon her, and her initial rage and denial had given way to guilt and shame and cold realization. It was not Ranma's fault that she had been ignorant… at least, not entirely. There had been much deception between them, on her part and on his, and now those deceptions had been stripped away. Did she want to close that chapter of her life, flee from the tattered falsehoods that had enshrouded her and the man that had inspired them? Or did she want to try and bring the light of truth into the darkness, chase them away entirely and see if her dreams could have had their basis in reality after all?

At last she had made a decision. Though she knew she would have chosen to flee all memory of her "beloved" Ranma had she learned in any other circumstance, the fact that he had come to her and chosen to unveil himself had convinced her that he truly was the man she wanted to marry. She had… "conversed"… with Sasuke in regards what he overheard, and that discussion with the faithful manservant had convinced her that if she wanted to have any chance at making up for her error and claiming Ranma as hers, she must make the first apology. As the diminutive ninja had pointed out, Ranma had at least two other women competing for his hand, and he may very well settle for turning to either of them. It was attempting to figure out a way to make her apology, something she rarely had to give, that had kept her up so late.

Of course, she had just exited the gates of the Kuno estate when she halted. Where to begin…? After a few moments thought, she decided that the best place to proceed would be to the Tendo dojo, seeing as how that was Ranma's current domicile. She trusted Sasuke to have informed her should Ranma have left the residence of his former fiancée. With a triumphant laugh she began sprinting off in the direction of the Tendo estate, taking to the rooftops as was her frequent wont.

This turned out to be a fairly prudent decision, as she watched a fair-sized stampede of angry dogs chasing after a lavender-furred cat. The feline in the unwanted position of leader of the charge finally managed to evade the dogs by racing up a telephone pole, sitting at the top and unleashing a truly astounding array of caterwauling. Kodachi had the distinct feeling, even as she turned and resumed leaping, that any child who had used the human equivalent of that sort of language would have gotten its mouth washed out with soap.

Finally making it to the Tendo residence, Kodachi took a moment to recollect her poise, then knocked boldly on the door. About five minutes later, when no one appeared to have heard her, she frowned and knocked again, louder this time. Another couple of minutes passed, Kodachi growing rather offended about being ignored like this, and decided to damn propriety and walk on in anyway. She did remove her shoes at the inner porch and announce her presence, however, nobody paid her any attention, which was as much disconcerting as it was rude, when she thought about it. After all, she knew that she wasn't exactly liked by the residents here, so they should be up in arms to try and force her away.

"Oh dear… how am I going to remove this? I don't think we have enough paint thinner." Kasumi complained softly, walking unflinchingly through the choking cloud of smoke pouring out of the kitchen, a sight that truly alarmed Kodachi, who knew the eldest Tendo took as much care of her kitchen as the female Kuno took care of her garden.

She found out precisely why Kasumi wanted paint thinner a few moments later, when she walked into the living room, now splattered in copious amounts of garish paint. Although not quite as much as the livid-looking Nabiki Tendo, who looked like a colorblind artist's paint-by-numbers come to life. She paid no attention at all to Kodachi, instead staring hatefully into space and fuming with indignant fury. Kodachi stifled a laugh; she didn't particularly like either of Kasumi's younger siblings, and the only way it could have been more amusing was if it had happened to Akane instead. Seated across from Nabiki was what Kodachi could only suppose to be a panda that had been electrocuted, given the way its bulk had practically doubled and sparks occasionally crackled across the erect fur.

"What can we do for you, young lady?" Came Soun Tendo's stern, disapproving voice from behind her.

Kodachi turned to confront the patriarch of the Tendo family… and promptly split her side laughing. It wasn't every day that you saw Soun Tendo with a dyed Mohawk hairstyle and one of Happosai's spare pipes wedged up either nostril, after all. The fact he was clearly trying to hold onto his dignity despite having blatantly lost all contact with the word just made him look even more ridiculous. He glowered at her, which just set her off on another peal of laughter, but Kodachi finally managed to calm down, wiping tears from her eyes.

"What… just what happened here?" She blurted; she had meant to ask about Ranma's whereabouts, but this was just too ridiculous to not find out the cause!

"This… this nasty little imp thing just showed up and started causing mischief. The last thing we saw of it, Ranma was chasing it vaguely in the direction of Ukyo's place." Nabiki interjected.

Kodachi didn't stop to think, thanking them with absent politeness and rushing for the wall. She was over a block away before she realized that she had left her shoes back at the Tendo house, slapping her forehead in an expression of exasperation, then deciding to keep on going. After all, it wasn't like they'd go anywhere, and Ranma might need her help. As she approached the restaurant owned by Ranma's crossdressing fiancée, the sounds of a fierce scuffle convinced her that she'd been right to go with her instincts.

"Come here ya little gray pest!"

That was most unmistakable the voice of her darling Ranma.

"You horrible little…! I'll teach you to mess with my ingredients!"

A rather muffled Ukyo, unless Kodachi was mistaken. She could have lived with a different set of proof than the barrage of spatulas that came hurtling her way like kunai, leaping aside and batting them away with a swift stroke of the club.

"Yeow! Ucchan, watch where you're aiming those things!" Ranma suddenly yelped, making it appear that the attack had been a genuine misaim on Ukyo's part rather than deliberate malice.

Hurrying onto the scene, Kodachi caught sight of Ranma leaping from one end of the street to another, trying to catch a diminutive figure in a jester's motley, while Ukyo tried to simultaneously claw a clinging coat of okonomiyaki batter from off of her head and curse with a mouth half full of the sticky stuff. Not even pausing to smirk at the sight of one of her actual rivals looking so ridiculous, Kodachi raced towards Ranma. "Ranma, my darling, I've come to help you!" She called.

It was doubtful he even heard her, and she barely had time to say that before something soft and very heavy collided with her head. Knocked back a step from the force of the impact, she swooned but managed to remain steadily on her feet, trying to shake the senses back into her head, only to find herself caught in a buffeting flurry of wings and beaks. By the time she fought her way free of the feathery tornado, there was nobody in the street except her and Ukyo, face cleared but hair full of batter. She was paying this no attention, instead swearing with a proficiency that made it quite clear she had spent most of her life in purely masculine company as she looked over her battle spatula, now bent cleanly in two.

"…What just happened?" Kodachi finally couldn't resist asking.

"Ugly little bastard makes bad luck happen – I don't know how, I don't care. All I know is that it's an annoying little shit to catch." Ukyo groused, scraping at her hair more from instinct than any belief it would help. The site of Kodachi, disheveled and with feathers in her hair, made her mood lighten a little.

Barely had she heard Ukyo's explanation before Kodachi sprang up onto the rooftops and began chasing after Ranma again; if he needed help, then she certainly wasn't going to just wait around and hope for the best. And not because it would make it easier for her to convey her message, either. She had hoped that taking higher ground would give her the edge in seeing Ranma, but she had evidently underestimated just how quickly he could move. Picking a random direction, she set off, bounding from rooftop to rooftop with practiced ease, hoping that this mysterious 'bad luck imp' had not woven its curse over her. After all, what were the odds that she'd run into somebody she could ask for directions up here?

"…What are you doing up here?" She finally managed to ask. This broke the awkward silence that had descended when she had, about three or four minutes after setting off from Ukyo's business, all but run over Akane and… some strange man who Kodachi neither recognized nor cared about… sitting together quietly on a rooftop.

Akane blinked and seemed to shake herself slightly as she caught up with what was going on. "Just enjoying not being part of the usual havoc for once." She proclaimed.

Kodachi waved a hand dismissively. "Whatever. Have you seen…?"

"We last saw Ranma vanishing into that alley over there." The stranger interjected politely, pointing to the precise place where Ranma had headed.

Kodachi didn't even bother to thank him, instead sprinting off of the roof and leaping to the indicated alley. A few moments later, she rebounded off of a parked car, landed at the entry, and darted in. "Ranma? Where are you?" She called, slowing her advance into the alleyway. Her face lit up when she saw Ranma appear from around a corner of the alley, running towards her, but her delight was quick to be scattered when he raced past her, leaving only a despairing wail in his wake.

"_I hate cats!"_

Kodachi blinked in shock; what was that about? …And what was that rumbling noise? She turned in the direction from which Ranma had come and barely had time to scream before she was body-slammed by a veritable tidal wave of black cats, knocking her from her feet and pressing her to the ground as the yowling horde trampled her underfoot. When the last of the cats had vanished, the disheveled female heir to the House of Kuno pushed her aching body off of the pavement, to the sound of an obnoxious giggle. She cast a fierce glower at the top of a fire escape, where perched the imp. It giggled again and then vanished in a blur of speed.

"I am growing to hate that little creature." Kodachi announced to the world.

She had more cause to hate it about ten minutes later, when a major water main suddenly burst just as she walked past it. No, it didn't drench her – Kodachi would have _preferred_ that. The sheer volume of water slammed into her like a solid blow and carried her, flailing and screaming in a most undignified manner, down a different street entirely. And she had just seen Ranma and a beleaguered-looking Ryoga trying to catch the horrible little imp just at the other end of the street she'd been heading down, too! By the time she got back, she found that all three of them had vanished. In a thoroughly foul mood, she had refused to give up and instead returned to her search.

Another half-hour later, she found herself narrowly avoiding breaking an arm after a roof edge gave way under her foot, sending the unprepared Martial Arts Gymnast plummeting towards the street. Of course, when moments later she found herself blinded by a sudden power surge in the contents of a nearby electronics shop's display window, then catapulted into the air by an incredibly powerful gust from a vent in the sidewalk that she stumbled over in her visually impaired state, she found herself wondering if maybe averting her fall had been so lucky. When she finally came to a rather painful crashlanding in a large pile of rubbish, she was seriously considering if she ever should have bothered getting out of bed today.

"Ryoga, circle it! I said circle, pig-boy! If you don't take responsibility, for once, I'm gonna beat it into you!"

Kodachi shook off the fuzz of her impact and raised herself up as best she could despite the aching of her body. That sounded like Ranma.

"Why are you acting as though this is my fault?" Came a second voice, masculine, somewhat deeper, yet petulant. Kodachi thought it might be one of the people who tended to hang around Ranma: she had never paid any serious attention to anyone besides him.

"Because it is!" Came a distinctly Chinese accented voice.

Speak of the devil; if it wasn't that foreign strumpet…

"Can we save killing each other for **after** we've gotten rid of this thing? I've been through too much hell today ta just let it get away with that!"

And there was Ukyo, her accent thickened by her anger. Not that Kodachi couldn't sympathize with her, just this once. So, they had cornered that awful little creature, had they? Well, maybe she had a trick or two up her sleeve… she checked to see if her supply of paralytic bouquet bombs was still present and was pleased to find that they were still there. Pushing herself to her feet, she stealthily prowled her way towards the sound of the commotion.

There, indeed, was Ranma… in his female form, which meant it would have been a less welcome sight than usual. At this moment, however, she had forgotten her mission of the morning, instead consumed by the desire for revenge. Unnoticed by any, not even the dancing imp at the far end of the alley, she edged closer. Then, seeing her moment, she struck; with practiced ease her bouquet bombs hurtled through the air, zipping dangerously close to the startled martial artists hemming the creature in, they exploded in a saturation burst that ensured the imp was totally paralyzed. With a triumphant shriek of laughter she leapt onto the scene, ignoring their shocked outbursts and sending her ribbon lashing out at the imp, twining about its neck and pulling it into the air, whereupon she began swinging it around like an impromptu flail. All the while, she kept up a litany of outrage.

"Wicked, wicked creature! How dare you subject me to such torments?! Take this, and this, and this! How do you like a taste of pain yourself, hmm?"

After several minutes of this, her spleen satisfactorily vented, she began preparations to send the creature into orbit, whereupon Ranma shook off her shock at seeing Kodachi here and latched onto her from behind.

"Wait!" She cried.

Fortunately for her, Kodachi listened, turning what would have been a skyward toss into a downward slam, grinding her heel into the imp's spine in order to pin it down. "What is it, Ranma?"

"If you just throw that thing away, it might come back to haunt us! We've got a plan worked out… so what are you two waiting for? An invitation?" She snapped, turning her head to face Ryoga and Mousse, who jumped to attention and bustled forward.

Kodachi lifted her foot and watched as they hastily crammed the imp into a small steel drum, wrapped it in chains that looked suited to anchor ships, closed it with half a dozen padlocks and tied a shimenawa, the traditional Shinto sealing rope, around it for good measure.

Beside her, Ranma heaved a sigh of relief, then scowled at Ryoga. "Now, you live up to your side of things and get that drum good and lost, ya hear?"

"What about our duel?" Ryoga protested.

"Stupid duel can wait: bury evil monster first!" Shampoo snapped.

Ukyo brushed past her, bristling indignantly (and not just because her hair had been matted into a crest of spikes by dried okonomiyaki batter, either). "Listen here, jackass; I don't care what new petty quarrel you got with my Ranchan! You take that damn nuisance and you hide somewhere even you can't find it, or so help me, I'm gonna cram it where the sun don't shine!"

"Shampoo help!"

"And I as well!" Mousse added, and only partially because of his desire to impress Shampoo.

As the three began arguing fiercely with the outnumbered Ryoga, Kodachi saw her chance and gently, but insistently, drew Ranma over to a relatively distant part of the alley. The boy-turned-girl gave her a warily sheepish look. "Some day it's been." She said.

"Quite." Kodachi agreed. "This is hardly what I had in mind when I set out to find you this morning."

"You… were looking for me?"

"This… is hard for me to say. I'm not used to apologizing for my actions… but when you came to me, when you chose to share your secret… I reacted poorly. I treated you poorly in general, and I have been forced to confront that fact. And I want to say… I'm sorry. And I'm sorry that it took me so long to tell you that."

She paused, finally daring to see how Ranma was reacting. While she would have been quite shocked herself if Ranma wasn't surprised, Ranma didn't look skeptical or disbelieving. Emboldened, Kodachi continued to press her point.

"And though I will not make a fool of myself by lying, the truth of your… curse… is hard to accept, I… I still want to see if we can be together."

Mustering up more courage than she would have ever dreamed necessary a matter of weeks ago, she darted forward, clasped Ranma's face with her hands, and kissed the boy-turned-girl quickly and shyly on the lips. Kodachi then spun on her heel and bounded away for the rooftops, feeling as though a great weight she had never known was present had been lifted from her shoulders. Though most assuredly not how she ever would have wanted to receive it, she had even managed to obtain her sought-after kiss with Ranma at long last. In mid-leap she ran her tongue over her lips, eager to reacquaint herself with any semblance of the taste of Ranma. Her brow furrowed as an aftertaste seemed strangely familiar, and she came to a halt on the middle of a rooftop as she licked her lips harder than before, allowing her to recognize the aftertaste.

"Don't tell me I used the paralyzing lipstick by accident!"

_Even without magic, bad luck seems to plague all of the folks who make up the Nerima Wreaking Crew, don't it? Apologies for the shortness of the chapter, but this was fundamentally a filler: don't worry, there's only one more chapter to go before we bring up our personal adaptation of Big Trouble in Nekonron… and Ranma will also finally have hit his biggest snag in his plans soon, too._

_Oh, and just in case folks were confused, the nameless stranger Kodachi encountered with Akane was Gelf. I told folks he wasn't going to be put into a dominant character position._


	12. Chapter 12

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** Sorry this chapter took a while. Still, it's good to see that folks like this work… I just wish it didn't feel so much like the only non-Ranma/Akane or non-FemRanma work on the site sometimes. I mean, surely Gideon020 and I can't be the only writers to think up ideas like "What if Shampoo was actually a part-time magical girl?", "What if Akane was forced to grow up after being stranded alone in a Land of the Lost?", What if Ranma became the leader of a vaguely Biker Mice From Mars-style biker gang?", "What if Ukyo discovered she was the heir to a long family line of crossdressing sorceresses?", and other such tales?

IOException; in both canons, Tofu has been flipping at over Kasumi for as long as Akane remembered, ever since she was a little girl of… maybe six or so? And Kasumi is only three years older than Akane, so take that into account… yeah. I don't like that pairing for a number of reasons, but the age thing is the icing on the cake.

Chapter 11: Ranma's Tricky Plan

Ranma stood in the doorway to his room and stared. He had been heading out, just to get some time out of the house, but had forgotten his money and come back to get it. He certainly hadn't expected to find this... "Just what the hell are you doing?" He snapped.

Nabiki froze, her hands still in one of the pockets of his pack, looking like a deer caught in a car's headlights, "Um...I was looking for something?" The middle Tendo daughter could have come up with a more snarky excuse, but the shock of Ranma coming back earlier than she expected had caught her off guard.

Ranma crossed his arms and leaned against the side of the doorway, drumming his fingers tersely on his upper arm. "What, exactly, could you be looking for that would be in my room? At the very least, my old man, or the old goat, are the ones who'd steal something from you."

Nabiki quickly managed to get her composure back. "Maybe so, but who's to say that they didn't hide it with your stuff? I'm just covering all my bases Saotome. No reason not to play it safe after all, not with those two."

"The last time I found my old man sticking his hands in my stuff," Ranma brought up in a conversational tone of voice, "I broke three of his fingers. Now, don't get me wrong, the old man's lazy, but he still knows how to heal stuff like that. Did your old man teach you how to do that?"

Nabiki's eyes narrowed at the implied threat. "You wouldn't break an untrained person's fingers would you Ranma?" Even so, her hands stilled and slowly removed slipped out of his pack; lately Ranma had been getting difficult to predict, who knew exactly what he could do if he were so inclined now.

Ranma shrugged. "Are you untrained, though? I've never seen you practice... but you could just be lazy, like my old man. Or maybe you're hiding how good you are because you think that's the clever thing to do... you do consider yourself the clever one here, don't you?"

Nabiki stiffened before she forced herself to relax. Refusing to reply to Ranma's insinuation, she made a show of dusting her hands. "Looks like I didn't find what I was looking for, I'll be going now." With that she planted a cheerful smile on her face and walked out, Ranma knowing it shifted to a snarl as she vanished into her own room.

Ranma slammed the door shut behind her, angrily stalking over towards his pack. The indignity! As uncouth and selfish as Genma could be, he had taught Ranma how to be a good guest (admittedly, there were quite a few times by being a negative example), but being a good guest also obligated the host to be a good host. There was nothing so rude as rifling through his belongings - worse, if he knew Nabiki, she was most likely going to steal anything that looked incriminating and then blackmail him to get it back. If that was her plan, she was out of luck: Ranma didn't have anything valuable... well, alright, technically there was the Eye, but Ranma had that far too well hidden for Nabiki to find.

Ranma had grown up with Genma as his sole companion, and Genma's thoughtlessness and greed meant that Ranma had learned from an early age to keep secrets and treasures alike hidden. Ranma had, naturally, never heard of the Spartan youth who stole a fox cub and refused to admit his guilt even as it gnawed its way into his guts and killed him, but he wasn't too far off from that level of dedication when it came to keeping things of his private. Finding his wallet untouched, Ranma put his stuff back where it belonged and, muttering about Nabiki's attitudes, leapt out of the window and then over the wall to resume his original goal beyond the Tendo household.

Thankfully, he wasn't too late to upset Shampoo, but it was a close thing as he smiled and waved to the Chinese girl who bounded over to give him a hug, "Hey Shampoo, ready to go?"

"Shampoo too-too ready!" Ranma chuckled and took the girl's hand as they headed out on their date, and promptly forgot all about Nabiki.

Fate on the other hand, had conspired to toss another annoyance in Ranma's way as half-way through the date, as the pair were simply enjoy the other's company, a loud cry of "Die Ranma!" prompted the two to dodge a barrage of knives and chains as Mousse landed from a nearby roof, "I won't let you steal Shampoo away from me!"

Ranma groaned as he landed and immediately pounced to attack.

Mousse was not a particularly potent threat for Ranma at the best of times. When Shampoo was right at his side, fighting with, if anything, even more fervor than he was, the Chinese boy went down like a sack of potatoes in no time at all. Muttering what sounded like Chinese swearwords under her breath, Shampoo straddled Mousse and began the Xi Fa Xiang Gao treatment.

"How does he keep showing up like this?" Ranma complained. "I don't think we've been on one date yet where this guy hasn't shown up. I mean, even with a memory wipe, you'd think he'd learn better."

"Wish he would - Shampoo sick of having to do this." The Chinese girl grumbled, washing off Mousse's hair and getting up, none-too-gently standing on him in the process. "Shampoo wish he would just find own girlfriend, stop bugging us."

Ranma nodded, "You're telling me, maybe we should find a girl for him since he's not going to stop chasing you any time soon." He grimaced, "Of course, then we'd have to find a girl who could stand being near the idiot."

Shampoo looked thoughtful... hmm... this wouldn't be the first time she had tried something like this, but this time she wouldn't be alone in doing so. "Ranma have ideas?" She asked. "Hmm... Akane is nice enough to boys what is not Ranma..."

"Nah, no way that would work." Ranma interjected. "Between Kuno, Ryoga, her dad, my dad, and pretty much all the boys at school, there's no way in hell he'd go for her. Even if, y'know, she doesn't hold the kidnapping thing against him." He elaborated.

"Ryoga play part in kidnapping her once, twice before, she not hold it against him." The Chinese Amazon pointed out.

"Oh yeah, forgot about Ryoga. We haven't seen him in a while have we?" Ranma shook his head. "Anyway, Akane ain't gonna work. No point trying Ukyo or Kodachi, those two would just bury him alive and keep going after me." Then the pigtailed martial artist remembered the incident that morning and suddenly developed an evil smile as he chuckled before shaking his head, "Hmm, nah there's no way that would work."

"What is it? What you thinking?" Shampoo asked, curiosity piqued.

"Well..." Ranma looked thoughtful, before shrugging with a smile, "I was thinking we could try and pair him up with Nabiki. Pretty crazy huh, I mean on one hand we have an obsessive loon and on the other we have a frigid mercenary. Match made in the underworld if we could pull it off."

Shampoo raised an eyebrow. "Nabiki? Why not nice girl Kasumi? She have much love to give and not get much love, so she just like Mousse."

Ranma looked at her strangely.

"What? Just because Shampoo not interested in him at all not mean that Shampoo not know Mousse's good points." She answered to the unspoken question, crossing her arms in annoyance.

Ranma shrugged, and shook his head. "A good point... but, really, it wouldn't work. Kasumi doesn't have any rival suitors, but Akane's convinced she and Dr. Tofu have a thing going on, and Mr. Tendo's really overprotective of her, and all in all they'd probably cause too much trouble if we tried to hook them up. On the other hand, they mostly ignore Nabiki..."

Shampoo snorted, "Is understatement, everyone ignore Nabiki unless Mercenary Girl want money."

Ranma looked thoughtful and tapped a finger against his lips. "Come to think of it, that could help us. I don't know how we'd convince Mousse to go along with it, but I think I have an idea on how to make Nabiki agree to the idea of going on at least one date with him..."

Shampoo blinked and then smiled, "Ranma have plan?"

Ranma nodded absently. "I think so... yeah, I really think so. Listen to this..."

Intrigued, Shampoo came closer, two accidental fiancées wandering away from where Mousse had been left lying unconscious as Ranma began to unveil his plan.

It took only a few minutes to go over every last detail and before long the pair were standing on the rooftop of a house opposite the Tendo Dojo as Ranma took a breath, "Okay, you good to go?" Shampoo nodded with a smile.

"Shampoo ready, Ranma better not forget lines or Shampoo be mad!" With that playful incentive, she quickly and stealthily made her way to the roof, sending a shiver down Ranma's spine at the catlike way she moved. With a simple hop of his own, Ranma landed on the front path and calmly walked inside the house.

As Ranma had hoped, his inquisitive investigation turned up only a single soul beside himself, in the form of Nabiki lounging in her room and eating a snack. "Where is everyone?" Ranma asked; they'd all been here before he'd left.

"Kasumi went out shopping, our fathers decided to have a night out and Akane's gone on a date with her new boyfriend." Nabiki replied before smirking slightly, "Why, are you lonely Ranma?"

Ranma tried to keep his face blank; truth be told, it still kind of hurt seeing or hearing Akane being friendly with Gelf, even if he was the one who'd set them up in the first place. Hey, he had been attracted to her for quite a while; that wasn't something that you just got over overnight. Then a thought struck; this was a perfect opportunity to make his play... "No... but are you jealous?"

Nabiki blinked, "Of what, my baby sister going out with an otherwordly being? She had you move in as her fiancé first; if that doesn't get you used to weird things, then nothing will."

Ranma rolled his eyes; did she have to go there? "No, of the fact your little sister has a date while you're sitting here on your bed eating rice crackers." He retorted.

Nabiki shrugged, "Why should I care? It's not like there's any guys in this area I would be interested in anyway."

"You're right. Besides, you couldn't get a date to save your life anyway." Ranma replied in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.

Nabiki paused, just long enough for Ranma to know that he had hit something. "I'll have you know I am perfectly capable of getting a date Ranma."

"Since when?" He pressed. "I've been here for... what, seven or eight months now? You've never gone on one date since I was here. And having Kuno feed you in order to get the rights to buy those pictures of yours doesn't count either."

Nabiki twitched, "Like I said Ranma, there's no guys here that I'm interested in. Besides, its not like they could appreciate me anyway."

"Admit it; nobody wants to ask you out because you don't know how to act even remotely like a girl. You can't even accept a guy's offer to grab lunch without treating it like a business meeting – that's why they don't bother asking you. You know you're jealous of the fact half the guys in school would take Akane out if they had the chance, and Kasumi can win a beauty contest without even entering, but nobody wants to give you the time of day." Ranma fought to keep a smile from forming; this was fun.

Nabiki snarled slightly, "That just goes to show how stupid that half really is, they hound after her and they ignore a body like mine?" She shifted slightly to prove her point that regardless what faults she did have, Nabiki possessed an attractive body and she knew it. "Like I said, they wouldn't know how to appreciate me, so they flock to my sisters, for all that neither of them are interested."

"You don't exactly make it easy to appreciate yourself, you know." Ranma pointed out.

Nabiki looked away. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, come on: I've been on your idea of a 'date' before. I know exactly what your idea of acting like a real girl is." Ranma snarked, totally deadpan.

"Oh, and you're the expert then?" Nabiki shot back.

"I've been on dates with other girls and they've never complained. Ask Ukyo or Shampoo about what happened with that ladykiller bandaid: aside from the fact it made me chase after every girl in sight, they'll tell you that they were perfectly happy with the way I acted." Ranma replied, making a show of buffing his fingernails on his shirt.

Nabiki fidgeted, clearly uncomfortable with Ranma's words, but spared the need to answer when a rapping rang out from her window. Blinking in surprise, Ranma wandered over and slid open the curtains, revealing the upside down visage of a happy-looking Shampoo dangling from the roof, who rapped on the glass with her knuckles again to prompt Ranma to slide the window open.

Nabiki immediately latched onto the opportunity to escape the conversation, "Well, looks like someone wants your company Ranma, so why don't you make like a tree and leaf?"

Shampoo looked at Ranma quizzically... a very curious expression indeed, considering she was still upside down. "What airen doing?"

Ranma shrugged nonchalantly. "Just asking Nabiki how it feels to know that her sisters can get any man they want with a snap of their fingers and she doesn't know the first thing about dating."

If looks could kill, Nabiki's glare would have slain Ranma and turned the district into a wasteland.

Shampoo shot Ranma a secretive, sly look, an evil light glittering in her wine-colored eyes, and then looked contemplative. "Hmm... maybe is because Nabiki have... other tastes?" She insinuated.

Nabiki gaped in shock before sputtering incoherently. After a few seconds, she all but shrieked, "I do not like girls!"

Shampoo shrugged. "Never say that. Just mean Nabiki maybe not like men. Great-grandmother tell me story about girl she know who ran off to live with tigers rather than people... and there old story in tribe about man what care for mare so much he want to marry her..."

Nabiki looked like she was about to explode before she took in a deep breath to calm herself down and hissed out, "I like guys, and for your information, I would be more than capable of acting like a normal girl on a date the moment someone asked me out."

"Oh, really?" Ranma mused skeptically, struggling to suppress a grin of triumph - and looking at Shampoo showed she had caught on to the weakness Nabiki had just revealed. "Care to prove that...?"

Nabiki glared at Ranma, "Any day Ranma."

"Maybe you'll get the chance. Some day. I'll meet you outside, Shampoo." Ranma told her. The bluenette nodded and pulled her head up as she climbed back onto the roof, Ranma quickly walking out of Nabiki's door and heading for the garden - he thought he heard the angry Tendo girl throw something hard at the wall inside her bedroom, but he wasn't sure. Outside, he met Shampoo crouching impatiently on the wall, springing over it and joining her on the street.

"That was fun." Shampoo grinned.

"I know; it's nice to be the one nettling her for a change. You sure Mousse will be set up?" Ranma asked.

"Thanks to memory wipe, is sweeping floor at Nekohanten while we wait for next opening time; Ranma can talk to him now." She answered.

"Alright; I'll do the talking, you wait outside and listen in, alright? That'll give you a better idea of what to do to manipulate him." Ranma instructed her. Shampoo nodded and the two sprinted off towards the Nekohanten.

Mousse sighed softly as he went about his chores; every day, it seemed, was the same old thing. He would work for wages that he would spend on gifts for Shampoo, which she would always reject, he would make passionate declarations of his feelings for her and denouncements of Ranma, which usually got either ignored or earned him a punch in the face, and he made the occasional challenge against Ranma. Honestly, his life here was more monotonous than it had been back in the village!

"Hey there duck-boy!" Ranma walked in with a smile that would have made a person's hair stand on end.

"What do you want?" Mousse grumbled. Just what he didn't need right now. At least Shampoo wasn't here for this Casanova to practice his sleaze on.

"What? Can't I come and see how you're doing? I mean, you look pretty lonely in here so I figured I'd give you some company for a bit." Ranma immediately slid a chair out and took a seat to prove his point.

"Since when do you care whether I'm lonely?" Mousse snapped, a hunch in his shoulders physically betraying the weariness beneath his tone. "...Not that I am lonely, I mean! After all, I have Shampoo, and who could possibly be lonely with her around?" He quickly added.

"You're right, how could anyone be lonely if they're regarded as something only slightly higher than a bug in some girl's eyes? Next you'll be telling me that she hits you as a form of affection and really she longs after you even as she tries to find a way to bed me. Come on man, I know you got eye problems but I know you ain't that blind." Ranma calmly started leaning back on his seat, casual as casual can be.

Mousse tensed up, aura beginning to flicker around him and muscles visibly taut with tension. "Shut up! What would you know about it?"

Ranma held up his hands in a placating manner. "Hey, I'm on your side here! In case you've forgotten, I'd like it if Shampoo ran off with you and left me alone." He reminded the Chinese boy.

Mousse huffed, "I'd like that more than anyone! But it's a little hard to convince her of the seriousness of my intentions if she keeps hanging off you every time you show up!"

"That's not my fault." Ranma replied flatly. "She just thinks I'm more a man than you are, I can't help that."

"But I'm the one for her, I love her more than you ever could!" Mousse threw his arms into the air wildly for emphasis.

"You know, that may actually be the problem." Ranma said, looking thoughtful.

Mousse blinked, anger guttering out in place of confusion, "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, you've been chasing her and lying at her feet for... how long is it now?" Ranma asked.

Mousse looked thoughtful and then shrugged, "I can't remember." He frowned, "I still don't know what you're getting at."

"She's never had to live with the idea that you might **not** be chasing her - that could be the way to make her start appreciating you more." Ranma explained.

Mousse started, "I could never do that, it would be a betrayal of my affections for Shampoo!"

Ranma shrugged. "Well, you gotta admit, hanging around her all the time isn't making her any more fond of you. Is going on just one date with another girl really a greater evil than possibly losing Shampoo forever because she was never persuaded to think of you any different than she does now? This is your chance to prove her wrong to think that."

Mousse paused, and then nodded with a grimace, "As much as it pains me, you're right. I would do anything to get Shampoo's affections, and if I must date another girl to do so, then fine."

Ranma blinked in surprise; he'd expected... well, a lot more resistance than this. "...Are you feeling alright?" He queried.

The longhaired teen sighed, "What other option do I have? I've tried everything else, from the mundane to the magical. Nothing has convinced Shampoo of how serious I am, its always the same insults each and every time and, frankly, I'm starting to tire of it, Saotome."

Ranma wondered if maybe Mousse was subconsciously retaining some of the memories that Shampoo had wiped - maybe that was fuelling this unprecedented resignation. "...Okay. Anyway, so you're willing to be seen going out with another girl to make Shampoo realize that she may not always have you around?"

Mousse nodded soberly, "I can't see anything short of a miracle happening any other way. I never thought of this before, so why not?"

"Do you have any girls who might be hanging around here to see you? Anybody who you could ask out and have a good chance of getting a yes?" Ranma asked.

Mousse stared back like a blank canvas, "What are you talking about Saotome, why would a girl show up here to get a look at me?"

Ranma's lips tried to form into words, but in the end went slack. Shampoo had mentioned that there were a few girls who definitely were taken with the bishonen Chinese Amazon, but it looked like Mousse was totally clueless. "Well... nevermind. I guess you're open to suggestions?" He hesitantly asked.

Mousse shrugged. "Pretty much?"

"Well then..." Ranma began; here it was, the climax of his plan. "...What about Nabiki Tendo?"

Mousse blinked, "Who?"

At this, Ranma's head hit the floor. "Oh, come on! Surely you know who Akane's sister is!?" He cried as he pushed himself upright.

Mousse shook his head, "I've seen an older looking one in a dress and apron, is that her?"

Ranma stared at him incredulously. "...You really don't know about Akane's other sister?"

Mousse frowned as he folded his arms, "I think it's pretty clear I don't."

Ranma sighed; this was a wrinkle he hadn't anticipated. "You know, that girl who was with us when we all went to the Mushroom Temple? Remember? The one you, Ryoga and Kuno were invited on, where Akane and me ate those funky mushrooms?" Left silent was the part where Mousse tried to make sure he and Akane remained permanently affected by the love poison of said mushrooms.

Mousse looked thoughtful, "Brown hair, curves in all the right places, cold eyes?"

"That's her." Ranma admitted. Mousse could actually appreciate the looks of another girl besides Shampoo?

Mousse nodded his head in realization, "Oh, I didn't know she was Akane's sister. So I'm guessing she's the one you're suggesting I go on a date with?"

"Uh... yeah." Ranma said.

Mousse looked contemplative, then slumped in a rather dejected fashion. "Are you sure she'll say yes? If she says no, this plan goes out the window."

"Of course she will!" Ranma asserted quickly, then fought to keep his relief from showing; it looked like Mousse was willing to go along with it. "Shampoo knows Nabiki, and she knows she doesn't usually bother going on dates. If she sees that you can get even somebody like her to be interested in you, she's much more likely to start worrying about losing you permanently."

Mousse made a skeptical noise in the back of his throat. "What should I do?"

"Just show up the first time you get a day off and ask her - I mean, you should know how to take a girl on a date, seeing as how you've been trying to get Shampoo on one for so long." Ranma straightened and popped his shoulders, giving a soft laugh of relief. "Ya know, it's kind of surprising how well you're taking this."

Mousse's mouth set into a thin line. "I have no doubt you are getting something out of this, Saotome, but I'll go along with this. For now."

"Of course you would; if it helps you get what you want, what do you care what I get out of it?" Ranma smirked. Spinning on his heels, he flicked his hand in a negligent wave. "Later." He said, even as he walked out of the door and began walking back to the Tendo household, Shampoo secretly following him. He stopped at the corner and heaved a sigh of relief. "I can't believe it was that easy." He told her.

"You think this will work?" Shampoo asked.

"I can't say for sure, but they ought to go on at least one date with each other now. With any luck, now that he starts looking, he'll pick up that there are girls who want him, and he'll just move on to one of them after Nabiki dumps him." Ranma replied.

Shampoo nodded, "True, would be too-too much to ask that Nabiki and Mousse become couple." She shuddered for a moment, "Mercenary and duck, is too-too freaky image."

Ranma snorted, "You're telling me. Well, now comes the hard part, waiting. I'll see you later Shampoo." Shampoo waved farewell and with that the pair went their separate ways.

_And thus ends this filler chapter. Our next chapter will, at last, be our adaptation of the famous "Big Trouble in Nekonron" story, as well as finally having Ranma's careful masquerade about his plans come tumbling down, so we hope you'll enjoy that. Sorry for not actually showing Mousse and Nabiki meeting in this chapter, but, as mentioned earlier, after that somewhat disastrous chapter with Tsubasa and Azusa, we've decided to keep "side romances" to off-screen. If folks are really interested enough, we might eventually write spin-offs showing their side of things during the course of this serial._

_Speaking of side-stories… I'm afraid I must admit that I'm starting to wonder if we could believably pull off a Ranma/Natsume ending or a Ranma/Kurumi ending given all of the setup we've put into having Ranma get to know his canon fiancées. Should we try to squeeze in Ranma getting to know the "lost Tendo sisters", or have him decide to just settle for getting them to be part of the Tendo family and leave Ranma/Natsume or Ranma/Kurumi as the basis for a whole different story, connected to our "Storms in Nerima" duality or not?_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** Sorry that this chapter took a while to come out. Delays on various ends, it happens. Anyway, we were kind of set on not making Natsume and Kurumi into candidates for Ranma, seeing as how we've gone to all the trouble of giving the other girls a chance to get to know him, so we're pleased to see that most readers would be fine with us doing that.

Speaking of candidates, I guess it's confession time. Originally, we were genuinely uncertain as to which girl to pair Ranma with – as mentioned at the start of the serial, there really are so many possibilities. However, by about… ooh, chapter five maybe? We had figured out exactly who we're going to pair Ranma with. We've kind of been using the votes as a way to gauge just how well we're handling the three girls and making them, among other things, seem like valid pairings for Ranma. I understand there's a possibility that Shampoo's in the lead simply because there are lots of fans who genuinely like the idea of Ranma/Shampoo, we're just the only ones to try and write it, but it works well enough. For those wondering who the girl is, well, you'll see when the end comes. Of course, that's going to take a bit of a while; there's seven other "specials" (counting the Ryugenzawa and Akane's Sisters as one each) we intend to adapt, with the seventh serving as the final chapter (sort of), and there's going to be 1 to 3 "filler" chapters between each special. But then, you can't just go from "no interest" to "I want you and only you" in a matter of days, yes?

Chapter 12: Ranma's Getting Married? The Nekonron Nightmare!

It was a quite weekend day at the Tendo Dojo. Kasumi was in the kitchen, happily trying out something new involving minced vegetables and water; Ranma had asked her if she had ever thought about trying food from other places before, and it had attracted her interest. Ranma was in the garden, practicing his katas. Soun and Genma were trying to pretend they were **not** watching a romantic anime on TV and they were **not** trying to get some ideas for new plans from it. Akane, meanwhile, was ignoring the parental figures and watching as Gelf showed her his skill at using the tarot deck.

"So, what's in our future?" While she was somewhat skeptical about the idea of fortune telling, she had to admit that Miyo had been surprisingly accurate when she'd determined Happosai was going to fall ill. Furthermore, given the fact she had a lot of experience with both real magic and trouble alike, it paid to be open minded about these things. Besides, if a yosei couldn't use tarot cards for real, who could?

Gelf simply stared at the cards, and then turned the first one over. Akane, not knowing the specific details of the art of tarot, was left in the dark. When Gelf's face tightened into a frown, though, she felt worry begin to grip her. "What's it mean?" She asked.

"Curious…" He muttered, and then flipped the other cards in rapid succession, refusing to say anything else as he intensely studied them.

"Gelf? What do they say?" Akane insisted.

"It's strange… this particular arrangement signifies both the coming of a stranger, and warns of impending danger."

Gelf trailed off as he realized Akane wasn't in the mindset to pay more than token attention to anything he might have said after that; his words had clearly made her start thinking about something else. He began to reshuffle the cards, leaving her to her thoughts, and was so distracted himself when she stood authoritatively and began walking out of the room, so he quickly got up to follow her.

"Where are we going?" He asked her.

"My room," she replied. "Your predictions are accurate, right? Well, I don't particularly feel like getting into that sort of nuttiness again. I like that I haven't had to deal with... with martial arts flower arrangers popping up to challenge Ranma in. I don't want to deal with that sort of stuff again." She complained. "So, I'm going up to my room and I'm going to stay where it's safe and sensible until all this blows over."

"When you put it like that, allow me to join you." The yosei replied.

Meanwhile, outside of the Tendo Dojo, Ukyo hummed happily to herself as she walked up the street to the main gate. Today, she'd ask Ranma for a date instead of waiting for him to come to her. As grateful as she was that he had come to his senses, she wished they could be together a little more often. She knew he had to be careful of that jackass he called a father, and those other witches who wanted to keep him away from her, but was it wrong for a girl to want to be around the man she loved? Not to mention that some of the dates hadn't turned out as well as they could have done – take, for example, that little incident earlier this week when they'd gone to the park. A couple of brats with water guns had thought it hilarious to chase Ranma and her all over the park, continually sniping at him with cold water whenever it looked like they might be doing something romantic. Though she had been prepared and brought along a thermos of hot water, by the fourth time, Ranma called it off as a waste.

She'd taken great pleasure in grabbing those brats, crushing their guns, and then throwing the little idiots into the lake once Ranma was safely out of sight.

Such pleasant memories were scattered when, as she approached the gate, she heard the obnoxiously familiar sound of a bicycle bell ringing, quickly leaping to the side lest her number one rival "accidentally" run her down as she skidded to a stop after having jumped her bike off of the roof of the nearby building.

"Nihao." Shampoo told her coldly. Then, formalities out of the way, she leapt right to the question. "What you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question." Ukyo replied flatly.

Before Shampoo could reply, an all-too-familiar (and unwelcome) laugh broke out. Barely had it begun to die away than Kodachi descended from a different rooftop with her usual dramatic flare. "So, it seems that I am not alone in considering this glorious day to be the perfect opportunity to ask Ranma Saotome to a date, am I?" She declared.

"That right. But other girls can go home; Ranma come out with Shampoo." The Chinese girl declared triumphantly.

"And just what makes you say that, China Doll?" Ukyo scoffed. "Ranma-honey has far too much taste to be seen in public with you."

Kodachi was aware of Ranma's plans to get to know all of the girls after him, having heard the details from Sasuke. Though it had been somewhat shaken by the manner in which her first "meeting" had gone, she still remained confident that she would be the inevitable winner. Concerns of how much damage she did to her chances with her reaction to the revelation of his curse reminded her to keep her cool.

Would it have changed matters if she had remembered that the other girls did not have this knowledge and thusly each believed that she alone had been the recipient of Ranma's sudden outburst of romantic intention? Who knows? The reality was that she did not recognize the dangerous track the conversation her two rivals were taking until it was too late.

"Shampoo say that because Ranma not ashamed to be seen in public with Shampoo!" The Chinese Amazon barked.

"Yeah?" Ukyo scoffed.

"Ranma go out with Shampoo just other day – what you think?" The bluenette leered in response.

"He **what!**" Ukyo screamed. "But he took me out on Monday!"

Now it was Shampoo's turn to scream in denial, and Kodachi finally realized just where this was going and tried frantically to head it off at the pass – not out of any concern for the others, but because she couldn't take Ranma on a date if they hospitalized him. "Now, girls, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for this…" She started to say, but was cut off as the others promptly broke into a charge at the Tendo compound's gate, smashing through it and forcing her to abandon her attempts to be reasonable.

"Ranma!"

Ranma stopped in mid-kata at the perfectly synchronized pair of angry feminine roars. Even though he should have known better, he turned automatically to confirm that, yes, Shampoo and Ukyo were pelting across the lawn with auras of pure fury scorching the grass underfoot. Immediately he turned and ran, going from stillness to motion without a wasted second of transition, bounding over the wall even as his fiancées thundered after him.

Ryoga whistled a nameless tune as he walked down the street; it had been a while since he had been back to Nerima, no thanks to that damn imp! Thanks to that thing he had been forced to run from butchers, people who wanted to keep him as a pet, and...

KLOCK! "Sorry Ryoga gotta run bye"

Ryoga blinked as he rubbed his head, before realizing who had spoken.

"Ranma! Get back here! Yo--aaaaaarrgh!" Ryoga's words were promptly drowned out as two very pissed off teenage girls trampled him their blind pursuit of his rival. Kodachi's using his skull for a springboard simply because it was convenient was the final insult.

Coughing, Ryoga got to his feet. "Damn it Ranma! You're not getting away that easily!"

Ranma was vaguely aware of Ryoga having joined in the chase, but otherwise all of his attention was fixated on running as fast as he could; great martial artist he was, but that still didn't mean he _enjoyed_ pain! He was paying no attention to where he was going, simply fixated on the very process of running, but his hindbrain chose to throw up a comment just then: wasn't this the route that led past that annoying old Shinto woman's house…?

'Crap!'

Speak of the devil, and there she was, getting ready to do that stupid purification ritual yet again. Ranma's feet skidded on the pavement as he fought against momentum, but as her hand came arcing around it became clear that he was fighting a futile battle. Even as the cold water soaked his body, his flesh and bones twisting into their Jusenkyo-induced alternative pattern, she wondered yet again if this stupid old bat had some kind of grudge against him. It seemed like every other time he came past her, she just had to be out purifying the ground outside her gate. She hit the ground running again, trying to take advantage of the momentary delay the old woman's presence would cause to make up for the ground she had lost.

"There, it's finally done; after all those budget setbacks." The owner of the new apartment stepped back as the construction foreman grimaced.

"I still think you should have invested in local materials sir, this is Nerima."

The owner scoffed at the foreman's suggestion and waved a hand around the neighborhood, birds chirping in the background, prompting the foreman to look increasingly nervous.

"Nonsense! Even if building-destroying martial artists were around, I chose this area because it is by far the most peaceful; none of this supposed Nerima Wrecking Crew will show up."

Just then, a blur smashed through a window, through the intervening walls judging from the crashes within, and out a window on the other side. The foreman turned and was about to say something when several more blurs hit the building scant seconds later, and the building promptly vanished in a massive explosion of dust.

The cry of anguish from the owner of the pile of rubble could have been heard clear on the other side of Tokyo.

Ranma, meanwhile, had barely noticed she had plowed through a building in his rush - and neither had any of the people pursuing her. Their path had taken them into somebody's private garden, which had been lavishly stocked with all manner of cacti, which presented something of an impediment.

"Who grow cactus in Japan? Eeyow!" Shampoo squealed in pain as she stumbled against a very large cactus with particularly prominent hooks.

Ryoga found himself grateful for the Bakusai Tenketsu; while he had been very pissed that Cologne had duped him into believing that it was something out of Fist of the North Star, the fact the natural armor made him impervious to the spikes of the plants in the garden really made up for it. Of course, he still had to slow down; he might damage property, but he didn't want to wreck somebody's garden. Besides, the idea of getting cactus needles in his eyes was kind of frightening.

Of course, once they were out of the field of sharp spines and barbed needles, the chase picked up full steam again.

At the Nekohanten, blissfully unaware of the human storm coming their way, Mousse was taking advantage of a lull in the presence of customers to treat himself to a bowl of ramen, Cologne sitting and relaxing on a table and talking idly with her employee. She may not approve of either his stalking her great-granddaughter or his vehemence towards Ranma, but that didn't mean she hated him. "So, Mousse, I heard a rumor that you were seen on a date with Ms. Nabiki Tendo yesterday?" She asked conversationally.

Mousse promptly choked on his noodles, trying to hide this from Cologne. How had she...? Well, no matter. In a way, this what he wanted... "So what if I was?" He asked, trying to make it sound like it was merely a hypothetical question rather than an admission of guilt.

Cologne smiled indulgently. "It's good to see that you're finally growing up, boy. It would have been a waste of your life to pursue Shampoo forever, and it's about time you found somebody who would appreciate you. Of course, you still need to find a way to complete that second phrase, but it's nice to see you getting on with your life."

"And just what's wrong with Nabiki?" Mousse asked, feeling rather insulted by Cologne's choice of words. He had actually enjoyed the previous afternoon's experience, and didn't like hearing Cologne imply it was otherwise. Of course, he rather disliked Cologne anyway… almost as much as he disliked the implication that he was still too dumb to know what was good for him.

What Cologne may have said was lost to the ages, for it was at that moment that the doors to the Nekohanten slammed open and a blur of red and black came storming through.

"Sorry Granny sorry Mousse gotta run hey can I borrow that yowch that's hot see you latter gotta go bye!"

Mousse and Cologne blinked in mutual confusion as the blur zoomed past the table where they had been sitting, then shot over the counter into the kitchen and out through the back door, a now-empty bowl clattering into the sink. Mousse looked down to confirm that, yes, his half-eaten bowl of ramen was no longer in his hands. They were both still trying to decipher that rapid-fire blur of gibberish when more blurs stormed through the open door.

"Ranma! You have explaining to do!" A blur of blue whipped through the room and out the back door.

"Ranma! Get back here you jackass! Outta the way Mousse!" The longhaired teen found himself on his back as a brown blur whipped through the restaurant and out the back door. Mousse was about to say something when a yellow blur came through, bellowing a wordless roar and demolishing the counter without even noticing as it followed the others out the back door.

Finally, as Mousse got back to his feet, he spotted Kodachi Kuno arrive, pause, and then bow to both him and Cologne. "I apologize for the intrusion."

With that the girl dashed out the back door.

Mousse stood up and made a show of dusting down his clothes, cracked his neck, shoulders and back, then took a deep breath. "Ranma, come back here! You're going to pay for that!" And with that he took off after them.

It should be noted that, this time, Mousse actually meant that last part _literally_. He would be damned if he'd allow somebody to eat at the Nekohanten and run on _his_ watch!

Cologne reached for her pogo stick and joined the procession; she wanted to get to the bottom of this. Besides, this beat watching soap opera reruns and Japanese game shows.

On other streets, a girl skated idly around without any apparent cares in the world, ignoring the catcalls with the ease of practice; she was far too used to them to take them seriously any more. Besides, she was quite happily taken now. "Tsubasa? Tsubasa? Little Azusa is gonna find you!" She called out; who knew hide and seek could be so fun? The prize that her new boyfriend always had waiting for her at the end of each session just made it all the more enticing. She paused in her searching and stared at the sky as a sound came to her attention; thunder? But the clouds were white and fluffy, like cute big masses of cotton, not black and ominous.

"Gangway!" Came a desperate male voice.

Azusa's head whipped around and she shrieked in fright at the sight of an angry mob of the most notorious local martial artists in town charging towards her. In fact, she was so petrified with fear that they would have trampled her had the tree she was standing under not suddenly bent down its branch and hoisted her to safety. The result was that she found herself sitting comfortably above the martial artists as they hurtled by, their words drifting on the wind past her.

"Ranma stop running!"

"We're gonna catch ya sooner or later, Ranma!"

"Girls, please, can't we talk this over peacefully? Come on, I'm being the voice of reason here – doesn't that make you want to hear me out?"

"You're going to pay for stepping on my head!"

"Ranma Saotome, nobody skips their bill at the Nekohanten! You're not getting away without paying for that ramen!"

Azusa watched the parade of freaks vanish at high speed into the horizon, and then shook her head. "Thank you, Tsubasa."

Her lover poked his head out a knothole. "This doesn't count as a win for you." He informed her, at which Azusa pouted.

"Why is it whenever anything goes my way, it always means I've got twice the bad luck coming?" Ranma complained to anyone who might be listening. He felt he had a right to complain: after all, the girls had clearly figured out he'd been testing the waters (so to speak) with all three of them, making this the most dangerous chase he'd been involved in since… since… that incident involving the three small dogs, the horny male zebra, the knife-juggling clown-on-a-ball, and the two burly Scotsmen in full traditional regalia on roller-skates.

"Wow, Ranma, I didn't know you had it in you! So, does this mean you'll be coming with me on my next panty raid?"

Ranma started with surprise, craning his neck to see that Happosai was indeed bounding along beside him with his trademark bulging sack of loot on his shoulders. "Where the hell did you come from?" He demanded. "And what the hell do you mean about me coming on one of your sick outings?"

"Why, you're already practicing getting away from mobs of angry women – that's a vital skill you'll need to master if you're to truly take over as my heir!" The old pervert grinned triumphantly.

Ranma had always had his suspicions that Happosai's claim of wanting an heir meant less an heir to his various martial arts tricks and more someone to become a panty-stealing molesting voyeur like himself. Now he was certain of it.

"There is no chance in hell of me ever turnin' out like **you**, old goat! Now get lost!" He shouted, grabbing the bag and using it to heave the diminutive pervert into the perfect position to give him one mother of a kick to the pants. While the fact he was running at the same time meant that he could not get the bracing he needed to see Happosai clear out of Nerima, he was still strong and skilled enough to punt Happosai a kilometer or so. Watching him sail off past the rooftops, trailing lingerie like a perverse comet, Ranma almost forgot about the mob chasing him in his pride at performing such a difficult feat.

The thing was, they were getting much louder – and also less coherent. In fact, they started to sound less like they were screaming in rage and more like they were just screaming. When Ranma turned his head around, a stupid mistake while running at top speed, he also screamed. He didn't have time to make much sense of what he saw, but it looked like a mountainous black aura, crackling with crimson lightning bolts and with two demonic eyes. Then it lashed out at him, and Ranma was flying further and faster than he had ever flown before. All those times that Happosai had blown him up, or those relatively rare occasions Akane had sent him through the roof? Forget those: this topped anything he'd ever been on the wrong end of before.

Meanwhile, at the Tendo household, lunch was being served. Nabiki popped her head back into the living room and gave it a shake, shortly before she walked on in. "Sorry, daddy, but Akane refuses to come out. Says it's going to be a bad day."

"I don't know what goes on in that girl's head sometimes." Genma murmured to himself. Then he brightened. "Oh well, all the more for us."

Soun, meanwhile, was staring at the bowl of… well, it looked like a vegetarian nightmare… Kasumi had just prepared for him. "Um… Kasumi? What is this?" He asked hesitantly.

"It's called gazpacho soup, father. It's a Spanish dish." Kasumi explained cheerily.

"It's cold." Soun pointed out, reluctant to hurt Kasumi's feelings, but unable to avoid pointing out this fundamental flaw.

"It's supposed to be served cold. It's intended for warm days as a refresher." She replied, nonplussed.

Soun couldn't think of a reply for that, and instead chose to change the subject. "I wonder where Ranma is? It's not like him to be late to a meal."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll come flying in at any second – that boy has a bottomless pit for a stomach." Nabiki added.

With the ease of long practice, Kasumi pushed the taunt that began bubbling on her tongue back into the darkness of her mind. After all, it just wouldn't be sisterly to admit she would have bet on Nabiki over Ranma in an eating contest any day. She did hope Ranma would arrive soon; after all, he had been the one to suggest she try foods from different cultures to keep from getting bored, and she wanted him to be the first one to try her first experiment.

And that was when Ranma, with the other members of the mob that had been chasing him close behind, hit the Tendo living room like guided missiles.

In her room, lying on her bed with a crossword puzzle, Akane winced at the massive impact. Just what they needed: more property damage. With acceptance caused by many previous experiences, she shrugged it off. "I knew something like this would happen." She groused. Internally, her pride as a martial artist was calling, crying, demanding for her to leave the room and go and confront Ranma over his latest mess. But, for once, cold logic was drowning that. Why should she go out there? Most of the time, Ranma had been there to protect her, however obnoxious his attitude. Shampoo, Ukyo and Kodachi had no qualms about fighting dirty; they would have no problem putting her in hospital if Ranma wasn't going to even put up the pretense of being faithful to her anymore.

So the decision was really no decision at all. Pushing it aside, she turned to more important matters at hand: considering seven down on her crossword.

Gelf said nothing, instead inching a little closer to her for protection, holding a hastily constructed talisman in one hand. Sometimes, he wondered if he wouldn't have been better off staying lost in the Hungering Forest instead of coming back with Akane.

The living room was devastated; Kasumi had, fortunately, been quick enough on her feet to duck back out into the hall and been spared any pain. Happosai was currently little more than a vaguely identifiable lump in the soil between the porch and the pond. Kodachi was dangling from the plum tree, and both Ukyo and Shampoo were lying where the table had once been, now sprawled on top of each other. Mousse hit the roof above the porch, even as Ryoga bounced into the koi pond, meaning a soggy black piglet was now creeping sullenly under the house. Ranma was currently embedded back first into the wall, upside down with her head in the soup tureen. About the only person who had come out of the mess unscathed was Cologne, who was now perched serenely on the wall.

Soun was the first to recover, prying himself out of the floor with a groan and howling with dismay at the sight of his ruined living room. "Who's responsible for all of this?" He demanded.

Not too far away, Nabiki shook off the dazing; thankfully she hadn't hit anything hard when she'd been bowled over by the crash. She was certainly aware enough to spot what Soun had missed. "I think that might be the culprit, daddy!" She declared, pointing fearfully at what she had spotted.

Soun followed his daughter's pointing figure and shrieked as the hulking, shapeless black cloud-thing advancing steadily through the garden and stopping just near the pond. As if woken from their respective stupors by Soun's cry (and who knew, maybe they were), the other martial artists sprang up and got ready to fight. Ranma finally managed to pull herself both out of the wall and the vegetable tureen, shaking off the worst of the soup dripping down her body and putting up a defensive posture, grateful the… whatever it was… had evidently distracted the girls from noticing that they finally had her cornered. As the group watched, however, the monster began to shrink down to a still impressive size, crackling more fiercely before suddenly popping like a bubble, revealing the form of an…

"Elephant?" The household chorused, even Akane and Gelf, who were now watching this through Akane's window.

"This is no ordinary elephant." Cologne interjected. "I can't remember the last time I've felt such a formidable battle aura from anyone, man, beast, or demon."

The elephant ignored them, its eyes flicking intensely back and forth before locking onto the small lump that was Happosai. With an angry bugle, it held out its trunk and started inhaling like a vacuum, sucking the little pervert from its position and clamping him into place. It bent over backwards; slamming Happosai headfirst into the ground then did an impressive back flip and landed squarely on him. The group relaxed as they watched the most hated person in Nerima get the shit beaten out of him by several hundred kilos of raging pachyderm.

"Well, I guess it must have been here for the old goat all along." Ranma mused.

"Right. Now that settled…" Shampoo began, turning to Ranma with a cold expression on her face, Ukyo doing the exact same thing. Ranma backed away nervously, only to blink in shock when Kodachi stepped in front of her in a protective fashion.

"Now look, I'm certain that if we calm down and talk this out rationally, we can solve this without anyone getting hurt."

Ranma was both touched and impressed. Though maybe a little less of the latter when Kodachi whispered to her out of the corner of her mouth, "Run for it, I'll distract them."

While this personal little drama was playing out, the elephant had finished pummeling Happosai. It stood over his battered, unconscious form, glaring sabers (there was way too much hate to call them daggers) at him, then blinked as a shrill whistle split the air. Everyone looked up as the elephant developed a happy expression and wandered over to the plum tree, raising its trunk to gracefully receive a newcomer to the scene.

It was a petite figure of a girl, slightly taller than Ranma's female form, with short blonde hair bobbing around a face in which a pair of olive-green eyes regarded the situation with a glare, small mouth set in a grim line. The clothing looked like something from somewhere in the northern parts of China, perhaps close to Mongolia considering the hair. With the obviously trained elephant in account, and the way she moved, it was clear that the girl was a martial artist as well, who likely supplemented her skills with her talent with animals.

Not the weirdest person to have ever come storming into the Tendo Dojo – after the likes of Sankichi Urakishi, the demented master of Martial Arts Shogi, or the giggling Sotatsu Jikei'ien, she was pretty boring. That still didn't explain why she was here, though. As Ranma thought this, though, the girl leveled a dramatic finger point at the still unconscious Happosai.

"At last, Lychee find you, Happosai! You pay for steal Lychee childhood!" She shouted.

"Wow, and I thought Shampoo's Japanese was terrible." Ukyo commented.

"Spatula girl shut up. Like hear how good you speak Chinese." The resident Chinese girl grumbled.

"So, she's here because of the old goat… anyone else see this coming?" Ranma asked, pulling off her shirt and wringing it out. Something thin, vaguely round and surprisingly hard slammed into her face and knocked her over, followed by a feminine voice squealing in dismay.

"Put clothes on, pervert!"

"My sentiments exactly!" Akane called out from the safety of her window.

Ranma grumbled as she hauled herself off of the ground and slipped back into her damp shirt, still clutching the mystery projectile: half of a tightly-wound scroll. "What is this thing?" She asked. "And why does it give me a strange feeling of déjà vu?" She muttered to herself.

"Is scroll of luck, what be in Lychee family for generations! Happosai pay for trick Lychee!" The stranger shouted.

As if on dramatic cue, lightning flashed and thunder roared. And then, suddenly, the dark sky above lit up with flashing lights, beams of brilliance stabbing through the clouds and tracing the grounds of the Tendo compound. The sense of mystery didn't waver much when the source of the lights was revealed; an impressively sized old-fashioned wooden boat, suspended beneath a giant balloon. As it descended through the air, an authoritative voice called out, touched with a Chinese accent, but otherwise perfectly proficient in its Japanese.

"At long last, she who is foretold has been found. The other half of our sacred scroll has been returned to us, and you, young maiden, have been chosen by destiny!"

"Say what?" Could pretty much be said to sum up the reactions of all present.

"You, maiden with the scroll, will come with Prince Kirin of Nekonron and become his bride!" The voice proclaimed, the flying ship now low enough that those on the ground could see the people aboard, if only vaguely. The owner of the voice, and centerpiece of the group of six, was a coldly handsome mature Chinese man with a regal bearing and a proud expression beneath dark green hair, commanding all of the attention away from the others at his side.

It was the sight of this authoritative man that aroused Lychee's attention. Turning away from Happosai and the group with an ecstatic expression on her face, she raised her arms imploringly to the heavens. "At last, it happen! Lychee prince come to give Lychee happy ever after…" She slowly took several steps forward, growing bolder, before the green-haired man, evidently Prince Kirin, glanced her way with a thunderous expression.

"Who are you, fool? And what nonsense is this you speak?" He thundered.

The expression on Lychee's face, even from their angle, was heartbreaking. "My prince…" She called plaintively.

"You do not possess the scroll, girl! Prince Kirin has no time for the likes of you!" He snapped. "She is the maiden who shall be the wife of Prince Kirin!" He pointed for emphasis, the people gathered at the Tendos' home following it by instinct.

"_Ranma?"_

"Like **fuck** I will!" Ranma screeched in rage.

"Such vulgar language. It seems you will need considerable education in the proper behavior according your new title. Ebiten!" Prince Kirin snapped.

"Sire!" Saluted the dwarf with the fishing pole. "Even a shrimp can land a royal catch." He joked, twirling his pole elaborately and sending his line lashing down to coil around Ranma's wrist, jerking the startled boy-turned-girl with a shriek into the air to land, bridal style, into Kirin's arms.

"You should be honored my dear, for you are not to be just any bride, but the bride of the mighty Prince of Nekonron, Kirin, and upon our return, a queen to match my own illustrious authority. Of course, we will have to soften some of your harder edges..."

Ranma's fist lashed out and slammed into Kirin's face, flooring the man and stunning the others into a stupor.

"How's that for hard edges, you son of a bitch? Of all the arrogant bastards I have to deal with, you just may be the worst of the lot! Do you really think that if I said no the first time I would agree after being dumped in your arms? FUCK NO! Now hold still so I can hit you again!"

The redhead raised a foot to do just that when, in a flurry of shouts and shrieked expletives, Ranma was promptly bound up and gagged. Once she was secured, one of a set of young looking male twins sighed in relief. "That was close; this one is going to be a handful, that's for sure."

The others nodded their agreement, even as Ranma struggled in her bonds with a viper's glare in her eyes.

The sheer speed of which this had all happened had momentarily thrown the Nerimites for a loop, but they quickly regained their mental footing and outrage burned in their hearts.

"How dare you abscond with my Ranma! You shall be punished for this!" Kodachi shouted, leaping up and lashing out with one of her ever-present ribbons to form a makeshift grappling line to the railing of the ship.

Realizing what she had intended, the others swarmed to follow her, lest she take the ribbon up with her and leave them stranded on the ground and unable to help. Fortunately, she evidently retained awareness that she could not hope to defeat so many skilled opponents on her own and so left it in their reach. Like a pack of ravening wolves they swarmed onto the deck, readying themselves to fight.

"How dare you defy me? Do you know who I am?" Prince Kirin raged, wiping with one hand (still clutching long, formal chopsticks) at his bruised cheek.

"No know, no care! You take Ranma over my dead body!" Shampoo snapped, pulling out her chúi and brandishing them at her indignant countryman.

"That's right! Ranma may be scum, but I will be the one to slay him!" Mousse declared triumphantly.

"Not if I beat him first, you won't!" Ryoga barked furiously.

"Can we focus on the big picture here?" Ukyo complained. "First, we show this ignorant gaijin who they're messing with - _then_ we can settle out who gets Ranma and for what." She added.

By this point, Kirin was livid. "You ignorant peasants! How dare you talk to your betters in such a fashion! Feel the sting of Kyakusho Yogekki Kyo!" Raising his chopsticks in one hand, and raising a bowl of rice in the other to his chest, he suddenly brought the chopsticks-hand to his chest and then hurled it out, unleashing a great volley of tiny arrows of yellow ki energy. The Nerimites screamed in unison as they were battered, the barbs of ki driving them back until they fell over the railing. As they dropped out of sight, Kirin's hand relaxed and the barrage of projectiles stopped. "Weaklings." He sniffed. "Cast off for Nekonron!" He ordered.

If it had been Akane in this position, Ranma was certain she would have cried out his name. Truth be told, for once, she could sympathize with her - seeing the girls come to her rescue had been encouraging, and seeing them defeated so easily made her heart skip a beat, but she couldn't think of what to say and was well beyond the reach of their ears by the time that her tongue unfroze.

On the muddy earth near the Tendo's koi pond, Kodachi groaned and shook her head. The earth suddenly began to shake and tremble, and she narrowly evaded being trampled as the elephant from before suddenly galloped by, Lychee perched on her back and sobbing out a litany of "My prince! My prince!"

Kodachi promptly pushed herself angrily out of the mud, snarled something along the lines of "oh no you don't, you bitch!" and then lashed out with her ribbon. With her skills in impromptu noosing, she easily dragged Lychee from the back of her pachyderm steed. When the others mentioned this turn of events later, Kodachi, of course, would deny it utterly - a lady such as herself would never use such language!

That did not change the fact she had indeed lassoed Lychee, or that the elephant only advanced a few more steps before realizing its mistress had been abducted, wheeling around and charging right back at them. "Subdue that beast!" Kodachi panicked. Several hundred kilos of meat and bone barreling towards her at a speed approaching that of a car brought age-old instincts flaring up inside her.

The other two girls and Ranma's rivals both leapt at the elephant, meeting it head on in a concentrated strike directly at its forehead that made its eyes cross and brought it crashing to the ground. Evidently, they had been afraid of getting squashed too, so much so that they hadn't objected to obeying one of their own.

"Alright, missy, you have five seconds to explain just who that creep was and why he made off with our fiancé, or we're going to show you just what bad luck really is!" Ukyo snapped at Lychee. Lychee glared at Ukyo, but said nothing. Ukyo drew back her arm in preparation to deliver one mother of a slap, before Shampoo seized her by the wrist.

"Ukyo let Shampoo try; we speak the same language."

Conceding the point, Ukyo stepped back and allowed the blue-haired Chinese Amazon to chatter away in her native tongue. Though her tone and facial expressions were pleasant and conversational, she evidently wasn't saying much that Lychee wanted to hear, given the way that the blond-haired Chinese girl paled and looked frightened before finally beginning to chatter back. After several minutes, Shampoo stepped back and looked angry.

"Apparently, Lychee's ancestor find Happosai washed up on lake shore with spear wound many decades ago. They give him food and shelter, but then he try and run off without saying thanks - and with much food stolen from their restaurant. When they catch him, he give them a halfed scroll he carrying, say it bring them good luck and that one day, a prince would come to wed woman what holding scroll. Lychee wait whole life for prince to come for her, but he never come, so she get angry and look for Happosai to punish him. And then prince come after all."

"Yeah, yeah, real tragic - but who was that creep? Neighbor of yours, sugar?" Ukyo snarked, waving her hand in dismissal.

Shampoo bit back anger at the insult, instead turning to Cologne. "Well, great-grandmother? You know him?"

The elderly Amazon looked thoughtful and went into her wise act. "Not in person, no, but I do know of Nekonron. It is a mysterious hidden kingdom, deep in the mountains of Xinjiang, within spitting distance of Kazahkstan and Kyrgyzstan, and ruled over traditionally by the masters of a style known as the Seven Lucky Gods School. There were rumors that the Kazahks and Kygryz once sent troops in during the Cold War, seeking Nekonron's secrets for their Soviet masters, but none returned and since then they were left alone. Still, why this scroll is so important to these people eludes me, Happosai should know more."

"Hey, where is that little underwear troll anyway?" Ryoga asked. A quick investigation revealed that Happosai had indeed disappeared, much to their mutual disdain.

"It not really matter why they want scroll, what is matter is that they stupid enough to think we let them have Ranma!" Shampoo declared boldly. "Shampoo say we go and get him back, make them pay for this!"

"Yeah!" Was the unanimous outcry.

Mousse took this opportunity to sidle up to Shampoo and surreptuously slip his arm around her shoulder. "You needn't fear, Shampoo; with me on your side, Ranma shall be rescued post haste."

Shampoo grabbed the offending limb and pulled him into a judo throw. "You?" She mocked as he crashed onto the porch. "Shampoo not trust you to boil eggs for Ranma. First moment Shampoo take eyes off of you, you try and kill Ranma. Shampoo not let you come."

"But Shampoo!" He pleaded.

She made a dismissive gesture. "Enough! Would trust Mousse if we go to rescue Akane, but when Ranma is one whose life is at stake, is too-too much temptation. You stay here. Maybe see if can catch old fart and make him suffer."

"So, I guess you're gonna insist I stay behind too, girly? Well, I'm not your bootlicker – how do you plan to make me listen?" Ryoga growled.

"Would never think of it. Besides, Ryoga no is danger to Ranma."

"What!" Ryoga said, looking startled, insulted and mildly outraged all at once. "I'm plenty dangerous to Ranma!" He insisted, clearly hurt.

"We have no time to delay! Though we may have differences of opinion, for now we are united by a common goal! For this most sacred mission, I volunteer the services of the Kuno family vessel, Subdragon the 5th! Let us depart post-haste, and save our beloved Ranma from the unspeakable fate that this arrogant Chinaman dares to drag him towards in his ignorance!" Kodachi declared, posed dramatically on one of the larger rocks around the koi pond, finger pointing to the sky above and passion and determination visibly pouring from her. Caught up in the enthusiasm, the other girls cheered and they raced off before anyone could intervene to stop them, Ryoga and even Mousse being dragged along in the rush.

In fact, they were long gone by the time that Akane finally skidded into the room. "Sorry I'm late; don't leave me behind! I can't just leave Ranma alone like that… ah, nuts." She trailed off, visibly wilting. Gelf walked up silently behind her and put a hand comfortingly on her shoulder.

"Don't be too upset, Akane. It was probably too dangerous to go anyway – I mean, all that time with just your rivals? You'd have been lucky to make it home alive, never mind in one piece."

It might have been the yosei's words, it might have been that it was just then that Soun fully understood the magnitude of what happened, but Soun chose that moment to burst into tears. Akane looked at him with a rather disappointed expression.

"Aw, geeze, dad, grow up."

_Meanwhile, at the nearest coast, the impromptu rescue party had set out for China. Although there were one or two minor hiccups in the plan…_

"_This_ your plan? We never make it to China in this!" Shampoo complained.

"Yeah, when you said a family vessel, I was at least expecting a speedboat." Ukyo added.

"Well, this is all we have, so you two can just shut up and keep rowing. We've got to pick up the pace!" Kodachi decreed in an authoritative tone.

"Then how come you're not doing anything?" Mousse muttered.

"I'm steering." She explained.

_And thus Ranma's plight begins. Will the girls be able to save Ranma from Kirin? …Or perhaps the question should be "will they be able to save Kirin from Ranma when he slash she gets loose"? We're sorry for cutting this in half, we were originally going for one super long chapter, but the length needed just to get to this point, and the time it took, meant we felt we should break it in half and give you something while we work on finishing the story arc off. The other half of this special shouldn't take too long to have posted, we hope._


	14. Chapter 14

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** Well, I'm pleased and more than a little surprised about how well folks took the revelations of the previous chapter. While we are most certainly not going for a harem matchup at the end (though the possibility does exist that we will do that as an "alternate ending" if folks would like that), I'm pretty sure that I can say that you'll enjoy the ending no matter whether you want Ranma/Shampoo, Ranma/Ukyo, or Ranma/Kodachi.

Daxel; we're actually going to use the "Tendo Dojo Christmas Party" OVA as our climax. But thanks to you, we've actually figured out what we're going to do for the Ryugenzawa adaptation, so thank you for that.

RockBane; well, technically, one could say that there is a Ranma somewhere in the "ARDverse" who is watching the events of this chapter and the previous one in the Eye of Zygyg. But… unless stated otherwise, all events that happen in this story are exactly what's happening. It gets too confusing otherwise.

Chapter 13: Showdown at Nekonron!

Growing up on the road does not give you a very conventional schooling. In fact, given how he had grown up, it was really remarkable that Ranma was as (relatively) honest and sociable as he was. In fact, the things he had most naturally picked up tended to not be very appropriate for polite society. Among these things was a profoundly profane vocabulary, which Ranma, still in female form, was currently sharing with Prince Kirin and his six retainers - it really would not have surprised them to see the wood blistering and the paint peeling off from the diatribe spewing from Ranma's spittle-flecked lips.

Prince Kirin remained resolute during the barrage; he was of noble blood and would not be robbed of his composure by a little foul language. Even if he had to admit that it was a rather remarkable amount of foul language. Monlon had quickly vanished shortly after the rant started. Bishamonten was frozen in horror at some of things being said, mainly about his ancestry and how certain animals contributed to his family tree. Wu, on the other hand, simply sat there; Kirin was glad that the large fighter could sometimes be as stupid as he acted. A glance revealed Ebiten taking notes, and while that was not unusual, the fact that he was seemingly encouraging his bride's venomous tirade and that the twins Daikokuse and Daihakusei were joining him, prompted the prince to finally act.

Besides, his ears were starting to hurt.

"Enough of this. Wu, Bishamonten, gag her and place her in a cabin." The two men leapt into action, Bishamonten considerably faster than Wu, and before long a sturdy gag was in place and the glaring girl was carried off by Wu, Bishamonten nursing a nasty-looking bite from putting on the gag as Kirin loomed over Ebiten's and the twin's notes.

"Dump them, now."

Nodding rapidly, the trio quickly tossed their notes overboard as their leader nodded.

"Remind Prince Kirin that we'll need to ensure that she's properly educated when we arrive at Nekonron."

Ebiten nodded, even as he and the twins vanished to amuse themselves.

Ranma struggled and writhed like a cut snake against her captors' grip, but to no avail; strong as she was, even in female form, there were limits to her strength. Between the sheer weight of the hulking Wu and the fact he had her arms gripped firmly behind her back, so much so that they felt on the verge of being pulled from their sockets, there was nothing Ranma could really do to free herself.

Bishamonten, quite clearly the brains of the group, led the duo and opened a small door, stepping back to allow Wu to unceremoniously toss her inside. "You should be down on your knees thanking your lucky stars for this good fortune, you ungrateful wench. Were it up to me, you would be severely disciplined for your misconduct. But that is in Prince Kirin's hands. Use this opportunity to repent for daring to act as you have before your future husband, and be prepared to conduct yourself with the proper decorum once you are granted freedom."

Bishamonten barely managed to slam the door shut before the livid girl crashed into him, Ranma audibly rebounding off of the toughened wood. "I fear the fates may have a dark jest planned for us by choosing such a woman as she to be the future queen." He muttered to himself, locking the door and turning to return to his post, Wu ambling along placidly behind him.

In her "prison", Ranma angrily waited until she was sure that Bishamonten and Wu had left, and no guards had been posted, before she viciously tore the gag from her face and threw a glare at the door that should have made it spontaneously combust. Praising herself mentally for thinking to hold back her strength once she realized she was outmatched, ensuring that they would underestimate her, she took a look at her quarters before setting to the task of escaping. Fairly spartan, but not devoid of comfort; a small writing desk in one corner, and a bed in another. Inquisitively, she wandered over to the sole porthole and looked out, seeing nothing but clouds below.

"Okay, not going to be going out that way." Ranma muttered. "There's gotta be some sort of lifeboat or something I can hijack, though..." So saying, she walked back over to the door. A straight-armed punch and it flew open, the lock torn out, and Ranma slipped away, heading in a direction that she hoped would lead her to the hold. There, she should be able to scavenge some canvas and rope to fashion a makeshift parachute, then it would just be a matter of making an exit, gliding to the ground, and going for hot water and back home, if not necessarily in that order.

As she snuck deeper and deeper into the bowels of the ship, Ranma thought he heard someone chuckling and immediately started creeping more slowly down the hallways until she was at the source of the chuckling...and frowned at seeing a familiar wrinkled form packing away panties, bras and other feminine articles into a familiar brown sack.

"Why am I not surprised?"

Happosai blinked and turned around, his face alight with joy. "Ranma-chan!" A quick kick floored the ancient grandmaster, leaving him to project a kicked-puppy look at the girl. "That was mean."

"Can it ya old lech." Ranma snarled as she glanced up and down the corridor, "What are you doing here anyway? Don't tell me you're the only one who came to save me?"

"Of course I came to save you! The moment I realized those wicked fools intended to carry off my heir, I naturally leapt aboard and hid myself until the time was right!" Happosai crowed, puffing out his chest. "And since you're so grateful to me..." He wheedled.

"Yeah, right. More like you were after that chesty Chinese broad who's always hovering at Kirin's back." Ranma scoffed.

Happosai's buggy eyes blinked rapidly. "Come to think of it, there was a scantily clad lovely on board this ship, wasn't there? And here I thought they were hauling all these pretties because they had good taste. Well, Ranma, you clearly have things handled here, so... have fun! I'm off to see the lady with the lute!" And with that he scurried away, blending into the darkness with the skill that, sadly, was his trademark.

"Good riddance, ya horny old goat. Who needs a bungling hormonal fool like you gumming up the works anyway?" Ranma complained.

"Hey, what are you doing down here? You're not supposed to be out your quarters!" Came a Chinese-accented voice.

"Crap!" Ranma shouted, then turned and fled. How was it possible that Happosai could screw things up for him even when he wasn't trying?

Meanwhile, Ranma's rescue party was having difficulties of their own.

"This is pointless." Mousse grumbled.

"Shut up and keep rowing." Shampoo snapped from where she was sitting at the prow of the boat with one of the spare oars; while, like all rowboats, it was only intended for two oars to be used at once, Shampoo and Ukyo were way too impatient to just let the spare oars sit in the bottom of the boat.

"He has a point, though." Ryoga mentioned. "How on earth are we going to catch them in this?"

"With courage and tenacity, that's how!" Kodachi immediately proclaimed. "If Ranma can swim from Japan to China and back, then we can surely row a boat there!"

The sounds of paddling faded, each of the other four members of the impromptu team staring at her in disbelief. As one, they chorused, "Ranma **swam** to China?"

At this surprise, Kodachi cocked her head quizzically. "Yes, he did. Why is that so surprising? Didn't you do the same?" She asked, pointing at Shampoo.

"Shampoo pay for plane ticket." The Chinese Amazon said.

"I worked my way across on a freight ship." Mousse added. "Ryoga probably walked to China." He then said.

At this, Ryoga narrowed his eyes and looked like he wanted to brain Mousse with the oar he was holding. "I'm not _that_ bad, duck-boy. I stowed away on a cargo ship – easiest time I've had finding my way around in a while."

"Can we concentrate on the real issue here?" Ukyo complained. Turning gimlet-like eyes to Kodachi, she then continued, "How do _you_ know that Ranma swam to China?"

The daughter of the Kuno clan merely shrugged her shoulders elegantly. "Simple. I paid Nabiki Tendo for all of the personal information she could provide me on my beloved."

"Why we no think of that?" Shampoo wondered.

"Because neither of us could afford that pocket-gouger's prices." Ukyo pointed out.

"Point." Shampoo conceded, even as she, her rival, and the two boys resumed rowing at their former impressive pace.

For a few moments, the boat was silent again, until Kodachi spotted something through the clouds that made her tense. "Mousse, do you have a grappling hook?" She demanded.

"What?"

"A grapnel, something that can be used to scale heights, anything!" She snapped.

Putting the oar back in his lap, Mousse fished around inside his left sleeve, finally finding one of the elaborate claws that were most suitable for such a purpose. "Here. It's a bit overboard for catching fish with, though."

"Chains, give me your chains." She then demanded.

"What's the deal?" Mousse complained; who did she think she was, demanding he divest himself of the materials that were so important to his fighting style? She gave no explanation, and Mousse instead found himself beset by the others in the boat… normally, he wouldn't have minded having Shampoo tearing at his clothes, but this was a bit much! After a brief, vicious melee, he was lying on the bottom of the boat as the quartet he was traveling with frantically affixed his various chains and ropes together into one super-long train, and Mousse could finally see (as well as that term could ever be applied to him) just what had them so upset. "You could have said that you'd seen the airship, you know." He grumbled, pushing himself upright.

He was ignored, Ukyo presenting the newly furnished grapnel to Ryoga. "Don't you dare miss." She warned him.

"Just what kind of 90 pound weakling do you think I am?" The eternally lost boy asked scornfully. "…And I'm not going to aim in the wrong direction, either!" He snapped. Taking precise aim at the ship, he drew back his arm and sent the grapnel flying at it, so fast and furious it punched clean through the board he was aiming at and then anchored itself in the undamaged wood as it was yanked back, in the same manner of a hook spearing a fish.

"Quickly! Tie other end around our boat!" Shampoo shouted, hurrying to do just that.

Soon enough, the tangle of chains and ropes was binding the two vessels together, Shampoo tugging on it to test how strong it was. "Should hold us." She declared authoritatively. "So, what we waiting for? Let's go!"

"Hold on, let's think about this for a moment." Ryoga spoke up, flinching as three angry girls whirled on him.

"Just what is your problem?" Ukyo growled.

"Calm down, all of you. Look, if we just race up there, what happens if we lose? At best, we get captured like Ranma. At worst, they'll throw us overboard! The smart thing is to wait until they land, then jump them on the ground." Mousse stated sagely.

"You just no want us to save my Ranma!" Shampoo spat.

"That's right! Heaven only knows what unspeakable things they are inflicting upon my poor Ranma-darling." Kodachi cried, hands knotting together over her chest and few dramatic tears escaping her right eye.

Before anything more could be said, though, a sudden jolt ran through the rowboat; the airship of their enemies was rising, and easily hauling their own vessel aloft! Desperately the quintet leapt for the rope, even as the rowboat that they had been sitting in dropped out from underneath of them, gravity refusing to be denied. The rope twirled and spun around from the sudden motion, but fortunately the claw held fast in the wood.

"Well, guess we don't have a choice. Come on!" Ukyo stated, shimmying up the rope from her topmost position, the other members of the rescue party following in her wake. With an appropriately dramatic motion, they surged onto the deck of the airship once again… only to find it empty. "…Okay, Ranma must be inside, let's get going!" Ukyo declared.

"Since when are you the leader?" Kodachi huffed.

Old habits died hard. Particularly when you only started trying to get over them about an hour ago. A fight almost certainly would have broken out, had they not heard the commotion coming from beyond the door into the ship's interior.

"You come back here, young miss!"

"Fuck you! I ain't marrying no stuck up prince! Find someone who's desperate!"

"You cannot deny your destiny!"

"Watch me, asshole!"

The door literally flew into splinters as Ranma tore through it, triumphantly leaping through the cloud of wood shards. "Freedom!" She cried, then yelled in dismay as Ebiten's fishing line came zipping out of the gloom behind her and lassoed her legs, sending her falling face first onto the deck.

By this point, the rescue team had shaken off their shock. "Oh no you don't!" Shampoo bellowed, lunging forward with a dao that had seemed to materialize in her hand, slicing effortlessly through the fishing line binding her boyfriend (well, technically girlfriend at this moment – and if you had asked Shampoo about the semantics, she would have used a rather more intimate term) before dragging Ranma back into the protective crowd of her erstwhile allies.

Ranma shook his head and looked up at Shampoo with an expression that made her heart melt, having temporarily forgotten about the events of earlier that moment in light of the present conflict. "Man, am I glad to see you – all of you!" She added.

Shampoo preened herself at the compliment, but quickly found herself being forced to adopt a battle stance as the kidnappers swarmed out of the sundered door like a hive of angry bees.

"Wife, this is growing quite tiresome." Prince Kirin stated.

"I ain't yer wife!" Ranma snarled.

"That right, you want Ranma-honey so bad, you gotta go through us first!" Ukyo snapped.

"Prince Kirin will not sully his hands with the likes of you again." The Chinese warlord declared. "But nor shall Prince Kirin allow you to interfere in private matters. My vassals; attend to these interlopers."

"Sire!" The sextet cried, charging forward.

"Oh, I been waiting for this! Get 'em!" Ukyo hollered, the quintet of rescuers and the now-free Ranma letting out battlecries and charging to meet Kirin's underlings.

Mousse, naturally, went for Wu first; if he could defeat such a massive foe, then surely he could win Shampoo's respect and admiration! Besides, such a big body was easy for him to see, and coupled with his keen sense of hearing, the sounds such a goliath made meant there was no chance of his attacks missing. He may have surrendered most of his chains and ropes to the grapnel, but he still had plenty of weapons to use, hurling a dozen or more implements of pain at Wu's chest. To Mousse's utter disbelief, they all bounced harmlessly off of his enemy's leathery skin. With an empty-headed moaning noise, the tremendous member of the Seven Lucky Gods School swung his ever-present sack at the bewildered male Chinese Amazon, bodily slamming him across the deck.

Shampoo, meanwhile, was completely oblivious to Mousse's fate, having gone after the furious Ebiten; even beyond the personal satisfaction of quite literally carving a piece out of the wretch who had physically abducted Ranma, there was the fact that she was certain he would be quite defenseless against her dao. The sooner she finished him off, the sooner she could go after the same target as Ranma.

Unfortunately for her, Ebiten evidently realized that his now-lineless fishing pole wasn't up to much against live steel being wielded by an angry Joketsuzoku, and ducked for cover behind the scantily clad lute-wielding Monlon. The older Chinese woman smirked at Shampoo, idly plucking the strings on her instrument even as Shampoo advanced on her.

"My, aren't we loyal? Are you certain it's not envy that drives you?" Monlon questioned softly.

Shampoo snorted in a rather unladylike fashion. "Please. Shampoo already have man much better than spoilt princeling could ever be. Shut up and take beating!"

That said, she lashed out, only to bite back a curse as Monlon zipped out of range of her strike. Twice, thrice more Shampoo lashed out, flowing elegantly into a well-practiced combo, but each time the lute-player dodged at the last moment. Swearing profusely in the back of her mind, Shampoo vowed that once this whole mess was over and done with, she would seek out her great-grandmother and **demand** that she be allowed to undertake greater training. She was supposed to be the champion of the Joketsuzoku in Nerima, not some second-stringer! Alas, though distracted for barely a moment, that was all the time Monlon required to slip through Shampoo's guard and lay her out cold by applying the base of her lute to the base of Shampoo's skull.

"Payback time, Bishamonten!" Ranma snarled, pressing her assault on the trident-wielding warrior. Knowing he would be punished if he dared to harm his master's chosen bride, Bishamonten was forced to hold back – and that would be his downfall. Easily deflecting and latching onto her opponent's polearm when Bishamonten tried to jab at Ranma with the butt of his trident, Ranma used the fact she had gotten Bishamonten off-guard in order to do something she normally never would have. It wasn't that she didn't know all-too-well how effective it was, it wasn't that Genma had trained her not to do so (in fact, he had been the first one to teach it to her), it was just that normally it would have hurt Ranma's pride way too much to do it.

This, however, was not a normal day and so Ranma felt no shame in delivering the strongest kick she could manage square into Bishamonten's family jewels. As his jaw dropped, his eyes bulged and his muscles slackened, Ranma took advantage of this to pry the trident from his hands, bring it painfully thrusting into his midriff, and then cracked him over the head with it when he doubled up. Placing a boot triumphantly on her downed foe's head, Ranma sent a blood-curdling grin at Kirin.

"Your turn now, _Prince_…" She jeered.

Kirin sighed, shifting into a defensive stance as he tried to talk sense into his bride, "Why do you keep fighting? Our union is fated to be, so why are you resisting me so?"

Ranma snarled like an animal and actually thrust out at her would-be husband with the sharp end of her liberated weapon. "Fated to be?" She declared, disbelief and spite dripping from the words. "How much damn clearer do I need to be that I'm! Not! INTERESTED!"

Kirin closed his eyes and shook his head, "Very well, it seems that your eyes will need to be opened to the truth by more physical means then." With that he shifted from a defensive stance to an offensive one and closed with Ranma.

'This clown is worse than Kuno!' Ranma thought viciously to herself. Drawing on all the speed gained by undergoing the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken, then refined with the Parlay du Foie Gras, she stabbed out again and again with the trident, each time the sharp tines seeming to glance off of some invisible protective veil in front of her foe. '...Not least of which because he's competent!' She exasperatedly added, along with a few choice phrases that would have made a dockworker blush and her father wash her mouth out with soap.

"Your skills with a weapon do you credit my dear, but your perception is sadly below the level you would need to break past the skills I possess with a weapon in my hand." Kirin allowed himself a small smile; just a touch, he didn't want to completely throw her off the deep end after all.

"Why, you...!" Ranma hissed, drawing back yet again. '...Wait a fricking second, **what** weapon? All he has are those chop...sticks... Ah, now I get it, you smug snake...' She realized, sliding back and starting to circle her calmly confident foe. He had to be using those formal chopsticks of his to catch her trident each time she struck, then releasing it when she was withdrawing it. Had to be by the base of the blades as well, otherwise his implements of choice would soon be sliced apart. 'You got some skill... but I'm not the heir to the Saotome School for nothing!'

Plan springing into her head, Ranma made several feints with her trident... and then threw it at Kirin, racing after it and slipping onto one leg while simultaneously kicking with the other and punching with both arms. Kirin was promptly knocked flying, his ever-present bowl of rice and pickled vegetables soaring from his hand to shatter on the floor.

"...What have you done?" Kirin demanded, pushing himself slowly from the floor, free hand going to the bruise on his cheek, disbelief and outrage radiating from him like heat from a furnace.

"Aw, whatsa matter? Not used to getting yer ass kicked?" Ranma taunted. "You had me going at first, but then I realized how you could block - and how I could get around that. Yer quick with those chopsticks of yours, but you're too busy holding onto that stupid bowl to have both hands free. If you're busy blocking an attack from one direction, you can't block a separate attack!"

Kirin snarled, wiping away the blood from his lips before rising to his feet regally, before he smiled thinly, "Very good, but though you may have felled me once my dear, your efforts overall have been futile." His hand waved to indicate behind Ranma as he continued, "You have only to see the truth for yourself."

Heart sinking, Ranma turned automatically to see that Kirin was telling the truth. All three of the girls, and Ryoga and Mousse as well, had been knocked unconscious and dumped into a pile that Wu was now gathering up in his arms... and throwing over the bow.

"No!" Ranma called, trying to run to interject somehow, or at the very least to leap over the side and join them, but as she moved, Kirin did so as well. His long chopsticks thrust forward and jabbed with the accuracy of shiatsu needles into certain pressure points on her back, causing Ranma to collapse onto the deck unconscious even as her would-be rescuers were loosed to fall to the uncaring sea below.

"Now then, someone wake up Bishamonten, and then make sure my bride is properly secured in her room until we arrive."

Monlon spoke up then, "She'll just break the ropes my prince."

Kirin paused the stride back to his cabin and turned slightly.

"Then use chains."

Ordinarily, a fall from such a height probably would have been fatal. However, none of Ranma's rescuers could really be called "ordinary", and while the impact had stung like the business end of a moonshine-laden giant hornet, all of them were quite alive and resolutely swimming after the airship. This was made somewhat difficult by the fact the better portion of their numbers had assumed small, innocuous forms upon hitting the water, courtesy of Jusenkyo's black touch.

"Why does this little piglet seem so familiar?" Kodachi mused aloud, directing a rather baleful stare at the miniature black swine timidly clinging onto her shoulder.

"Because you just saw Ryoga turn into it? But, seriously, I've got a funny feeling I've seen him in that body before as well..." Ukyo mused, finding herself oddly grateful for her childhood of training at the beach; it meant she was quite a skilled swimmer, even if nobody seemed to acknowledge it besides Ranma. As she ploughed through the waves, Shampoo, currently sitting on her arch-rival's head in cat form (the irony was not lost on either girl, suddenly took a hard look into the gloom. She meowed loudly in an effort to get Ukyo's attention, then, when she was ignored, bit her on the ear.

"Ouch! What's up with you, ya crazy cat?" Ukyo yelped, sending Shampoo tumbling into the sea with a shake of her head. She would later admit to herself she was lucky that Shampoo didn't use her claws to anchor herself, but right now wasn't in any mood to care.

"I say, is that a ship?" Kodachi asked.

Ukyo looked up, which prompted an indignant Shampoo to awkwardly paddle over and climb her shoulders again, and then brightened. "It is! Hey! Over here! We need help!"

"Please! We need your assistance!" Kodachi cried out.

Both girls took heart when the ship came towards them. They weren't quite so pleased when they made it out to be a Chinese junk... with a rather familiar elephant sitting aboard it.

Dawn was always a beautiful thing in the valley kingdom of Nekonron, as rays of light streamed through the clouds that perpetually hid the small valley from prying eyes. Seconds later, an airship broke through the cloud line and sailed majestically through the valley, over the village and farms, towards a large palace overlooking the valley, built into the face of the highest peak, the stunning architectural wonder a carefully concealed jewel that completed the image of the airship and its occupants seemingly being thrown back in time as it drifted past a thick mountain forest en-route to a dock jutting out from the castle.

It was a visual marvel wasted on the occupants of the airship, and not simply because they had seen it numerous times in their journeys already.

It was a very tired and battered-looking septet of Seven Lucky Gods Martial Arts Masters who staggered out of the airship. Kirin had traded his normally ever-present chopsticks for a bag of ice, which he was holding on his head - as a headache relief, not because he had actually been physically assaulted. At least, compared to his faithful retainers. Bishamonten's trident was absent, and he was walking with a limp, dents clearly visible in many sensitive-looking spots on his armor. The twins had an array of lumps and scratches on their faces. Ebiten was black and blue all over. Even Wu looked haggard and stiff, carrying on his back an iron cage originally used for tiger hunts, in which a vindictively savage Ranma sat, eyes glowing banefully at all around her.

Monlon, however, was seemingly untouched by the physical injuries that had been inflicted upon her comrades; but that was not due to any particular kindness on Ranma's part. She had locked herself inside her room; paranoid about being assaulted by Happosai again, the old pervert having ambushed her after the failed rescue attempt. Even now her tired, wild eyes were twitching to every nook and cranny and every shadow as if daring the diminutive grandmaster lech to show himself.

"Greetings Prince Kirin, was your latest search for your bride successful?"

Kirin blinked tiredly as he registered the question of his governor, who maintained the kingdom during his searches, and nodded in response before focusing on what had to be done next.

"Xue Li, I want my bride placed in the best of the guest rooms and the preparations for the wedding to begin immediately, during which my bride is to be placed under heavy guard; no-one goes near her and they are to make sure she does not leave under any circumstance."

The man nodded; a strange request but one look at the murderous expression on the face of the caged girl silenced any further comment.

"It shall be as you command my Prince."

With a final nod, the battered party trudged into the palace, so weary and tired from the task of keeping Ranma under control that Prince Kirin neglected to give orders for guards to be posted at the gates. Not that the other masters of the School were in any real position to guard them, anyway. Oh well, it wasn't like anyone was going to reach them… right?

"We is here at last; this Seven Luck Mountain. Seven Lucky Gods School of Martial Arts in castle atop mountain, beyond the five Gates of Luck." Lychee declared, seated comfortably atop Jasmine's broad back.

"If you know way all this time, why you not come here earlier?" Shampoo asked.

The blonde Chinese girl shrugged. "I not know Scroll of Luck connected to them, that's why. Only find out when Prince Kirin take boy-disguised-as-girl instead." She narrowed her eyes at her countryman. "You swear you no take Prince Kirin?"

At this, Ukyo rolled her eyes. "Believe me, honey, I can speak for the three of us when I say that we ain't got the slightest interest in your prince. You just help us get Ranma back, like we agreed back on your boat, and you get your prince."

Still looking suspicious, Lychee nodded and the group carried on. Moments later, they came to the first of the Gates, practically a small fortress in its own right. And yet, nobody reacted to their appearance; even when Ryoga, grown tired of the wary way that the others were hanging back, arrogantly strode forward and blew through the gates with his Bakusai Tenketsu, no reaction was met. Never one to waste an opportune moment, the group hurried on through, expecting an ambush all the while. But the second Gate was also unmanned. And when the third proved to be the same, Mousse couldn't bear it any more.

"Geeze, are these guys that sure we're dead that they wouldn't even post guards?" He complained, irritation and humiliation evident in tone and body language.

Kodachi tossed her hair emphatically as she spoke up. "I would bet my darling Ranma has something to do with this. They must be too injured to assume their posts, having been pushed to their limits to contain him against his will."

"I never dreamed I'd say this, but I agree with you." Ukyo proclaimed.

"Shampoo same."

"If you girls can kindly focus for once?" Ryoga asked bitterly. "We've kind of got to save him right now."

Other than a few sharp looks, the triad of Ranma's fiancées listened to him and the group hurried on to the Castle of Seven Luck Mountain. No obstacles stood in their path… well, beyond a few servants, but they clearly weren't fighters. Or maybe the sight of a charging Asian elephant being spurred on by what looked like a blonde madwoman and an even crazier quintet at her heels simply made them chicken out. Who knew? It was this group that stormed into the ceremonial chamber where Kirin would wed his bride, screeching to a halt mere meters from the startled, outraged masters of the School of Seven Lucky Gods Martial Arts.

"How dare you intrude upon a sacred ceremony!" Kirin thundered.

"More of a mockery of a ceremony than anything." Kodachi declared, easily taking in the still-bruised and visibly battered state of their opponents.

"You're gonna call this mess off right now, or else!" Ukyo declared.

"Or else what?"

Mousse, taking the sarcasm of Ebiten as his cue, stepped forward and pulled open his robes to reveal an array of bombs. Lots of bombs. So many bombs that even his own allies backed away in shocked fear, though such an effort would have been as futile as "duck and cover" when faced with a real nuclear explosion. If one stray spark hit Mousse, he'd have gone off with enough force that he'd almost certainly take out the better part of the castle.

"…Uh, yeah, as I was saying." Ukyo managed to rally herself. "You can't seriously be intending to go through this with Ranma – if she's already done all _that_ to you, how the hell do you expect to get her into the wedding bed and survive the experience?" She asked, pointing at Kirin's more prominent injuries for emphasis.

Kirin kept silent in the face of that. Truth be told, he'd kind of wondering that himself.

"Besides, this fool here is the girl you should be wedding." Kodachi declared.

"Who you call fool?" Lychee snapped.

"What nonsense is this?" Ebiten demanded.

"No is nonsense! Lychee is girl who own Scroll of Luck in first place, Lychee simply misplace it when Prince Kirin arrive! Ranma merely pick it up – you drag away before we explain things!" The blonde Chinese girl insisted.

Kirin retained his silence, at a lack of words. The prospect of being allowed to just wash his hands clean of this whole affair was tempting, but how could he get out of this without besmirching his reputation? As a noble, his dignity was one of the things of greatest personal value, and being seen to rescind a decision or change his mind could be quite undignified indeed. If only something could help him out.

It was then that causality proved just what a sick and twisted sense of humor it has, as Ranma, clad in an all but translucent undergown and lingerie, came rushing into the room, skidding to a halt as she realized it was occupied and by whom.

Kirin began massaging the bridge of his nose with two fingers. "My lady… this is growing quite tiresome."

"You can say that again – hey, Ranma! Catch!" Mousse shouted, slipping a steaming kettle from… somewhere beneath all of those bombs… and hurling it at Ranma… Who, rather than catching it, looked stunned and horrified, mere heartbeats before a sword came whirling through the air boomerang-style to cut the kettle in half and drenching her in hot water.

The resultant cloud of steam hid the change, but it couldn't disguise the sound of feminine squeals become masculine bellows, nor the tearing of cloth. When it cleared, a very irate Ranma glared at his Chinese self-proclaimed rival.

"Do you have any idea of how much that stings?" He thundered, trying to use his arms to cover himself better than the torn cloth draped over his now-too-large frame could.

While Ryoga turned aside in disgust, Lychee hid her face with a squeak, and Ranma's female rescuers tried not to make it too blatant that they were ogling Ranma, the Nekronians recoiled in shock, Kirin most of all. "What's going on here!" He screamed.

"Ever heard of 'Jusenkyo', asshole?" Ranma jeered.

"If you were really a man all along, why didn't you ever say so?" Kirin immediately howled in disgust, going through the usual shock so quickly it didn't even register on his face.

"Lemme think… because this is frigging embarrassing? Because I had no way of knowing you wouldn't simply slit my throat and toss me off the side of your airship? Because I never had a chance to think about it? …Maybe because I thought you'd accept that I wanted nothing from you except maybe your blood on my hands and let me go, what with how I kept trying to beat the shit out of you and escape?" Ranma thundered back, voice rising in volume as he spoke until he roared like an animal with the final sentence. Heaving in great draughts of air to calm himself, he spoke in a more conversational tone. "So, can I go now?"

"Get out! Out! OUT! I never want to see you or any of your crazy friends again!" Kirin bellowed.

"Two conditions first." Ranma stated, to the shock of the other Nerimites.

"What are you thinking of, Ranma?" Ryoga yelled.

"Yeah, let's get while the getting's good, Ranma-honey." Ukyo agreed.

"You made a real mess out of my day, so now you're gonna pay me back." Ranma declared, ignoring his "friends".

"Just what do you want?" Kirin gritted. This was more than he had wanted.

"I want to borrow that airship of yours to get us back to Japan… after I use it to go to Jusenkyo."

"Jusenkyo!" The other cursed teens in the room chorused in delighted surprise. Now that they thought about it, if they were in China – and particularly if they grabbed that airship – they could get cured in a single stroke! Finally, they would be rid of these obnoxious forms!

"Out of the question!" Kirin snapped. "What makes you think I would loan my private vessel to you?"

"…Shampoo?"

"Yes, airen?"

"What would happen if you told your village about how Prince Kirin made an idiot out of himself trying to marry another guy?" Ranma teased, without the faintest hint of playfulness in his tone.

"Would laugh selves sick, then put in newspaper – all villages in Byankalas know within day or so." Shampoo answered immediately.

"…You wouldn't." Kirin stage-whispered in dread after finally managing to get his voice to work again, aghast expressions on the face of his fellows.

"Try me." Ranma stated flatly.

"Alright, I will have some of my servants prepare the vessel. What is your other demand?" Kirin growled.

"I want my clothes back!" Ranma snapped, pointing a finger at Kirin like an avenging angel.

The room shook as everyone else, even Jasmine, promptly fell flat on their faces.

"…What?" Ranma asked, irritated.

About half an hour later, the teens from Nerima were aboard the airship, which was drifting off through the skies, laughing over their victory… admittedly, it wasn't much of a victory, but they were taking whatever they could get.

"Man, that was a pain in the ass to go through with, but it looks like we're finally going to be cured at last!" Ranma cheered.

"Yeah, I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but thanks, Ranma." Ryoga grinned, as he had been doing since they had first set foot aboard the airship.

"It be too-too good to be able to go swimming again!" Shampoo enthused. Then, she latched onto Ranma's side and nuzzled herself against him. "Also mean that Ranma no more have to run because Shampoo get wet."

"Get your hands off of him, you Chinese flirt!" Kodachi demanded angrily. Then she stopped and blinked. "Say, why does this seem familiar…?"

"A-Anybody else hungry?" Ranma quickly interjected, hoping to change the subject before they remembered what had happened early that morning and resumed his "interrogation".

"You ask for food, sirs?" Came a voice, and the sextet of teens turned as a diminutive servant in form-obscuring clothes came trundling in with a heavily laden food trolley. The teens hadn't eaten all day, and it had been a very long day at that, and so they eagerly set to dishing out the food for themselves.

"Rice and pickled vegetables?" Mousse asked.

"Sorry, sirs, but that's all there is." The servant apologized. "I go now and help the others steer the ship."

None of the teens were paying him any attention, being too fixated on their food; plain it was, but it was better than nothing.

"Man, what is with these guys and pickled vegetables?" Ranma asked.

"Yeah, I still can't believe that scroll Happosai stole in the first place was basically just a vegetable pickling recipe." Ryoga grunted with his mouth full.

"Next time we see that vile degenerate, I suggest we make him pay for causing all of this." Kodachi said between dainty mouthfuls.

"Shampoo just hope we not see him again for long, long time."

"Amen to that, sister."

"Shampoo not your sister!"

"Do you think Lychee will make Kirin agree to marry her?" Mousse asked Kodachi conversationally.

"Who knows?" The younger Kuno asked.

"More to the point, who cares?" Ryoga added.

"You've got no romance in your soul, pigboy." Mousse retorted.

"Since when is stalking a girl for thirteen years romantic?" Ryoga jeered.

Ranma watched his rivals quarrel and shook his head, then yawned loudly. Strange, he didn't recall feeling so tired before… his mind grasped then on something else that had been tickling him.

"You guys…" He began, his eyelids starting to feel exceptionally heavy. "Does this taste a little odd to you?" He managed to slur out, then felt himself collapsing bonelessly onto the floor, unable to muster the energy to fight it off or even care all that much. Darkness claimed him…

…And then he woke up, sun glinting harshly into his eyes and making him screw up his face and drag himself across the floor away from it.

"Finally, you're awake. I was starting to think that Grandfather might have overdosed you."

Ranma blinked, stared at the speaker, and then blinked again. Finally, he spoke. "When did you get here, Kasumi?"

"You and your little friends arrived sometime last night. It's almost noon now – you've been asleep for ages." The eldest Tendo girl informed him. Ranma looked past her, and saw that Ryoga, Mousse, Kodachi, Shampoo and Ukyo were all either awake or waking up.

"How did we get here?" Mousse asked.

"That would be my doing." Came a proud voice, the martial artists turning and hackles rising in unison as Happosai bounded into the room. "I was looking for the pretty Monlon back at Seven Luck Mountain, when I saw Ranma escaping from those handmaidens. How could I pass up so beautiful a sight as Ranma's girl form in see-through undies? I had to follow her. And then I heard your wicked plans… how could I just sit back and let you murder a beauty like Ranma's girl form? I had to stop you, for your own good."

Outside, Soun and Genma were hard at work clearing away the debris of the airship; Happosai had managed to intimidate the Nekonronian servants into turning it towards Nerima, but they had grabbed parachutes and abandoned ship soon after, and landing it was quite impossible for one old pervert. They stopped in their labors as a wordless cry of utter fury echoed from inside the house, barely a heartbeat before something small came rocketing through the walls, plunged clear through the wreck and went out the other side.

"Justice comes to all, in the end." Genma declared sagely.

"Well said, Saotome; well said."

Back inside the Tendo house, Ranma sank to his knees in despair. "It's not fair! Why does it never work like I had planned?"

"Speaking of plans, _airen_…" Shampoo mentioned.

"…I think it's time we had a little talk about what plans you had that required sneaking around behind our backs, _Ranma-honey_…" Ukyo added.

"I must concur, _Ranma-darling_…" Kodachi finished.

Ranma looked up at the three girls closing in on him, and tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

_Okay, let's be honest: how many of you figured I was going to have the cast get cured here? Well, surprising as it may be, there is a method to my madness. I may consider curing the curse to be a fitting "reward" for Ranma and company, but that does not make me ignorant of the fact it should actually __**mean**__ something. It should either be the ultimate climax of a story, or serve to mark the story as taking a very different path to the canon "wacky hijinks with no ultimate meaning". This was just… too early, for me. It felt wrong to let Ranma and company be cured now, even though it's quite likely I will have Ranma at least cured. Either during the Togenkyo incident or at the Christmas Party, I'm honestly not sure yet._

_As Daxel pointed out in his last review, there are at least 14 more chapters to come. We hope that you continue to enjoy them and that when it comes, the climax will be worthy of the trip it took._

_And yes, the next chapter will show you __**exactly**__ what Ranma and the girls are going to say to each other._


	15. Chapter 15

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** Sorry for the delays in getting this up, but real life intervened and this was kind of a tricky chapter. I'm glad that everyone liked the last chapter… alright, there was one flame, but it was so utterly incomprehensible that they might as well have been insulting the last queen of Scotland, for all I could tell. Something I **have** to get off my chest, though. I don't want to say this, but I feel that I must.

The curse is not that vital to me. Unless I can think of a really, really good reason not to have Ranma or some of the others not get cured during the story, seeing as how I'm not relying on dragging out the "will he get cured this time?" query like canon does, it'll happen. I'm just not certain when. This story has already told the canon where to go and (censored) itself, how to do so, and with **what** to do so. In light of that, I feel no obligation to leave Ranma and/or anyone else cursed "for the sake of canon". I'm already going to give it closure by having Ranma choose a girl, so why not go the whole hog and let him solve his other immediate goal of Ranma ½? As for the matter of curses mixing… there's no way in hell I believe that's the case. Seriously, when we're repeatedly told in series that Nanniichuan can cure Ranma, and failure only happens because he never manages to get his hands on the stuff… coupled with the fact we've actually **seen** a temporary version of Nanniichuan actually **cure** Ranma and Genma … that's pretty damn good evidence that Jusenkyo's the cure, it's just the series can't let them get cured because it messes up the joke the whole story is built on.

What about Taro? Let's say I've got my counter-arguments for him (just because curses can mix doesn't mean they will mix, etc) and leave it at that, this is a fanfic, not an essay.

Chapter 14: The Battle Royale

Ranma looked at the girls standing before him with as much aplomb as he could muster, given he was currently cocooned in rope and hanging upside down from a tree branch. "You didn't need to go quite this far, girls." He pointed out.

"Ranma just be thankful we think to take this to Kuno estate." Shampoo retorted.

The three girls had been all for just interrogating Ranma right then and there at the Tendo dojo, having already tied him up with some convenient rope, before Kasumi had placidly walked into the room and asked if anyone had wanted something to eat, causing them to freeze up in embarrassment. Later, the trio would wonder why Ranma hadn't slipped his bonds and fled while they were distracted and how he had managed to think to point out, once Kasumi was out of the room, that if they interrogated him here, they may attract much more unwelcome attention from Akane, Genma and Soun. Kodachi's suggestion that they do so at her estate had been reluctantly accepted after she pointed out that privacy was guaranteed there, and so they had promptly grabbed Ranma and hightailed it across the roofs to the Kuno estate.

Ranma ignored her to stare inquisitively at Kodachi, his attitude making them wonder if they really were scaring him like they should be. "So, what's your angle here?" He asked her.

"W-What do you mean? Just what are you implying?" Kodachi retorted, shifting her weight to a different foot.

"Well, I'm just wondering why you're going to the trouble of hiding the fact you knew what was going on all along, that's all." Ranma replied.

Now Kodachi visibly flinched, Ukyo turning to her with an angrily thoughtful expression on her face.

"Come to think of it…" She rasped, cracking her knuckles, only to flinch back as a dao suddenly thrust itself through the air at eye height. "Do you mind?" She indignantly told Shampoo.

"We no have time for this. Other matters more important – Ranma, you tell us why. Why you betray us?" She cried passionately, much to the disapproving looks of her fellows.

"Betray?" Ranma spluttered indignantly. "I never betrayed anybody!"

"I gotta agree; that's laying it on a bit thick, don't ya think?" Ukyo concurred.

"That easy for you to say; he double-time me!" Shampoo cried.

"Hey, he double-timed me with you too, kitty-cat." Ukyo pointed out, feeling a little proud at coming up with a suitably mocking 'pet name' on the fly.

Kodachi sniffed disdainfully. "At least you've both been on an actual date with him; mine was a complete ruin."

"Weren't you girls just wondering why I've **been** dating you?" Ranma asked. He hadn't wanted it to come to this, but now that it was out of his hands, he'd prefer to get this mess over and done with before things got ugly.

Fighting to keep a sheepish blush off of her face, Ukyo scowled theatrically at her fiancé. "That's right. So, are you gonna talk? Or are we gonna make you talk?"

Ranma wiggled unconsciously, half-heartedly straining against his bonds, then sighed. "I'll talk."

"Oh no, we're not letting you cheat us out of-" Ukyo continued, apparently caught up in what she was doing.

"He already say he explain, stupid!" Shampoo interjected.

Ukyo gave Shampoo a glare that could have bored through a diamond and reached for her battle spatula … However, even as Shampoo withdrew a chúi to ward off her assault, Ukyo visibly forced herself to back off, taking a deep breath before directing that intense stare at Ranma. "Well, Ranma?"

Ranma sighed softly. This went against every grain of his soul to do… and yet, in so many of those other timelines he'd seen, he'd watched his counterpart share his secrets with this girl or that, actually daring to let them know something about him. Ranma had been brought up, partially unintentionally, to never let anyone know what he was thinking. If somebody knew you, they could use that against you. How many times had he eavesdropped on his classmates talking about something that bothered them or made them happy and been dumbstruck that they would make themselves so vulnerable? It was so hard for him to imagine being able to so casually talk to somebody about stuff like that. Still, it was something he needed to learn to do, and in a way he did owe the girls an explanation.

"You remember what happened after that… incident… with the Reversal Jewel?" He began.

Ukyo and Shampoo nodded, Kodachi trying to look like she was paying attention; after all, she already knew what Ranma was going to say.

"Well, when they let me out, I wandered into town – I was ticked, wanted to blow off some steam. Big ass storm comes rolling in, so I take shelter in this shop – turns out, it's a Wandering Shop. Anyway, he's got this item in his shop that he lets me use while I wait for the storm to blow over."

"What sort of item? And what's this got to do with what's been going on?" Ukyo demanded.

"Everything." Ranma replied. "Before I go on… you girls gotta promise not to hit me."

To say the girls were confused (and a little insulted) would be something of an understatement.

Ranma was quivering under his bonds; a normal person wouldn't have picked it up but trained martial artists would have and it would have told everyone just how badly Ranma's nerves were frayed as he forced himself to look the girls in the eye and speak calmly, "I mean it you three. This isn't gonna be easy for you all to hear, and if you blow up while I'm telling it, I'm writing you three off and taking my chances with someone else, anyone else."

"You wouldn't!" The three girls shot back, outrage and a trace of fear in each unified voice.

Ranma nodded seriously, thankful he had managed to regain some initiative. "I would, and damned if I'll let you screw that up for me. Now, are you going to listen, or do I start treating you like Ryoga?"

The girls fell silent, each thinking hard and fast. Ranma had never spoken to them like that or threatened them before... but they had to admit that didn't mean it was impossible for him to start. Shampoo could no more help remembering how Ranma had unemotionally kicked her in the face on the challenge log than Kodachi could help recalling how Ranma had warned her to leave the ring while she was still in one piece during the Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics tournament. The risk mightn't be very high, but it **was** there. Each girl nodded her head in turn, all coming to the same conclusion: curiosity and explanations held precedence over righteous fury this time.

Ranma sighed softly and began elaborating… this would make them or break them. "You've gotta believe me when I say that I ain't telling you this to hurt ya… but, before that day, I had _never_ thought of any of you in a romantic light."

_"What!"_ Came the tripartite squawk.

"I didn't _hate_ you girls or anything like that!" Ranma hastened to add. "I just… I never really thought about you girls the way you wanted me to think about you. I tried not to think about marriage or romance at all, really."

"So, what made you change your mind?" Kodachi asked.

Ranma's eyes went blank as he turned the majority of his attention inwards, towards his memories. "The thing he showed me was… well, it was like a time window. It let me see all sorts of alternate realities that spun off when a choice was made differently here and there."

"Such as?" The girls asked, unable to keep the hint of intrigue from their voices.

Ranma shrugged, which wasn't easy to do. "Like… what might have happened if I'd run off that night after Shampoo returned to China instead of staying around and letting those idiots beat me into forgoing a cure."

Despite themselves, Shampoo and Ukyo looked angry, if maybe for different reasons, while Kodachi looked first confused, then thoughtful, then finally embarrassed.

"But, anyway, I saw a lot of other versions of me, with other versions of you three, and it made me start thinking. I've tried not to think about getting married ever since the old man made us settle here – I'm too young ta get hitched – but, seeing the stuff I did, made me realize something. I'm gonna get married eventually. I can at least make sure when I do get married, it's to a girl I love."

Silence reigned over the quartet. Several long seconds ticked slowly by, and then Shampoo spoke. "So… why that make you date all of us?"

"And what about Akane?" Ukyo asked; jealousy unhidden in her tone.

"You girls need to understand, I saw a _lot_ of other timelines while I was there. Lots and lots of them. And, in general, whenever I looked in on a timeline where I gave one of you girls a chance, it usually turned out for the best. I'm not saying that they were all wine and roses, but usually it was a happy enough ending. When it came to Akane, though…"

"Bad marriage?" Shampoo said, an unconscious smirk on her lips.

"If we ever even got that far." Was Ranma's gloomy response. "About the only times it lasted, it was either held together by pity – like in this one timeline where I never got over the old goat's moxa burn – or one or both of us were smashed out of our minds by magic." He sighed, long and loud. "I had it hammered into me well and good that me and Akane just wouldn't work, not without one of us changing so that we weren't who we are. I just… rolled with the punches from there."

Silence again. This time, it was Ukyo's turn to break it. "So… you tried to date us all in secret because…?"

"Like I just said, I'd never thought of any of you girls like that before. Just because I knew I could be happy with any of you didn't mean I knew which of you I wanted." Ranma explained softly. "…So, I felt the only thing to do was to give you all a chance."

"I guess you're more like a typical guy than I thought." Ukyo declared, more out of instinct than anything; she was currently trying to handle everything Ranma had just told them.

"Hey, it's not like this is my fault!" Ranma snapped defensively. "I didn't ask to have two girls engaged to me by my stupid old man, I didn't ask to accidentally engage myself to a third, and I certainly didn't ask to have a fourth fall for me! What do you expect me to do, huh? Ignoring it didn't work, and I can't really solve it besides picking one of you and sticking with it – what do you expect me to do, draw straws? You oughta be grateful that I actually decided to give you all a fair chance!" He ranted.

"Well, uh…" Kodachi began.

"Don't start!" Ranma snapped. "It would have been so easy for me to just pick one of you at random, slip into your place at night, tell you that I'll be yours and yours alone if you got us out of Nerima and then trust that we'd make it work once we were out of this loony bin! Instead, I chose to do the decent thing and give you all a fair chance at trying to win my love for real, instead of ignoring you like I used to." In his angry struggles, Ranma began to swing back and forth from the branch he was suspended on, not that he seemed to notice this. "What more could I do? You girls want me, well; I've been giving a chance to get me. It isn't like I wasn't technically cheating on all of you even when I ran away from you all."

The girls fell into a deep silence, clearly uncertain what to make of all that they had heard. They looked thoughtful, directing their attention first at him, then at each other, before finally seeming to come to a set of individual decisions. Kodachi stepped forward and untied the rope holding Ranma up… accidentally dropping him on his head, but it wasn't like that was any great deal to him. As Ranma pushed himself up and made a show of dusting himself off, Kodachi gave him her best, most disarming, smile.

"Well said, Ranma-darling." Turning to the other girls, she continued. "Well, there you have it. What this ultimately boils down to is a case of the best girl winning… which means, that now that Ranma is taking it seriously, it's time we did the same."

"You mean is time to sort out problems once and for all?" Shampoo smirked, cracking her knuckles by squeezing either fist in turn. "Shampoo all for that."

"Winner takes Ranma's heart and soul? Count me in." Ukyo grinned viciously.

'Well, **this** wasn't unexpected. Still, this is better than I figured they'd take it. By their standards, this is mature, reasonable and sensible.' Ranma thought. He still began to surreptuously sidle out of the fighting range. As it turned out, though, he really needn't have bothered… though they all got into threat postures, none of the girls moved for a good five minutes. Tapping his foot impatiently, Ranma cleared his throat. "You know, maybe it would be best to go and prepare yourself if you're going to fight like this?"

"Airen make good suggestion." Shampoo agreed. "You regret interfere with Chinese Amazon!" She added.

"Alright, you girls are both gonna be sorry you ever messed with me!" Ukyo threatened.

"You may as well admit defeat if you seek to challenge the Black Rose of St. Hebereke!" Kodachi boasted.

'Big talk, given you're all backing away and trying not to look like it.' Ranma thought. It was true; each of the girls was, for all her boasting, quite eagerly getting out of combat range. Ranma figured they must have not really wanted to tangle right here and now, given that they couldn't be certain that the two other girls wouldn't gang up on her and then handle each other when weakened. Such shaky alliances were, honestly, somewhat endemic to the martial artists he hung out with. Once the three girls were out of the way, he released a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. 'Guess I should go and get ready, too…'

Kodachi strode authoritatively through the front doors of the Kuno mansion. "Sasuke!" She ordered. "Sasuke, where are you? Attend to me!"

"What ails you, my twisted sister?" Kuno boomed, walking through a nearby door. "What need have you for my manservant?"

"I have enemies to crush, and for that I will need Sasuke's services." Kodachi declared without hesitation.

"If you think to turn him against my beloved pigtailed girl, then methinks you had best think again, twisted sister!" Kuno said, eyes narrowing and hand going to his ever-present bokken. "It is a grievous enough sin that you would slander her by claiming she is in fact an evil sorceress who has been assuming the guise of Ranma Saotome in an effort to humiliate and discredit me! I warn you, if you seek to compound your misdeeds by attacking her…"

It was at that point that Kodachi had reached her limits and hurled one of her newest creations, a black rose poison bomb, at him. Though smaller than her usual bouquet bombs, it still proved potent enough that the sleeping powder rendered him instantly unconscious. Shaking her head in disgust, she set off to find Sasuke.

At the Nekohanten, meanwhile, Cologne looked up as her great-granddaughter came storming through the doors. "Whatever is the matter, child?" She asked.

Shampoo didn't answer, instead looking around. "Where Mousse?" She questioned.

"He's out on a date." Cologne replied.

Shampoo blinked in shock. "He what…?" She blurted unthinkingly. Then, either casting her mind back and recalling the situation, or just dismissing it, she waved a hand. "Never mind, not matter. Shampoo need your help, great-grandmother. Is time to show other girls that Shampoo is only girl for Ranma…"

Ukyo, also, was taking steps for the upcoming "war". Hers, however, were much less elaborate. She was carefully going through a thick book, containing secret techniques and advice passed down through her family. The Kuonji family school of Martial Arts Okonomiyaki was something of a puzzle to outsiders, though the more adept ones realized that the usage of the combat spatula was an adaptation of naginata forms. It was surprising how many failed to see the underlying style of her art, the ninjitsu elements carefully trained and shielded from detection by the usage of cooking implements and ingredients. She grinned a cold grin as she poured over the lore in her hands: her rivals wouldn't know what hit them!

Ranma, meanwhile, was undertaking his own preparations: he was getting out of town until things cooled off. Last thing he needed was to either get caught in the fighting or be accused of unfairness. He'd let them sort it out amongst themselves, and just hope they didn't get too carried away. He shivered as he clung to the top of a speeding train; there was an icy tingling running down his spine, and it wasn't just the wind blowing down the back of his shirt either.

Despite what many may have thought, the girls did not go to war that very day. They needed time to plan and prepare, and though each was working feverishly in her goal to be the first to strike, each of them knew, in the back of her mind, that her rivals would be doing the same thing. They did not begin their efforts to drive each other away until the next day…

…Which was much to Ukyo's annoyance, as the next day was a school day. The health inspectors might be a necessary evil when you were running a culinary business, but that didn't mean they were a welcome sight. The inspection took several hours as the civil servant ruthlessly and exhaustively examined her property and questioned Ukyo on her methods of cleaning, preparing food, and buying fresh ingredients. The whole procedure was, in its own way, as nerve-wracking as any martial arts duel. Ukyo had been closing up her shop and getting ready to go to school when the man had appeared, small and fussy and oh so officious, waving away her disbelief that he would show up at just this moment to inspect her and insisting that he be allowed to do his job. Ukyo hadn't dared to refuse him, or even to protest overmuch; that could be seen as her having something to hide, and if her license to sell okonomiyaki was taken from her… that was her economic lifeblood on the line.

The end result was that when she finally walked through the doors of homeroom 1-F, she was hours late for school. She opened her mouth to try and explain her actions, only for words to fail her at the angry look on the child-like teacher's face… a look that preceded the phrase "Happo Five-Yen Satsu!" by barely a heartbeat. She groaned pitifully as the strength was sucked from her limbs and she collapsed onto the floor, barely able to hear Hinako's angry scolding, her attention focused on two things. Firstly, figuring out who was responsible… Shampoo? No, as Chinese, she and her great-grandmother would already have enough problems from the health inspectors, far too many to risk trying to sic them on her. No, the only one who could possibly be responsible was… Kodachi. Ukyo growled to herself, a menacing rumble from the back of her throat. She was going to get her for this!

Shampoo fought to keep some semblance of a smile on her place. Having been a Warrior back in Nyuchiehzu, having to be a delivery girl was something of a trial at the best of times. The job had its share of problems and irritations, big and small. What she was currently facing was not unusual, but irritating all the same.

The man scowled at her like thunder, his expression black enough to frighten off anyone who couldn't break his spine like a dry noodle. "How many times do I gotta say this? I didn't order anythin' from you people!"

Shampoo twitched, but just managed to keep control of herself. "This is address Shampoo told to bring order to. You pay for food now." She insisted.

"Fuhgedaboutit! I ain't giving you nothin', 'cause I didn't order nothin'! Now get!" He screamed, and slammed the door in her face.

At that, Shampoo lost control. This made six times today, or was it seven? She had been forced to cycle from one end of Nerima to the next, and even made a couple of trips out of the ward, and every time the customer had denied ordering and sent her back without her payment! She was **not** going to be sent home without money again! Furiously, she lashed out with her free hand, the splayed fingers punching into the solid wood of the door as though it were wet tissue paper, then she tightened her grip and heaved, ripping it clean from its hinges and absently throwing it across the street.

"You buy this, you pay for this!" She screamed, aura flaring and the customer cowering back from her in fear. Yes, she was going to cop it from Cologne when she got home, but right now she was too pissed off to care. If she ever got her hands on the people who had been prank-calling the Nekohanten today…

Kodachi hummed happily to herself as she walked up to the gates of her lavish estate. Today, she judged, had been a good day. Not only had her classes all gone well, but also she was certain that her rivals had been given a painful lesson in not crossing her. After all, with her wealth and connections, it was easy to arrange for a surprise health inspection of "Ucchan's Okonomiyaki", and her many ninja servants could easily continue to place false orders at the Nekohanten to ensure that Shampoo was sent racing madly all over the city. She laughed in delight as she flung the gates open… and promptly screamed in equal parts shock and horror at what she saw.

Her gardens, her beautiful, lovingly maintained gardens, were a nightmarish landscape of foul-smelling flowers, snapping pods, and writhing, squirming, tumorous roots (or perhaps creepers) that visibly crawled across the lawn and undulated like a vile ocean of greenery. Around its steadily increasing periphery, her loyal legion of ninja groundskeepers battled valiantly, attacking the abominable flora with secateurs, loppers, saws, scythes, even power tools and lawnmowers.

"What is going on here!" She shrieked.

"I'm sorry, milady, but we don't know!" Cried one of the nearest ninja. "There was a delivery made earlier today while you were at school, and when we tried to plant it, this is what happened!"

"Ukyo! Shampoo! You're going to regret this! Nobody messes with **my garden!**" Kodachi vowed, shaking her fist at the sky.

It took hours, and some makeshift flamethrowers, but Kodachi and her servants finally manage to clear off most of the monster-plant, with what little remaining proving too stubborn for the exhausted gardeners to finish dispatching. Tired and worn out, Kodachi had told them to simply keep it penned up where it was and staggered off wearily to bed. Her revenge could wait until the next day.

_The next morning…_

Sasuke looked over the menacing form of Kodachi's newest, least-wanted plant, and sighed softly. "How in the world are we going to get rid of this thing?" He asked rhetorically. He almost leapt out of his skin at the scream that suddenly split the air, a feminine shriek of pain and outrage. "I'm coming mistress!" He cried, racing off with his remarkable, even by Nerima, top speed. Flinging open the doors, he burst into Kodachi's personal chambers. "What's wrong?"

"Wrong? Are you blind!" Kodachi wailed, spinning angrily around to face him, tears in her eyes and her hair unbound – like most girls who wore ponytails, she tended to let her hair loose at night and restyle it in the morning.

Now, it must be noted that Kodachi took great pride in her hair, even if mere black wasn't that unusual a color. In the morning light, Sasuke could see quite clearly the reason for his mistress' distress. Someone had taken the time to dye Kodachi's hair from root to tip in an eye-catching shade of royal purple, shifting to a light pink where the light caught it directly. Sasuke was impressed despite himself; not many people could pull off using a pearlescent hair-dye, and it actually looked rather good on his mistress.

That feeling didn't last long before he remembered just why finding her hair dyed without her knowing had set her off. Though she did not seem to consciously remember it, Kodachi had also been the victim of her father's obsession with trimming hair when she was young, and so harming her hair had become a rage trigger with her even after blocking out the painful memories. Sasuke promptly stopped thinking about that, though, being far more focused on Kodachi painfully hoisting him up by the front of his shirt.

"How!" She ranted. "How could somebody slip through our defenses and defile my beautiful hair like this?" She cried.

"I don't know, mistress!" Sasuke stammered in a high-pitched wail.

Kodachi snarled and threw him bodily across the floor. "It must have been that Chinese bitch!" She snapped. "I knew that hair color of hers had to come out of a bottle! She's not going to get away with this! She's **not!**"

As a matter of fact, Shampoo's hair color was very much natural; her grandmother had very similar hair in her youth. Not that Kodachi knew this, nor would it have mattered to her all that much. She was totally fixated on revenge, and smiled evilly as the perfect idea came to her…

Shampoo's day was looking to be a good one; the sun was shining and she had so far apparently avoided any sort of 'enemy action' by her two rivals as she hummed happily to herself, punctuating her wordless tune with the occasional ring of her bike's bell, when she spotted something that made her screech to a halt. There on the wall was a poster with her photo on it and it was not a very flattering one either. The proclamation plastered across it, even less so, as Shampoo grabbed the poster and furiously tore it to tiny shreds.

The day got steadily worse from there as Shampoo continued riding and continued finding more and more posters plastered wherever the eye could see. A shadow fell across her face and Shampoo snatched a flyer out of the air, snarling as she crumpled it, before getting to work; whoever was doing this was going to regret slandering her. Eyes narrowed, she got to work tearing up the posters and searching for any others.

It took hours of searching, and Shampoo knew that Cologne was not going to be happy with her being gone for so long, but she finally managed to destroy the last poster. Nodding to herself in satisfaction, Shampoo turned to get back on her bike and head back to the Nekohanten when she heard it. Immediately the girl ducked as chain flew over where her head would have been and struck a light post, denting it at an extreme angle before it whipped back, nearly clipping Shampoo as she dodged. Looking up to follow the retreating chain, Shampoo grimaced at the sight before her.

Ninja, lots of ninja, were standing on the surrounding rooftops and Shampoo smiled slightly; at least she knew who to blame now…

"Kodachi."

When Cologne saw Shampoo return battered and bruised, with not just a few cuts, she wisely decided not to ask where her great-granddaughter had been for so long.

Ukyo whistled merrily to herself as she strolled through the streets, heading home after a day at school. On her way to school that morning, she'd stumbled across one of those mysterious flyers that had shown up around town proclaiming scandalous "facts" about her Chinese rival and it had been quite a mood lifter. While not her doing, she found it quite amusing all the same. Actually, she was in such a good mood (and fairly confident in the relative safety of Nerima) that she didn't realize she was being surrounded until she literally ran into the first of them, startling her back to full awareness.

"Hey, buddy, watch where yer goin'!" The guy, a typical-looking street punk, snapped at her.

'Did he just…?' Ukyo thought to herself angrily, then forced the anger from her mind. "Sorry about that, won't happen again." She replied; she didn't really make a habit of kicking people's heads in just because they bugged her. She tried to go around him, only to be blocked off.

"Not so fast, pal. You gotta pay the toll for coming through our street!" A second wanna-be tough guy rasped.

She blinked. "You boys are new to Nerima, ain't ya?" Ukyo asked, slinging her battle spatula off of her back. "In light o' that, I'll give ya a warning; back off, or regret it."

"Ooh, tough little bitch, ain't you?" One of them crowed – their final mistake.

"Just what did you call me?" Ukyo snarled, exploding into motion in the direction that luckless fool, her faithful (if unorthodox) weapon hurtling down upon his head like an iron meteorite, smashing him unconscious into the pavement. The other street punks tried to react to Ukyo's assault, but they may as well have been moving through molasses for all the good it did them. Like lightning, Ukyo lashed out and smote them down, sending her opponents flying into walls or crashing onto the pavement. Within moments, the gangers had learned just **why** Nerima had such a low rate of crime outside occasional bouts of property destruction, Ukyo standing over the first thug she had bumped into with her spatula held menacingly to his throat.

"Alright, I know you clowns are too dumb to have thought of this yourself. Spill it! Who sent you?"

"S-Some crazy chick with purple hair!" He blurted.

Ukyo promptly knocked him out cold and stormed off, fuming indignantly. "Ooh, Shampoo, this time you've gone too far! If you think you're going to get away with that…"

She was still fuming when she finally made it back to her home, but froze outside the door. Something felt wrong here…Drawing her battle spatula, she tugged on the door, which slid open smoothly. That was wrong – she had locked it before heading to school that morning, as she always did. Cautiously, she crept into the restaurant, watchful for the slightest sign of danger. Finding nothing in the restaurant, she began slinking up the stairs, feeling like a character in a horror movie. It was when she approached her bedroom that she discovered the door slightly ajar, which she was certain was not how she had left it. A grimly triumphant expression on her face, she kicked open the door. "Found you!" She thundered… then screamed in equal parts shock and fury.

Her room was an utter disaster; a disgusting mash of okonomiyaki batter and sundry ingredients was smeared on the walls into mocking words and barbs – queries about her sexual identity and appetites, insults of her appearance, dismissals of her femininity, deprecations of her skill. Her belongings had been strewn about, her underwear (both her bras & panties and the bandages she used for sarashi) torn to shreds and left in pride of place on her bed. Taking in the shambles of her room, Ukyo was speechless with rage, panting and snorting like some mad beast before she finally managed to scream again. **"She's not getting away with this!"**

Shampoo sighed in relief as the deliciously hot water cascaded over her, soothing aching muscles; today had been a long, grueling, unpleasant day. Her rivals were really getting good, but she would be the victor! Even beyond what honor demanded, Ranma was the man of her dreams – she would sooner _die_ than give him up! Forcefully, she turned off the taps and began roughly drying herself off, stalking angrily into the bedroom she shared with Cologne to pull on some clothes. Now dressed, she stormed back downstairs; it was time to discuss her next plan of attack with Cologne…

As she walked, though, her rage began to ebb. Not because she was any less angry, but because she was starting to focus on the really bad itch that was starting to tingle on her chest. Annoying prickles danced and skittered across her sensitive flesh, intensifying until even she couldn't resist the urge to scratch herself – it wasn't considered proper for a lady, even a Joketsuzoku, but it was just that irritating. The problem was, scratching it through her shirt just made it _worse_. As she started clawing at her breasts with both hands, she became aware of an identical sensation starting to emerge from even lower down her body…

"Great-grandmother!" She wailed helplessly, something she hadn't done since she'd hit puberty.

About half an hour later, Shampoo was sitting in front of Cologne at their personal dining table, dressed in nothing but a towel and literally glowing with rage, steam wafting from her even though she'd gotten out of the shower five minutes ago. "Itching powder? That bitch Kodachi put itching powder in Shampoo's underwear?"

Cologne nodded her head gravely. "I found a very powerful herbal irritant had been rubbed thoroughly into each bra and set of panties you own. I've put Mousse onto laundry detail."

"You **what?**" Shampoo screeched.

"Look at it this way, child. Would you rather have him washing your underwear? Or would you rather he be here while you are naked, which would probably be far too much excitement for him to resist?"

_Sitting across from the growling washing machine, Mousse drummed his fingers on the floor in irritation. Why did he need to sit here and watch them go around and around like this? Even beyond the fact his vision really didn't make him very good at it, what was the point of him watching the washing being done? He sneezed suddenly, and wiped his nose on a handkerchief from inside his sleeve. "Are they insulting me again?" He grumbled._

Shampoo shuddered at the thought. "Mousse grabby enough at best of times. But what Shampoo do? No can go around naked!"

"Especially seeing as how your beloved Ranma isn't here to see you, hmm?" Cologne observed, cackling softly as Shampoo's face turned a rich cherry red. "Ah, young love. Well, I can make a sarashi for you," she declared, referring to the wound cloth arrangement useful for both resisting injury and supporting breasts, "and as for underwear… well, I guess there is nothing else for it. You'll need to wear that pair of Ranma's boxers you stole from the Tendo Dojo."

Shampoo froze, then began waving her arms and babbling in frantic denial, so busy trying to insist that she had done no such thing and would never do such a thing that she failed to realize her towel had come undone and she was now standing in front of her great-grandmother stark naked. When that happened, she burst out in a full-body blush that Ryoga would have been proud of (Cologne half expected steam to come whistling out of her ears) and hastily rewrapped herself.

"So, where is it?" Cologne asked politely.

"…Shampoo go get it." The Chinese bluenette conceded. "But Kodachi pay for this! This go too far!"

"I agree. It was pure luck that none of my clothing was contaminated, and it took half an hour to clean it from the dresser. We cannot allow her to think she can get away with this unpunished. Bring that grimoire of mine, would you?" Cologne called after her.

At that, Shampoo froze, icy beads of sweat dotting her face. "You no is serious!" She breathed in disbelief. "You tell Shampoo all time to never touch!"

"I believe this is one occasion where it would be prudent to remind our foes that we are familiar with more lore that the modern world has forgotten than just martial arts." Cologne stated.

Shampoo still felt somewhat awestruck, but slipped into their bedroom to retrieve what was needed.

_About one hour later…_

"Sister!" Kuno shouted. "Why are we being besieged by flying monkeys? Is this the work of that evil sorcerer you've been so foolishly courting?" He asked, lashing out with his bokken and striking five of his assailants from the air with a single blow. He smirked with pride, though it faded when fifteen more of them threw themselves at him with strangely dog-like sounds.

"This has nothing to do with Ranma-darling!" Kodachi thundered in outraged, angrily swatting aside the clawing bat-winged barking baboons that tried to grab her. "Besides, why would Ranma sic a horde of aerial primates on me, his beloved?"

"Perhaps because he's been asking things of you that even you are too pure to surrender?" Kuno suggested, now fencing with one particularly large baboon that had gotten its hands on two of Kuno's bokkens and was dual-wielding them. He had to admit that it was pretty good for a mutated African primate.

"Bite your tongue!" Kodachi squealed, even as she did a leaping split kick to knock out two of her assailants. "My beloved Ranma is a perfect gentleman, he would never ask such vulgar things of me! …Besides, I want him to be my first." She admitted.

Kuno's bokken clashed against those of his enemy, holding back the twin overhead strike. Even as he struggled for dominance, he likewise struggled to find a reply to that, but found himself with a (somewhat welcome) distraction.

"Master Kuno! Mistress Kodachi! Save meeee!" Sasuke pleaded.

The whole battlefield came to a halt to watch as the diminutive representative of Sarugakure Village came pelting across the lawn, being pursued by a happily hooting and unambiguously amorous female bat-winged baboon. As the duet vanished out of sight, the Kunos stared at the remaining bat-winged baboons. As one, the primates looked embarrassed and shrugged sheepishly. And then the battle resumed.

"I'll get those gaijin for this!" Kodachi howled, her voice loud enough to be heard from several blocks away.

That was what she planned. However, the next day saw her heading to a certain vacant lot in Nerima, where she encountered the hostile duo of Ukyo and Shampoo, both disheveled and looking ready to fall on each other in their fury. She wasn't certain how to feel when she realized that some of the hostility faded away upon them catching sight of her new hair color – Sasuke had declared the only way to be rid of it was to allow it to fade from exposure. Kodachi stopped several meters away from both of her rivals, roughly forming a triangle several meters across. "Well? Why have you called me here?" She snapped.

"It's time we had a talk – we need to settle this once and for all." Ukyo growled.

"Isn't that what we've been doing?" Kodachi jeered back.

"I mean for real." The Osakan snarled, cracking her knuckles. When a harsh laugh burst from Shampoo's throat, she turned her anger towards the girl she had always thought of as her real rival, until now. "What's so funny?" She demanded.

"As if you really attack her now." Shampoo mocked. "You not trust her and Shampoo not to team up to take you down, then fight each other. And she not attack you for fear Shampoo and you team up. And neither of you attack Shampoo, because you sure other girl will side with Shampoo to beat you down. We at stalemate."

Though it took a few moments to comprehend Shampoo's broken speech, both of the girls got it quite clearly.

"So what are you suggesting? We call a truce?" Kodachi snarked.

"You have better idea?" Shampoo replied flatly.

"A truce? With you? Forget it!" Ukyo snapped. "There's no way I'm going to forgive you for what you did!"

"What did Shampoo do?" The Chinese girl asked, half serious, half sarcastic.

"You know what you did! You broke into my place, you ruined my bedroom, you shredded my belongings, and you smeared food all over my walls! Do you have any idea how much time and money you cost me?" Ukyo snarled.

Shampoo looked confused. "Shampoo not do that." She stated simply.

"Oh, yeah, like I'm gonna believe that!" Ukyo mocked in return.

"Shampoo serious! Shampoo just switch all ingredients with super-sour and super-spicy ingredients." The Chinese Amazon protested.

"Anyway, if that solves your problem…" Kodachi changed the subject. "I still have issues with you, gaijin!" She then declared, pointing dramatically at Shampoo.

"What?" Shampoo snapped back.

"Before I even consider calling a truce with you, I demand that you apologize for that monster plant that you sent to my estate!" Kodachi demanded.

Now Shampoo looked sincerely confused. "Shampoo honestly not know what you talking about. Shampoo admit to sending swarm of flying monkeys, but that because you put too-too nasty itching powder in all Shampoo's underwear! If great-grandmother not have special ointments, Shampoo be so sore and swollen down there that Shampoo no could walk!"

"…Flying monkeys?" Ukyo asked in disbelief, ignored by both of her rivals.

"Itching powder?" Kodachi repeated incredulously. "That wasn't my doing. I would never demean my talents by using them for something so tacky."

"So you have little ninja man sneak it into Shampoo's clothes, big difference." The Chinese Amazon snapped.

"No, you don't understand; I swore off making itching powder of any kind when I was ten and I accidentally made a dose that had me itching all over for a week." The female heir to the Kuno family explained.

"But if you not do it… ooh, sneaky spatula girl!" Shampoo hissed, wheeling to face the now nervous Ukyo Kuonji.

"Now, now, girls, weren't we going to discuss a truce?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yes, I believe that was why you called us all here?" Kodachi added, still staring daggers at Shampoo.

"Oh, yes, Shampoo forget… As Shampoo was about to say, this getting us nowhere. We keep fighting, we keep hurting each other, nobody wins. With three of us to fight, and no one we can trust, is just big cycle of retaliation. Getting us no closer to winning Ranma – worse, what if Ranma leave us because of it?"

"Ranma would never!" Ukyo declared.

"You so sure of that?" Shampoo needled. "Ranma say to us that he only just start thinking of us in way that we think of him; if we keep fighting like this, who to say he not grow tired and just find new girl?" At the skeptical looks she was receiving, she went on. "Think about it! Ranma already say he get over Akane because she prove she not love him – what keep him thinking same thing if we keep fighting each other? If we keep ignoring him, even hurting him? Ranma only just start love us back – if he can leave Akane, abandoning us not bother him at all!"

Both Ukyo and Kodachi looked aghast at the thought. Kodachi found her voice first. "So, what exactly are you suggesting?" She demanded.

"We stop fighting each other over Ranma. At least, stop fighting like before." Shampoo amended. "We make promise; we stop try poison Ranma against each other, we no attack each other, we no interfere with each other dates. We just go out with Ranma, let others go out with Ranma, and try him decide what girl make him happy."

"…That's it?" Kodachi and Ukyo asked as one, identically incredulous.

"That best we can do." Shampoo snapped. "Unless one of you know way we can become one girl?" She added in mockery.

"…And what is that supposed to mean?" Kodachi demanded at last.

"She was being sarcastic, rich kid, suggesting we could all marry Ranma if we somehow found some magic item that merged us into a single person." Ukyo explained.

"I'd sooner throttle myself."

"You're telling me!"

"If you two quite finished?" Shampoo interjected. "So, we have deal or not?"

"I… guess we've got no choice." Ukyo conceded, reluctantly.

"It certainly would be better than continuing as we have." Kodachi admitted. "By the way, do you know how to get those pernicious parasitical primates to leave my property?"

Shampoo looked embarrassed, "No, Shampoo only know how to call evil flying monkeys, not send them away. Could look up ritual, but not sure if it exists."

Kodachi merely waved her hand and sighed softly. "Very well, it makes no difference. My brother seems to have taken a shine to them anyway… he insists they make more capable kendo students than any of his fellows at Furinkan High."

Ukyo and Shampoo stared at her, blinked, and then Ukyo turned to her Chinese rival. "You just gave Tatewaki Kuno access to an army of flying monkeys?"

"Not on purpose!"

"Anyway…" Kodachi interjected. "We should go and tell Ranma about this. Where is he?" She asked.

Blank stares met her at this declaration.

"I ain't seen him in school since that day we started fighting… he's skipped town on us." Ukyo realized.

"That… that actually pretty smart thing to do." Shampoo noted.

"What?" Kodachi retorted in disbelief.

"It mean he no can get hurt because we get carried away… or you forget about how you start choking him during mess with Ranma's fake mom?" Shampoo pointed out, making Kodachi blush with embarrassment.

"Yeah, it's best that Ranchan's out of here and staying out of trouble." Ukyo agreed.

_Meanwhile, in Yokohama…_

"How do I get into these messes?" Ranma-chan screamed as she raced frantically across the beach, people scattering in her wake… which may have had something to do with the crab the size of a station wagon that was in hot pursuit.

The scantily clad woman standing atop the mammoth arthropod laughed, a chittering cackle worse than anything Kodachi had ever given voice to. "After her, my pet! We'll teach her to have bigger breasts than I do!"

**_"Why me?" _**She sobbed.

_And so the girls have been clued in as to Ranma's decision, even if he hasn't trusted them with __**all**__ of the details yet, and made a choice on how to deal with this. Will this honestly be any less troublesome than if they were actively trying to kill each other over him? Can they all keep this secret from Genma and Soun, who are certain to notice the changes accumulating now? And what will happen when Natsume and Kurumi arrive, as they due to do? For the curious, Kodachi's hair color is based off of one of the manga cover art depictions of her, which can be seen on her page at the Ranma 1/2 Wikia._


	16. Chapter 16

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** Well, here we are at last. This chapter took a long time to come out, and I apologize for that; real life called me away from this project for several weeks and refused to let me return. The next one should be out much sooner.

Chapter 15: A New Status Quo

"Now, what on earth am I going to do with this?" Ranma pondered, walking placidly down the streets of Nerima in the general direction of the Tendo Dojo. The "this" in question was the improvised, or at least homemade, weapon now clutched in his hand and being used as a walking stick. A wooden pole that had obviously been driftwood at one point, fishing net had been used to tie the upper half of a gigantic crab claw to the wood, and some rusty scrap metal bracing. The whole thing was an obvious glaive, if rather unconventional.

"Teach me to show off." Ranma lamented. "Ah well, I had to get one over that bitch somehow." He declared, pushing through the gates into the Tendo complex and heading inside. Stripping off his worn shoes before entering, as was polite, he knocked some of the excess dirt out of them. "I'm home." He called out.

"Get in here boy!"

Ranma groaned at seeing Genma standing there at the entrance to the living room as he entered the house. A glance inside revealed a serious looking Soun and a rather annoyed looking Akane sitting there at the table. Shrugging he sat down, placing his souvenir off to the side, and got ready for the interrogation.

He wasn't disappointed as Akane decided to let her temper do the talking, "Where the hell have you been?"

"Yokohama." Ranma immediately shot back.

Genma blinked in confusion, "What were you doing in Yokohama? In fact, why did you go to Yokohama in the first place?"

Ranma shrugged his shoulders. "I wanted to get some seafood." He drawled.

Soun was about to say something, and then took a closer look at the glaive and shook his head. Akane was not deterred, however. "And let me guess, you found some new girl to chase while you there?"

"Do you really think I'm that sort of person, Akane Tendo?" Ranma asked, fingers tightening on the shaft. "I mean, what have I ever done to make you think that way?"

Soun cut in then before the girl could open her mouth, "Still, you should have at least called." The other glanced at him and he coughed, "Kasumi got worried when you didn't show up for dinner."

"No I didn't, father. Ranma told me that he was leaving before he went, remember? I was the one who told you not to expect him back for dinner that night." Kasumi gently corrected him, calling out from the kitchen. How she'd heard them talking was a mystery to the residents of the Tendo household, but they weren't that easily diverted from the subject.

Ranma chuckled at Soun's attempt to guilt trip him. Genma was about to rally the interrogation when there was a knock on the door and a call of, "Hello!"

Genma and Soun groaned and Akane growled slightly. "Not only that, these floozies keep showing up asking if you're back."

"They are not floozies." Ranma insisted sternly. "I'm in here, girls."

Quick as a flash there was a blur, well three blurs, and Ranma found himself with Ukyo on one side, Shampoo on the other and Kodachi hugging him from behind as Ukyo squealed, "Ranchan! You're back!" Shampoo's was simply, "Airen!" and hugging him tight enough that she might have been trying to fuse with him while Kodachi simply preferred a more sedate, "Welcome back."

"Girls? Kinda... choking here..." Ranma gasped, struggling to retain his footing against the considerable force being exerted against his body.

With a collective 'ack!' the trio quickly released him. Well, Ukyo and Kodachi released him; Shampoo seemed content to only slightly loosen her grip.

Akane's glower quickly became a less-than-murderous glare at that.

Ranma didn't really notice, as the sudden shift in force being exerted had the side effect of sending him and Shampoo both toppling to the floor. Ranma landed on top of Shampoo, but she didn't particularly seem to mind. Others, however, were not so impressed.

"Ranma! What do you think you're doing?" Soun Tendo thundered in fury, erupting into his trademark Demon Head. A pity he had forgotten that neither Ukyo nor Kodachi was familiar with this and so he had no idea how they would react. Kodachi shrieked in fright and delivered a powerful slap squarely to Soun's right cheek, sending him staggering over in front of Ukyo, who reflexively punched him in the face and sent him flying out into the garden.

"Dad!" Akane cried in dismay, forgetting all about her anger at Ranma and running out to tend to her injured father.

Ukyo had the good grace to try and look embarrassed, but failed miserably. Ranma himself tried to not look smug at seeing the one technique that could actually be used to bully him fail, while Genma simply glared daggers at the intruders.

"Why are you here?" He demanded bluntly.

"I came here to ask my darling Ranma if he would be so good as to escort me on a little private excursion today." Kodachi declared with all of the (considerable) regality that she could muster.

"What!" Ukyo barked. "I came here to ask Ranma-honey to come on a date with me!"

"Shampoo have same idea!" The Chinese warrior declared, having just managed to haul Ranma and herself upright at last, one arm firmly wrapped around Ranma's neck like a hangman's noose and the action of spinning around to face the other girls ensuring that Ranma's face was now firmly entrenched in her chest; an action which her rivals silently gave her credit for grudgingly as the Chinese girl had somehow expertly positioned him just so he could breath and nothing else.

Ranma's thoughts on the matter?

'Why can't I get some peace and quiet once in a while?'

"WHAT!" Akane whipped around, unintentionally whipping her father around and letting him spin into the Koi pond in a rather artistic pirouette as she finally exploded. "I knew it! I knew you were going out with these hussies!" She charged, quite intent on displaying her displeasure with a bit of cathartic violence.

"Run for it!"

Now, nobody would **ever** figure out just who had said that, but neither Ranma nor any of his would-be brides was particularly indisposed to investigate. As one the quartet leapt over Akane, dashed to the wall and bounded over it, hitting the street running and gone well before Akane or Genma could react.

"Get back here you bastard!" Akane snarled before stomping back inside the house and sitting down the lounge room with a huff. Genma simply groaned as he rubbed his temples as if staving off a headache.

"We are going to have a serious talk when you get back boy."

Soun crawled out of the koi pond, staggered a few times and shook his head to get rid of the stars in his vision from bumping it during his little dip, and looked around. Seeing that the commotion was over, he wandered back into the house and tried to calm down Akane, who was flicking angrily through channels.

"I don't know whose idea that was... but thanks." Ranma said. The quartet were now standing in one of the empty lots favored as camping and fighting grounds for traveling martial artists.

"Shampoo thought was your idea, airen? No matter, but we have good news for you!"

"You settled your fight without killing each other? That is good news." Ranma said, and the sincerity in his tone was, if anything, more humiliating than the words were.

Kodachi coughed pointedly. "Yes, though we will not insult anyone's intelligence by proclaiming that we are happy with the idea of doing so, we have agreed that it is by far the best solution for us to call a true on this matter and allow you to continue dating us until you have decided who is the only true choice to make."

'Which is, of course, me.' Was the thought that rang through each girl's head in unison.

Ranma gave them a rather skeptical, speculating look, but said nothing of it. So long as they weren't fighting, or blaming him, he was happy. Besides, it kind of worked out for him either way. Taking note of Ukyo's presence, a thought occurred to him and he presented the crab-claw glaive to her. "Here - your style uses naginata forms, doesn't it?"

"You noticed...?" Ukyo asked in a soft, happy tone, happily accepting the offering.

"Like that's anything to get starry-eyed over." Kodachi declared in a quiet, scornful voice.

"...And why do you look so upset?" She asked curiously, noticing Shampoo's distracted state and hurt expression.

"Where did you get this thing anyway?" Ukyo interrupted.

"I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say I don't want to even look at seafood for at least a month." Ranma grumbled.

"As fascinating as this is, my darling, we should use this opportunity to settle a matter of some importance while we are not being interrupted." Kodachi spoke up.

"What she talking about?" Shampoo asked Ukyo.

"You're asking me? She's even crazier than you are." The crossdressing chef retorted.

"I am not crazy!" Kodachi shouted angrily, and then quickly tried to compose herself. "As I was saying, darling, we should use this as an opportunity to determine who will be graced with your company on an excursion and at what intervals while there are no individuals of an inclination to intervene to our detriment."

"...**What** did she just say?" Ukyo finally asked.

"She say we should figure out who get to date Ranma when while there nobody around to mess things up." Shampoo translated, to the shock of all three of her compatriots.

"So what am I; chopped liver?" Ryoga complained, finding it very funny indeed that the quartet promptly leapt out of their skins.

"When did **you** get here?" Ranma demanded.

"That's my line." Ryoga complained. " Just what is going on here, Ranma?"

"...Tell me, do you really need to know anything more than I'll be here for that challenge fight tomorrow and I won't be messing with your plans to win Akane any more?" Ranma asked, curiously.

"Like you ever were!" Ryoga scoffed.

Ranma looked indignant for a moment, then visibly restrained himself. "Whatever. Like I said, you just make sure you don't wander off to take a leak and wind up in Enoshima, and I'll be here to beat you into the ground tomorrow."

"You got it." As Ryoga returned his attention to cooking his lunch, Ranma turned to the girls.

"Right, and now I need to get some sleep. I'll see you girls later."

The trio pouted slightly at this.

"Maybe you can over to one of our places? I'm sure the others won't mind, Ranchan."

Shampoo and Kodachi glared at Ukyo for suggesting it first, irritated not to have been the ones to suggest it, but they nodded agreement with the general idea anyway.

Ranma shook his head, "No can do, sooner or later I'm gonna have to go back there and deal with those two idiots and Akane. Might as well do it while I'm tired enough to tune them out." With a wave he started walking back to the dojo. "See ya tomorrow girls."

As the girls had suspected, there was a most unwelcoming reception awaiting Ranma when he leapt back over the wall into the Tendo complex. "And just what have you been doing, son?" Soun asked sarcastically.

"Nothing that's any of your business, Mr. Tendo." Ranma replied, placing an icy emphasis on the honorific used.

"Ranma, you had better march yourself right up those steps and apologize to your fiancée!" Genma growled.

"Which one? The one you say you engaged me to before I was even born – you know, you never did say **how** that happened? The one you got me in exchange for a fish, rice and two pickles? The one whose dowry you stole and left on the road, never even letting me know she was a girl in the first place, and then placed all the responsibility for her on me? The one who only doesn't have an official engagement because she didn't think to ask you for one while you were lounging her luxurious mansion and gorging yourself on five star cuisine? You gotta be a little more specific about these sorts of things, pop." Ranma snarked back.

At that, Genma flinched, then began to look watery-eyed. "Oh, how can my only son do this to me! Besmirch his father, throw my mistakes in my face, abandon the one and only girl he should be faithful to!"

"I'm just doing what you taught me, old man." Was the deadpan reply he got in return. Ranma waited for Soun, predictable as always, to start bickering with Genma, and then did a high speed slink up the stairs to his bedroom; as close as Soun and Genma generally seemed to be, it was a pretty brittle friendship. Ranma spared an idle thought to the prospect that maybe it was because they figured if a friendship like theirs worked, so would a romance along the same lines, then pushed it aside. Opening the door to his room, he pulled the futon out of the cupboard, flicked it out onto the floor, and gratefully fell on it with a soft sigh. He lay there, eyes closed and silent, for several moments, then spoke up.

"So, is there a reason you're in here?"

Akane pouted, clearly still miffed from earlier. "So, what's your excuse?" She demanded.

"What excuse?" Ranma replied, opening his eyes but not looking at her, instead adjusting his pillow.

"About you going out with those bimbos, that's what!" Was the immediate explanation that Akane gave.

"What would be the point? You wouldn't listen anyway." Was the only answer she got.

"What!" Akane snapped indignantly.

"I have been through this song and dance routine with you dozens of times since the old man forced us to stay here. You **never** change – remember when the old freak dug out that bomb attack of his? After you finally heard why the old men and me were after that scroll in the middle of the hot spring, after you had already beaten me up? You insisted I could have just said something earlier – I asked you then, I'm asking you now: since when have you **ever** heard me out before beating me up?" Ranma asked, bitterness starting to leak out like wine turning to vinegar. He rolled to face away from her as he said this.

"That was your own fault!" Akane protested.

"Now, see, that's just what I'm talking about! You **never** accept that you've got something to do with things being wrong, it's always **my** fault!" Ranma snapped, immediately rolling back to face her. "You don't trust me in the slightest – hell, I'm surprised you didn't jump to the assumption I was going to try and rape you that time we were home alone together!"

"What kind of person do you take me for?" Akane asked, anger and hurt warring in her tone. "Nobody's **that** unreasonable!"

"Yeah, I'll admit, you got your limits… but, honestly, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of you always leaping to the conclusion that just because Shampoo and Kodachi and Ukyo can't keep their hands to themselves, I'm some kind of hornball loser! I mean, I could take it if you treated all the guys at school the same way, but you don't – they used to try and mob you at school every morning in hopes of beating you up and dragging you on a date, you never hold that against them. You know who you treat me like? Kuno, that's who. No, wait, you treat me **worse** than you treat Kuno – you give him the benefit of doubt, at least! Unless he's actually being an idiot or got his hands on your ass, you treat him just as somebody you hang out with. Me? You jump down my throat at the slightest thing!"

Through this spiel, Akane had first gone pale, then turned red. What made this even worse than it normally would have been was the fact that, try as she might, Akane just couldn't seem to think of a response… almost as if a tiny little voice was whispering to her that he had a point. And that just made her madder. "Oh, so you're Mr. Perfect, are you?" She snarled. "I got news for you, Ranma, you aren't any sort of angel yourself!"

"You don't see me accusing you of wanting to jump into any good looking guy's bed, do ya?" Ranma retorted, finally moving out of his lying prone position to a seated position.

"Who was it who called me an alley cat when Ukyo tricked me into going on a date with Ryoga, huh?" Akane jeered.

"Hey, as far as I knew, you knew perfectly well what was going on, **and** you had told me to stay out of it and let you do what you wanted! You were doing the exact same sort of thing you're always accusing me of doing, and getting pissed that I would try and make you do the same things you try and force me to do!" Ranma snarled, finally springing up as if spring-propelled.

"Just what are you accusing me of, Ranma?" Akane shouted at him, furious in a way that she had rarely been before.

"It's called a double-standard!"

"How can you even say something like that?" She growled, more of a harsh mutter to herself than a question to Ranma, trembling with fury and one clenched fist rising to a level with her chest.

"What, truth too painful to swallow?"

"Ranma… **you JERK!**" She howled, finally bringing her hand arcing around like the wrath of several kami combined, impacting with devastating force on Ranma's right cheek and sending him flying straight through the wall. As Ranma's defiant last insult floated back to her, all but drowned by the splash he made by landing in the pond, Akane snorted in a very un-ladylike fashion and stormed out of the room via the door. "That's it! If dad thinks I'm going to get married to that… that **jerk!** He's got another thing coming!" She bellowed.

Ranma rose from the foaming waters of the koi pond like Aphrodite… if Aphrodite had been a short, busty, red-haired Japanese girl in a Chinese outfit several sizes too large and swearing like a wharfie. She slumped, still standing in the water, and thumped the side of her head to dislodge water from her ears. "Screw this, I'm too tired to change back." She said, and then hopped up onto the roof, found a particularly sunny patch to curl up in, and did her best to fall asleep.

She spent the rest of the day and all of the night asleep, conveniently missing the stormy weather under the roof as Akane raged, Gelf tried to calm her down, and the fathers alternately bickered over whose fault this was and schemed on how to try and fix this. No, Ranma slept peacefully, and when she woke the next morning, she was ready to take things on **her** terms. Firstly and most importantly, change that to _his_ terms.

"Thanks, Kasumi." He told the eldest Tendo girl, setting the table for breakfast. "So, how long do you think they'll be in bed?"

"Father and Mr. Saotome were up a very long time… they may not wake up until noon." She answered, looking softly reproving of the idea.

"Ah. Well, I think it's time the old man and I had a heart to heart… besides, like the old saying goes, what's good for the jerk is good for the bastard!" Ranma said, cracking his knuckles with a rather unsavory glee.

"Ranma, I do think you mangled that metaphor rather badly." Kasumi noted.

"Sorry."

About half an hour later, Ranma was making himself scarce in order to avoid being seen by Akane or Nabiki, who had woken up and joined Kasumi for breakfast. He had been allowed to eat first before Akane or Nabiki came down, Kasumi knowing that her youngest sister would be in no mood to see Ranma this early in the day and that her younger sister would most likely take advantage of that fact in some manner. Once the girls had headed off to Furinkan, Ranma having decided that it wouldn't really matter if he missed another day at school. Akane had still been steaming mad when she'd been having breakfast, though strangely calmer than Ranma would have expected.

Anyway, once the girls were off to school, Ranma had crept into the guest room he and Genma shared, finding the old man sleeping soundly. A twisted grin crept onto his features as he hefted a bucket full of boiling hot water. This was going to be sweet…

"That's **hot!**" Genma hollered in pain, bolting upright.

"Morning, old man! It's time for our sparring session!" Ranma chirped, a sickening level of cheer in his tone.

"Eh? What? Go back to bed, it's too early…" Genma grumbled, lying back down on the sodden futon and closing his eyes. He was a survivor of Happosai's twisted take on training, after all; it would take more than his bedding being soaked in hot water for him to be unable to sleep.

"Up 'n' at'em, you old fart! You been slacking off far too long, an' you 'n' I need to talk, anyway!" Ranma said, his tone never once changing as he promptly kicked Genma straight out through the hole Akane had torn into the wall with Ranma's body the previous day. Ranma did make sure to put enough spin on it that Genma took a painful nosedive into the dirt rather than the relatively soft landing of the koi pond, though. Ranma promptly jumped out after him and landed neatly several meters away from his father.

"Alright, boy, you got my attention. I don't know what's going on in that thick head of yours, but you are going to stop all of this nonsense right now!"

"Make me, old man." Was the only reply Ranma gave him.

Genma growled, sounding more like a bear than his cursed form, and charged forward, hoping to take his son by surprise and prove that he could still move faster than Ranma might expect. To his dismay, however, the younger Saotome wove effortlessly around Genma's strikes and then made three rapid punches in return. To Genma's credit, he blocked the first two, but the third pierced his defenses and hit a nerve plexus – not hard enough to actually incapacitate Genma, but hard enough for him to know he could have been hurt by it.

"You know, old man, I've really been wondering this for some time now… just what is the point of us being here?" Ranma asked conversationally.

"Foolish boy! For you to marry Akane!" Genma boomed, trying to sweep his son's legs out from under him.

Ranma simply leapt over Genma's head and returned the gesture. "So you keep telling me… but what's the point? That's what I want to know."

"What do you mean, the point?" Genma blustered, catching himself on his hands and flipping himself over with more agility than one would have expected from somebody so blocky.

"Just what makes the engagement to her so special you insist I focus on her and ignore all the others, that's what it means." Ranma replied, easily blocking or dodging Genma's strikes. "I mean… what's she got that makes it so important I marry her, specifically? Can't be anything like merging schools…"

"What do you mean it can't be anything like that?" Genma barked, sounding clearly offended as he leapt up and made a diving kick that Ranma dodged.

"Well, for one thing, there's barely any schools to merge – me and Akane are the first generation of the Saotome and Tendo Schools of Anything Goes." Ranma said.

"What!"

"Hey, think about it; you and Mr. Tendo may have come up with different principles on how to build a school, but you're ultimately the old pervert's students, you're really part of _his_ school. Me and Akane, though, we're the first martial artists to be trained and brought up with the philosophies of the schools you two dreamed of. So what's the point in merging us? The Saotome and Tendo Schools of Anything Goes have barely begun to distinguish themselves from Founding School Anything Goes, why squash them out so damn quick?"

This time, Ranma went on the physical offensive, pushing Genma back with blows that he didn't even bother trying to get past Genma's blocks, simply bulldozing his father with sheer force. He finished this routine with a powerful kick squarely to Genma's chest, sending him flying back and skidding across the yard on his back. Dusting his hands off, he added in a conversational tone, "Not that I'm so sure there even is a Tendo School."

That, apparently, was more than Genma could take hearing; with a recovery speed that Ranma couldn't have predicted, the elder Saotome threw himself off of the ground and straight at his son.

"Foolish boy! Of course there's a Tendo School! This is what comes of letting outsiders poison your mind!"

The element of surprise allowed Genma to deliver a resounding blow to Ranma's face that sent him staggering back. Genma managed to get two more good, solid shots in before Ranma recovered and blocked several more, then lashed out himself, knocking Genma back.

"Geeze, that got you worked up. What? Does the truth hurt? We've been here… what, almost a year now? In all that time, not once have I seen any special techniques, anything that could really be called unique to the Tendo Dojo."

"And just what does that have to do with anything? There's more to a school than fancy tricks!" Genma blustered, circling his son warily and looking for the spot to attack.

"Well, to start with, it means I have no idea why it's so important that I take the dojo over. Just what does it have going for it? I mean, yes, Akane's no slouch in combat, if a bit too mollycoddled, but it's not like she's a big deal or anything." Ranma replied calmly, even as he kept himself facing Genma.

"How can you say that with a straight face?" Genma barked.

"What?" Ranma asked incredulously. "Old man, _I_ am a big deal – that's because you stripped me of a normal childhood to make me a big deal, you and I sweated blood to make me something beyond average. Akane's good, but ultimately her level of skill is dime a dozen. Any dojo you name probably has at least one student that's as good as she is, and probably more depending on how old it is. There's nothing special to what she does, it's just her own particular slant on kempo and karate, it's sheer devotion that makes her as good as she is. But she's not unique – there's dozens like her all over Tokyo. The Kuno siblings are both in her level, and they practice kendo and martial arts rhythmic gymnastics, for crying out loud! The Golden Pair, Crepe King Joe, Sotatsu Jikei'ien, Sentaro Daimonji, hell, Temari Kaminarimon is ten years old and able to fight Akane on her own terms! Any of these names ringing any bells?"

"So what's your point? What does all of those other people being on Akane's level have to do with you not marrying Akane?" Genma demanded.

"My point? Old man, you want me to take over the Saotome School, don't you? You want me to teach new students and make our style strong, right?" Ranma questioned.

"Well, duh!" Genma exaggerated.

"So, you want me to marry Akane because that'll supposedly help me do that… but how, exactly? What does the Tendo Dojo have going for it?" Ranma pointed out.

Genma flinched slightly, but then his expression hardened. His body slid into another stance, like a gate being readied to be slammed shut; tense and waiting for the smallest signal or clue to his opponent's intentions. "Who's been filling your head with this nonsense, boy? Where on earth would you come up with something so ridiculous as wondering what the good is of the Tendo Dojo? You had better get your head out of the clouds…"

"Or… what?" Ranma jeered. "And the way I see it, this is me being the only one of us who **is** thinking clearly. The Tendo School has nothing special for it; no special philosophies, no special techniques, nothing to make it stand out from any of the other dojos in Tokyo. I can't see why you insist Akane is any more special than any of the other girls – Ukyo, Shampoo, Kodachi, they could all fill this apparent goal of yours just as well as Akane, if not better."

At that, Genma let out a roar and charged Ranma, who fell back and lured his father into a position where he could grab the elder Saotome by the front of his customary gi and use his momentum to send him flying into the property wall.

"You know it's true! If it's money you're thinking the dojo will bring in, well, Ucchan's cooking will help supplement that, and Kodachi is one of the richest people we know. Techniques to attract students? Shampoo's got dozens, even hundreds of moves that nobody in Japan has ever heard of – or have you forgotten the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken and Hiryu Shoten Ha? All the Tendos have going for them is that they already have the land to build a dojo on and the dojo is built – not that it's any big concern with the other girls. Kodachi's rich, Shampoo's not too bad off for money herself given she bought the Nekohanten, and Ukyo and I could make quite a sum if we took ourselves on the road."

"What about a reputation, huh? Ever think of that, boy?" Genma demanded, staggering slightly but refusing to be bowed.

"What about a reputation?" Ranma mocked. "Because the Tendo Dojo sure doesn't got one. Remember when I tried to get some students during that lean time that Kodachi bailed us out of? Nobody was interested until Akane turned me into a girl, stuck me in a bunny outfit, and goaded me into flirting with random guys on the street to make them want to join. Mr. Tendo mainly supports this place through that job he has on the council, and when you get off your lazy ass to go to Dr. Tofu's like you're supposed to – I'm kinda surprised he hasn't fired you yet. Most of the guys we even get coming here are people who know Mr. Tendo from the council, guys doing dojo yaburi on all the local dojos, or just after our hides to begin with. So, what's the big deal, huh? Tell me what the Tendos have that makes them the only engagement I should take seriously?" He demanded, a surge of anger in his tone.

Genma simply stared at Ranma, then let loose an incoherent battle cry and charged his son, who merely stared him down. Finally, at the last moment, Ranma struck out in a powerful kick that caught his father squarely in the face and knocked him out cold. He looked down at the unconscious founder of his school, and shook his head slowly.

"You really don't have a clue what you're doing with your life, do you?" He said softly. "Kasumi, I'm going out for a while!" He called.

"Be home in time for dinner, I'm making something special I want you to try." She called back.

Ranma nodded instinctively, then turned and leapt over the wall; he'd warmed up (and worked up some frustrations) with his old man, so now it was time to find Ryoga and give him that fight he was after…

_Alright, and another chapter done. For those wondering why Genma's arguments were so weak; keep in mind that not only was he caught off balance by Ranma's metaphorical "assault", he was trying to fight without any ammunition, so to speak. Up until this point, Genma is used to Ranma merely fighting against the idea of marriage; he's never had to deal with Ranma selectively attacking Genma's reasoning for supporting the Tendo engagement exclusively. He's also never really thought about why he wants Ranma to marry Akane, it's simply been "that which will be" to him, and so he's never given the matter of "why__**"**__ any thought. That caught him with his pants down when Ranma did ask "why". That was what we were trying to convey; that Genma's never really thought about the matters that Ranma's been stewing on basically since he came back from Honest Abe's and so he's in no position to make any serious rebuttal to them._

_Anyway, in the next chapter, the long awaited arrival of Natsume and Kurumi. I bet you're all eager to see how they will shake up the status quo even further, yes?_


	17. Chapter 17

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** I was surprised and delighted at the positive reception I had to the points I made Ranma raise for Genma; they've actually kind of stuck out for me pretty much since I first read up on the manga backstory and got the actual details about the girls (my very first exposure to Ranma ½, not counting a VHS of I think the first season that I saw in a video rental shop and never picked up, was the 16th volume of the Viz manga version) and I was always surprised that even in those few stories where Ranma didn't marry a Tendo (or even in some where he did), they were never mentioned before.

I sincerely did try to avoid bashing Akane; making it clear she didn't lash out until she finally had been taunted too much, Ranma noting that she is in her own right a talented fighter (she's just not the bigshot she, or many of her fans, seems to think she is), and bringing up stuff that really is accurate – in manga and anime alike, after Ranma, Soun and Genma grab the Happo Fire-Burst Scroll, Akane does say that Ranma "could have just explained" himself, despite having beaten him over the head with a boulder beforehand, and Ranma does sarcastically ask since when she started listening to him if he does explain.

I'm a little surprised nobody picked up on the intercontinuity gag, though. In the manga, Akane really is willing to not only suspect Ranma is capable of rape (Hypnotic Mushrooms arc), but also to casually accuse him of this to his face and then ignore him when he gets indignant (Hinkao's Introduction arc). It's not the only reason why I think people who say "Akane's nicer in the manga" are either not remembering correctly or just full of it, but it is one of them.

Chapter 16: Trouble at the Tendo Dojo: Two Strange Girls Arrive

Ukyo growled and muttered to herself as she stormed towards the Tendo Dojo. "Of all the nerve... miserable little, when I get my hands on 'em... Ranchan will help me, he's got too - wait, what the hell are you doing here?" She barked this last part as she approached the gate to the Tendo estate, angrily glaring at her long-term rival in love and business.

"That what Shampoo want to ask - you try sneak around Shampoo's back? Get date with Ranma? Shampoo have too-too bad day to put up with that, truce or no truce!" The lavender-haired Chinese warrior snapped.

"Gesh, what rammed a spike up your ass?" Ukyo demanded.

"Shampoo been robbed, that what! Have to give customers apologies and money back." The Joketsuzoku growled at her.

At that, Ukyo blinked. "Wait... don't tell me those bastards got you too!"

"Ukyo get attacked by food thieves as well?" Shampoo questioned, hostility evaporating.

"Jackasses made a hit and run on my restaurant - snatched the food right off the grill! What about you? Get hit on a delivery?" Ukyo asked, genuinely curious.

"No, Mousse get robbed while hurrying to make delivery. He offer to take last one of day so could close shop sooner; he want to go on date with girl he know." Shampoo explained.

Ukyo stared at her with an expression of equal parts shock and awe. "Where did you find a brainwasher that strong?" She breathed.

Shampoo looked insulted. "Why you say that like it Shampoo's fault? Shampoo not wash brains!"

"Oh yeah?" Ukyo snarked. "And what about the Reversal Jewel, hmm?"

"Oh, yes, Shampoo brainwash own self on purpose. Gee, how Ukyo realise Shampoo's cunning, wicked plan?" Shampoo rolled her eyes, the sarcasm thick enough to make a sandwich out of it.

"And what about the Red Thread of Fate?" Ukyo pointed out.

"Like you no would use it yourself!" Shampoo snapped. "Besides, thread just make Ranma's feelings mirror Shampoo's own feelings. Mirror perfectly, in fact, Shampoo just realise." She added, trailing off thoughtfully.

"Whatever. Are we going to go inside and get Ranma onto this, or just stand around like idiots?" Ukyo asked. Truth be told, Shampoo had right on the mark when she had declared Ukyo would have been just as willing to buy the Red Thread of Fate if she had been the one to meet that weirdo salesman.

Akane knew she probably shouldn't go into the living room; she was still irritated at those vicious lies that Ranma had thrown at her the other day, and she didn't know if she could stand speaking to him just yet - not until he apologized, at least. That was one of the reasons she had been so willing to accept Sayuri's invitation go out on a little trip - Akane was really supposed to be finishing her packing. However, her curiosity was never really something she had been able to resist, and so she entered. What she found, though, was not exactly pleasant.

"What are they doing here?" She asked her father, refusing to give either Ranma or those two bimbos the recognition of looking at them.

"Apparently, there's been a string of food thefts in the area, and these girls were just here to ask for our assistance. Naturally, you and Ranma will go out together and put a swift stop to this." Soun declared sagely.

"What? But I've got plans with my friends!" Akane protested.

"Yeah, let her go. I can handle these thieves on my own, Akane." Ranma declared.

"Just what is that?" Akane snapped. "I'm not some sort of baby who needs you to fight my battles for me, Ranma!"

"Don't go putting words in my mouth." Ranma bit back. "All I was saying is that I can handle this myself."

"Yeah, Ranma's the only help we need. You run off and play with your little friends, 'kay?" Ukyo chirped with poisoned sweetness.

Either Shampoo couldn't see the way Akane was twitching, or her vindictiveness overwhelmed her common sense. "Akane just get in the way, anyway." She added.

That was the last straw. Akane immediately grabbed a cup of cold water that was on the table and dashed its contents into the faces of Ranma and Shampoo. As the Chinese Amazon had been leaning against Ranma's shoulder, the result was that Ranma ended up with a cat on her shoulder. Naturally, Ranma screamed in gutwrenching terror and took off as fast as she can... straight into the wall, smashing clean through it and collapsing unconscious in a spray of debris on the sideway beyond. Akane smirked, even as Ukyo got up and made a show of popping her shoulders and neck.

"Ya know, Akane...? Sometimes, yer a real bitch." Ukyo said, her tone matter of fact and pleasant as you please. As Akane tried to recover from shock and plough straight into rage, Ukyo trotted over to the unconscious duo, hoisted them onto her shoulders, and took off.

"Hmph! Serves him right the jerk!" Spinning around to Soun and Genma, who was shaking his head slightly though the girl didn't notice, Akane quickly made her decision.

"I'll show him who's in the way! I'm going to go and get those food thieves myself!" She marched out of the room, and seconds later came back to grab the phone.

"Right, gotta call Sayuri to tell her I can't come!"

Genma shook his head again with a groan as Soun suddenly found the floorboards very interesting.

Ranma regained consciousness to the sound of women shouting. All in all, there were certainly better things to wake up to.

"What spatula girl thinking? Spatula girl some kind of pervert? Pretend to be boy so long start to like other girls!" Shampoo bellowed in equal parts irritation and embarrassment.

"It's not my fault!" Ukyo roared back, defensive and just as embarrassed. "I thought your clothes would come back - Ranma-honey's do!"

"Ranma just change sexes! Get little smaller, but still human! Shampoo turn into cat - not magical girl! Jusenkyo not work that way, pervert!"

Ranma felt he had a good grasp of what the problem was, and was very relieved he hadn't drawn attention to himself just yet. Keeping his head firmly face down on the (unlit, thankfully) grill and his eyes clenched shut, he risked a comment. "Are you girls decent yet?"

"Ranma, you up!" Shampoo yelled happily.

"Put the clothes on, ya savage!"

"You really think Shampoo fit into those little things?"

"It's better than walking around stark naked!"

At that, the shouting stopped and Ranma could hear the sounds of Shampoo grumbling, but getting dressed. Finally, Ranma dared to open his eyes and lift his head.

Somehow, Shampoo had managed to fit into Ukyo's clothes… but, since Ukyo had a more androgynous figure, and usually bound her chest before getting dressed, the visual effect was very… different. The Chinese girl's wider hips made it look like she had been poured into Ukyo's spare pants, and the shirt showed off a very attractive view of Shampoo's mid-riff thanks to the differences in height and chest. And, of course, Shampoo had kept several top buttons undone for either her own comfort or simply to show off… probably both, considering the way the buttons were straining.

Ranma promptly fought a nosebleed that would have made Ryoga look like an amateur.

"I appreciate the lift and the change, girls, but... why did you bring me here?" Ranma asked, sincerely curious. He made no mention of why Ukyo had restored Shampoo as well, figuring it was a subject better left dropped.

"Who better to ask about current events than you Ran-chan?" Ukyo said sweetly, "After all, I figured that you might have seen something about food thieves in that weirdo mirror of yours last week but forgot to tell us right?" Shampoo blinked as she remembered and nodded with a partial glare at Ranma.

"Yeah, Ranma should warn us about too-too sneaky food thieves!"

"You remembered that?" Ranma asked unthinkingly. Then he shook his head. "Never mind. Well... I gotta admit, you guessed right. I know who robbed you girls, and I know what they want, and why they're here." Ranma halted there, an expression like he was chewing glass on his face, and then finally admitted, "In fact, I... I need your help with them."

Ukyo and Shampoo looked puzzled, "Help?" They said simultaneously.

The two automatically glared at each other, before Ukyo spoke up. "Sure, we'll help Ran-chan, who are these jackasses and how do we kick their asses?"

Shampoo nodded in agreement.

Ranma quickly held up his hand. "That's not what I meant - these girls ain't our enemies. They're gonna help us, matter of fact, even if they don't know how."

Shampoo held up a hand. "Shampoo confused, how we get sneaky food-thieves to help us? And how Ranma know that they are girls?"

Ranma held back a sigh. "Time travel hurts my head, just trust me that I know what I know, alright? The girls who attacked you are Natsume and Kurumi. Kurumi's the younger, and she's got this huge appetite; that's why they steal food. They're wandering martial artists, orphans, they travel all over Japan training and fighting to become the best martial artists they can."

Ukyo and Shampoo nodded; they both could understand that, and going hungry was a constant foe in any martial artist's career. Ukyo looked thoughtful.

"So they're just passing through then? Grab something to eat and something for the road and off they go right?"

"If it was that simple, I probably wouldn't be getting involved. No, they've got a motive that I figure we can turn into our advantage. See, they aren't just practicing martial arts for survival, they want to become the best they can so they can inherit a martial arts dojo from their father, who sent them out on their own to get stronger when they were young." Ranma explained.

Shampoo tilted her head curiously, "Who's their father?"

Ranma stretched idly. "Well... they _think_ their father is... Soun Tendo."

The two girls couldn't help but start laughing. Ukyo was the first to recover, "Soun Tendo? Mister Waterfall himself? I think they'll be a little disappointed when they see what he's like now."

Shampoo nodded, before a realization made her stop cold. "Wait one minute! If sneaky food thieves are Tendos, that mean they may marry Ranma!"

Ukyo's laughter ended with a shock. "What! I get this far just to help bring in more competition! The nutjob and Miss Kitty here are bad enough!"

"At least Shampoo not think curse make her magical girl." Shampoo groused.

"They ain't Soun's daughters and I ain't gonna marry 'em!" Ranma quickly interjected. "This is one of Happosai's tricks come back to haunt us, that's what it is."

Ukyo calmed down at that. "Wonderful; how is it that the old bastard can get around so much?" She paled suddenly. "Oh kami; please let him not be the father."

"Eyech! Don't even say such things!" Ranma gagged. "No, this is more like Hinako than anything. Basically, Happosai found them when they wandering the mountains as really little girls - saved them from a wild animal or something. They were helpless and alone, so he taught them Anything Goes. Then, for his own sick reasons, he tells them he's Soun Tendo, their father, and that they need to go and travel Japan in order to become the best martial artists they can. When they've proven they're masters of 'Women's Anything Goes', they're to take over the Tendo Dojo." He explained.

There was a moment of silence before the two girls looked murderous, Shampoo looking contemplatively at a set of knives. "Happosai go too-too far; telling girls he their father."

Ukyo nodded. "Yeah! Well, he's not going to get away with that! So, how do you want us to help, Ran-chan?"

"Y'see, this actually helps us. Those two aren't really Soun's daughters, but right now you two 'n' me are the only ones who know that. Sooner or later, they're bound to find the Tendo Dojo, and if they move in, that means old man Tendo will be too busy adjusting to their presence to even think about interfering with us. Besides that, we may be able to use them as an excuse to hold off the whole 'Saotome/Tendo arrangement' think... not sure how." Ranma conceded.

"But, anyway," He added. "If we keep the knowledge of the truth to ourselves - moreso, if we actually support them in their claims, they going to make a perfect shield. The Tendo Dojo will be in chaos - do you really think Soun's going to just accept them without some arguments? My old man and his real girls will buy it without question, but he knows they aren't really his. And do you really think Akane's going to just sit back and let her position as dojo heir be taken? She's already steamed over how just about all of us can handle her like a rookie if we want to; she's not going to just sit back and let these strangers come out of nowhere, show off how much better than her they are, and try and usurp her title. And with them all distracted, and the goodwill we earn with Natsume & Kurumi by helping them get accepted as Soun's daughters, well... who's going to really notice when we finally sort ourselves out, much less complain about it?" Ranma finished, grinning wickedly.

Ukyo nodded with a smile, "Well now; that sounds like a plan I can get behind."

Shampoo bounced eagerly, momentarily distracting both of the other teens, if maybe for different reasons. "Yes! Is too-too perfect!"

"So, what do you need us to do?" Ukyo asked.

"Basically? Just don't let anyone else know that you and I know they're not really Tendos. I'm not saying you should be their best friends or anything, but if you think you can do or say something that'll help 'em with their goals to be accepted as Soun's heirs, well, go for it." Ranma declared. He rolled a shoulder and then shook his head. "Right, I better get over to the Kunos - tell Kodachi about this."

"What!" Both girls complained.

"Don't look at me like that! She's in on this whole affair too, or have you forgotten?" Ranma questioned, quirking an eyebrow at them. The two girls looked sullen, but backed down. Ranma gave them his most enticing grin and walked out, swiftly leaping onto the roofs for quicker travel to his destination.

The trip to the Kuno mansion was uneventful, it was the arrival that made Ranma stop and stare at the scene before him as he landed on the wall surrounding the estate.

On one side, he could see the ninja staff attacking a giant mutant plant that was trying to consume the mansion. From the other side, he could hear a chorus of barking and hooting. When he looked, there was Kuno, parading in front of some winged monkeys...in kendo uniforms.

"Ah, master Ranma, how good to see you today."

Ranma blinked and glanced down to spot Sasuke standing next to him with a casually blank expression on his face. "Uh hey Sasuke, you know what all this is?"

Sasuke looked out at the mansion and the scenes below and turned back to Ranma with a smile. "I'm afraid I have no idea what you mean; this is just a normal day at the mansion."

Ranma stared at Sasuke, then looked back over to the plant vs. ninjas battle. One ninja had gotten a flamethrower from... somewhere... and turned it on with a mocking call of "Need a light?" and a surge of maniacal laughter. He turned back to Sasuke. "Completely normal?" He asked, deadpan.

"Yes indeed it is." Sasuke replied lightly.

Ranma nearly facefaulted. "Sasuke, there's a giant mutant plant and an army of monkeys and you don't find anything weird about that?"

The ninja's response was simply to splash Ranma in the face and reply to the spluttering girl, "Compared to what you bring to this district? Yes."

Ranma grimly wiped the water off of her face and scowled at the midget ninja. "I don't suppose you have hot water on you?"

Sasuke indicated the house, "I'll take you to the kitchen. I assume you're here to speak with Mistress Kodachi?"

"Yes, I am." Ranma replied, a little more at ease with the promise of regaining her natural form. "Is she here?" She asked.

Sasuke nodded, "In her private training room, she wanted to get away from the sound of Master Tatewaki training his new recruits." A loud chorus of apes hooting and shrieking followed the statement.

"Are those things going to be a problem? Or should I expect that they'll sooner carry him off to Oz than follow him to school?" Ranma questioned, curious despite herself. At Sasuke's incredulous stare, she fidgeted nervously. "What? I was a kid, it was raining, and the theater my pop chose to hide from the storm in was playing it!" She declared defensively.

Sasuke stared for a moment longer, before shaking his head, "Amazing...Anyway, its unlikely they'll carry him off, while Master Tatewaki thinks of himself some manner of general or shogun, they think of him more as a walking, talking, bombastic idol. Its less military discipline than it is a form of worship for them." Another chorus of hoots and shrieks and Sasuke shook his head, "Some of the staff are taking bets on whether or not his next set of recruits will be Goombas or Koopas."

Ranma simply stared at the diminutive retainer. Then, at last, she couldn't keep quiet. "...Where do they think he'd get them?" She demanded.

Sasuke, for his part, simply pointed at an old, nearly ancient well whose stones were a shade of bright green, "We keep hearing certain sounds coming from that well and its essentially indestructible. It's only a matter of time before Master Tatewaki decides to investigate personally." He paused for a moment; "Thankfully we have a contingency plan in place for that kind of lunacy."

Ranma stared nervously at the well. "...You mean this place has more magic than just those blow-up instrument things and those Cards of the Beast? ...And how the hell could you plan for something like that, anyway?" She added in afterthought.

Sasuke stopped and the look in his eyes made Ranma's blood chill just slightly, "That situation is the tamest one we have planned for. There are many secrets to the Kuno Mansion, and some of them make your curse look like a cheap sideshow. And all of them could see people hurt or killed if not properly controlled or contained. Believe me, there is a reason why the staff are all ninjas and it isn't just the money."

He indicated a locked set of double doors set into the ground, hidden behind a lovingly maintained rose hedge, "If the well is the tamest, what is buried behind those doors is the most dangerous, that's all I can say about it. Anyway, let's get to the kitchen; we should be able to catch Mistress Kodachi just as she's finishing up." With that he opened the doors and led Ranma inside the mansion.

The Kuno mansion had never really been high on Ranma's list of comfortable places, but Sasuke's words had given it an added hint of chill as Ranma walked through the chambers to the training ground. Some might have expected Ranma to just barge in; after all, Kodachi was one of his fiancées and was always quite happy to see him. However, that wasn't Ranma's way at the best of times (unless he got particularly angry), and when the person he wanted to see was performing some martial arts training, well, discretion was all the more called for. His father had many, many faults when it came to honorable and courteous behavior, but he had drilled some basic protocols into Ranma's head. First and foremost, it was a terrible insult, and potentially dangerous, to disrupt somebody's training.

Besides, spying on them while they trained could give you an advantage later.

So it was that Ranma crept as quietly as he could into the training room, watching silently as Kodachi finished her routine. To his great surprise, it was not Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics that Kodachi was engaged in. Instead, she was, to his surprise, wielding a sword like her brother - specifically, a short sword, or "kodachi", in either hand. The center of the arena was a common training dummy, which Kodachi was circling, using a movement technique that Ranma hadn't seen before. She flowed like water, slipping effortlessly and gracefully from point to point, constantly and, as far as even he could tell, randomly varying the speed with which she moved, at one point like quicksilver, at another slower than Ranma would have thought useful in a fight. Suddenly, Kodachi exploded into motion, almost materializing in front of the dummy and spinning around three times at high speed. The motion caused her kodachi, which Ranma had noticed was being held in a backhand grip, to bite deeply into the dummy's chest, carving six vicious gashes neatly above each other and almost completely covering its ribs. She ground to a stop after the third revelation, panting softly, and wiped sweat from her brow with the back of her hand.

Ranma couldn't have stopped himself for Happosai dropping dead right that instant. "Impressive." He stated, the feeling quite genuine.

Kodachi started, spinning to spot Ranma and blushed at her state of disarray, "Ranma-sama! I didn't hear you come in."

"That's kind of the point. But... what were you doing? I knew you for a master of Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics, but since when are swords something other than your brother's fixation?" Ranma asked.

"These?" At Ranma nod she explained, "They're family heirlooms, apparently a Kuno was part of the Oniwaban and inherited the twin kodachi techniques from the leader, who had no heir of his own to pass them on to. My brother may prefer the romantic illusion of the samurai, but these have more reality and it is considered an honor to wield them, considering their history and the blood on them. Not only that, I need to be able to practice an art other than Rythmic Gymnastics, not just for novelty's sake, but also because of the stresses of the sport."

Ranma looked respectful at the mention of the Oniwaban; his schooling in other areas might be a little... eclectic... but his father had made sure Ranma had an unmatched education in the areas of martial arts and their users. The Oniwaban had been a powerful group of ninjas loyal to the Edo Shogunate before the Meijii revolution toppled that government. However, Kodachi's mention of the "stresses" of rythmic gymnastics flew right over his head, and his body language made his confusion quite obvious.

Kodachi smiled slightly, "Martial Arts Rythmic Gymnastics may seem combative, but that is nothing compared to the actual sport of Rythmic Gymnastics itself; days of relentless practice of routines, exercises to maintain flexibility, a carefully planned diet, along with the willpower to compete under intense pressure and observation. One mistake can cost you a title and you would be surprised how young a Rythmic Gymnast is considered to be at their peak."

She expertly did a backflip and landed on her toetips before casually going through some cool down exercises, a maid appearing out of nowhere to sheath the blades, "I once saw a fellow competitor who was so skilled with the ribbon she could catch a balloon out of the air and bring it back to down to earth before the contest started, do you know what place she got in the competition for her routine?"

Ranma shook his head.

"Fourth. I was able to secure Second Place myself. The Okinawan competitor was in very good form that month."

Cooldown completed, Kodachi approached Ranma, "But while I'm delighted you came to see me, was there any particular reason?"

Ranma wracked his brains; what had he come here for again? Then he remembered. "Oh, yeah, I need to tell you about these two new girls that should be moving into the Tendo Dojo soon." He said, pounding a fist in his palm in amusement at remembering.

"Oh?" An eyebrow rose regally, "Did your father or mister Tendo manage to secure some students at last?"

"Not... quite." Ranma conceded. "You know of Happosai?" He asked.

Kodachi's expression darkened slightly. "One can never forget."

"Well, these two girls - they're sisters, Natsume's the elder, Kurumi's the younger - they met Happosai when they were little kids. They were orphans, and he saved their lives somehow. He taught them martial arts... then he told them they were *his* daughters, he was Soun Tendo, and he was gonna leave 'em to become the masters of 'Women's Anything Goes' and he'd let them inherit the Tendo Dojo when they proved they were good enough." Ranma explained.

Kodachi shook her head, "The man's perversity knows no mortal boundaries. I shudder to think what will happen when Tendo-san manages to prove that they aren't his children."

"That's... actually more or less why I'm here. I've already talked to Ucchan and Shampoo about it, and we figure it's actually in our favor to make sure that nobody finds out they **ain't** really Mr. Tendo's kids."

"Oh?" Kodachi was intrigued now, "And how do you propose we go about this?"

Ranma shrugged. "Honestly? Haven't really thought of that. Just keeping our mouths shut that we know who they really are, which even those two don't, should be good enough."

Kodachi nodded, "Easily done."

Kodachi then blinked as if remembering something, "Oh yes, I was planning on having Sasuke deliver a message, but since you're here, could I trouble you for a little outing sometime during the week?"

Ranma nodded, "Sure, I think I can do that." He made a note to make sure it wasn't on any day he planned to take out Shampoo or Ukyo, "Right, I'll just make my out, nice seeing you Kodachi."

"A moment Ranma." Kodachi turned as another ninja appeared and whispered something to her, prompting a nod as she turned to Sasuke, the ninja vanishing like a mirage, "Sasuke, please show Ranma-sama the way out through Side Hall B4 please." Sasuke nodded but Ranma was confused now.

"What's wrong with the main hall?" The sound of raucous hooting, shrieking and the familar voice of Kuno apparently answered his question.

"Get back here! Stay in line, don't break formation! Stay in line I said!"

Kodachi shook her head. "Feeding time for brother's dear army."

Ranma said nothing further as Sasuke showed him an alternate exit.

As Ranma left the Kuno estate, he began to talk to himself unthinkingly. "Well, that's that taken care of. Now, I just need to find those two... but first, I'm going back to the dojo to grab a bite to eat - I'm hungry."

When he did reach the Tendo compound and leapt over the wall, however...

"You know, Akane, most people, when they say they're going to catch some thieves, would turn them in to the police after catching them, not bring them home like a pair of strays." Nabiki snarked.

"Oh, back off, Nabiki. They're harmless, they didn't mean to steal in the first place." Akane snapped back. Spotting Ranma on the other side of the koi pond, staring in disbelief at the two girls eating (one like a wild animal, the other more demurely) the food that Kasumi was dishing up, she grinned triumphantly. "Oh, hello, Ranma! Meet Natsume and Kurumi."

All Ranma could do was think to himself, 'Well, I guess that's that taken care of...'

_Here we are at last. Sorry for the delays, real life gets in the way sometimes. And apologies for the cheap leadup, but trust us, they'll get to shine as the stars of the next chapter… which will also be spelling the end of the last vestiges of the status quo._

_Also, while we do have the ending set up, I mentioned the possibility of a "harem ending" some chapters back, an alternative ending where rather than marrying one girl, Ranma's three fiancées decide that they can live with sharing him. Given that this would be more of a "special extra" than anything, I decided to ask people: do you want us to write that alternative ending? If yes, just leave a review saying so._


	18. Chapter 18

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** Woah… I thought there might be a little interest in the harem alternate ending, but I never expected **that!** There won't be any lemons, I'll warn you this ahead of time (not only are they illegal on FFN, I'm not a lemon writer), but the alternate ending will be produced. And I was a little worried that the references might have been too gratuitous; I'm glad to see it wasn't as bad as I feared. I don't know if Kodachi was making a Negima reference; that was Gideon020's invention, not mine. And no, the Kunos aren't descended from Aoshi – if you'll take a second glance at Kodachi's explanation of where she learned it from, it was taught to her ancestor because the original master had no heir of his own.

On Ranma's intelligence & cunning, the thing is, Ranma is actually very cunning in canon, it's just he doesn't particularly care much about education and his plans honestly tend to be rather silly (putting on a play to trick Happosai into changing Taro's name, blackmailing Nabiki by pretending to have fallen for her). He has much more of a reputation as an uneducated jock or a moron in fanon than he really deserves to have.

As for the cruelty of Ranma's plan… yes, it is cruel, it is self-centered, and it is hypocritical. Which are the unifying flaws of all members of the Ranma ½ cast. That said, Ranma especially has a conscience and, while I'm trying not to give things away, let's just say that his plan will find itself harder tested when he puts it into action.

Ryuus2, just using this an excuse to comment on your review of Another Rainy Day… to be honest, I don't see the manga ending as being any better an indication of Ranma & Akane's compatibility than the rest of either the manga or the anime, and certainly not as a sign of the manga being the only reality where Ranma/Akane "worked". Ranma can't even tell himself that he's in love with Akane until he thinks she's been killed more or less because of him – and it's possible he doesn't even say "I love you" to her. In fact, canonically, he specifically denies saying something like that out loud. And then there's the fact that Akane never says anything like that in the series, except when she was mind controlled by the Reversal Jewel – in fact, when she and Ranma are talking during the failed wedding, ignoring the fact she may be actively going along with Soun's blackmail scheme, her focus is on forcing Ranma to admit that he may have confessed to loving her, never once thinking to say the same words to him. Ranma may deny his confessions of love for Akane when he makes them, but Akane has never made a confession of love for Ranma in the first place. And then it ends with Akane siding with Soun in placing all of the blame for the wedding going bust on _Ranma_, even as Ranma dryly points out that it was just as much _Akane's_ fault as his.

Chapter 17: Ice & Fire! The Two New Girls, Natsume & Kurumi!

Natsume wondered to herself on the strange whims of fate. She and her younger sibling, Kurumi, had been passing through this town as yet another place to go in their search for both martial perfection and their long-lost father. As was so often the case when they were in civilization, her voracious sister had run off to rob people of their food, slipping away from Natsume's watchful eye to do so - by the time that Natsume usually caught her, she'd already made her hit and wolfed down the evidence. It really did startle her how much Kurumi could eat; there were times Natsume wondered if it might be a side effect to her early mastery of hot ki, but dismissed that. After all, the martial artist who had taught them how to progress beyond emotional ki and into temperate ki hadn't displayed any such tendencies, while Kurumi had been a glutton since... well, since as long as Natsume could remember. Chance had led to her managing to stop her sister for once; she had been about to assault a girl of around her age who was walking home with some toasted rice cake. Kindly, the complete stranger had let Kurumi have the treat, and the two sisters had decided that they had to make it up to her: few people were so unthinkingly nice to vagrants like them, so they had a long-standing code of repaying them for it.

The girl had probably not been expecting them to follow her; she broke out into a full sprint about halfway through, prompting Natsume and Kurumi to head to the rooftops to follow her to her home and explain why they were following her. To their surprise, the girl invited them in. It seemed that their luck was finally turning around; the duo took a seat in the living room, while the girl they followed spoke to an older sister to explain why they were here.

As she was doing this, though, a third girl came into the room, giving the sisters a once-over before directing a heavy-lidded look at Akane. "You know, Akane, most people, when they say they're going to catch some thieves, would turn them in to the police when they catch them, not bring them home like a pair of strays." She snarked.

"Oh back off Nabiki. They're harmless, they didn't mean to steal in the first place."

Kurumi had the good grace to blush from her immediate assault of the food that the returning older sister provided them. Akane seemed to be about to continue, when she spotted someone behind them.

"Oh, hello, Ranma! Meet Natsume and Kurumi."

Kurumi blinked in surprise as the strange boy entered the room. "Who're you?" She blurted unthinkingly.

"Kurumi!" Natsume scolded. They might be wandering martial artists, but she had taught her better manners than that!

"The name's Ranma Saotome, of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts." The boy answered casually, giving her a bow that was either mockingly respectful or sloppily sincere.

"Saotome School of Anything Goes?" The sisters asked in unison. Could it possibly be there was another school of Anything Goes? Their father had never mentioned such a thing... but, then again, their father hadn't really told them much about their school beyond the basics of its philosophy and teachings.

"Yep, basically it's the brother school to the Tendo School of Anything Goes. My pop teaches the Saotome School and Akane's dad teaches the Tendo School."

"Tendo School? Tendo School of Anything Goes?" Natsume breathed softly.

"You mean... our father's school?" Kurumi whispered.

Could it be? Both sisters wondered. Could they have last found the dojo they had been searching for, the dojo that their father had promised they would prove themselves worthy to run with their blood, sweat and tears?

Ordinarily, they would have realized that if this was true then Akane was their sister, but the news that they had found a home at long last completely overwhelmed such lesser distractions.

"Father's school? What exactly do you two mean by that?" The two girls blinked and turned to see Nabiki standing nearby with a suspicious look on her face, "Yeah, I heard you two. So what do you mean by father's school?"

Natsume unconsciously drew herself up into a storyteller's posture. "My sister and I have spent our lives on a training journey, wandering all over Japan in our need to fulfill an oath to our father. When we were little, he taught us martial arts and made us promise that we would become great martial artists so that we could take over his school - the Tendo School of Anything Goes, founded by none other than himself. Soun Tendo."

"Woah, woah, hold on there. I have never met you before in my life and I think our dad would tell us he had two other daughters somewhere." Nabiki then pointed at Kasumi in the kitchen, "And more importantly I'd say Kasumi would know considering she's the firstborn in the family."

"We have proof! Show 'em, Natsume." Kurumi demanded indignantly.

Reaching into her pocket, Natsume held up their greatest treasure, the sole physical memento they had of their father, and the written proof of his oath to them. Trying to resist a triumphant smile - it wouldn't be polite - she held it out to Akane.

Akane took the photo and appeared to be trying to work out something to say politely, but failed and decided to just say it outright. "Umm, not to burst your bubble, but this only the guy's back."

Nabiki looked over and sniffed. "Not only that, that gi only says 'Anything Goes', nothing about Tendo either."

At that, Ranma, who had snuck over behind Akane's back suddenly reached over and took it. "The picture may not say much, but this writing on the back says a lot. It says... basically what they just said. It's a promise that they will inherit the Tendo Dojo, signed by Soun Tendo."

Kasumi came out of the kitchen and took a look at the signature, before pulling out a magnifying glass from an apron pocket and carefully took a closer look, comparing the lines to a small piece of paper she pulled from another pocket. Finally, she put them away, blinking in visible surprise. "Oh my, that's father's signature all right."

Nabiki wasn't convinced. "Yeah? We'll see what daddy has to say about it when he gets back with Mister Saotome."

"Ooh! Just wait until dad gets home! I'll give him a piece of my mind!" Akane vowed angrily.

It was almost an hour later when Soun and Genma casually walked through the corridor into the living room. Thankfully, Soun Tendo ducked the flying plate, which instead harmlessly shattered against Genma's thick head. "What's the meaning of this?" He demanded in an outrage.

"Explain yourself, dad! What's the meaning of you hiding two illegitimate children from us!" Akane screamed, throwing another plate at him.

"What are you talking about?" Soun Tendo roared, actually slipping into his demon head attack in his outrage. "I brought you up with better manners than that, young lady! How dare you make such accusations!"

"Oh, is that what you call it?" Nabiki snarked. "How do you explain them then?"

Soun looked over at the hopeful faces of Natsume and Kurumi and then back at Nabiki. "What about them Nabiki? I've never seen them before in my life."

Kurumi looked about ready to cry but Natsume drew herself up straighter.

"But it's us father, Natsume and Kurumi!"

Soun shook his head and the girl looked thoughtful for a moment. "You trained us while we were still young, remember? And sent us on that training trip across Japan so that we could return as heirs to the Tendo School after you taught us the basics."

"Don't be ridiculous! What kind of idiot would send a little kid off to train like that?" Akane demanded, ignoring Genma's insulted look. "Besides, **I'm** the heir to the Tendo Dojo!"

"You?" Natsume snapped; her patience was too stretched to put up with something that would have been a sore spot to her anyway. "A pampered schoolgirl thinks she has the right to take the place that we have shed blood, sweat and tears for? That we were rightfully promised?"

"Who are you calling a pampered schoolgirl, you vagrant!" Akane barked back; like Natsume, her temper had worn thin and she would not tolerate challenges to her skill. "Daddy clearly knows you're some kind of fraud, anyway!"

"We are not frauds! He's just confused, that's all - and so are you if you think you've got the right to challenge me for my place as the heir to the dojo!" Natsume raged. "We suffered under the Master Fudou, the old lecher, who taught us some of the deep secrets of manipulating ki - we spent weeks trying to boil soup and make ice cream with just our ki alone. We even fought against the Shinmeiryu dojo only a few weeks ago!"

"They beat us, but only just." Kurumi swore. "We'll go back again, and this time **they'll** lose!"

Ignoring her little sister, Natsume concluded. "Do you really think you deserve the position instead of us?"

"Why don't you put your muscle where your mouth is, street-trash?" Akane sneered.

"Oh, it's a fight you want, you soft little butterball!" Natsume sneered, striding close enough to her 'sister' that they were practically face to face.

As the others watched the fight about to break out, Genma turned to Ranma in a desperate panic. "Do something, boy!" He demanded.

"Like what?" Ranma asked sarcastically.

"Akane's your fiancée, calm her down! Or at least help her win this fight!" Genma cried.

"What?" Ranma barked incredulously. "This is a personal matter of hers, an intra-school matter for the **Tendo** Dojo - I've got no place sticking my nose into this!" He insisted.

"I don't need your help anyway, Ranma!" Akane growled. "I'm gonna take care of you personally..."

"I'd like to see you try..." Natsume growled back.

"Dojo's out the back."

Natsume nodded at Ranma's announcement and stalked off, Akane following after her. A moment passed and then the rest of the house followed at a safe distance from the two angry girls and crowded in to watch the fight. Kurumi sat down near her sister as she went into some warm up exercises while Akane did the same. Ranma decided to referee the match at least, not trusting either his fathers to do the job correctly or fairly.

Throwing an impassive look at the sidelines, where Genma was glowering and Soun was softly dripping, he raised a hand in an officious manner. "Alright, this fight will be fought until one of you admits defeat or can't raise from the floor after a ten count. Winner will officially claim the right to be called the heir to the Tendo Dojo." He swept his hand down towards the floor with a shout of, "begin!"

Akane immediately charged forward, intent on downing her opponent with a single punch while Natsume moved forward at a slower pace, studying her opponent. They met in the middle of the floor, Akane launching a series of punches and kicks while Natsume began dodging and weaving around the strikes before easily hopping over a low sweep kick and then suddenly snapping off a punch into Akane's face, causing the girl to yelp in pain.

"Ow! That hurt!"

Natsume shook her head. "If I wanted to, I could have fractured your skull. Only a serious fighter should accept a match. So get serious about this, or give up."

Akane simply charged back in as an answer. "You should give up before you get hurt!"

Natsume scoffed as she dodged around a punch and elbowed Akane in the ribs, hard, before spinning to slam her knee into the reeling girl's stomach, knocking Akane to the ground with a gasp as Natsume backed off and smirked. "Funny, I should be saying the same thing to you."

After that the fight continued without another word, Akane trying to get past Natsume's defenses while Natsume easily pushed past Akane's to slam a fist or a foot into her opponent, and it was clear to Ranma that Natsume wasn't even getting tired… unlike Akane, who was breathing hard from the constant barrage of attacks getting past her guard. Finally, Natsume decided to put an end to the fight and easily stepped in close to Akane and slammed an open palm into Akane's stomach before the same hand formed a fist and whipped into an uppercut that sent Akane flying back to land with a thud on the floor of the dojo.

Ranma shook his head just once, subtly, and began to count. "1. 2..." He ticked through the numbers at an even pace, Akane coughing from the impact, dazed and trying resolutely to rise, but unable to clearly bring herself off of the floor. "9... 10." He concluded. "That's it, Natsume Tendo is the winner, and the new heir to the Tendo School of Anything Goes."

Natsume couldn't help herself; she beamed with pride over too many things to count. Magnanimously, she reached out a hand to help her newfound sister up. "You fought well." She told her. It was the truth, after all; she wasn't as good as Natsume or Kurumi were, but for a socialized dojo student, she was incredible. If she got into some of the real hard training that the wandering sisters had undergone, Natsume was certain that she would improve with remarkable speed.

Akane pushed herself off of the floor with her elbows, shooting Natsume's a hand a sour look. Scowling, she swatted it aside, insisting on scrambling to her feet under her own power. "This isn't over!" She swore.

"If you can beat Kurumi and I in a fight, then it's only right that you claim the position of the heir to the dojo - after all, it belongs to the strongest." Natsume replied levelly. They had just met, and not on very good terms after all; she could be graceful.

"Ranma! Why didn't you help your fiancée! Akane should have won, not that girl!"

Despite himself, Ranma leapt, as did Akane, Natsume and Kurumi, at Soun's angry shout, boiling hot tears spattering onto the floor in emphasis of his words. "What was I supposed to do?" Ranma protested. "Natsume won the fight, fair and square, I had to call it like I saw it!"

"He's right." Akane grudgingly conceded. "I lost this time, but I'll beat her next time."

"If you had helped Akane like you should have, she wouldn't have lost in the first place!" Soun thundered in a fury.

Ranma made a show of wriggling a finger in his ear. "I was the referee! I couldn't interfere with an ongoing match! Besides, this is a matter of the Tendo Dojo - this is your school, your heirs, your teachings, your business! I got no place messing around in this!"

"Then you have no place here! I want you out immediately!"

Akane looked aghast. "Dad, what are you saying?" She yelped. She was kind of ticked off at Ranma making no effort to defend her when this whole matter came up, but he was in the right; he really did have no place interfering in what was an internal matter of the Tendo School, not to mention she would have rebuffed him had he offered to help anyway.

"I'm saying that if Ranma won't do his duty as your fiancé, then he is no longer welcome here!" Soun declared, aura burning around him with greater ferocity than Akane had seen in a long time. If he hadn't been making himself look like an unprincipled idiot, Akane would have been cheering him for displaying such passion.

Natsume and Kurumi stared at their father in heartbroken dismay; was he serious? Was he really going to kick out this Ranma person for upholding what was expected of him, simply because that made life harder for Akane? They had dreamed that their father was a great man, a man of truest honor and sincerity. This couldn't be happening!

But it was. Ranma threw a look of smoldering disdain at Soun Tendo. "Alright, alright, I'm going." He stated bluntly.

"Ranma..." Akane began; she wasn't happy with him at the moment, but she didn't want to see him kicked out - particularly not for something that looked like it was basically her dad's fault anyway.

"Relax, it's not like this hasn't happened before." Ranma told her. "I'll get my stuff and go." He told the still-fuming Soun, then calmly left the room.

Uneasily, Natsume and Kurumi headed back out of the dojo and into the house proper, along with the other girls - their sisters, they had to start thinking of them as that. They passed through the living room just as Ranma came down the steps from the top level, a large pack mounted on his shoulders. Akane looked at him and swallowed. "Ranma, I..." She began, then shook herself slightly and drew up some fury. "What are you doing? Just packing up and running off with your tail between your legs?" She jeered.

"Yep." Was all she got in response, to the great startlement of every Tendo sister besides Natsume and Kurumi, who still puzzling over their newfound siblings' reaction. Clawing her way off of the floor, having fallen on her face in shock, Akane stared at Ranma incredulously as he headed for the door. "But, but, but!" She protested. Angry she was with him, but the idea of Ranma just... well, just giving up... it was unthinkable! Yes, the Saotome School had a whole "attack" built around the concept of "run away, think up a new plan, then come back for another go", but admitting defeat... well, it wasn't in Ranma's vocabulary.

But Ranma never even looked back, instead heading straight through the door without even the slightest hitch in his step, from what Akane could see.

A long moment's silence followed, before... "Oh, I need to get started on making dinner." Kasumi proclaimed.

"Let us help!" Kurumi eagerly piped up. She liked eating, but she also really liked cooking things **to** eat.

"Oh, you needn't trouble yourself." Kasumi proclaimed sweetly.

"I insist; it's only fair." Natsume said, her tone gentle and steel in her words.

The resulting dinner was quiet and Natsume noted that even Kurumi was rather subdued, by her standard, in her eating. Of course, that was to be expected. Both Kurumi and Natsume were feeling heartsick; bad enough to see their father do what he had done, but he continued to ignore them, even as he sat at the table. He would never look at them, and occasionally they could hear the faint teary mumble of "not my daughters" and "why won't they believe me". Each tear that rolled down his cheek to plop onto the table was like an icy shard of glass jabbing into their hearts. They had dreamed of this for so long... and they would not be driven away. They would prove that they were who they were and their father would love them like they knew he did and it would all be well again... this they vowed.

Soon, the time came to go to bed and as the two girls laid out the futons, they had a small conversation.

"You know, this isn't turning out as wonderful as I hoped it would be Natsume."

Natsume nodded as she lay down, turning to her sister. "Well, at least we're here, that's the important part. Nothing is ever like you dream it to be anyway so there's bound to be a few bumps in the road."

Kurumi huffed. "Well, I for one, would like something to go smoothly for once."

Natsume smiled slightly. "So would I."

The next morning, the siblings woke early; they were used to doing so, in order to have breakfast and then get right to training, and they were pleasantly surprised to discover their newfound elder sister, Kasumi, had a similar routine. As the three girls whirled and bustled around the kitchen, Kurumi noticed that Natsume seemed rather distracted.

"What's wrong, sis?" She asked.

"It's just... I've been thinking about that boy who was staying here, Ranma." Natsume stated.

"Oooh! Big sister has a crush, yeh?" Kurumi teased.

"Oh my, that's really not proper." Kasumi added softly.

"It's nothing like that at all." Natsume barked. Honestly! She'd barely even met the boy. "I just feel guilty that he was thrown out of this house because of me and my temper." She declared in a calmer fashion.

"I must admit, that was awfully rude of father." Kasumi added.

"And it didn't look like he had a chance to get anything to eat, either." Kurumi piped up.

Natsume repressed the urge to quip that, of course, Kurumi would pick up on that, instead watching as her scruffy little sister bustled around the kitchen, quickly and efficiently throwing together some basic supplies, which she then thrust into Natsume's arms. "Alright, I'll take this to him... any ideas where he might have set up camp?"

"There's a vacant lot not too far from here that Ranma and his friends like to camp in and have duels." Kasumi replied.

After she gave Natsume proper directions, the heir to the Tendo School of Anything Goes was off like a rocket. While a newcomer to the area, she was able to follow Kasumi's directions easily enough, and soon found herself beholding a rather curious scene.

"This is ridiculous Ranma-honey! Why'd you have to camp out here instead of coming to one of us?" Ukyo was certainly confused, and a little miffed, that Ranma wouldn't jump at a chance for a warm bed for just one night, rather than camping out in this vacant lot.

"Indeed Ranma-sama, why I have hundreds of guest rooms that you could honor with your presence."

Off to the other side of Kodachi, Shampoo nodded as well. "Have plenty of room at Nekohanten! Ranma could even work if he feel guilty about staying!"

Kodachi suddenly glared at the Chinese girl. "And why would he do that when surely he deserves some manner of comfort and, dare I say, pampering for once in his life?"

"Girls, please!" Ranma interjected. "This is one of the reasons why I set up camp here in the first place." He complained.

None of the quartet noticed Natsume, who was wondering who the girls were. Why was that girl with the giant spatula dressed so masculinely? Alright, she wasn't in much position to talk, but she wasn't actively trying to dress like a man. And what was the deal with that other girl with the odango haircut - who on earth would dye their hair _blue_?

"Well, I'm sure the others would have understood if you stayed for just one night. Right?" Ukyo's question was directed at the other two girls, who looked disgruntled but then nodded slowly as Ukyo grinned, "See? You can stay with me tonight and go to the others next time."

"Hey! No fair!" Shampoo protested.

"Too slow China Doll, so nyah!"

Kodachi was about to join in when she spotted Natsume, "And who might you be?"

"Er... Natsume Tendo. I just wanted to apologize to Ranma for the way my father reacted last night." She replied unsteadily. What was going on here?

"You should apologize! Old man Tendo have lot of nerve, treat my Ranma like that." The bluenette sniffed haughtily, her accent making it almost as clear that she was Chinese as the way her speech was broken did.

"What do you mean, **your** Ranma?" The other two girls chorused.

"What do any of you mean?" Natsume asked, exasperation coloring her tone.

"It's... hard to explain." Ranma began. "But... well, these girls are my fiancées."

Natsume looked at Ranma. Looked at all three of the girls, and then looked at Ranma again. "Explain." She stated, simply and icily.

"Well... it's a long story..." Ranma began.

"I've got time." Natsume replied.

Meanwhile, back at the Tendo Dojo...

"Look, I swear I'm not a burglar, peeping tom or a flasher!" Mousse pleaded, struggling against the long ribbon currently encasing his wrists and ankles like a steel chain.

"Then what's with the flasher coat, huh?" Kurumi demanded, grinding her heel into the small of Mousse's back.

"It's a traditional uniform of Hidden Weapons Martial Arts!" Mousse complained. This was undignified! He could swallow being beaten up by a little girl, nothing unusual about that, but nobody had ever insulted his clothes before!

"And the pervy glasses?"

"I've got eye-problems, ya little brat!" Mousse snapped, his temper frayed. "If you don't get off me right this second, I'm going to make you regret it!"

"Oh yeah? How?" Kurumi jeered. Her smug expression turned to one of pain and she leapt off with a howl as Mousse twisted inside his robe, bringing some of his myriad sharp implements jabbing squarely into the undersides of Kurumi's feet. Without her pressing him down, he easily managed to twist free of the ribbon, cutting it apart with a pair of giant shears for added insult.

"I warned you..." Mousse declared, clanking the shears together with menace.

"Mousse? What are you doing here?" Came a feminine voice from behind them both.

Kurumi's eyes widened in fear as she looked past her assailant to the source of it. "Nabiki! Run!"

"Nabiki? There you are!" Mousse cried out excitedly, the shears vanishing up his sleeve from whence they came as he spun around to face her.

"I'm over here, Mousse. But what brought you over here at this time of day?" Nabiki asked.

"Wait, you know this weirdo?" Kurumi asked incredulously.

"We... talk a little, that's all." Mousse said, coughing into his covered wrist.

"Yes, and right now I need to talk to Mousse in private so if you don't mind." With a quick stride forward, Nabiki yanked Mousse to her and dragged him out the room as the Chinese boy sputtered out an explanation before Nabiki said something that Kurumi didn't pick up but it was enough to put both a smile on the boy's face and make him shudder. Kurumi watched them depart with a thoughtful look on her face; did she see a small blush on Nabiki's face as she was dragging Mousse out?

Kurumi shook her head and decided to go get something from the kitchen.

As the girl bounced down the hallway to head to the stairs, ignoring the strange noise she suddenly heard from Nabiki's room, she passed Akane on the way, "Hi Akane!" The girl grumbled something as she followed Kurumi down the stairs, turning to head to the door while Kurumi headed to the kitchen, intent on getting a snack and maybe helping Kasumi.

Meanwhile Natsume had just returned from her strange, strange conversation with Ranma and his three fiancées. Three! What kind of father would put a son in such a position? She was so caught up in her thoughts that she nearly bumped into Akane as the girl was exiting the house.

"Oh, Akane! I'm sorry - look, I..." Natsume trailed off as Akane rudely pushed past her and headed away. "What's her problem?" She wondered aloud.

"Don't worry, she'll warm up to you - she's just a little caught up in her wounded pride right now."

Natsume leapt in shock, whirling to find a masculine and most emphatically unfamiliar face staring at her, waifish body clad in strange robes with pale skin and almost gleaming silver hair regarding Natsume with amused, solid copper eyes. "Who are you? And where did you come from?" She quickly demanded.

The stranger bowed formally at the waist. "Forgive me, I am Gelf, an... associate of Ms. Akane's."

"And where did you come from?" She demanded.

"That... I am not at a liberty to say. I... hang around." He said, grinning widely. And then, to Natsume's great shock, he began to fade away until there was nothing left of him but his grin. And then even that disappeared. She shook her head in disbelief.

"This is one strange household." She muttered, and then headed deeper into the house to find Kurumi; it was time for practice.

_And thus the chapter comes to a close. Don't worry, there's going to be a lot more of Natsume & Kurumi in the story, though they probably won't get as prominent a role as this again. Ranma's out of the Tendo Dojo and one key step closer to making his final decision, though there's still a way's to go before he makes the final announcement in our coverage of the Tendo Family Christmas Special._

_Speaking of specials, our next conversions are intended to be OAVs 10 (Cursed Tunnel of Lost Love) and 11 (The Evil Oni), but things are getting a little blurry… do folks think we should try and adapt the Cursed Tunnel of Lost Love, given the special changes we've already wrought?_

_And to just clear it up for folks who might have been curious, Gelf is just an original character, not a crossover character. He's intended to be a yosei, a Japanese faerie, but he's kind of absorbing some Eladrin traits…_


	19. Chapter 19

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** It's been some time since this was updated, and we apologize for that. Real life gets in the way. We're glad to see folks enjoyed the last chapter, and don't worry, Natsume and Kurumi aren't going to be non-entities in this story. They aren't the stars of the show, but they are going to get involved. We were already half-decided on skipping the Tunnel of Lost Love story, but seeing the rest of you agreed it was totally skippable with this current concept means that any doubt was removed – we'll just jump right to the Evil Oni, once it's time.

Chapter 18: Shampoo's Training Inferno!

The rooftop of the Nekohanten was flat and wide open enough that in the early mornings, if one bothered to look up, they could see a pair of blurs dancing around on the rooftop. If there was anyone watching however, Shampoo was far too busy trying to avoid getting bruised by Cologne's walking stick to care about it. Ever since the small-scale 'war' between the three fiancées, Shampoo had taken to sparring with Cologne at every opportunity in order to improve her skills.

And it was showing...at least as far as the bruises were concerned. She had been getting faster and hitting harder, but anyone could do that. Shampoo wanted something that would impress Ranma and intimidate her rivals, and, dammit, she wanted it now!

**WHACK!**

"Owie."

Cologne sighed, "You're drifting off again child." Shampoo had the decency to flush in embarrassment as Cologne continued, "If you have something to ask, ask it."

Shampoo took the chance, "Teach me a new technique great-grandmother!"

Cologne chuckled. "Ah, to be young again. Let me guess, something flashy and powerful to impress that certain someone?" She didn't hold back a cackle as Shampoo blushed bright red at being found out, "You can't fool me child, I figured out why you've been doing this the moment you came home and asked to spar with me." She bounced onto her cane and regarded Shampoo with smiling eyes, "And I do believe that those new arrivals you spied on only made it more urgent in your mind yes?"

Shampoo nodded, "I want to learn something like those girls used! Do you have any knowledge about this 'Hot' and 'Cold' Ki, great-grandmother?"

Cologne nodded, "Let's go back inside. There's a few things about such techniques you'll need to know first."

Once Shampoo was seated at the small table in their living room, Cologne put on a special batch of herbal tea which would revitalize them both and encourage their injuries to heal quicker. Shampoo was quiet, as she had been taught, but Cologne didn't need her many decades of experience to see the eagerness in her position and know the desires that were chasing each other around her heart. Once the two had each half-drunk a cup of her restorative brew, Cologne began to speak. She spoke in their native tongue, so as to ensure that Shampoo would not misunderstand something vital.

"Before we begin, you must understand the difference between channeling ki and invoking ki." She stated.

"Great grandmother?" Shampoo asked.

"When you channel ki, you reach out with your spirit to touch the spiritual energy of another power, be it the earth underfoot, the ambient ki of an area, even an object or another person, and then draw that external energy into yourself. For offensive purposes, you would act as a kind of spiritual conduit, drawing in the external ki, focusing it within your own soul, and then expelling it at your target. Ranma's Moko Takabisha, and the Shishi Hokodan that he derived it from, are perfect examples of offensive ki channeling. When they use those attacks, they draw in the ki that is generated by their own emotional state and then expel it as a blast of force. Because of this, such a move is not restricted to the user's own spiritual strength; a weak person, such as... let us say that Tatewaki Kuno fool, could generate a Moko Takabisha of even greater force than your Ranma if his confidence was strong enough."

Shampoo couldn't help but look a little skeptical at that proclamation. "Then... to invoke ki is to draw upon the ki from within yourself?" She asked.

"That's it exactly, child." Cologne said, favoring her with a smile.

"But that would mean that invoking ki is more limited, wouldn't it? After all, its strength would be determined by your strength." She reasoned.

"That is so." Cologne nodded sagely.

"Then... why learn to invoke ki, when you can channel ki?" Shampoo asked.

"The ki that you call from within takes more effort to master, but in return, it is more controllable." Cologne explained. "As it comes from you, it is innately more malleable; it does not resist your efforts to shape it and wield it in specific fashions."

As Shampoo nodded in comprehension, Cologne then continued to the true matter at hand.

"It is almost impossible to master Hot and Cold ki simultaneously." She explained. "Only the utterly mad would be capable of changing their way of thinking so completely. Channeling hot or cold ki is simple; one merely needs to draw upon the ki of a fire, or a block of ice, the desert, a blizzard - theoretically, one could even draw upon the sun for hot ki, though the risk of being incinerated far outweighs the likelihood of success. But to invoke such ki... you would need to confront and control your own emotional state."

"Ranma," she continued, "is inclined towards the usage of cold ki. He is still inexperienced and headstrong, but he does have the requisite control over his emotions -as proven when he mastered the Soul of Ice to achieve the ability to wield the Hiryu Shoten Ha in battle. He does not allow passion to rule him battle... usually."

"And what about me, great-grandmother?" Shampoo asked, eager to the point of impatience.

"You...? You, I would say, are inclined to the usage of hot ki. Your passions are your strength; your emotions run freely in battle, and in life, and you let your feelings drive you. The same could be said of Akane Tendo." Cologne declared.

"Oh, thank you." Shampoo grumbled.

"That is not an insult to either of you. It is a part of who you are, nothing more." Cologne stated firmly.

"So, I must learn to use my emotions to make my ki burn hot, and then draw that hot ki from myself in this attack you are suggesting?" Shampoo puzzled.

"Precisely. The move I wish to teach you is called the Kasho Happa-Ken." Cologne declared.

"...Circles of Inferno?" Shampoo wondered, eyes alight with the expression of a thief who had just seen her greatest score ever in front of her eyes. This sounded like just the move she dreamed of to humiliate her enemies and impress Ranma!

Cologne nodded, "It is a powerful technique if used properly, but there is a great degree of preparation that needs to be done beforehand. Pack for a trip far from Nerima, we will need an isolated location. Also, there are some other issues that I need to take care of, so I will be back shortly." With that said, Cologne left the Nekohanten as Shampoo dashed upstairs to pack.

It took little time to find Ranma's camp site and Cologne watched as the person in question finished some katas before she applauded loud enough to catch his attention. "Very good, Ranma; it's good to see you keeping sharp."

"Thanks, granny. So, what's up? You don't usually leave the Nekohanten." Ranma asked, sincerely curious. A part of his brain wondered if maybe something had happened with Mousse, or if he was late for a date with Shampoo - after all, he was sure that Cologne knew about the changes in their relationship. Then again, if he was late for a date, why would Cologne have come to get him? Shampoo would much have preferred a direct approach to reprimanding him.

"I'm taking Shampoo out of Nerima for some training in a new technique since she was...impressed by the two new arrivals to the Tendo Dojo. However, this is a difficult training and for that I will need your assistance in order for it to be successful." Cologne shifted slightly on her walking stick, face serious, "If this was any other training I wouldn't trouble you but for this your presence is a necessity."

"Why do you need me?" Ranma asked, at once interested and cautious. The Joketsuzoku wouldn't just show off one of their precious techniques, certainly not in a fashion that would allow him to duplicate it and learn it for himself (after all, Ranma didn't need all that much to duplicate a move anyway)... and the fact it had something to do with Natsume & Kurumi just gave him more reason to be both interested and cautious. Interested because it hinted that it was something to do with the Joketsuzoku's understanding of temperature ki, cautious because there had to be a catch if they were willing to let him "eavesdrop" on such information.

"I'm training her in the usage of a technique that will require her to go through some intense emotional training and your presence will be needed to help stabilize her during the training." Cologne thought carefully for a moment, "The technique is one that will allow Shampoo to be able to use the same type of Ki the younger girl, Kurumi I believe, uses; since my great-granddaughter is more suited to that kind of Ki usage."

She tapped her staff to emphasize what she said next. "And as for why I need you...the best way I can put this is that Shampoo is less likely to try and kill you than anyone else and you possess the best chances of preventing her killing herself."

"...It's that dangerous?" Ranma finally commented in disbelief. The Moko Takabisha and the Hiryu Shoten Ha hadn't been dangerous at all - okay, the last one maybe a little, seeing as how he needed Ryoga to have a full-fledged burning aura to see if he'd pulled it off, but still...

Cologne nodded, "I don't need to remind you what the Amaguriken and Bakusai Tenketsu involved in order to master them do I?" At Ranma's silent negative Cologne continued. "Children's games compared to this one. I have been around a very long time Ranma, and I have seen warriors with your potential who took on even other, more secret, techniques without complaint, and mastered them as easily as you did."

She shook her head tiredly. "And that overconfidence was, I will admit, their main downfall. They mistook physical fortitude for mental fortitude, and they paid the price for it."

"So, what, this involves messing around with Shampoo's head?" Ranma crossed his arms over his chest in suspicion. He had a deep distrust for any move like that, especially after his own personal trauma. He shuddered and forced the memories away.

"Only in so much as I 'messed with your head' to teach you the Soul of Ice." Cologne stated smoothly. "The technique's power comes from within... but to access that power requires pushing the trainee to extremes that can be dangerous to her trainer and her surroundings, as well as herself. Very few trainees die... but there are things that can be worse than death, to a martial artist." She stated, letting the words drift to a conclusion.

Ranma drummed his fingers irritably on his arms. "Y'know, this is really starting ta sound like that damn Nekoken my old man put me through..." He warned, trying to hold sincere anger up as a ward against the nightmare images that tried to claw their way out of the back of his mind, the darkness and the smell and the eyes and the claws and the teeth and...

Cologne promptly introduced her cane to Ranma's head, and not in one of her usual playful pokes. "That is precisely why I came for you, to ensure that a similar scarring would _not_ be afflicted upon my poor descendent." She snapped. "I admit I am not infallible, but kindly credit me with more sense than your father has displayed!"

"...I'll admit you're right about that." Ranma said, rubbing his head, hard pressed to be grateful for that manner of distraction. "So..."

"So, I am asking you, as one martial artist to another. Will you help my great-granddaughter with her training? I would not expect you to do this entirely out of the goodness of your heart... I would be willing to compensate you..." Cologne trailed off, dangling her bait and waiting to see if Ranma would bite.

"Compensations...?" Ranma asked, eager despite himself. He tried to be good, he really did, but he couldn't help who he was deep down; someone used to looking out for his own skin (because nobody else would, not in his life). Besides, Ranma had never claimed to be a saint, and doing something like this without a reward would take a saint.

Cologne nodded, "I can provide basic information on more advanced techniques. Nothing detailed mind you, after all you aren't married to Shampoo yet, but I'm certain you can fill in the gaps." She pulled out a scroll that she had grabbed before leaving the Nekohanten and tossed it to Ranma, "Consider this a down payment. It's basic, but I know you can do serious damage even with this."

Ranma snagged it out of the air one handed. He didn't open it, but he held it close to his chest. "Thanks, granny... although, I gotta say I probably would have come anyway, if you'd kept your mouth shut a few moments longer."

Cologne shrugged, "It never hurts to hedge your bets Ranma. Pack for a long trip, we need to be somewhere isolated to lower the chance of Shampoo hurting anyone."

"Well, that's easy enough; haven't taken anything out of my backpack yet." Ranma said, rolling his shoulders and proceeding to pack up his campsite.

Cologne nodded, "We'll be waiting at the Nekohanten."

Ranma nodded absently as Cologne bounced away atop her ever-present staff. The idle thought that this might actually be seen in a bad fashion by his other fiancées pushed its way into his mind, and was promptly pushed out. This was entirely innocent, they surely would understand... especially given how much progress they all had made, right?

Some time later, he and Shampoo were setting up a camp in the mountains near Nerima - Ranma was actually fairly sure this was the same mountain range where he and Ryoga had their Bakusai Tenketsu duel, if not necessarily the same camping grounds. Cologne watched them as they worked; perched owlishly atop a small bundle the contents of which she would only say were a necessity for the training. Only once everything was in its proper place were the teens allowed to approach her, Shampoo visibly bouncing on her heels in excitement.

"Camp is all set up, great-grandmother. We start now?" She pleaded.

Cologne nodded solemnly. "We shall begin, child... if you truly believe you are ready."

"Shampoo is." She insisted, trying to sound stern and stoic rather than giddy with excitement. She failed.

"So, what's in the bundle?" Ranma asked, finally able to sate his curiosity. If there was one flaw of Ranma's that he would actually admit to, it was that he was inquisitive even when prudence would serve him better.

"You remember what you were required to do in order to master the Soul of Ice?" Cologne asked.

Ranma nodded.

"Well, that would have been a prepatory step for mastering cold ki. What Shampoo needs to do is quite the opposite; hot ki is fuelled by passion and emotional intensity. The first part of the training, and the most difficult, is for Shampoo achieve a total lack of emotional inhibition. This bundle contains certain incenses that will stimulate her emotions... a kind of anti-meditation, if you will." Cologne explained.

Ranma blinked several times, before... "You had me worried over Shampoo's safety over **that!**" He shouted. "You made it sound like she was in serious danger; since when are mood swings lethal?"

"You were worried about me, airen?" Shampoo asked eagerly, then, blinking as the less important details caught her attention, "Wait, what danger?" She demanded.

"All special techniques require risk, Shampoo, you know that." Cologne chided. "And believe me, son-in-law; this is not some mere mood swing we're talking about. I will not force you to undergo this, child..." She began.

Shampoo shook her head fiercely, not even needing to speak when determination was writ large on her features. Cologne sighed softly, and began to unwrap the bundle...

A few minutes later, Ranma was shaking his head at the sight of a topless Shampoo dancing around, singing some manner of song with a look of ecstatic joy on her face. He turned to Cologne. "Okay...maybe you have a point, granny, but so far… this is just annoying."

Cologne shook her head as the singing stopped. "I suggest you start running."

Ranma blinked. "Huh? What do you mean..."

"Oh airen..."

Ranma paled at the tone in Shampoo's voice and without another word, took off at a dead run as Shampoo took off after him, somehow managing to have lost more of her clothing on the way.

"I didn't know he could run _that_ fast." Cologne commented idly as she watched her now-naked descendent chase the boy she desired around and around the camp before racing off into the wilderness.

"Shampoo, get a hold of yourself!" Ranma half demanded, half pleaded. "This isn't like you! ... Okay, you weren't exactly unaffectionate or especially reserved before, but this still isn't normal for you!" He amended after a moment's thought, springing up into a tree and leaping to its closest neighbor from a solid branch.

"But airen! Shampoo just want to show she love you too-too much!" Shampoo maintained her pursuit easily and Ranma shivered at the almost feline manner some of her leaps took on as the chase progressed in a steadily rising loop in the forest until Ranma suddenly dropped down in the hopes of throwing Shampoo off.

"Okay, this... this could be a problem." He admitted to himself. "Still... all I have to do is stay out of her way until she stops wanting to jump me - that couldn't be that hard, could it?"

"Airen? Airen, where are you? Why are you hiding from Shampoo?" Ranma stiffened and stayed very quiet and very, **very** still as the sounds of footsteps met his ears. He wondered if there was some manner of invisibility technique he could learn. If not, he'd definitely make one! He shifted ever so slightly and raised his foot to step around the tree that Shampoo was stalking behind.

**Crick!** Ranma decided that if there truly was a kami in every object in the world, the ones inside sticks and twigs had a sick a sense of humor as he started running again.

"Airen! There you are!" Shampoo cried, charging straight for Ranma and literally smashing through the tree in between them, a poignant reminder of the fact that, for all Ranma's ability to outfight her, Shampoo was still monstrously strong in her own right. She smiled in a manner at once beauteous and lustful, arms open wide and breasts brandished proudly. "Come to Shampoo's arms, let Shampoo show you all the pleasures of Amazon womans..." She purred throatily.

"N-now Shampoo, just take it easy okay? Just, calm down a little...please?" Ranma backed off slowly and warily, hoping against hope that the amorous girl would slow down.

'Lethal to her? I'd say this is going to be lethal for me if she doesn't calm down!' Ranma wondered if this was what deer felt when confronted by wolves.

Shampoo moaned sensuously as she advanced, hooded eyes doing nothing to hide the fires of lust burning within, hips and breasts sashaying from side to side with deliberate, exaggerated flirtatiousness. "Oh, airen... Shampoo so horny... Shampoo love you long time..."

"H-heh, that's nice Shampoo." Ranma winced at the phrase that had left the girl's lips, and then dodged out of the way of another grab, contemplating running again but deciding against it. Who knew how long until her next mood swing and whether she might need help then.

"Ranma, come here! This is wasting time we could be making each other very happy with!" Shampoo shouted, still lustful, but now a tinge of anger in her words, her body slowing its strangely hypnotic gyrations as she tried to latch onto him.

"I think I can be just as happy with my pants on thank you very much!"

At that, Shampoo stopped. And then, she started to tremble, tears beginning to trickle from her eyes. "Airen...?" Then her battle aura began to glow around her, something Ranma couldn't recall seeing before. It grew thicker and thicker, starting to veil her skin and shroud her features, a palpable wave of heat growing around her, and then... **"Ranma!"** She screamed, her aura suddenly flaring brighter than any Ranma had ever seen before, a surge of dry heat washing across Ranma, leaves overhead withering in the baking incandescence, Shampoo's hair rising almost perfectly vertical and dancing as if in a fierce wind.

"Ah shit."

Ranma dodged, wincing as another tree was felled and Shampoo was on him again, this time looking in the mood to do something cruel and horrifying to him and then do unspeakable things to his corpse later. "Is it too late to say I'm sorry?" he called as he dodged a fallen branch thrown like a spear, shuddering as it went through another tree.

**"Ranma! You not get away with this! Always, always Shampoo be good to you, give self to you, humiliate self for you, and you never thankful! You take and you take and you never give! Shampoo just want little smile, little thank you, little touch on cheek - is that too much to ask for? Shampoo try kiss Ranma, show she happy Ranma strong and healthy, Ranma run away! Shampoo offer most private, special thing that woman can give, Ranma spit in Shampoo's face! Shampoo not take it any more!"**

"Yeeek!" Ranma backflipped over a roundhouse kick and then rolled from a stomp that made a small crater. "Look, I'm sorry, its just that well...I don't want to rush things!"

**"Oh no, you not sweet talk you way out of this! Shampoo sick and tired of giving Ranma chance after chance and always come to nothing! Shampoo try and get hug from Ranma with hypnotic mushroom - Ranma treat Shampoo like villain, trick Shampoo with think maybe he really appreciate Shampoo's feelings after all, then hypnotize Shampoo!"**

Ranma wondered how long this would keep up, "It's not just you, it's the other girls as well!"

**"Yes! Shampoo make Ranma pay, then make them pay too! They not know what it like! They not know what it like to be made to marry man what you lucky you can love, but who no love you back! They not know what it like to lose all what you work and struggle for all lifetime to complete stranger! They not know what it like to leave only home you ever know and come to strange land where you be alone... be all alone..."** She trailed off, her aura vanishing like a candle in a breeze, hair falling about her like dead straw as she slowly wrapped her arms around herself in a desperate embrace, tears flowing from her eyes again. "Shampoo so, so very... alone..." She whispered, her knees giving way as she slowly collapsed to the scorched earth.

Ranma winced as the implications of Shampoo's statement hit him along with the tears, and with a part of his mind weakly complaining about the absurdity of the situation, he tentatively put an arm around the girl's shoulder and sat with her, saying comforting words and hoping that it wouldn't start to rain; last thing he needed was to comfort a depressed cat in a storm.

"It's alright, I'm here. I'm sorry about hurting your feelings; my nerves are just a little shot is all. Things have been...stressful and I'm sorry." Well, that was somewhat true after all; don't the best lies use the truth?

Shampoo just sniffed, and then started to sob, turning around so that she could bury her face in Ranma's shirt, arms twining about his neck. All Ranma could do was sit and hold her as she cried.

Minutes later, Ranma walked back into the camp, Shampoo in his arms and trying his hardest not to look at the naked form he was carrying, instead fixating his expression on Cologne, who was blank as a winter pond. "Well, I got her back, and she's alright." He said conversationally, tucking Shampoo into her tent as best he could without actually looking at her. "I'll tell you what, I'm glad that's over with though." He added, more sincere than he had ever been.

"I understand the sentiment... but it's not over." Cologne pointed out casually.

Ranma stared at her blankly, then responded with a flat, "What?"

"The incense, and its effect on her, will easily last another day or two. Maybe as long as three days from today. And she'll be feeling that way right up until it all burns itself out." Cologne explained.

"You mean..."

Cologne nodded. "I told you to be on your guard at all times, and I'm reminding you again now. In this state, Shampoo is a danger not just to others, but also to herself. Get some sleep, and make sure you stay close in case she wakes up and has another mood swing."

Ranma groaned as he set up his own tent; he was tired out just from one day, and now he had to keep it up for maybe another three?

"Damn, this sucks. This technique better be worth it, Shampoo."

It took sleep a long time to reach Ranma as the teen twitched and started at every suspicious sound. Finally, his eyes started to droop and he drifted off into a fitful slumber.

"Yeah, I should be able to make it tonight. Busy? No, with the old ghoul gone for so long this is pretty much a vacation for me, so I've got plenty of time to spend on you beautiful. Hmm? I don't know, some sort of technique training, don't know what she needed Ranma for. Probably conned him into helping out." The sound of keys being turned in the front doors of the Nekohanten drew Mousse's attention from where he was sitting with the restaurant's cordless phone with his feet propped up on a table. "Well, I need to go, sounds like they're back. Heh, love you too Nabiki-chan."

Mousse hung up just as the door opened, and then goggled at the sight before him. "Damn, did you stop to fight a war on the way back?" He asked, only barely joking.

Ranma presented him with an obscene gesture. "Hahah, very fucking funny. I just want to have a bath and forget the last three days."

"Shampoo too-too sorry Ranma." The blue-haired girl looked contrite though Cologne managed a smirk at the memory as Ranma flinched.

"Tell you what; when I decide to master Ice Ki, I'll get **you** to look after **me** and we'll be equal." He winced as he shifted slightly, "You better hold up your end of the deal old ghoul."

"Don't worry; you've earned it." Cologne said, letting the "old ghoul" comment pass... just this once. "You can use our bath upstairs again, if you'd like." She said, referring to that incident in which Shampoo had found Ranma lying on the pavement outside after ending up on the wrong end of Happosai's Mold Burst attack and then brought him in to wash up.

"...I'd rather not." Ranma stated flatly, then, in the same tone of voice, "See ya". He turned and staggered off, either to his chosen camping ground or the public bathhouse, Cologne couldn't tell which.

"You sure he'll forgive me, great-grandmother?" Shampoo asked nervously.

Despite himself, Mousse couldn't help but flinch. Yes, he was kind of with Nabiki now, but... well, he had chased Shampoo for a long time, and nobody liked having their face rubbed in their romantic failures.

"I am sure. He understands you couldn't control it... now, to the bath with you."

Shampoo nodded tiredly and made for the stairs leading up to the second level of the Nekohanten.

_So, Shampoo doesn't have the Circles of Inferno technique down yet, but rest assured, you'll get to see it displayed very soon, and it will have an effect on the roles she's going to play in future chapters. Next up, we'll show you what Ranma and Ukyo do on one of their dates… suggestions are heartily encouraged, as we're honestly drawing something of a blank on things for them to do._

_As an aside, yes, you could do a Ranma/Shampoo lemon "spin off" of this chapter. Did it occur in the canon of this story? No. Are we going to write one? Certainly not! If you want to see a passion-crazed Shampoo managing to catch Ranma and screw their brains out in the wilderness, __**you**__ write it._


	20. Chapter 20

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** It's been a while since this was updated, and I apologize for that. Real life, you know? Anyway, no sign of how well Shampoo's training has paid off yet, but you'll get to see it in the next chapter. Along with other little things, like what Genma's doing or how Natsume & Kurumi are settling in to their new home. I'm a little uncertain how we'll handle the Ryugenzawa story with those two present, I must admit. I'll come up with something, though

Special thanks go out to R., whose comments gave me the inspiration I needed to kick this chapter out into being.

On the topic of the "lemon spinoff" to the last chapter, or anything along similar lines, lemon flavored and otherwise; if anyone wanted to do it, I'd be happy to let them do it. But, still, nobody wants to do it in the first place.

Chapter 19: Ranma & Ukyo's Picnic Panic!

"Hey, Ucchan, how's it going?"

Ukyo blinked, looked up from the grill she was currently scrubbing, and grinned widely at the sight of her smiling fiancé in the doorway. "Welcome back, honey. Where've you been the last couple of days? I thought for sure you would have dropped by for breakfast a couple of times."

Ranma shrugged. "Been out training, lost track of time." He said.

It was partially true, after all, and she really didn't need to know that he had been helping Shampoo train - and she especially didn't need to know what said training involved. Ukyo had promised, like the other girls, to give Ranma a chance with this whole mess... but even Tatewaki Kuno wasn't so stupid as to believe that she would just shrug it off if she heard that said "training" had included Ranma running for the hills while a naked and visibly horny Shampoo did her best to catch him and make the beast with two backs for several hours. A day.

Ranma still couldn't believe that Shampoo had actually managed to sneak into his tent one morning without him noticing until she had removed his shirt - he was lucky to get out of there before she tore his boxers off, and had finally ended up tossing her into an ice-cold pond to cool her off. Or at least reasoning that her cat form wouldn't be so dangerous. The pond had started steaming the moment she hit it, but at least she had been too busy luxuriating in the water to try and jump him any more. It had worked better than the time he had jumped into cold water himself to try and keep her away during amorous mode – he tried his hardest to avoid letting Ukyo see his shudders as he forced the memories away. He didn't care _how_ gorgeous his female form was, _nothing_ was ever supposed to go in **there**! And if it hadn't been for the fact he knew Shampoo wasn't in her right mind when she did it, he would have dropped her like a hot rock for thinking it!

Ukyo merely grinned harder. "Well, if you've got nothing better to do, then how about coming with me, Ranchan? I was thinking I'd take the lunch break off and have myself a little picnic in the park - it'd be just the two of us..." She purred. She and Ranma had been on other dates before now, but they'd been basically buddy-stuff - a sparring session here, a sci-fi movie there, an afternoon at the arcade... she wanted something a little more, well, "feminine". She was a girl and she was Ranma's fiancée, after all, she was owed that much!

Ranma smiled thoughtfully; time with Ukyo, a fairly relaxed setting, nothing too emotionally intimate, a way to keep her from being suspicious about where he had been, and free food... where was the downside to this? "Alright, you twisted my arm; I'll come along." He told her.

"That's great! Wait right here, Ranchan; I need to change outfits." Ukyo told him, quickly finishing the last of her cleaning and then racing upstairs. Perhaps it was for the best that she didn't hear Ranma's only half-joking grumble about what was wrong with the outfit she was already wearing, instead frantically pulling off her dirty uniform and tearing frantically at her closet... what was she going to wear? Work uniforms, transfer school uniforms, Furinkan girl's phys ed uniforms... didn't she own any damn dresses? Ah! There, that was the blue and white pleated dress she'd worn during the so-called "Great Girly-Girl Gambit"; not her first choice, but beggars couldn't be choosers. Quickly she pulled it on, grabbing for her comb and deodorant even as she did so; for a moment, she regretted she didn't have any make up, then shook her head - she didn't know the first thing about putting make up on, anyway, and Ranchan wouldn't care if she wore it or not. Once she was decent, she took a few moments to straighten out some last few ruffles in her outfit and headed on downstairs, pausing only to grab a basket of previously-prepared goodies from her private fridge.

"Ranchan? Sorry to keep you waiting; let's go." She called as she descended the stairs.

Ranma blinked at her in surprise. "Wow... just how long have you been planning this?" He asked. He received nothing for his trouble but a smile and a soft giggle, which gave him incentive to just push it aside as a lost cause. With a shake of his head, the two left the shop, pausing only for Ukyo to lock up.

As they headed towards the park, Ukyo wondered if maybe she should offer her arm for Ranma to take... or even take his arm herself, seeing as how none of their little group was really in any place to obey typical gender expectations. After all, she was a girl who had spent most of her childhood pretending to be a boy, Ranma was a boy who turned into a girl, and then there was Shampoo - kami only knew what sort of bizarro gender expectations **she** lived up to, what strange divisions of "manly" and "womanly" were considered natural in her hometown...

The walk to the park was perfect for small talk and if a person were to observe the pair you'd never think that you were looking at a pair of highly skilled martial-artists; just a pair of normal teens obviously out on a date and enjoying each other's presence. Finally they arrived and Ukyo took the moment to lay out the contents of the basket, taking pleasure at the look on Ranma's face as he stared at the feast before him.

"Damn, Ukyo, you don't do things by half do you?'

Ukyo giggled as she sat down and patted the grass next to her. "Had to make sure you didn't go hungry Ranchan. Have a seat."

The scene was both ordinary and pleasant enough; children laughed and squealed as they ran around on the grass, playing with each other or even, on occasion, a family dog, parents watched their rambunctious offspring, couples sat together closely on benches or under trees, even the odd jogger ran by on the pathways. It was a totally ordinary scene from a totally ordinary day. Even the weird looking stall that some young kids were gathering before was perfectly ordinary; there were dozens of humble entertainers like the longhaired old woman running it who wandered all over Japan, making a living from the coins of others.

"Come one! Come all! Come and see a fantastic spectacle and wondrous sights! An amazing show sure to delight and fright!"

Attracted by the spiel from the woman running the strange stall filled with pictures and various models of what looked like monsters and mythical beasts, Ukyo was about to say something to Ranma when they heard a distant sound; like a large balloon popping. The two martial artists twitched and looked around curiously before the ground suddenly heaved with a single, violent tremor, causing people to stumble and fall, the stall collapsing into a pile of junk.

For a long moment there was silence and then an explosion of smoke blasted out of the collapsed stall, sending the crowd into a panic. Shadows began to appear and within seconds, dark bundles and shapes dashed out amidst the chaos. A great roar penetrated the sounds of people screaming, blasting away the smoke to reveal the massive form of a Gashadokuro, a yokai in the form of a skeleton 75 feet tall.

Ranma and Ukyo were puzzled to say the least. Looking over the scene of chaos and confusion, Ukyo finally turned to Ranma. "Okay, Ranma-honey… what the hell is going on?"

"Why are you asking me?" Ranma complained, spreading his arms wide for emphasis.

"You do have a tendency to have weird crap like this happen to you. I mean, there was that business with the bokto of Miyamoto Musashi…" She suggested.

"That was Kuno's fault!" Ranma protested. He might have said more, but his words died as he grimaced in pain, clapping his hands over his ears as he suddenly felt besieged by a terrible, mind-scrambling ringing. If he had been able to see straight, he would have seen Ukyo was also writhing in pain, but all he knew was the sudden relief when it stopped. "What the hell just happened?" He demanded savagely.

"It's the Gashadokuro!" Screamed the woman who had been running the zombie-demon show.

"The what?" Ranma asked in confusion.

The woman looked at him with an expression of disdain. "Don't you know your mythology? That!" She snapped, pointing at the seventy-five foot tall skeleton currently stomping towards the street. "The Gashadokuro is a yokai made from the bones of people who died of starvation – it likes to catch people and then bite their heads off!"

"What!" Both teen martial artists barked. Without the slightest hesitation, Ranma took off, to Ukyo's shock. "Ranma!" She called.

"Hey, nobody's eating anybody's heads while I've got something to say about it!" Ranma replied, not even looking at her.

Barely pausing to blink, Ukyo admitted he had a point and raced after him. Nobody knew what it was thinking, or even if it was thinking at all, but the giant skeleton spotted them, opened its mouth in a silent scream (which caused Ranma and Ukyo to screech to a halt as that agonizing ringing chimed in their ears again), and then grabbed a nearby car that had been abandoned as too inconvenient to run for. In a single hand, it raised the vehicle up and hurled it at the martial artists. Against ordinary civilians, that probably would have left a very soft mess as flesh was pulped and bones were shattered into slivers. But Ranma and Ukyo were both powerful martial artists – Ranma, especially, may or may not have been equal to Ryoga in strength, but still could effortlessly lift weights in the multiple tons range. The result was that they were not smeared across the ground, but handily caught the car, after which Ranma turned to his date.

"Let's see how he likes it." He suggested, to which she gave a wicked grin.

"Are you two crazy? There's no way that will work!" The woman complained.

Ignoring her, Ranma and Ukyo simply hurled the car right back at the yokai, lest it scramble their brains with that strange noiseless noise again and cause them to drop it on themselves – it probably wouldn't kill them, but it'd still be painful. It wasn't aimed very precisely (it was a car, cut them some slack), but it still managed to catch the Gashadokuro by surprise, shattering several ribs and then falling onto its foot for good measure.

Seeing a giant skeleton was one thing - quite terrifying, really. Seeing it cradling its foot and hopping up and down on its good leg was... well, not so scary. Ranma cracked his neck, even as Ukyo popped her shoulders besides him. "Let's cut this thing down to size, Ranchan." She declared, to which he merely nodded.

"You're both insane!" The stall keeper spluttered in disbelief.

She had something of a point; no normal person would have stood a chance against a Gashadokuro, much less thought of attacking it. But, then again, despite themselves, Ranma and Ukyo really weren't normal. Ranma, particularly, could only just make contact with "normal" with a long stick and a lot of shouting. Ignoring her negative attitude, the two hurtled themselves towards the behemoth yokai, even as it finally managed to regain its footing.

The pair struck the feet simultaneously; Ranma's fists striking a set of small bones that kept the feet connected to the legs while Ukyo hit the second foot and jammed her spatula in like a giant crowbar in an identical area as they got to work, the giant skeleton roaring its displeasure for everyone to hear. It shook its legs as if trying to dislodge a pair of rather small terriers but the pair held on tight before with a loud popping sound, the bones in Ranma's target foot came free and the beast toppled as its foot hit the ground.

"First blood Ucchan!"

"No fair Ranchan, you're supposed to be nice to a girl on a date!"

"Anything goes in a fight!"

As the two bantered their foe collapsed to its knees, flailing at them with its massive arms as they changed targets to the knees. Here they struck in unison, attacking the joint bones with clear intent to cripple their opponent.

With the sounds of bone crunching, a ghastly noise, the yokai's legs were broken apart at their second joint, forcing it to topple to the ground face first. Before it could struggle to push itself upright with its arms, the martial artists leapt onto its vertebra and raced up its spinal column before attacking its shoulder blades. They hurled themselves in a formidable synchronized diving kick to the thinnest part of the crescent-shaped bone with force enough to break steel. Twice, thrice they did it before the impact shattered the bone, rendering it unable to use that arm. In its agonized throes it rolled over, but Ranma and Ukyo sprang away cleanly. As it twitched and thrashed, it lashed out with its one remaining good arm...

"Ranma!" Ukyo screamed as it snatched up her fiancé. "You let him go right **now**, ya damn bag a' bones!" She thundered, leaping up and grabbing onto its radius, shimmying up its length to start attacking the wrist while clinging to the bone with her legs.

Caught in the Gashadokuro's grip, Ranma braced his back against the patchy surface that served as its palm (not the most comfortable of positions in the world) and tried to use arms and legs to fight off its fingers - well, alright, phalanges was the technical term, but Ranma was in no mood to care about anatomy - as they sought to press in and crush him to a gory pulp.

Finally, Ukyo managed to crack the joint, ramming her abused spatula blade into the nearest one and pulling for all of her considerable might. Like with a crowbar, the crack widened and deepened until, finally, the joint gave way under the pressure, the hand snapping off and falling apart in midair... a pity for Ranma that the fingers clenched in tighter as it fell, so he was buried in a pile of giant bones. Ukyo promptly slid down the waving radius and dropped to the ground. "Ranma-honey! You okay?"

Ranma pushed his way to freedom, caressing the odd bruise. "I've felt better. Ucchan- look out!" He howled.

Ukyo blinked, then sprang towards Ranma, mere inches ahead of the snapping jaw of the contorted Gashadokuro. The sound of teeth clacking like thunder behind her startled her so much that she didn't stop until she was right beside Ranma, heart racing at how close that had been. She scowled at the skeletal yokai. "Miserable..."

"Hey, it's harmless now - besides, we got bigger problems." Ranma warned her.

"Like what?" She snarked.

Ranma merely pointed and she found herself eating her words.

Women were running around, screaming, pursued by creatures that resembled frogs, turtles and monkeys all rolled together - kappa. Laughing and cheering they flipped up skirts, groped butts and breasts and generally made a nuisance of themselves. Perched in the trees, watching the chaos with disdain, were a number of humanoid birds in old-fashioned samurai armor - tengu. Two muscular oni, one blue and one red, were alternatively robbing people (by the simple expedient of grabbing them, holding them upside down, and shaking them until something valuable fell out) and smashing things. Finally, an Ashinagatenaga, a man with nine-meter long arms sitting on the back of a man with six-meter long legs, had waded out into the river to get away from all of the commotion, the Ashinaga occasionally grabbing a kappa that drew too close to the Tenaga and throwing it away.

"Oh, brother..." Ukyo muttered.

"Yeah, we better put a stop to this." Ranma agreed. "...But first, I think we got some company coming!"

From the left came a scuttling horde of crabs the size of rottweilers, clutching samurai swords and spears and naginatas, with human heads clad in the traditional helm of the samurai. From the right came a small army of men with chalky white skin, lurching awkwardly and unevenly, like puppets on strings. They too bore the arms and armor of samurai, but they had no eyes, ears, noses, mouths – not even fingers, really. They were nothing more than clay dolls of samurai, walking towards them through some strange magic. Cracking his knuckles, Ranma grinned darkly.

"I'll take the clay men; you take the ghost crabs." He told her.

"What?" Ukyo protested. "Why do I get the ghost crabs?" She complained.

"They're called Setotaisho and Heikagani!" The stall keeper called out, voice bristling with annoyance. She held her hands clasped together respectfully, ready to bow at any kappa that drew close – three or four of them, at least, had already been forced to obey their manners and bow back to her, spilling their precious water and being stuck in the bowing position around her like bizarre statues. The rest of the kappa were keeping their distance from her as a result.

But it was too late – Ranma had already taken off and was hurling himself into the clay soldiers like a living bullet, the sounds of smashing pottery echoing as he tore through them like a human wrecking ball. Muttering to herself about how it wasn't fair that Ranma got the fun fight, she readied her spatula as the first of the Heikagani closed in. Then she stopped, blinked twice, and laughed. She recognized the face beneath the beetle-like rim of its helmet; staring at her, mouthing silent curses, veins bulging in rage and eyes swollen with emotions, was Soun Tendo. In fact, she recognized all of the Heikagani as having faces of people she didn't like – there was Genma Saotome, Akane Tendo, Miss Hinako, Happosai… even Shampoo, Kodachi Kuno and the old ghoul! What? She may have agreed to a truce in this whole twisted mess, but that still didn't make them friends! With a smile on her face that would have scared a Kuchisake-Onna, she hefted her battle spatula in both hands, mentally apologizing for all the nasty things she had said about Ranma. She was going to enjoy this…

Even in the thick of combat, Ranma could hear Ukyo setting to work on the Heikagani. His own fight... well, to be honest, it was hardly a fight. These things probably wouldn't have been any threat to Akane. Oh, she would have needed to be a little more careful, due to the fact they were carrying live steel, but they would have stood as much a chance against her as those hornball losers at school. Against Ranma... it was a slaughter. The air rang with the sound of dried clay shattering and cracking, clumsy swings and jabs never coming near the quicksilver martial artist, whose own strikes punched clean through torsos and crushed heads. There weren't that many of them to begin with - a minute later, there was nothing but dust and shards where they had been.

"Maybe I should have taken the crabs." Ranma muttered to himself, hearing the ringing of steel on steel from behind him. Admittedly, he wasn't certain if Ukyo's delay was because the Heikagani were legitimately more skilled opponents, or if she was merely torturing them by making it appear as if they actually had a chance against her.

A slow applause caught Ranma's attention and prompted him to look up to see a group of strange bird-men on the branches of a nearby tree as the leader, a strangely more portly individual, hopped down and approached a short distance.

"My, that was very impressive, a pity your opponents weren't up to the same caliber." He indicated the shattered remains of Ranma's former opposition as he spoke.

"Eh, well, y' know, what can you do?" Ranma asked, scuffing a few shards with a boot nonchalantly. Inwardly, he tensed; he may not have had quite the classical education in mythology and history, but his father had passed on a few things about the stranger side of life. Tengu, he knew all about. His father had naturally focused on their roles as masters of the martial arts and as great teachers to warriors and warleaders, but had also mentioned their darker sides and nastier habits, to highlight just how dangerous it could be to disrespect them.

"Indeed, it's always disappointing to find that your opponent isn't up to your level, but perhaps there are others around that might serve as a more serious challenge… such as those two." A wave of the hand brought attention to the pair of oni doing their damndest to raise hell on the other side of the park. "Or perhaps the one behind you."

Ranma whirled around, shifting into a fighting stance with instincts so engrained to be beyond even that definition, transforming momentum into power to his leg, lashing out in a blow that could have sent even Ryoga flying with at least one cracked rib.

The Tengu he struck flew backwards before recovering gracefully in mid-air and hovered just out of reach holding its side as the portly Tengu nodded. "You are skilled; I must give you that. Still, I do not believe that now is the time for a confrontation. In the future we will seek to challenge you fully, but for now, consider this our farewell." With that the Tengu spread their wings and lifted off, the one behind Ranma bowing slightly before joining its comrades in flying off into the distance.

Ranma blinked, then sighed softly in relief; that was good luck. He wasn't certain just how good they were, but he was glad to get avoid a fight with them if he could.

"You sure it's okay to just let them go like that?" Ukyo asked curiously.

Ranma yelped, hands twisting into warding gestures even as his spine twisted to bring him face to face with his fiancée. "Where did you come from?" He demanded unthinkingly.

"I just got done... pity they're cursed; I could make some real seafood okonomiyaki with all that crabmeat." She noted. "But we better get a move on and take care of those big bruisers before they really hurt somebody."

"You don't need to tell me twice." Ranma agreed, already in motion towards the oni, Ukyo hot on his heels.

"So, what we gonna do now? All the humans run away." The blue-skinned oni asked, scratching its head in a dull-witted fashion.

"Simple, fool. We find a way out of this city - this is no place for the likes of us." The red-skinned oni replied.

"It certainly isn't!" Ranma shouted, leaping in a synchronizing flying kick with Ukyo squarely into the back of the yokai's head. It staggered, but didn't fall, Ranma bleeding the excessive momentum with a somersault into the air above him before dropping down squarely onto its head. Grabbing one of the horns that sprouted from its skull for dear life, Ranma used his free hand to deliver dozens of blows directly into its forehead; by the time Ukyo had recovered from her own landing and rushed forward to help, it was collapsing unconscious with a groan of pain. Casually stepping off of his latest conquest, Ranma made a show of cracking his knuckles. "And now for you..."

"Wait! No hurt me, please no hurt me! I take him and go, you never see us no more, promise!" The blue oni begged, falling to its hands and knees before the startled martial artists in a pose of supplication.

"Yeesh, you're pathetic. Come on, Ranma-honey; we've still got the rest of those kappa to subdue." Ukyo stated, turning and heading away purposefully.

"Right behind ya-aaagh!" Ranma's answer turned into a scream as a massive impact suddenly struck him from behind, propelling him forward and skyward with a bellow of equal parts surprise and pain.

"Ranchan!" Ukyo screamed. She whirled on her heel to see the source; the smugly grinning blue oni, now wielding a kanabo, one of the angular, studded iron greatclubs associated with his kind.

"Stupid humans! You die now!"

Ranma was, despite his best efforts, familiar with the sensations of being sent flying through the air, so the oni's surprise attack hadn't seriously hurt him. In fact, it was a fairly soft blow, by Ranma's usual standards. The landing still stung, of course. Pushing himself off of the ground, he rubbed his sore head. "That's gonna leave a mark... where am I?" He asked, looking around him and realizing that, wherever it was he had landed, it was covered in great sheathes and swathes of white, cotton-like thread.

"Well… hello there, handsome."

Ranma swallowed; those words never heralded good luck. He turned, slowly, reluctantly, despite himself, to see a beautiful girl, maybe closer to his age than Kasumi's, sitting at a drapery-hung table, dressed in an ornate, wonderfully decorated kimono and pouring tea. "Uh... hello."

"I'm so glad you dropped in, perhaps you'd like to join me for tea?" Despite the phrasing, only a true idiot would believe it to be a question from the look in the girl's eyes.

A spider appeared to deliver another cup, and a horde of its brethren moved to shift Ranma closer to the table and make him more comfortable.

Brushing away the last straggling arachnids (Ranma had spent far too long in the wilderness to be freaked out by bugs and spiders), Ranma made a show of seating himself formally at the table and gently taking up the cup. Now, how did this go again? It had been a while since he'd last been confronted with those weirdoes from the dojos of Martial Arts Tea Ceremony, but Ranma knew the basics at least... despite what his general reputation might have said.

"I'm so glad to be able to do this of my own free will again. That woman outside, she was almost as bad as our last master, never letting us out and using us as puppets for the entertainment of others." Her face scrunched up cutely, hands expertly preparing the tea as she spoke. "They were never very good shows she had us do either."

"Last master?" Ranma asked, inquisitive. "And how was she able to get all of you under her control, anyway? She didn't look very strong... or very smart, either."

The girl paused for a moment, and then continued, "The only reason that woman was able to control us at all is because of the bindings placed upon us by our last true master, Nicola. She was a cruel, spiteful creature in the guise of a young human girl who would delight in 'punishing' those who displeased her for any reason. When a young kamaitachi brought about her death we assumed we would be free, until that woman appeared to take us; a relative of some sort. Too weak and stupid to properly control us and yet with just enough power in her blood to maintain the bindings on us. I still wonder if we didn't trade one hell for another."

She smiled brightly. "Tea is ready, I hope you like it."

Ranma stiffened, swallowed nervously. He'd had his suspicions beforehand, seeing so many yokai running around out of nowhere - after all, even in his life, monsters from mythology didn't just pop up every day - but this woman, no, this yokai, had just confirmed them. His memory had been cast back to the Eye, and that day in Wandering Abe's shop; to that one particular timeline stemming from Dr. Tofu's dirty little trick. So, Misao was somehow connected to Nicola's death at Taro's hands, eh? While all he knew of her were those brief glimpses at her life with his "other" self, he still felt relieved she had gotten some measure of payback... even if, evidently, not all of her fellow slaves had been freed by Nicola's death.

Taking a polite sip of his tea, he wondered how to say this... then placed it down with a sigh as he decided he had little choice but to bite the bullet. "I'm not going to attack you... but can you tell me what you are?"

The girl smiled politely and something huge now moved in the background. Ranma watched as the girl dissolved into strands of silk as a giant orb spider –easily the size of a tank – appeared out of the shadows. It eyes glowed bright red as it shifted into a more comfortable position, its distinctive patterns of black, yellow and dark blue easily distinguished. As it settled into place, its pedipalps remained busy, shaping the mass of silk into a pair of hands to continue manipulating the tea set. Even as Ranma stared at the yokai, her voice sounded in his head. "It's so nice to see someone who doesn't scream or faint at the sight of Jorogumo… yes, it really is quite refreshing."

"Let's just say I've seen my share of the unusual." Ranma replied weakly. He was no bug-otaku, but he knew very well just what sort of predator spiders were in general. And he also knew enough about mythology to know that many different types of yokai, and even individuals of otherwise inoffensive species, would eat human flesh if they could get it. "So... why the invitation to tea?"

Privately, he was already tensing up to make a run for it.

The shadows shifted again and instead of the giant spider, there was now something new. Fundamentally, it resembled the woman from the beginning – but with glittering, almost jewel like eyes, at least one more pair of them on her brow, and with chitinous plating all over her skin, exactly like the spider she had just been. More noticeably were the four extra arms, slightly longer and thinner than the normal ones, all six of which moved with perfect grace. One moved to gently brush against her carapace-cloaked cheek as she gave him a demure, yet hungry, smile, eyes fluttering flirtatiously. "A handsome young mortal drops into my den and acts so politely, how could an unattached woman such as myself resist inviting such a charming person to join her?" She purred.

Oh boy. This, if anything, was almost as bad as hearing she wanted to eat him. Ranma sent up a quick prayer to all those other selves who he had ever seen make things work with girls for inspiration... "I'm sorry, it's not that I'm flattered, but..."

"You can't see a relationship with yokai working. Am I right?" The girl giggled. "I'm over four-hundred years old darling, one of the requirements to become what I am. Believe me, I've heard them all." Her expression became just a little mischievous. "Worried I'll eat you, like all the other spiders do?"

"Uh... not exactly." Ranma began. That honestly hadn't been the reason. It had been lurking in the back of his mind, but it wasn't the main thing pushing him to try and let her down gently.

At that, the Jorogumo leaned back, rubbing her chin thoughtfully, then smiled playfully at him. "Hmm… oh, wait, you already have some special; am I right? Well, I'm sure that if you give me a chance, you'll never want to go back to mortal girls ever again."

Ranma used a little of the training he'd acquired under Sentaro Daimonji to scuttle backwards from one playfully reaching hand without breaking the seated position. "Lady, I'm sorry, I've already got three fiancées." He blurted.

"Ooh, sounds like someone is the kind of person who isn't satisfied with just one… I like that." She purred, a pair of arms crossing themselves across her chest to bring attention, even through her kimono, to the full breasts that she proudly displayed for his attention.

"It's not a matter of satisfaction... it's a matter of honor." Came a flat, cold voice.

"Ucchan!" Ranma cried out, in equal parts shock, relief and worry. He swiveled around to see her standing at a hole that had been torn in one of the silken walls, visibly battered, bruised and her dress torn. She was, to Ranma's surprise, carrying a kanabo - she had it slung over her shoulder, and was swaying a little under its weight, but it was obviously within her capabilities to use it

"You just can't make those battle spatulas of yours last, can you?" Ranma joked, eager to try and alleviate some of the tension.

Ukyo ignored him, staring at the Jorogumo. "Just what's your game, sister?"

The Jorogumo glared back. "I'm not your sister, whelp, and as for my game." She smiled sweetly, "Can't a girl invite someone to tea?"

"When that 'someone' is my fiancé, and you're planning to use the tea to wash his flesh down, then no, you **can't** invite him to tea." Ukyo deadpanned.

"Hmph! How rude! For your information I have never once partaken in the flesh of mortals during my life and quite frankly, even if I was the kind of girl to do something like that, I certainly wouldn't do that with this one... after all, I haven't even taken him bed once yet." And here Ranma sweated at the gleam in the yokai's eyes, "And with a mortal this handsome, once is surely nowhere near enough… Don't you agree?"

"I - uh, well, that is..." Ukyo squeaked, blushing with embarrassment.

"Oh come now, surely you've had a few 'thoughts' on the matter? Just look at him...oh dear how rude of me, what is your name?"

"Ukyo Kuonji." Ranma's crossdressing fiancée answered on auto-pilot. "Thoughts? Him? Me? Well... that is..." She squirmed visibly, blushing worse than Ryoga had after realizing Ranma had slipped a pair of Akane's panties into his hand.

Ranma knew he probably should interrupt this, but, well, he was curious. Besides, this was kind of entertaining.

"Right, just take a look at him Ukyo-san. Surely you haven't been tempted to wonder about...what is that phrase again? 'Doing some undercover work' with him?"

"I haven't needed to wonder about it since I got a copy of that photo from his old man - oops!" Ukyo squeaked in embarrassment, slapping her hands over her mouth and blushing even more intensely when she realized what she had just unthinkingly said.

"Really? You wouldn't be willing to share would you?" The Jorogumo chittered, slinking closer - before Ukyo could react, one of the yokai's hands had stabbed out and grabbed something from one of her pockets. "Oh me, oh my..." The yokai purred.

"Give that back! It's my only copy!" Ukyo cried, desperately trying to snatch it back from the surprisingly quick-moving spider.

"Pity about the photo angle... ruins the best part of the shot."

"You think so too?" Ukyo asked, despite herself.

"Oh my yes, but still, it certainly is enough to fire up any girl's imagination. Why, I'm feeling quite overheated looking at it." The yokai fanned herself with the photo before pouting as Ukyo managed to snatch it back.

"...If you girls are quite done?" Ranma asked, now blushing himself; this had gone beyond entertaining and become downright embarrassing.

The Jorogumo sighed. "Yes, I do believe we are quite done. I do hope to see you again someday… perhaps we'll actually manage to have tea without any interruptions."

With that, the yokai shifted back into the shadows and vanished, leaving Ranma with Ukyo. Both teens studiously avoided looking each other in the eye, if maybe for different reasons, when Ranma politely coughed into his fist. "I… er… I won't tell anyone about what happened today if you won't." He offered.

"Right, of course, nobody." Ukyo agreed.

"We should probably get back outside – take care of those last few yokai." He suggested.

This netted no words, but a definite nod of agreement, and both of them hurried out through the "door" that Ukyo had used to come in. Outside, they swiftly made their way to the canal that ran through the park; aside from the Ashinagatenaga still in the river, there was no sign of anybody human, not even the stall keeper – Nicola's kin, who had made these yokai and obake into slaves, a thought that prompted a scowl Ranma was swift to wipe off, lest Ukyo see it and ask unwanted questions. Ranma had never been fond of people who would make others obey them without thought to what they wanted, but for quite some time now, he had truly hated them. Coming to Nerima and finding so many different people trying to make a slave of him in all but name did that to a person. If he saw that creepy old woman, he was going to give her a piece of his mind.

Aside from the Long Arms man and the Long Legs man, the only "people" he could see were the kappa, who had dragged their frozen kin into the lake and refilled their bowls, reviving them. The whole group, maybe a dozen or so, were cackling and jabbering to each other over a horde of loot, from women's underwear to pocket change. Ranma half-turned to Ukyo with a smirk, making a show of cracking his knuckles. "Alright, Ucchan, this is the final stretch and we should be done soon." With that said, he charged the closest kappa, even as Ukyo realized what he was planning and held out a cautionary hand.

"Ranma-honey, wait!" She cried, trying to keep Ranma from making a big mistake.

"Doskoi!" Came the surprisingly deep bellow from Ranma's target, drowning out the startled cry as Ranma went flying with a splash into the water.

Ukyo shook her head softly. "You really weren't taught much folklore, were you, Ranma-honey?" She asked, amused, but not in a cruel way. She knew it wasn't his fault he was ignorant, but fancy not knowing (or perhaps forgetting, that seemed more likely) that kappa were masters of the art of sumo wrestling!

"Stinking little…" Ranma growled, trailing off into some of the curses she had picked up around the docks of China. She blinked and yelled in surprise when a pair of powerful hands suddenly seized her around the waist, lifting her effortlessly into the air.

"You alright, boyo? Or should it be, girly?" Cackled the Ashinaga who was holding Ranma aloft.

"I'm a guy!" Ranma decreed petulantly, as was her custom when this sort of thing happened. "…I don't suppose I can ask you two to move on quietly? I mean, I wouldn't think you'd be too happy here in the middle of a city."

"You got that right, boyo." Grunted the Tenaga. "Tell you what; you promise us safe passage, and we'll make sure and take them damn kappa with us when we go."

"Deal." Ranma replied instantly. The Tenaga turned towards the bank and began wading, his six meter-long legs propelling him towards the jeering kappa with great speed. The Ashinaga dropped Ranma onto the bank ahead of them, and Ranma turned to the river yokai with a feral grin of her own, popping her neck with menacing ease.

"Payback time…"

Almost an hour later… "Okay, so, the Ashinagatenaga's hauling those damn river imps up towards the coast… those two oni ran off to the hills promising never to come near here again… we have no idea where that Jorogumo went… and the Gashadokuro, Setotaisho and Heikagani are all dead and buried. Not my first choice for a date, but we did pretty good, all said and done." Ukyo declared as she and Ranma approached her shop.

Ranma simply sighed. "I'm sorry… this always seems to happen around me." She declared apologetically.

"Oh, it's not your fault. It sure means that life will never be boring around you." Ukyo beamed. "Come on in; I bet you want to change back, huh?"

"Yeah, thanks." Ranma replied, following Ukyo inside.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** I'm glad folks enjoyed the last chapter; I was a bit worried that readers might think it too much of a departure from the Ranma ½ spirit… although, I don't personally see how that's possible, seeing as how in both canons we've seen ghosts, bakeneko, spirits, and a variety of other monsters.

Funny thing, though; nobody picked up on the little inter-continuity gag in the last chapter, either. Recall the comments made by Ukyo and the Jorogumo regarding that photo from the Hiryu Shoten Ha arc? Well, while Ranma's own leg covered himself in the anime take, in the manga, the picture was actually shot from the other side, meaning it was only Genma's thumb that prevented Akane and Ukyo from getting a full-frontal of Ranma. While Akane was all but squealing for Genma to take it away, though, Ukyo was practically drooling and openly begging Genma to move his thumb.

Chapter 20: Slice of Life! Other Peoples' Ordinary Day

It was another normal morning for the students of Furinkan Public High School. Well it would have been if it hadn't been for Kuno's arrival; the kendoist had decided that it was time to show off the efforts of his days of intense practice and training, by leading his private army of flying monkeys to school.

"Right! Left! Right! Left!" Students stopped and stared as Tatewaki Kuno, grinning like an idiot, marched at the head of the horde of winged primates, all of them dressed in kendo armour with their helmets under their arms and with swords strapped to their sides with as much military precision as an ape could pull off. The students at the end of the day commented that the apes marched better than Kuno, who seemed to have slipped at one point into a full-blown goose-step as he entered the school and headed towards the Kendo club.

Hiro Yamada liked to think that as vice-captain of the Kendo Squad, he presented some form of sanity to the usual lunacy that the team captain usually brought in. Oh sure, they were regional champs and likely go national one day thanks to their captain's skill and innate knowledge of just how to improve his team's performance (even if the methods were a little weird), but the fact was that Kuno was a complete nutter, so Yamada didn't even blink at seeing the small army of kendo-uniformed monkeys entering the team practice room.

The wings were strange though.

"And... just who are these, Upperclassman Kuno Sensei?" He asked; while it was technically a mangling of protocol to refer to Kuno by both of his titles of respect as head of the Furinkan High Kendo Club, Kuno did insist upon it.

"These are your new sparring partners. After our disappointing performance at our last competition and a slight run of good luck during my time off, I have managed to secure these highly adaptable winged primates for the purpose of training them in our noble art. And quite frankly I'm sorely tempted to put them in the ring instead of you lot. However, there is a means for you to redeem yourself and that is to spar with these primates and thus improve your skills to the point that you can defeat them."

With a flourish of his own bokken, Kuno pointed to the ring and one of the monkeys ambled over and put on its helmet, setting itself up in a standard stance before the incredulous and wary eyes of the team.

Hiro Yamada kept his mouth shut. It wasn't easy - in fact, if there was a medal for dealing with absolutely harebrained ideas, he was sure he'd take the gold for this - but he avoided saying anything that might give the notoriously volatile if his ego was bruised kendo champion an excuse to kick him out of the team. "You there - step forward." He declared, pointing at one of the best fighters in the club.

"Right, contest rules! First one to strike the head or chest wins! And no throwing people around this time." The last statement was directed to the baboon, prompting a lazy shrug as it bowed formally to the unlucky sap who had 'volunteered' to go first. Yamada raised a hand.

"Ready? Begin!"

Principal Kuno hummed pleasantly to himself as he made his way across the grounds; class was going to start soon, and he was keeping an eager eye out for potential latecomers and would-be truants. It was always so much fun to catch them; then he could shave all their hair off and nobody would complain! He was passing near the kendo club when he heard the voice of his own rambunctious son ringing out and, curious, he went to get a better listen. He was such a naughty little keikei, but he was still the big kahuna's one and only keikei, yah?

"That had to be the most pathetic show of skill I have ever seen! Monkeys! Monkeys beat you and you call yourselves a kendo team! It seems that we are going to do some serious training and you will be sparring with these apes until you can soundly defeat them in the arena! I will not tolerate such an embarrassing state of affairs!"

"Monkeys?" The principle asked. This was something to look into, and he moved close so he could see what his son was doing.

What the man saw was a group of winged baboons lazily chattering to each other as his son's kendo team nursed bruises and rubbed aching arms while Kuno bombastically strode in front of them.

"I cannot accept this! We will not be the team that a group of apes can defeat! Rest assured I will make sure you all make up for this deficiency!" Kuno looked actually disappointed and angry with his team as he said this.

"Oh-ho-ho! If them liddle monkeys can beat up Kuno-keikei's sword-fighters, den de big kahuna wants dem liddle monkeys to come anna work for de big kahuna!" The principle chortled, visions of batwinged baboons armed with scissors and shears and battery-powered razors raining down from the skies, grabbing the many naughty keikeis and wahinies of Furinkan High and shaving them all bald as eggs dancing in his brain. Oh, the joy! The rapture! The hair-cutting! ...But how to get them to follow him?

As Kuno began really getting into his rant, he noticed that his team was no longer focused on him, but behind him, and he now registered the sound of monkeys screaming in distress. He turned to see what the problem was and gaped as he watched his father, manning a winch, haul up his winged kendo baboons in a giant fishing net.

"Heheheheheheeee! Da keikei will learn to respect da big kahuna now! Come my new enforcers, time to train you in how to shave!"

Kuno gaped a moment longer before shaking his fist at his father, "You fiend! You won't get away with this travesty!" He whipped around to face his team, "To arms! We must foil my foul father's vile machinations!"

More than a few of them looked rebellious; they most certainly had not appreciated being compared in an inferior fashion to a bunch of apes. On the other hand, they didn't like Principal Kuno either, and while Tatewaki had showed them up with all those monkeys, who knew what that lunatic would do with them? As one, they grabbed their weapons and waved them in the air, giving a roar of support.

Lunchtime was considered a time of rest and relaxation at Furinkan High School. While things had necessarily dampened down a bit since Miss Hinako had been appointed as the homeroom teacher for classroom 1F, she had also scaled back a little since the business with Ukyo and Shampoo - nobody was quite sure why, but they were all far too grateful to care about prying.

When the sound of somewhat maniacal laughter ran out, the students as a whole backed away; it wasn't common in the slightest for Ranma's various fiancées to show up at Furinkan, but Kodachi Kuno was the rarest and most dangerous of all. While the rumor mill had done its usual exaggeration, Kodachi's aptitude for poisons, coupled with a high level of indifference to things like "fair play" and "innocent bystanders", did have grounding in reality.

Fortunately for them, Kodachi had no interest in them; her attention was fixated instead on finding Ranma Saotome, and she met him at last in homeroom. Without the slightest shame she made herself comfortable on his desk; Ukyo swallowed hard and kept her head deliberately turned away from the pair of them, fingers drumming nervously the only sign of her emotions that she would allow.

Akane, in something that might have surprised anyone who was paying attention, didn't even seem to notice. The truth was that she and Ranma had been emotionally drifting from each other at quite a steady pace; while recalling those cruel things that Ranma had once said to her would still make her mad, it was more because of the insult than because it made her heart feel like it was breaking. Besides, she had bigger things to worry about – who could possibly care about Kodachi when she had two strangers taking her place in the Tendo Dojo?

Ranma smiled a little nervously, not wanting to upset Miss Hinako, as he looked up at Kodachi. "Hey there, Kodachi; how's it going?"

"I am pleased to pronounce that I am in high spirits this fine day." She paused for a moment, looking contrite, "I apologize for the rude interruption, but I have a request for you."

Ukyo looked somewhere between shocked and envious; was Kodachi really going to try and ask Ranma on a date? Here? Now? In front of their classmates? Akane, barely listening, made a rather un-ladylike grunt of dismissal. So what did that matter?

"I'm listening." Ranma said, wondering what it could be. It couldn't be a date; Kodachi would have just come to him that morning, perhaps offering to let him sleep at her house to try and sweeten the deal.

"Yes, you see I was looking for someone who could help me further improve my skills and, well, you're by far the best martial artist I know, and you did mention that one time that you have knowledge of several martial arts that are suitable for me to practice." She coughed slightly, "Not to mention your...knowledge of the female body also means you're far more suitable as a trainer than anyone else in the area."

At that, a series of dirty snickering and lecherous comments rang out, Akane glowing brighter while Ukyo just looked embarrassed - though for Ranma's sake or her own, who could say?

"She's talkin' about my curse, ya creeps!" Ranma shouted in irritation. Every so often, Ranma kind of wished he could get on better with the more normal kids in his class... then they pulled stunts like this, and he was glad they were normally too afraid of him to talk to him.

Trying to muster his dignity, Ranma turned to Kodachi. "So... what brought this on? And what do you mean, my 'knowledge of the female body' makes me the best choice to be your trainer?"

Kodachi added her own glare before replying, "To put it bluntly? Unlike what some people think, you are not some kind of deviant pervert and you care about getting results, thusly I can trust you to actually train me properly."

"I... well, thank you." Ranma said, confused; it wasn't that he didn't appreciate the sentiment, he did, but that wasn't the sort of answer he was expecting. "But you made it sound like there was more to it than that - like my curse gave me some sort of extra insight into training you. And what martial arts were you talking about me knowing, anyway?"

"Apart from besting me at my own art, you did mention Martial Arts Tea Ceremony and Martial Arts Cheerleading, both of which are rather highly regarded and very well respected arts."

Ranma looked dumbfounded; personally, he thought those were both some of the goofiest styles he'd ever seen, even without the emphasis on female practitioners. Still, if that's what she wanted, and if she really did want to improve her skills, well, he could hardly refuse, now could he? Ignoring the way Ukyo was disbelievingly mouthing the titles of the martial arts styles that Kodachi had just mentioned, Ranma put on his best "martial arts sage" expression and nodded his head. "Alright, if that's what you want... when do you want me to meet you for training? And where?"

At **that**, Akane paid attention. She twitched in anger and indulged herself in a fond daydream of planting her desk on Ranma's head; whenever **she** wanted to get any better, he certainly was never there for **her**, now was he?

Kodachi smiled, "Wonderful! Will you be able to stop by my house later today? I'll have Sasuke take you to the dojo when you arrive." With a quick peck to the cheek, she was out the window and on her way, leaving Ranma to deal with the rest of the class.

Idly rubbing his cheek, Ranma noticed everyone, save for Akane and Ukyo, staring at him and he snarled, "What the hell are you all looking at?" He was just about to flare his aura in an unsubtle manner when suddenly the sound of Kuno shouting, "CHAARRRRGE!" caught everyone's attention as the Kendo club rumbled past.

As Kuno's war against his father started to engulf the school, another warrior was also on a mission, but this was one of on a mission of diplomacy and peace. Hopefully.

Shampoo felt a little awkward about coming to the Tendo Dojo at the best of times, though, before all of this, she had been able to mask it by either focusing on her desire to see Ranma or her hostility towards Akane. Seeing as how Ranma no longer lived here, and he and Akane were both in school, that meant she had no comfort at all. She still hadn't yet fully mastered the Kasho Happa-Ken, but that was all right, as she wasn't expecting to have to fight just yet. Still... She shook herself over and squared her shoulders; was she a proud champion of Nyuchiehzu or not? She reminded herself angrily. She had never cowered before in her life and she wasn't about to start doing so! Confidence bolstered, she pushed through the door and headed inside, slipping her shoes off as was custom.

Slipping through the house with ease, she saw no sign of life until she peeked into the living room, where Genma was idly watching some sort of game show. Through the doors to the garden, open to let the cool breeze into the house, she could see that Kasumi was in the garden hanging out some laundry. Shampoo could also hear the sounds of female voices coming from the dojo; those had to be her targets. Not bothering to let the others know she was there, she headed through the house to the doorway that led to the dojo itself, where she found who she was looking for. She recognized Natsume easily, which meant that the wiry haired little girl facing off against her was Kurumi.

The pair were sparring and while the fight was intense, Shampoo felt a little disappointed that they were only using their fists and feet and not any of their Ki abilities but the Chinese girl could tell that the pair were very skilled, so she decided to take the time to watch them fight, she might pick up a few tricks and tactics. Decision made, Shampoo took a seat and started watching the fight intently.

The spar continued for several more minutes until finally the two girls broke apart and bowed to each other. They jumped when Shampoo applauded.

"You too-too good fighters. Shampoo impressed."

Natsume nodded her recognition and polite gratitude, although it did nothing to remove her aura of suspicion. "Why are you here?" She asked, not rudely, but blunter than was normal - an attitude that Shampoo could respect.

"Shampoo? Your name is really 'Shampoo'?" Kurumi asked, trying to hold back an obvious snicker, too caught up in that to really care about the fact that she had been watching them spar.

Shampoo bit back a sigh and rolled her eyes; really, was it her fault that her name sounded like the English word for hair soap when spoken? "Yes, that Shampoo's name. Shampoo know what it sound like, but back in village, way we write it, Shampoo's name mean 'Jewel of the Mountains'." She preened herself visibly before asking. "It suit Shampoo too-too good, yes?"

"And in Japanese," Natsume promptly interjected, "one meaning of the words that are pronounced that same way would be 'She whose breasts are as mountains'." She smiled at Shampoo, a clear show that nothing seriously insulting was meant by it.

Besides, Shampoo knew that she had an impressive set of cleavage; she was indifferent to the reactions they evoked, but if she had to think about it, she was more proud of them then anything.

"That sure fits." Kurumi declared, gazing enviously at the Chinese Amazon's chest.

Natsume promptly ruffled her little sister's hair. "Well, you've got a few more years of growing to do yet, squirt. Who knows? You may turn out big enough to put her to shame."

Shampoo privately felt that was unlikely; Japanese girls tended to be flat, from her experience. Still, she kept that to herself; no need to make enemies, and besides, she wanted to get back on topic. "Shampoo heard about you two and now Shampoo wondering if Kurumi face Shampoo in match." She smiled at their skeptical looks, "Shampoo think we studying similar advanced martial arts and Shampoo want to see who the strongest."

Kurumi glanced at Natsume, who shrugged, and then nodded with a smile, "Okay, you got a match!"

While the girls were haggling out when and where the match was to take place, another unknown "guest" had arrived at the Tendo Dojo. Practically dead on his feet from exhaustion, having not slept for several days now, Ryoga, currently in his P-chan form, trotted wearily into the Tendo Dojo, just barely remembering to wipe his hooves before scrambling up onto the floor inside. He just wanted to find someplace soft and quiet so he could curl up and sleep until Akane got home and found him. Though being P-chan would never substitute for what he longed for, dreamed for, it was all he had so far, and so it would suffice. But with Ranma apparently out of Akane's life now and forever more, soon, he would have more, that he swore.

He was more than a little surprised when an unfamiliar hand picked him up, bringing him face to face with a person he didn't remember ever seeing before. "Well now; what have we here?" The stranger asked, then turned and headed for the bathroom. Ryoga watched in puzzlement as the stranger promptly filled the bath with hot water, confusion giving way to alarm as he realized he was now being suspended over the water... and then he fell into its steaming embrace...

"Yeeow! Hot! Hot! Hot!" Ryoga shot up from the water like some strange missile before whirling around to glare at the person who had dunked him, and then blinked in confusion, "Who the heck are you?"

"I am not important." The copper-eyed, silver-haired, pointy-eared stranger replied. "Who are you, and why do you come here wearing the body of a small black pig?" He asked quizzically.

Ryoga blushed in embarrassment, or from the heat, it was hard to tell, "My name's Ryoga and it's none of your business!"

The stranger merely smirked. "Is it, now? For I have heard from Akane Tendo that she has a small black piglet with a bandanna that she keeps as a pet, an animal named 'P-chan' with the oddest habit of disappearing for days at a time. I must say, the description of P-chan matches your own porcine form very well..."

Ryoga turned away slightly, "I-I just show up and give her company, that's all!"

"And what are your motivations for doing so?" The stranger pressed. "It's rather odd to turn into a pig to try and give a lady some companionship. What's wrong with approaching her in your true form, hmm?"

Ryoga spluttered and spurted, but apart from imitating an engine, no explanation was forthcoming.

The stranger just gave him a Cheshire Cat grin. Ryoga was something of an expert on annoying grins, being Ranma's Number 1 Rival did that to a person, but he'd never seen a grin that held quite this level of both infuriation and menace before. He wasn't quite sure if he wanted to punch it off the weirdo's face or cower for mercy. "Now, I **know** you don't have intentions towards her... at least, intentions that are wrong and sick... right?" He asked.

Ryoga shook his head, "Of course not, I'm not some kind of pervert!"

"Really? Then why pretend to be her pet?" The stranger asked, starting to sway slightly as he spoke. It should have looked ridiculous. Instead, it reminded Ryoga of a snake preparing to strike. "Now, I'm trusting you wouldn't do anything... untoward... her, but surely you know that it's not right...?"

Ryoga glanced away. "I know, but what can I do? It's either be the pet pig or nothing."

"What do you mean, nothing? Are you not Ryoga Hibiki? One of the boys that Akane trusts the most, and considers her closest male friend?"

"R-really? Akane trusts me? Yes! Take that Ranma! Akane trusts me more than you! Hahaha!" Ryoga couldn't help but perform some kind of dance in the tub at hearing those words. It made a strange sight. After a moment, a thought came to the teenage boy and he turned to face the strange boy in front of him, "Waitaminute...how do you know all this?"

The stranger made a show of examining his fingernails and gave him another of those irritating-yet-menacing grins. "Simple. I talk to her all the time; I'm upfront and honest with her, and I don't sneak around behind her back and take advantage of her naivety."

"I do not take advantage of Akane! And I bet you're trying to steal Akane!" Let it not be said that Ryoga didn't jump to conclusions like the others when it came to things he considered important to him.

"I bet you're just waiting for the right moment and the bam! You'll vanish with her!" Ryoga moved into a stance, "Well, I'm not going to let that happen!"

It was hard to say what surprised Ryoga more; the fact the stranger seemed to literally vanish mere instants before Ryoga's fist impacted on his cheek, reappearing at the other end of the bathtub, or the way that, in accordance with the stranger waving his hand, the water coating Ryoga's body and filling the tub went from steaming hot to frozen solid, seemingly without any hesitation in between.

Not that Ryoga couldn't break free, of course. But having a couple of gallons of solid ice clinging to your most sensitive of areas tended to make you a little less inclined towards unnecessary motion. Tapping one long index finger on the side of the bathtub, the stranger looked at him with an expression unchanged. "Are you quite finished?" He asked casually, like he was inquiring into Ryoga's health.

Ryoga gulped and nodded slowly as he forced himself to relax slightly.

"Allow this information to penetrate your dense skull, my friend. What I am to her is simply something that she needs and has needed for a long time: a good friend of the male gender who is willing to give her the space to be herself while also knowing how to puncture her ego without bruising her heart. I have been working very hard to help her get over her understandable reluctance to allow herself to trust members of the opposite sex, so while I have no particular personal enmity towards you, if I do catch you containing this facade, then no matter how lecherous your personal intentions may not be, you have my most solemn oath that I will persuade her to take 'P-chan' to be neutered. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"

Ryoga nodded rapidly, "C-crystal."

And, just like that, the stranger smiled at him, eyes closed and benevolence radiating from his lips like rays of sunshine. "Good, I'm glad we understand each other." He told Ryoga, and then he snapped his fingers. At once, the ice transformed into hot water. Boiling hot water, in fact.

"Yeow!"

After school was let out for the day, Ranma headed straight to the vacant lot that had become his new home, hopefully on a temporary basis. Once there, he began going through his belongings, trying to figure out what, if anything, he should take to his appointment with Kodachi. As he was deciding he had everything he needed, though, he tensed up; the almost psychic ability to sense danger that any martial artist could develop with sufficient skill sent him leaping backwards from his original position, even as eight yoyos slammed into the earth with enough force to create a small crater before zipping back the way they came. Ranma landed already in a posture to fight, an expression of exasperation on his face. "So now what'd I do, huh?" He complained.

"Uh nothing, I just wanted to get your attention Saotome." Mousse had the grace to look sheepish, "Force of habit."

"Well, you got my attention. Whaddya want?" Ranma grumbled, but it was more of a show than anything. He couldn't remember the last time that Mousse had actually apologised for anything, much less attacking him. Why, he could remember that time when Maomolin kidnapped Shampoo... He quickly shook his head to get his mind back on track; he needed to pay attention to what his rival was saying.

"Um...well...you see...I...uh.." Mousse adjusted his glasses and fidgeted, searching for imaginary lint on his clothing.

"Get on with it, I gotta get across town and do some teaching." Ranma complained.

"Really? Someone actually thought you could teach them?" Mousse quickly decided to change topics from his original request.

"Yeah, they did. Did you come to pick a fight, or what? Spit it out already!" Ranma snapped.

Mousse decided to just get it out and over with, "Canyousparwithmeplease?"

Ranma's face went blank. He looked Mousse, wringing his hands and looking at the ground, then looked around for anything out of the ordinary, then made a show of cleaning his ears. "Did you just say what I thought I heard you say?" He asked.

"Do you have to make this any more humiliating than it already is?" Mousse whined.

"I'm sorry, but, just… why?" Ranma asked, deeply confused.

"You think you're the only one who wants to improve his martial arts skills?" Mousse stated, but that was all he would add.

Ranma stared at him, long and hard, then finally made a decision. He didn't know what Mousse's game was, but either it had to be absolutely ridiculous… or he didn't have one at all. Either way, what did he have to lose? "Alright, but I've got other business to attend to right now – can it wait?"

A strangled squawk of rage told Ranma that he had chosen his words poorly; Mousse was, in his way, perhaps the proudest of Ranma's regular enemies and certainly the most short-tempered. He barely had time to move before a flurry of daggers and chains came his way; it looked like Mousse was going to get his sparring session right here and now, no matter what Ranma had to say on the subject…

_I'll admit, this was something of a filler chapter, more so than normal, and I think we kind of got away from our original intentions. Don't worry, you'll get to see Shampoo's new technique in action soon enough, and Kodachi in a major role as well. Next up, though, Soun and Genma's tendency to depend on Ranma to do the work when they go monster-busting comes back to bite them in the ass when a certain body-snatching oni escapes their attempts to trap it and finds the most formidable host in Nerima it can… Ranma himself…_


	22. Chapter 22

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** It's been a long time since we updated, and for that I can only apologize; real life interfered in the parts of all three of us who work on this story.

Chapter 21: Possession Perils! An Oni in Nerima!

The Temple of the Monkey Monk was one of many small temples scattered around Nerima, and the greater Tokyo area in general. Unlike other locales like the Frog or Cat Temples, it was not abandoned, though it was still small enough that it had a single kannushi, or Shinto priest, in attendance. That priest fussily flittered back and forth at the gate to his shrine, anxiously awaiting the two men that he had summoned. His eyes momentarily widened with delight when he saw the two approaching figures before he composed himself once more. "Ah, gentlemen, there you are." He called out in his rather reedy, clanging voice.

Soun and Genma straightened up to look as professional as possible. It wasn't easy, they had just moments ago been arguing over how Ranma should have been at the Tendo Dojo when they got the call about this monster that needed battling, each blaming the other for his absence and thusly the fact they would need to do this all on their own, but they managed to look serious.

"Good day to you, sir. I understand that you have need of the Tendo Dojo's services in defeating a monster?" Soun asked politely; he always was better suited for the position of speaking to the clientele. This was hardly the first time that the Tendo Dojo had been called in to handle monsters. Guarding the bra of Yang Gui-Fei from the notorious Panty Thief of Nerima, battling giant monsters that emerged from cursed wall scrolls, defeating the marauding octopus pot, yes, all of these were tasks to which the Tendo Dojo had been called.

"It's less a matter of defeating a monster and more a matter of being prepared to defeat a monster." The priest replied politely.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Genma asked inquisitively.

"Saotome..." Soun growled softly. Why was it that time and time again, his supposed best friend ended up making himself - and by extension Soun and the Tendo Dojo - look like a complete and utter fool?

"There's not much time to lose; please, come with me into the temple itself." The priest proclaimed, leading the way. As they walked, he explained. "The sacred charge of this temple is a magical box, in which a legendary monk - who was also a monkey - sealed away a terrible oni that ravaged the land. However, time has taken its toll on the sacred ink, and the seal is losing its power. I must apply a new seal, or the oni will be free to devastate the land once more. That's why you gentlemen are here; to assist me should the sealing not go according to plan. If the oni escapes, I will need the two of you to help me catch it again before I put the fresh seal on the box."

As he told them this, he led them to a small altar, on which they saw the box that he was talking about. In appearance, it wasn't much, a simple wooden box with a slip on lid, an ofuda taping it shut. The ink that made up the kanji had grown extremely worn with age, to the point there was barely anything left. The box itself visibly shuddered, the odd arc of energy crackling across its surface.

Soun and Genma carefully moved away and got into ready stances while the priest began the necessary preparations for the new seal, carefully drawing the ink on the replacement ofuda even as the box rattled slightly in a menacing manner.

Finally, the priest completed his work and calmly approached the box. Genma felt a bead of sweat fall down his face; this was it, this was the moment of truth – whether they would have to fight the Oni or go home and call it an easy job. The priest came closer, closer and closer still and then began the final step of the sealing when a loud bang made them jerk… to see a window had somehow worked its way loose and was banging quite loudly.

Genma and Soun sighed in relief, and then paled when they heard a voice remark, "Hey a tissue! Thanks!" They whirled just in time to see Happosai yank the ofuda out of the priest's hands and blow his nose, breathing in relief, "Ah! You have no idea how annoying it is to have stuffed up nose."

The priest paled. "Oh dear, this is not going to be good."

The box rattled and shook like it was inside an invisible laundry dryer as the ink finally smoked and burned away, before, with an almighty explosion and clouds of smoke, the box shattered into millions of splinters. A form began to become visible as the smoke cleared and then, with a flourish the Oni revealed itself… a balloon-like creature wearing a tiger-stripe loincloth, a brief turn of its body revealed a pair of small horns. All in all, it would have been comical, but any sensible person knew better than to underestimate any demon... no matter how puny it looked. Unfortunately, Soun let his guard down at just the right moment that the demon sped towards him and vanished on impact with the yelping man.

Happosai took one look at his cowardly apprentice, two small, sharp, spiral-patterned horns now sticking out of his head, his eyes practically glowing with mischief, and then turned to the other two men in the room. Passing over the quivering form of Genma, he directed his attention to the one sensible looking person there; the priest. "Okay, what's the deal here?" He asked irritably.

"You have released the evil, body-snatching oni! It will feed upon the evil of its host to rejuvenate its power, whereupon it will be truly free to ravage and pillage once more!" The priest wailed.

"Oh, so you mean that dinky little thing wasn't the oni's real form? That's good, I'd hate to think that was supposed to be the monster... wait am I saying?" Genma suddenly yelped as the realization of the situation sank in.

Everyone ignored him. In part, this might have been because, while Genma was carrying on and Happosai was questioning the priest, the possessed Soun promptly hurled itself at Happosai with a horrifically warped battlecry. If Genma hadn't been so terrified at seeing his closest friend possessed and throwing his life away by attacking the most evil entity in all of Japan, he would have been deeply insulted for Soun's sake. What a waste of Soun's kiai talents!

Happosai easily dodged Soun's attack, his martial arts training letting him turn the possessed fighter's own momentum against him and sending him crashing onto the floor. "And just what do you think you're doing?" He asked, a warning tone in his voice.

"Evil, useless, stupid pervert! You're not fit to be grandmaster of the Anything Goes style!" Soun spat.

"... Happo Fire Burst!"

"Right." Happosai said, dusting some ashes off of his hands, turning to the flabberghasted priest. "So, how do we expel that monster from my worthless disciple?"

"...A solid blow to the head typically works wonders. But I think you just took it a bit overboard." The priest declared.

Happosai looked at him coolly, then turned to Genma. "Well, you two better get going after him, then! No telling what kind of trouble that thing could cause if you don't."

"Us?" The priest spluttered in protest. "But you were the one who-!" He found himself caught off in mid-tirade as Genma suddenly grabbed him by the shoulder and began dragging him away.

"Look, buddy, best to just get while the getting's good; he's worse than any damn oni!" Genma told the priest in a stage whisper. When Happosai's indignant "I heard that!" rang out, he vanished; the two of them were out in the street and trying to establish Soun's trajectory before the last echoes rang off the shrine's interior.

The old pervert gave an offended sniff, then adjusted his bag of panties on his shoulders before setting off home. After all, no matter what had gone on here, it had nothing to do with him, right?

Meanwhile, closer to the area in which the "Nerima Wrecking Crew" were established…

Ranma looked up as he heard the sound of something falling through the air in the kind of arc that signified it had come up a long way away and was now coming down as gravity demanded. Ranma wasn't an "A" student by any means, but that was more frequent disinterest and occasional distractions than stupidity. When he took an interest in his work, he could surprise his teachers – his science teacher was particularly impressed with how precisely Ranma could wax forth on the effects of gravity. Of course, some would argue that to be a result of Ranma having a rather considerable amount of practical experience with it on a regular basis.

Of course, knowing how it happened and knowing why it happened were two different things. And caring was another matter altogether, come to think of it. Of course, Ranma probably would have investigated anyway, that's the sort of person he was, when he found himself under a most unusual form of assault.

"Wahaha! Wallyhoo!"

Before Ranma could even think to say that was the stupidest battlecry he had ever heard of, or take in the goofy, balloon-like shape rising towards him, it hit him in the head.

If anyone had been watching, they would have witnessed the balloon-thing seem to simply… "phase" into Ranma's head, whereupon he looked pained and clutched his head, then returned to normal and looked around with a confused look on his face. After a moment he shrugged and continued on his way.

However, there was something different, something more sinister about the teenager as he whistled a tune on his way to Kodachi's place.

Some time later, Soun awoke with a pained groan. His body felt like one giant bruise, and once more he found his traumatized memories slipping back to his training under Happosai. The beatings, the starvation, the crimes for which he was left to take the fall... fiercely he shoved those memories back into the darkness where they belonged, took several deep breaths and concentrated, trying to focus his ki. While he had taken more than a few lumps since the Saotomes had first arrived in Nerima, it still paled to the beatings he had taken during his time as Happosai's disciple, and it had been many long, blessedly quiet years since then, so he was out of practice. Still, the pain seeped away and his bruises began to fade, allowing him to rise up from the crater he had made on the rooftop. His clothes were tattered and scorched, but serviceable; now, the only problem was getting down. Walking to the edge, Soun steeled himself and then jumped down, sinking into a crouch as he landed to absorb the impact with nothing but a rough jolt. Standing up, he smiled proudly; he still had it!

"Soun! Soun, there you are!" Genma called as he screeched to a halt near his friend, the exhausted form of the priest clinging to his broad shoulders. "And that impact jarred the oni loose, just like the priest said. But where'd it go?" He asked, eyes widening with realization and looking all around him.

"I... ah, um..." Soun mumbled, trying to recall if he knew anything at all about the oni's disappearance.

"You idiots!" The priest's furious voice rang out as it became quite clear that it had escaped them altogether.

"Okay Kodachi, see ya later!"

Kodachi waved at Ranma's departure with a stiff smile on her face. As the pigtailed teen vanished, so did the smile, replaced with a more suspicious grimace. When Ranma had arrived he had seemed… off, somehow. At first, she just thought she was imagining it – maybe a little lingering doubts from this whole strange situation, the changes in the former status quo. But as the time had passed, she knew she was right. Her beloved Ranma-sama had been unusually cavalier in their lesson. In fact, there had been one thing that cinched something wasn't right: he had fondled her. Deliberately, not hard enough to be distracting, but plenty enough to be noticeable. Kodachi wanted Ranma to think of her as attractive, certainly enough, but that had been just… shivers still went down her spine thinking about it, and when he'd done so, she'd leapt away from him. He'd backed down, said not a word and been his usual gentlemanly self. But, all through the lesson, she'd felt him watching her, like a predator studying prey, and she didn't like it. She didn't like it at all.

It was a gloomy pair that returned to the Tendo Dojo later that day. The priest refused to pay them until the Oni had been located and resealed and while technically that meant they were still on the job, it still counted as a failure in their eyes.

"Well cheer up Tendo, at least he promised to pay us in full if we manage to find the Oni."

Soun nodded miserably as he cracked his back, stiff from pain, as he walked. "Still, I can't believe I let my guard down like that."

Genma nodded sagely. "Don't blame yourself, everyone slips up once in a while. Come on, let's play some Shogi when we get back inside, that should make you feel better."

Soun smiled as they opened the door and he announced his return.

"Father!" Came one feminine voice, thick with outrage and tinged with hurt.

"Daddy!" Came a second feminine voice, blatantly upset and wanting comfort.

And in their wake, the forms of Natsume & Kurumi, on a fast approach square for Soun Tendo.

Soun blinked at the tones and suppressing the sigh at their insistence of him being their father, he asked, "What is it girls?"

"There's this horrible little troll invading the house!" Kurumi squalled.

"Who are you calling a horrible little troll?" Happosai asked indignantly as he bounded onto the scene.

"What else are you, you disgusting little thing?" Natsume jeered. "You barge into our father's house like you own the place, carrying a bag full of women's underwear, harass our sister and demand she feed you, then try to grope me! Father, are you just going to let him get away with this?"

"What's the deal here, Soun old boy? Since when do you have five daughters, and where have these two been up until now?" Happosai demanded, eyes burning holes into Soun.

Soun sighed; he might have guessed something like this would happen when Happosai finally poked his ugly head back into his house. But why did it have to be today? "They're adopted Master, they've just recently come into the family." He was sore, tired and he really, really did not want to put up with Happosai's antics right now.

"Adopted?" Kurumi asked, clearly hurt, tears shining in her eyes.

"Master?" Natsume asked, disgusted disbelief ringing in her tone.

Happosai turned to her with a mocking grin. "That's right, tootsie! I trained your father and taught him everything he knows - why, I am the Grandmaster and inventor of the Anything Goes School! So, if you really are Soun's apprentices, that makes you my disciples, too!"

Soun fought the urge to groan like a dying man and clap his hand over his eyes as his "new daughters" shrieked in outraged disbelief, Happosai's malevolent cackle ringing up to the uncaring sky above. What had he ever done to deserve this...?

Things did not clear up that night. Or the next morning, either.

"Alright! Which one of you stole my underwear?" Akane demanded early the next morning.

"Haven't we been through this before?" Nabiki grumbled sarcastically. "Ours are missing too."

"Why accuse us in the first place when that disgusting old lecher just showed up last night, anyway?" Kurumi asked, puzzled.

"But it's not me!" Happosai protested, startling them all. "Somebody's robbed me, too!" He looked on the verge of tears, which wasn't surprising to those who knew him; after all, had he not broken down weeping when that goodhearted Genji Heita had taken Happosai's warped lessons to heart and stolen Happosai's lingerie too? Had he not taken to his bed in horror after Ranma's living shadow had burnt his collection? None of them noticed Kasumi entering the room, nor the worried look on her face, until she spoke.

"Akane? Do you remember where the ladder was last put? I think we should clean the roof off before anyone else notices it."

"The roof?" Everyone repeated, confused, and then stampeded outside. To their horror, they saw a sign visible from the street had been assembled on the roof so that others could see it, a sign "written" with women's lingerie. "The underwear thief of Nerima lives here", that was what it said. Akane and Nabiki's face paled with the realization of what this could do to their standing in Nerima; Happosai's stupid little tenugi mask didn't actually conceal who he was, but nobody knew his name or where he lived. If they did realize the Tendos had been harboring him all along...

"Happosai! Fetch!" Akane barked, pointing at the underwear.

"Oh, like I really need to be told that!" The old pervert scoffed, moving at lightning speed up to the roof and making the underwear disappear as he leapt back and forth; obscuring the location of his favorite hiding spot took first priority, but that didn't mean he couldn't also take advantage of this.

Down on the ground, Akane realized something. "Hey! You give mine back to me, ya hear!"

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Nerima, Ukyo Kuonji was waking to a similarly unpleasant situation...

"WHAT THE HELL?" Ukyo stared in abject shock and horror. Someone had broken in and completely destroyed the grill/counter, the very lifeblood of her business, a blatant insult to her profession – indeed, her very life. She stared at the twisted, mangled metal until tears came to her eyes, wondering who could be so cruel to do this to her place.

After the tears came rage. Oh, she was going to find Ranma and when they found the bastard that did this, POW! Straight to Mars! Dashing upstairs, Ukyo grabbed her gear and headed out to find Ranma. Her insurance would take care of the damage; Ranma and her would take care of the culprit.

When she reached Ranma's camping site, though, she found herself stopping and staring. One thing she knew quite well about Ranma, because it was a trait she herself was inclined towards, was that Ranma believed very strongly in keeping his belongings and living space neatly arranged and clean. Even back when he had been living with the Tendos, Ukyo knew that nothing that he owned was ever removed from his backpack, which sat inside the guestroom cupboard and awaited him to grab it and be gone. This was the natural legacy of the warped sort of childhood he had lived under Genma, forever anticipating that he would to grab his pack and go. Ukyo had similar tendencies, a result of her nomadic lifestyle up until Nerima, but for some reason even she had found the way Ranma went about this to be rather sad. That was why the sight of Ranma's camp being not only empty, but reduced to a proverbial rat's nest of stuff, caused her to screech to a halt. She knew better, unlike most of the kids from Nerima, who saw Ranma's reluctance to partake in classroom cleaning if he thought he could get away with it (a result of Ranma having been brought up with strict independence – you took care of your own mess).

Perhaps worse than the fact that his campsite was a mess was that there was no sign of him to be found, and for a brief moment, Ukyo entertained the idea that some idiot had tried messing the place up while Ranma was gone. She promptly dismissed the idea; Ranma may not have run around demanding acknowledgement like some martial artists did, but he wasn't a total unknown. Especially in Nerima. As Ukyo had learned when some thug had tried holding her up (to her mortification, he had been more afraid upon recognizing her as Ranma's fiancée then of her own considerable martial arts prowess), the local toughs and hoodlums in Nerima would sooner eat their own eyeballs then risk crossing Ranma.

When she took a closer look at the trash she began to feel more worried. There was a lot of junk, but two primary components in the mess were empty (and often broken) sake bottles… and women's underwear. Looking over this last piece of evidence, she shook her head and set off purposefully in the direction of the Kuno estate. It wasn't that she believed they were at fault… well, not entirely… but she knew Ranma had gone to teach Kodachi some martial arts lessons yesterday and so if anyone was likely to have an idea where Ranma might be, or what might be wrong with him, it was Kodachi.

Kodachi had been going through a kata when the doorbell rang. Quickly toweling off, she decided to answer the door personally and opened it to see a grimacing Ukyo on the front step. "Ah, Ukyo, what a surprise."

"More'n you know..." Ukyo growled darkly. "Have you seen Ranma-honey? I mean, since he came to give you that lesson yesterday?" She asked.

Kodachi shook her head as she stepped aside to allow Ukyo entry, "No, although I'm not sure that's a bad thing. He was acting very strange yesterday."

"You noticed...?" Ukyo asked, her heart sinking. "This doesn't look good." She declared.

Kodachi cocked her head curiously, "Noticed what? Just what is the matter?"

"It's just... I came downstairs this morning to find my place wrecked. It's like whoever did it knew exactly how to make me mad and was deliberately trying to do that. Then I went to Ranma-honey's to see if I could get him to help me track down the lowlife and make 'em pay. But when I got there, he was gone... and the place was a mess, too."

"And... so?" Kodachi asked, inquisitively quirking an eyebrow.

"You don't?" Ukyo began, then trailed off and shook his head. "Ranma-honey's a neat freak when it comes to his personal belongings. Leaving his living space a mess goes against everything he's learned after a childhood of always being on the move. For the place to look like that... it's not natural. There was even women's underwear and empty sake bottles lying in it!" She declared emphatically, as if this was the most convincing argument she had.

It was. Kodachi's eyes narrowed in thought as she remembered Ranma's strange behavior and compared it to what Ukyo told her, "I do believe that we need to speak to the Tendos, it may be possible that his father or that perverted abomination have finally done something irreversible to him."

Ukyo blinked quizzically. "Why do you suspect it was them and not the China doll?" She asked, sincerely curious. It wasn't that she believed Shampoo to be responsible herself... okay, she wasn't ruling that possibility out entirely... but why leap straight to the accusation of the enemies coiled within the viper's nest that was the Tendo Dojo?

...Oh great, now she was starting to **sound** like a Kuno!

Kodachi sent a flat glare at Ukyo. "As much as I would love to say that this is the work of that dog-eating savage, this doesn't fit her. No… sake and women's underwear? That would be the influence of that wrinkled abomination and his buffoon father finally coming to the surface, and that is where we will get our answers one way or another."

Ukyo nodded even as she turned, already racing off and heading for the Tendo Dojo. She had never forgiven Genma for his crimes against her, and while she didn't hate Happosai quite that much, she could still feel the fires of hate and rage burning whenever she thought of the Ultimate Weakness Moxibustion, where she had learned firsthand just what sort of person the old degenerate was. If they had done something to **her** Ranchan...!

Kodachi blinked. "Wait for me!" She quickly started sprinting after Ukyo as well.

When the two girls arrived at the Tendo Dojo, they paused atop the wall to witness a strange sight; Mousse and Nabiki trying to negotiate with a rather upset Soun Tendo and from the conversation it was clear that the topic of interest was why Nabiki was dating Mousse and why exactly Soun should really be making such a fuss over the situation. It was just bizarre enough that they didn't notice Shampoo sitting next to them with an amused look on her face.

"Shampoo not think she ever get tired of watching Mousse and Mercenary Girl argue with Fountain Man." The pair twitched before turning to see Shampoo watching before the Chinese girl turned to them. "So, what Spatula Girl and Ribbon Girl doing here?"

Kodachi recovered from the shock first. "The more important question is what you are doing here?" Shampoo shrugged.

"Shampoo decide to watch Mousse and Mercenary floor show." The Chinese Amazon replied levelly. "Now, why you here?"

"We think there's something wrong with Ranma. Let's just say there's been weird things going on." Ukyo said, not wanting to share all of the details with the girl who had been, and in a way still was, her bitterest rival.

To her surprise, Kodachi decided to elaborate. "Yesterday, Ranma made some distinctly ungentlemanly advances on my person while we were training – and with an attitude that ensured I would rather he had not made them. Miss Kuonji here believes he may be responsible for the destruction of her grill."

"Shampoo should have known; Spatula Girl and Ribbon Girl always head here first when there trouble with Ranma, you two be too-too predictable." The blue-haired girl smiled.

The two girls in question flushed in embarrassment; they did tend to do that a lot.

"So... why is Mousse here, anyway? And what's all the fuss about?" Ukyo asked, curious despite herself.

Shampoo shrugged. "Mercenary Girl find pictures of her in room along with note from Ranma saying he take them. Mercenary Girl gets upset and calls Mousse, Mousse comes over and then Tendo find out they dating and starts the waterworks. Best floorshow Shampoo get for a while."

She stood up on the wall and stretched slightly. "So now what we do?"

"You're certain that none of Ranma's strange behavior is due to those who happen to have a vested interest in him once more shunning our affections?" Kodachi asked.

"How come you aren't blaming us for whatever's wrong with Ranma, anyway?" Ukyo followed.

Shampoo gave them a flat stare. "Spatula Girl value business as much as you value Ranma, and Ribbon Girl not want Ranma acting like pervert brother. Shampoo not stupid." She then indicated Genma coming out to investigate the noise. "Shampoo think idiot father or old freak do the damage, much more likely."

"What the heck is going on out here Tendo?" Genma grumbled as he approached where his friend was currently leveling a tearful tirade at his daughter and that Chinese boy who worked at that Amazon restaurant.

"My daughter is dating a gaijin!"

Genma shook his head at his friend's outburst before noting the pictures on the ground and picked them up, before blinking and turning to Nabiki, "Who took these?"

Nabiki in turn simply answered, "Look on the back."

Genma flipped them over and blanched and looked at Nabiki who nodded in response. He then quickly turned to Soun. "Soun, I think we have a more important problem to deal with."

He showed Soun the back of the photos, prompting the man to choke for a moment.

"Ranma! B-but that's impossible!"

"Nothing is impossible with that oni on the loose!" Everyone inside turned and the girls on the wall blinked as a priest walked in. "Your eldest let me in. And it seems that we all now know who the newest host of the oni is, this Ranma."

That got the attention of Ranma's fiancées, who leapt down from the wall as one and rocketed towards the priest, halting only at the last moment. "What do you mean, oni?" They demanded in unison.

The priest held up his hands in a placating gesture, "A body-snatching oni, that these two idiots," a gesture at Genma and Soun, "were supposed to make sure didn't escape as I renewed a seal on its prison. But of course it escaped and evaded capture. I have been searching for it and now it seems that it has possessed this Ranma fellow and is enhancing his capacity for evil, aiming him towards those he despises the most."

Genma paled as he remembered the wide range of 'training' exercises he made the boy do as it clicked with what had happened that morning, "Oh dear."

To say that the girls were upset would be an understatement.

"Where is he?" Shampoo demanded, chúi materializing in her hand from thin air.

"What do you mean he's going after those he hates?" Ukyo asked indignantly. "He tore my shop apart, and he loves me!"

"No he doesn't!" Shampoo protested.

"Yes he does!"

"No he doesn't!"

"Yes he does!"

"Is this really the time?" Nabiki asked disdainfully.

"You shut up!" All three of Ranma's fiancées screamed as one, whirling on the shocked Nabiki, who leapt back and, almost instinctively, stepped closer to Mousse.

"Ahem. Regardless of the matter of his emotions, we need to find and subdue Ranma." The priest spoke up as if he hadn't just started an argument between three volatile teenage girls, "The longer that Oni is in him, the more damage he will cause." As an afterthought, he added. "Not to mention that oni only leave their hosts voluntarily after they drain them of their life energy."

Screams met this proclamation, right before Shampoo's fingers closed around the front of his ceremonial robe. "Where is he? You tell now!" She howled, shaking him like a maraca to emphasize her point.

"T-t-the-e-e-e O-o-o-ni-i-i-i o-o-only-y-y-y e-e-effects their emo-o-o-o-tions! His ha-a-a-abits will remain the sa-a-aame!" The priest looked like a bobblehead from all the shaking as Genma slapped a fist into his palm.

"Then all we need to do is find something or someone he encounters regularly! The Hibiki boy! He should be in the area by now; Ranma's probably gone to fight him! Let's go Tendo, we have a paycheck to acquire!"

"You?" The priest asked disdainfully, Shampoo having stopped shaking him in shock. "I wouldn't trust you two to chase a Bakezōri out of an old shoe shed!"

"Hey!"

Shampoo unceremoniously released him, whereupon the priest picked himself up and dusted himself off. "You two failed miserably when I hired you the previous day; why should I trust you would succeed now?"

"Honorable priest…" Natsume interjected, humbly bowing to him. "Please, allow the Tendo Dojo a chance to redeem itself. I, Natsume Tendo, heir to the Tendo Dojo, promise on my honor that we shall find and capture this malicious yokai."

The priest looked flattered despite himself, and made a show of coughing into his fist. "Very well, young lady. I shall allow you a chance to redeem your school's name."

This genial proceeding was rather shattered when they realized Ukyo, Kodachi and Shampoo had all vanished and were heading off without them, forcing the priest and the two newest Tendo daughters to run to catch up.

Several minutes later, Ranma's fiancées were racing off in what they hoped was the most likely direction - given the smashed walls, twisted signs, broken windows and other debris they were passing, their doubts weren't very great. "So, why you come?" Shampoo asked, directing this at Natsume & Kurumi.

"Like you would have heard if you'd waited, we must avenge the honor of the Tendo Dojo. How dare that priest proclaim father to have no skills in the art!" Natsume fumed.

"I happen to be right here." The priest in question said. At least, he would have said if he had even the slightest chance to use his breath for something besides trying desperately to keep up with the punishing pace that the girls were setting. He promptly crashed into Ukyo's back as she screeched to a halt alongside her compatriots, and fell backwards onto the street, unable to really do much more then gasp for breath and feel relieved that they had finally stopped.

The reason for that stop was the considerably sized crater they had almost run into. In the epicenter of which was sprawled the unconscious form of…

"Ryoga!" Ukyo cried, skidding down to the bottom of the pit and dragging him up. She didn't particularly like the Eternally Lost Boy… in all honesty she thought he was kind of as close as you could get to being a Gosunkugi-like nerd while still being able to bench-press a truck… but that didn't mean she wanted to see him hurt. "What happened to you?" She asked, once she had laid him out on the unbroken concrete.

"I finally –wheeze!- put him in his –hack!- place, that's what happened." Came a voice that was trying to be cool, menacing and sinister, but kind of lost the effect due to the choking and the spluttering. The girls looked over the pit to see the form of Ranma Saotome striding towards them, a black look being firmly cast over the lit cigarette in his grip. Grimacing in disgust, he crushed it between his fingers and scattered it nonchalantly. "How old man Tendo can smoke that crap is beyond me…" He muttered to himself.

The girls weren't really paying attention to what he was saying; they were staring at the horns poking out of his head. Surprisingly tiny ones, given the circumstance.

"What did you do to him?" Ukyo asked in disbelief. She'd been told he was possessed, but she couldn't really imagine Ranma being so… cold, so ruthless and cruel.

"Y'know… what a lot of people seem to forget is that what I practice is Anything-Goes." Ranma proclaimed casually. "And Anything-Goes means that I fight fair only if I want to fight fair. Ryoga's always been a pain in the ass, so I figured it was time I showed him what fighting for real actually entailed…"

"Ranma…" Shampoo began, "You no is acting like own self. You is needing help."

"Help? Help? From a foreign slut, a crossdressing pervert with no self esteem, and an inbred brat with more teeth than brain cells?" The possessed heir to the Saotome School jeered.

"Ranma!" The three girls chorused, equally offended and wounded. To her own surprise, Ukyo felt herself blink back tears. That… that had hurt. To her surprise, Kurumi suddenly pushed herself forward of the group, righteous fury and determination visibly shimmering around her.

"How dare you say that sort of thing, oni possession or not!" She demanded.

"Oh, like you're in any position to lecture me on what's right and wrong." Ranma sneered. "Too weak to hack making it in the world without a family, so you decide to come along and steal somebody else's!"

Natsume's expression became as frigid as her element, offense and a cold rage writ large on her face. Kurumi, on the other hand, did not take things as calmly as her sibling...

**"Who the hell do you think you are?"**

Kurumi's ribbon whipped out like a lashing cobra and Ranma flipped to the side to avoid the blazing weapon as it sliced through the road. In that moment Kurumi leapt in and the battle was joined as the pair weaved and flipped around, Kurumi trying to burn Ranma to ash with her ribbon and Ranma trying to get close enough to land a punch.

Ukyo watched as Ranma simply smirked at Kurumi's efforts, occasionally wagging a finger or making a mocking gesture, but otherwise saying nothing. Funny, something about those steps he was making looked familiar... A spiral pattern?

"Oh shit. Run!" She shouted, turning and racing for cover.

"What the?" Shampoo blurted, then realized she was the only one still standing there besides the bewildered priest; even Natsume had started sprinting. The difference was that the cold ki master was running towards her sister, while Shampoo's fellow fiancées were taking cover. Grabbing the priest, Shampoo joined them in taking shelter in the nook of a convenient wall. "What going on?" She demanded.

"A couple a' months back, your great-grandmother taught Ranma this killer move that needs the opponent to be burning mad to use." Ukyo began.

Shampoo's eyes widened in shock and more than a trace of fear. "Not...?"

"Hiryu Shoten Ha!"

Usual enmity forgotten, the girls huddled together in a timorous press as deeply into the niche as they possibly could, the great explosion as the winds violently erupted into existence drowned out by the sounds of the havoc they wreaked. Brick walls – like those surrounding them – tore and crumbled under the hungry, sucking vacuum, the tearing winds and pressure differential shattering store windows and ripping out the contents into the uncaring sky. The noise was incredible, and though Ukyo had been present for the Hiryu Shoten Ha once before, that one had been in the middle of a school playing field, not right in the center of a crowded street. The two didn't compare.

When the winds died away, the possessed Ranma stood in the middle of torn pavement and gutted shops, giving off a surprisingly evil laugh. There was no sign of Natsume or Kurumi, though Ukyo was sure they'd simply been sent flying off out of range by the whirlwind. They'd be okay… she hoped. "If we don't figure out how to stop him, and quick, there's not going to be any town left to save from him." She muttered.

"That easy. Step aside; let real warrior handle this." Shampoo crowed, pushing past her indignant rivals and striding towards their oni-ridden future husband.

"Oh, the little girl wants to play with the big boys, eh? I'm gonna send you crying home to momma… oh wait! I can't do that, cause yer momma's dead!" Ranma laughed.

Shampoo froze, and even Ukyo and Kodachi found themselves flinching in sympathy; possessed or not, that was a cruel thing to do! "That hurt, airen." Shampoo declared, and to the amazement of the other fiancées, her tone almost sounded conversational.

"So?" Ranma jeered. "What are you gonna do about it, when you're such a weakling?"

Shampoo chuckled and began cracking her knuckles – a tic, not that the others realized it, "borrowed" from her currently enthralled groom. "Shampoo **was** weakling… not anymore."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ranma asked, looking put out as he said this.

Shampoo gave him a wicked grin. "Simple. You not know this, evil oni, but my Ranma recently help Shampoo make great breakthrough in Shampoo training! Now Shampoo show you the fruits of Shampoo's labor!" With that triumphant shout, arms twisting in the traditional manner, Shampoo's aura exploded into life around her, a vibrant display of shifting reds, yellows, oranges and violets.

"Is everyone but me getting secret training with Ranma?" Ukyo complained. Then blinked as she saw something strange about Shampoo's aura… well, besides its sheer size. "I've never seen an aura that color before…" She murmured.

Shampoo paid no attention to the reactions of her rivals; too busy turning her mental eye inward to achieve her goals. The trick with mastering hot ki was that it was counter-intuitive. Ordinarily, she was exhorted to calm her mind, push away her emotions and achieve a mental stillness that would let her spiritual energies flow strongly. With hot ki, she strove to embrace her emotions, stoking them to a fever pitch. Let the storm rage and grow until it transcends chaos to become order in its own right; find the eye of the hurricane and steer from there! Dramatically she raised her hands as her aura suddenly vanished as she drew its power inward, flexing her fingers as sparks flew between them, then shaping them into a cup as small orbs of blood-red flame suddenly exploded into life, one in either palm.

"Kasha Happa-Ken!" She cried, hurling first one sphere at her target, and then the next, both narrowly dodged, both exploding when they hit something with far more ferocity then any of Happosai's little Happo Fire-Bursts ever had.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!"

Ukyo looked at Kodachi in surprise; she had no idea the rich girl even _knew_ language like that! Kodachi blushed fiercely, looking more embarrassed then Ukyo thought she had ever felt in the past. Still, she tried to clear the air, unsure why she felt such solidarity for one of her rivals. "I don't know when our life turned into a shonen anime, either." She insisted.

The street looked like the result of a tornado before; now it looked like a live war zone. Shampoo's fireballs began starting blazes across the ruined street, even as Ranma flipped, ducked and span to avoid the burning projectiles.

"Heheh, not bad, that's a neat little trick you got there. But I've got tricks of my own too you know!" Shampoo ignored the taunt but then noticed that the heat was starting to build up around him, pulling away from the environment as his own aura grew colder and colder. Realizing he did indeed have something up his sleeve, the Chinese girl pressed her assault.

"Here you go, have some heat of your own!"

The air and flames shifted, Shampoo's eyes widened before she rolled out of the way of a horizontal vortex of flame and super-heated air. The house behind her was not so lucky as wood, brick and metal vaporized in a massive explosion.

"Hah, how do you like them apples?" Ranma crowed as Shampoo took cover again.

"...How did that happen?" Ukyo asked, dumbstruck, when she and Kodachi poked their heads out from behind cover. "The Hiryu Shoten Ha needs a spiraling motion to mix the air - Shampoo didn't give him a chance to move into the spiral!"

"Didn't you feel his own aura get colder before now?" Kodachi asked. "Or see the way he was moving his arm in a spiral?"

"...You mean he's just figured out a way to create a horizontal spiral to draw in all of the hot ki that Shampoo's producing and shoot it right back at her? ...Clever."

"Should you really be admiring the guy who's trying to kill you?" The priest asked incredulously.

"Kill them?" Ranma asked, looking wounded. "I would never do that! ...After all, torture's so much more fun!" He cackled, then burst into a full on fit of mad laughter.

"Shampoo will pull you out of Ranma's body and beat you until you begging to go back to Diyu!" Shampoo spat, livid.

Just as Ranma was about to respond, a sound echoed through the street and all activity stopped as the sound echoed again. Kodachi blinked. "That sounds like an engine." Ukyo and Shampoo glanced at the girl and then their heads joined Ranma's in whipping around as something screeched into view at one end of the street and as the cloud of dust dissipated, the group stared.

It was a miniature hot-rod, with Tsubasa at the wheel and Azusa standing triumphantly atop the bonnet. The ice-skater didn't say a word but instead tapped her foot and with a screech of rubber the mini-rod screamed down the street towards the still stunned and somewhat incredulous Ranma. Suddenly, just as Ranma was about to simply lash out at the pair, Azusa whipped out a hammer and slammed the weapon into the martial artist's gut, staggering him as the mini-rod screamed past and skidded to a halt behind the gasping teen.

Another tap of the foot and with a loud, flourishing horn call the mini-rod screamed forward again. Ranma turned only to see another hammer fill his vision.

There was silence for several long moments as Ranma teetered over and then crashed unconscious onto the pavement. And then, as one, from out of nowhere... "What the hell just happened?" The girls demanded.

Azusa idly tossed her head. "You weren't able to stop him, so we thought we'd try and help out."

"...Why were you even here in the first place?" Ukyo asked; this had just come out nowhere.

"We were looking for Ranma before we saw him beating the snot out of Ryoga - we were going to ask if he'd mind being the best man at our wedding." Tsubasa piped up.

"...You what?" Ukyo replied.

"Yahahaha! Foolish mortals!"

Everyone leapt in shock as smoke poured from the unconscious Ranma's body, materializing into the shape of... a big pink balloon-sort of shape with spindly little limbs. "Now, you shall all perish!"

"We supposed to be scared of something like you?" Shampoo jeered.

"Wahahahahaha! Fools, the energies that I have consumed have restored my powers nearly to their original state. More than enough to crush you all!" The Oni swelled up and exploded into smoke once more, coalescing into a larger, more sinister shape that quickly took on form and color to reveal the oni's true form. The last smoke wisps cleared to display a massive red beast, sharp yellow teeth gleaming in the sunlight while huge cat-like eyes regarded the group with evil humor.

As the other stared at the monstrosity, they missed Azusa and Tsubasa picking up Ranma and quietly motoring away before the Oni roared and floated to the ground, "Now then, prepare to be crushed!"

Ukyo swallowed nervously, and then turned to the priest... "I don't suppose you brought any sealing sutras with you?" She asked, then her face fell as she realised the priest was long-gone, a speck on the distance. "Oh, great, now what are we going to do?"

"I suppose it is time that I revealed some of the Kuno family traditions." Kodachi sighed, stepping ahead of her two rivals. "Sword!" She cried imperiously. Shampoo looked with some misgivings at the outstretched hand, then pro-offered Kodachi one of her dao. The weight of it promptly pulled the Japanese heiress flat on her face, and she spat out dirt before glaring at weapon and owner alike. "I said 'sword', not 'ploughshare'!"

"That only sword Shampoo have." The Chinese girl told her flatly.

"Then we are doomed! Nobody could wield such a brutish weapon!" Kodachi wailed.

Snorting in a most indelicate fashion, Shampoo promptly grabbed the dao back. "You just tell Shampoo how to cut; Shampoo handle this for you."

Any comments either of the girls may have made where cut off when the oni suddenly roared and lunged at them, forcing them to flip away as it smashed a crater where they had been standing. For something that looked an awful lot like a bloated red slug with a lantern-eyed skull at its front end and ridiculously tiny little limbs, it sure packed a punch!

With such teamwork that one would hardly believe the three of them were actually bitter rivals, Ukyo and Kodachi strove to distract the oni, which shrugged off their strongest blows with impunity and bellowed its fury. As they did this, Kodachi shouted the necessary strikes needed, and Shampoo's powerful muscles turned her dao into a bloody calligraphy brush, etching a powerful charm directly into the oni's flesh and bone. Realizing what was going on too late, onis not being known for their intelligence, the yokai was unable to do anything but scream in dismay as the final brutal strike was made, completing the last character and sending brilliant blue-white flames ripping hungrily through its flesh. The stink of sulfur and boiling blood in the air, its flesh burned from the bone into the finest ash, bones crumbling into powder even as a wind sprang from nowhere, transforming into a vortex that sucked the oni-dust into oblivion, leaving behind not a trace of its mortal corpse.

The three girls stood on the ruined street, panting with exertion, before Shampoo spoke up and broke the silence. "It gone?"

"That was the most powerful charm I knew; it's dead." Kodachi insisted. "However, I would advise that we move on with all due haste."

"...Why?" Shampoo & Ukyo demanded in unison, then cast sour looks at each other.

"Because I would rather not be here when the JSDF arrives, if only because they are likely to blame this mess on us." She smiled triumphantly as both the Osakan and the Chinese flinched, now able to make out the sounds of approaching troops. After all, one could hardly expect to see tornados and explosions erupting in the middle of town, in the very precinct where their headquarters were stationed, without them being sent to investigate.

As one, the three girls took off running; they would all rather not explain their role in this devastation.

_(And so we come to the end of this chapter. I hope we handled it in a way that you all enjoyed. Speaking of enjoyment, this story as a whole is approaching its end; there remains but the Togenkyo, Ryugenzawa and perhaps the Vengeful Doll stories to adapt (I'm currently unsure if we can make the VD valid given this story's set up) before we close on the grand finale, the adaptation of the Tendo Dojo Christmas Party OAV. There's still chapters in between of course, but it won't be long now. We want to thank you all for staying with us this far, and hope you'll remain to see us through to the end.)_


	23. Chapter 23

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** Sorry for the delay in bringing this out. Real-life, university courses for our beta-reader, you know how it goes. Anyway, it's pleasing to note that you all enjoyed the previous chapter so much, and I hope you will continue to enjoy – we've only four "specials" to adapt before this work, at last, comes to its close.

Chapter 22: Another Bad Day For Ranma! Nodoka's Coming To Visit? Part 1

Ranma groaned as consciousness returned to him - and with it, a flood of pain. "Agh, my head..." He growled to himself, levering himself off the floor. "What happened?" He asked himself.

"You got hit in the head silly. You were acting naughty so Azusa and Tsubasa made you better again!" A girlish giggle filled Ranma's ears before he heard a sigh. "Oh, don't be so pouty Tsubasa-kun! He's all better, see? So put the hammer down."

"You're the one who gave it me Azusa-chan."

Ranma blinked and found Tsubasa Kurenai placing a rather large mallet out of sight.

"Welcome back to the land of the living, Saotome… sorry about the headache."

"Why on earth did you hit... oh, no..." Ranma groaned as the memories came flooding back. Had he really tried to put the moves on Kodachi? Had he really destroyed Ukyo's shop, and thrown the fact Shampoo's mother was dead in the Chinese Amazon's face? Had he really made a sign telling everyone that Happosai lived in the Tendo Dojo with stolen underwear?

Tsubasa noticed the look. "If you're wondering if you really did act like some kind of perverted, violent lunatic yesterday, it happened, all of it. Even the tornado that the JSDF is cleaning up right now."

Azusa switched on a very large television to display the local news and true to Tsubasa's words, soldiers and engineers were cleaning up while the Nerima Construction Firm, well known for their incredibly fast reconstruction efforts, was busy putting houses back up.

Ranma sank his head into his hands, moaning feebly. "Oh, how am I going to dare to show my face in Nerima again after this? The girls are going to kill me! To say nothing of what the old goat and his two goons will try to do. If I'd known this was going to happen, I would have... I would have... hey, wait, nobody actually got hurt yesterday, did they?" He asked the couple.

Azusa shrugged while Tsubasa spoke up. "The moment the civilians saw you fighting Ryoga they went into home shelters that were originally built against air strikes and hurricanes. The only thing you hurt was the cheque books of the insurance companies."

Azusa nodded, "Yup! Even silly Ryoga only got a bruising!"

Tsubasa nodded. "He wandered off somewhere after he regained consciousness. Probably going to train."

At that, Ranma breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, that's a silver lining in this black cloud... so, not that I'm not grateful for the exorcism," no matter how much it still hurt, he thought to himself, "But what were you two doing looking for me, anyway?

Azusa giggled, "We want you, Ranma Saotome, to be our best man for Azusa-chan and Tsubasa-kun's wedding!"

Ranma's jaw dropped. "You... you want what?"

"Heheheh! Silly Ranma! We want you to be Tsubasa's best man for our wedding! It'll be pretty with ribbons, frills and everything kawaii!"

Tsubasa blushed. "She proposed to me about a week ago. How could I refuse? It was during a figure skating competition, she even had the ring and everything."

"...You mean you two actually want to get married? But you're so young!"

Azusa promptly bopped Ranma lightly on the head, giggling as she did so. "Not now silly! Azusa knows that, the wedding won't be for ages yet, we're just getting the planning out of the way."

"You don't get the best man when the wedding's a few years off, ya know." Ranma pointed out, calming down.

Tsubasa coughed. "Actually, she's already organized the venue and the catering, along with sending out the invitations. The wedding is in a few months and she's pulled a lot of strings in terms of security so that she could allow you to invite anyone you want and make sure they don't cause trouble and blow the place up because of an argument."

Azusa nodded with a cute pout. "Azusa is going to have the bestest wedding ever! No one is going to ruin it for Azusa!"

"…A few months isn't ages from now!" Ranma yelped in disbelief.

The kawaiiko figure skater sulked visibly. "It is when you want to get married now, it is." She grumbled.

"We can't do this sort of thing right out of nowhere, Azusa." Tsubasa gently chided her.

Ranma stared at them with the expression of someone who had just felt the world fall out from under him. "...You mean you two are actually getting married? Like, when you're still teenagers? Of your own free will?" He asked, his voice sounding as if it came from very far away indeed, yet still managing to carry an unmistakable tinge of disbelief... maybe even a little horror?

Tsubasa nodded. "Of our own free will. Don't look so horrified, Saotome; it's not like your situation where you'll probably get murdered at the altar."

Azusa giggled, "Teehee! Ranma has a funny face! Tsubasa-kun loves me and Azusa loves Tsubasa-kun, so it's okay!" She put a finger to her lips in thought, "Neh, Tsubasa-kun, lets keep Ranma at our house after the wedding, that way we can show him that being married isn't as scary as those other girls make it out to be!"

Tsubasa chuckled, "Lets see if he can at least survive until the wedding first Azusa-chan."

"I'm not afraid of getting married!" Ranma bellowed like a clap of thunder.

Azusa laughed, "Silly Ranma, why would you be afraid of marriage? Azusa thinks you're scared of the brides-to-be instead."

Tsubasa shrugged. "They've been looking for you for the past two days, and they're not really happy."

"I'm not afraid of them either." Ranma snapped, though a part of him did whimper at the thought; he knew how dangerous the girls could be when they were mad over a little misunderstanding - here was something much, much worse.

Azusa giggled, "Then get up and go see them silly Ranma! Tell then about the wedding when you do!" With that she bounced off the fluffy, frilly, horribly expensive and soft bed and skipped away, "Tsubasa-kun! Lets go make crepes!"

Tsubasa nodded. "Coming Azusa-chan!" He turned to Ranma, "I wouldn't blame you if you decided to stay a little longer but this bed is actually designed to catapult people out of the house if the guest stays too long." At Ranma's incredulous stare he shrugged, "I know, but I love her all the same." With that he walked off to find Azusa.

Ranma watched them leave, and then, muttering and mumbling to himself, got up. They hadn't understood... of course, how could they? Ranma could barely understand them. Marriage? At their respective ages? The whole idea was absurd! Yes, he hadn't asked for any of the girls his heart was being tugged between, but even if he had asked for them and wasn't caught up in this love dodecahedron like he was, he still wouldn't have wanted to get married to them just yet. None of them were ready for something like marriage!

...But it wasn't as if he had a choice, now was it? Even now that he was taking the matter of who he would wed more firmly into his own hands, he would still **have** to marry whichever girl he chose, or else the chaos would not only continue, it'd just get worse! Given the preference, Ranma wouldn't marry even a girl he loved until he felt they were both ready for it... but life had dealt him the hand it had, so all he could do was make the best of it. Walking to the nearest window, he leapt out; he had a great damn mess to be clearing up...

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Nerima... A lone figure walked elegantly and purposefully through the streets, draped in a good kimono, a cloth-bound parcel in her arms. Nodoka Saotome had returned to Nerima, hoping once again to finally meet her son at long last. She missed him, oh so very much; it had been terrible living these many years without him. Oh, and her husband too. It would be nice to see that funny Ranko Tendo and Mr. Panda again, and maybe she might be able to see those little friends of her son - she smiled, thinking to herself of the strange, but very nice seeming (and very pretty) girls that her son had made such good friends with - but, really, the person she most wanted to see was Ranma. It was undignified for a lady to run. So, she settled for the briskest walk she could manage in her kimono.

"I really think you two are going just a tad overboard here." Kodachi commented as she sat on a nearby wall as Ranma landed nearby.

"Yeah, what she said! Yeek!" Ranma yelped as a storm of throwing spatulas shredded the area where he had been standing before a chúi plowed through the wall near Kodachi."

"Come on girls! I said I was sorry!" **Woosh!** "Oh come on! That was a low blow!" **SLAM!** "...Okay, **that** was a low blow." Ranma stared at the large sword impaled between his legs as it quivered in the wood of the tree behind him.

"Ranma think saying sorry make up for everything?" Shampoo asked, yanking the sword out of the tree.

"Yeah, you tried to kill us!" Ukyo added.

"Oh come on! I was possessed! I couldn't exactly play nice could I?" Ranma replied as he tried to shift away from the blade.

"So that gives you the right to smash up my store? To try and cook us all? I mean, yes, Shampoo was the idiot who tried throwing fireballs at you..." Ukyo conceded.

"Like you had better plan!" Shampoo snapped. Then, she sniffed, "Besides, you just jealous Shampoo prove she better fighter then you." Turning to Ranma, she then frowned. "Even so, you no can just mock Shampoo's mother like that! How you like it if Shampoo mock your mother for stupid seppuku contract?" She then paused for a second, looking thoughtful. "Wait, how you know Shampoo's mother be dead, anyway?" She asked.

"Uh, you blabbed about it during our training in the mountains? Remember, while you were going nuts?" Ranma blinked in confusion; he always thought Shampoo was fully aware of what she had said during those three days.

Shampoo looked somewhere between embarrassed, confused and thoughtful. "Shampoo say many things... but I pretty sure I not say something that private!"

"What training in the mountains?" Ukyo asked, jealousy obvious in her tone.

"That none your business." Shampoo replied, poking her tongue out mockingly at her rival.

"Girls, can we get back onto the topic at hand here?" Kodachi sighed.

"Well what the hell do you three expect me to do anyway?" Ranma said in exasperation, now less scared and more thoroughly bored with the situation. 'Geez, at least Ryoga or Mousse would've started a fight by now.'

"Okay, we get back to punishing Ranma for doing bad things." Shampoo declared.

"That's not the topic I was talking about." Kodachi icily corrected her.

"It's not?" Ukyo asked, confused.

"No. The topic is... what on earth are you talking about? My beloved's mother wanting him to commit seppuku? What travesty is this!" Kodachi cried in outrage.

"..." Shampoo turned to Ranma. "You not tell her yet?" She asked, clearly confused.

Ranma shrugged, "She hasn't been around much since I made my decision so I didn't really think it was important anymore. Besides, dating three girls on a schedule would probably count as being extra-manly or something in her book."

Kodachi's eye twitched and she began rapidly tapping the tip of a finger against her upper arm. "Will somebody please tell me what's going on here?" She demanded.

Ranma sighed, "Here's the short version: before Pops took me on 11 or so years of torture and madness simply to turn me into a near-untouchable fighting machine, he pledged to my mother that if I was not some kind of paragon of manliness, judged solely on her own bizarre merits, Pops and I would gut ourselves with her as our second which is why when you eventually meet her you'll see that she's carrying a katana, a decent one with a good sharp edge, everywhere she goes."

Ranma continued, "To prove that this happened, she'll also be carrying the original signed pledge. And that is why instead of returning to my mother, I've been spending over a year at the Tendo place, not just because of a drunken agreement that seemingly has seniority over the girls that I've been engaged to previously, including Ucchan and Shampoo, but also because of a goddamn suicide pact."

Kodachi was silent, eyes wide and staring, jaw hanging partially open. Blinking in surprise, Ukyo stepped up and then gently waved her fingers in front of the Kuno girl's eyes, which didn't trace them. "I think she's fainted, Ranchan." The Martial Arts Okonomiyaki master said, surprised.

Ranma cocked his head, "Really? Huh, I was expecting something more. I don't know what, but I expected more." He scratched his head, "Should I go get a bucket of water for her?"

At that, Kodachi snapped back to her senses, looking straight at Ranma as water filled her eyes. "Oh... Ranma darling..." She whispered. Then she burst into tears and hurled herself across the intervening space to latch firmly onto the startled Ranma's waist. "It's so cruel! How could your parents do that to you?" She wailed, blubbering like a baby.

Ranma glanced down at the sobbing girl and then tentatively started patting Kodachi's back, "Please...stop...it's not that bad. I mean, sure, Pops is a bastard, and my mother has a few screws loose, and at any moment she could command me to end my life, and... My life sucks."

"What a ham actress." Ukyo grumbled to Shampoo.

"It works, though." The Chinese girl pointed out.

Kasumi hummed contentedly to herself as she finished off some dusting; things were going much quicker then usual, thanks to her new little sister Kurumi, who was happily polishing the floor for her. She and Natsume were really such sweet-hearted girls... if only father wouldn't treat them so coldly. They were certainly more helpful around the house than Akane (currently out jogging) or Nabiki (currently locked in her room, throwing a tantrum)... though, in this case, she supposed she couldn't really blame her older-older-little-sister (she smiled at the private joke) for being out of sorts. That Mousse might be Chinese, yes, but it's not as if that made him any less of a person, now did it? He was polite, well-behaved, reasonable and, most importantly, he and Nabiki really seemed to be good for each other; Kasumi couldn't remember the last time Nabiki had actually been a normal teenage girl and gone on dates just to have fun, rather then to pull off a business deal or empty somebody else's pockets.

Of course, she had another reason to frown when she thought about how her father had demanded Nabiki break things off with Mousse. During her angry tirade, Nabiki had mentioned something Kasumi had previously been unaware of; last winter, before Christmas, when that strange egg-catching man she had only belatedly realized was her dear old friend and childhood crush Yasukichi from down the street had arrived, the others thought she had fallen in love with him based on how she had been acting after the first encounter. That in itself was amusing, maybe a little embarrassing, but according to her sister, Soun had flown into an outrage at the idea of some man "taking his Kasumi away from him". That did not bode well for her future if she allowed such an attitude to continue... Kasumi cared for the family's name, of course, but while she might have fallen into the homemaker role after her mother died, she had no intention of just pining away a lonely old spinster, spending her whole life cooking and cleaning for her father and sisters! She might currently have other things that took precedence, but she did have her eyes on finding a boyfriend of her own at some point. To be honest, she kind of would have welcomed the engagement if Ranma hadn't turned out to be... well, Ranma... but she had hoped that, once Akane and Ranma were married, she'd be able to start taking up a bit more independence with her littlest sister (at the time) safely brought into womanhood. And to start with, she would have gone out and found a boyfriend.

Yes, if her father thought she was going to be an old maid or, almost as bad, a Christmas Cake, then he was going to have another thing coming! She may not be quite so... adamant in her protestations as Akane was, but there was still a core of iron under Kasumi's fluffy exterior.

Perhaps fortunately, she heard a voice calling from the door, and gesturing at Kurumi to finish what she was doing, she went to see who it was. Face lighting up with genuine delight, she promptly declared loudly enough that her father and Genma could both hear her from the living room.

"Why, if it isn't Auntie Saotome! How nice to see you again."

Meanwhile, two men were discussing life over a game of Shogi.

"We nearly came to disaster yesterday Saotome, but thankfully we came through it." Soun Tendo's expression then went dark, "Now if only I didn't have to learn my little girl was dating a gaijin!"

Genma snorted, "Don't you think you're overreacting Soun? Yes, the boy's Chinese, but it's not like he's Korean."

"That's not the point! Put yourself in my shoes; what if it was Ranma and that Shampoo girl?"

Genma choked out a laugh at Soun's words. "A completely different situation, Tendo old friend. My son is engaged to Akane and he'll soon realize that he must abide by my wishes on that matter. Your daughter on the other hand has no such engagements and that Mousse boy is over his former obsession, I'd say it's perfectly fine."

Soun foundered, "But still...!"

Genma waved it off, "Yes, yes, you'd rather the match be between two Japanese. This is the modern era, Soun, and the boy has his own employment, so I hardly think you can claim he's some good-for-nothing."

Soun grimaced. "You wouldn't be saying that if it was your son being seduced by a foreigner."

Genma shrugged, "As I said before, he has an obligation."

"Speaking of obligations, how are we supposed to get your son to return here?" Soun grumbled as Genma moved a piece on the board.

"You're the one who threw him out in the first place Soun."

"He was supposed to see sense! To realize the error of his ways and then come crawling back to beg forgiveness for his actions!" Soun moved a piece and Genma countered.

"And in the process forgot exactly that he is more than capable of surviving on his own and those girls chasing him would be more than willing to give him a free meal. Not only that, by tossing him out, you've essentially declared open season on my son and now they're sniffing around him in a fever-pitch to make up for lost time!"

Soun wilted; there was only one reply to that, "Well crap."

Just then Kasumi's voice rang out, "Father! Mrs. Saotome is here to visit." In a single motion, Genma dove into the Koi pond and returned a dripping wet panda.

Soun stared flatly at the animal, "Please don't drip over the game board." With that he stood to greet his visitor and guest.

"Good day to you, Mr. Tendo." Nodoka smiled as Kasumi led her in. Such a nice, polite young girl; so sweet and traditional. "I was hoping that maybe Ranma might be here?" She asked, hope in her voice.

"Ah, I'm afraid he just left a while ago Nodoka-san, I'm not sure when he'll return. You know how boys are, always out until all hours of the night." Soun smiled weakly as he replied.

Nodoka looked disappointed; why, why did it always seem that whenever she tried to find her son, he was nowhere to be found? Then, looking past Soun's shoulder, she saw an amusing sight and smiled slightly. "Oh, what a clever pet you have. To think a panda could play shogi - and against himself, too." She commented.

Soun twitched as he smiled again; Genma was going to pay for that in round two. "Ah yes, Mister Panda is going to be staying with us for a long while now, Ranko had to return home on important business so we're taking care of him until she returns. A pity, but she promised that it wouldn't be for a long time."

"Oh... Ranko isn't here either?" Nodoka asked, sadly. She didn't know why, but it was always so nice to spend some time with the redhaired Tendo. She always felt strangely better about not seeing her son if she got to see Ranko.

"Father, I... Oh! We have a visitor? Father, who is she?" Natsume asked politely as she entered the room, walking through the sliding doors leading out to the garden past Mr. Saotome... she wondered for a moment why he was in panda form, the details of his strange transformational powers having come out soon after she and her sister had finally found their way home. She dismissed it as unimportant; he often turned into a panda - he seemed to enjoy it, sometimes.

Soun quickly made a decision then. "Ah, Natsume, allow me to introduce you to Nodoka Saotome, my old friend Genma's wife. Nodoka-san, this is Natsume. Apparently my wife promised a friend that I would raise her daughters if something happened to her and well, situations occurred and now I have two new daughters." He sent a very meaningful glance at Natsume that all but screamed for her not to say anything to the contrary as he continued, "I'm sure you'll meet Kurumi, the younger of the pair, later as well. Natsume, would you please keep Nodoka-san company for the moment while I go give Mister Panda a walk around the house?"

Natsume wondered what was going on... why was her father acting so strange? Still, at least he was accepting them as his daughters for once... daughters by adoption, yes, but that was better then nothing. Besides, maybe that was actually true... Pushing the thought aside for later examination, she politely bowed to her father's guest. "Hello, Mrs. Saotome, it's very nice to meet you. May I ask why you have come to visit us?"

"My, such a polite young girl." Nodoka smiled. It was like having two Kasumis. "I came here looking to see my son... it's been such a long time since I saw him." She noted mournfully.

"You're Ranma's mother?" Natsume confirmed. "Well... Ranma kind of doesn't live here at the moment. See, there was this little... disagreement between me and Akane when my sister and I first came to visit..." She trailed off, rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment, even as Nodoka's eyes grew wide with horror.

"...So where is my son?" She demanded, softly, yet firmly.

"He's set himself up a camp in a vacant lot, not too far from here... I can take you there if you want." Natsume offered.

"Yes! Please do!" Nodoka replied, grabbing the stunned girl by the hand and pulling her along to the door, barely remembering to give her apologies and goodbyes as she went.

A few minutes later, Genma and Soun returned from their 'walk' and Soun immediately noticed Nodoka was missing, "Kasumi, did Mrs. Saotome leave already?"

"Auntie Saotome left with Natsume-chan a few minutes ago, they're going to find Ranma." Soun and Genma paled.

"What do we do? If she gets to the boy and he spills the beans...I'm dead! I'm dead!" The panda started rolling on the floor, signs discard and whimpering, while Soun tried to calm him down.

While no one would ever find out, Kasumi's smile became just a little wicked for a flicker as she continued cooking.

"Get a hold of yourself Saotome! We obviously have to make sure that they don't reach him!"

Kasumi grimaced, just a little, and resolved that her Father was going to receive a touch of salt with dessert tonight.

"But what about the girl? Natsume?" Genma signed. "We can't do anything with her escorting my wife!"

Soun nodded. "We'll just have to be careful then."

Ranma dusted his hands in satisfaction; his temporary living place was finally looking decent again. All of the rubbish had been bagged and was being dragged away, the girls helping him sort through it all. "I... thanks for taking care of... that stuff." He said, sheepishly gesturing at the bag of panties Kodachi was holding.

"Fear not, Ranma-darling, I understand the situation." She assured him. "But, truthfully, how much longer do you intend to remain in this dismal place? Why, surely -"

"I think we can talk about that later." Ranma hastily interjected. He wasn't going to let another fight break out around him... he'd only just gotten away from the last one!

"So, why did Tsubasa and Azusa show up to pull your fat outta the frier the other day, Ranma-honey?" Ukyo asked curiously.

"They wanted to invite me to the wedding." Ranma replied, currently engaged in sweeping up the last of the broken bottles.

You could have heard a pin drop, and then...

"Kyaa! Oh, that's wonderful! I always knew they'd hit it off!"

"Shampoo too-too happy for them!"

"Oh my, they must have gotten engaged rather early."

The girls clustered around Ranma as Ukyo started the new interrogation, "So Ranchan, is it just you? Did they say anything about us?"

Ranma scratched the back of his head, "Uh yeah, they said that I could invite you girls and Azusa said something about hiring security that could keep us in line, whatever that means."

"Its too-too bad they not ask us to be bridesmaids, Shampoo would love it!"

"I dunno, all those frills and that..."

"Why did they invite you Ranma-darling?" Ukyo and Shampoo paused in their differing views about what sort of dresses Azusa would be putting on her bridesmaids, let alone the rest of the wedding, as Ranma smiled weakly.

"Turns out, they want me to be the Best Man."

The girls' eyes went starry as they imagined Ranma in a tuxedo and Kodachi suddenly blinked, "Wait, when is the wedding?" Shampoo and Ukyo nodded in realization as well and Ranma chuckled while rubbing the back of his head.

"Can you believe it's going to be in several months from now?"

The girls gaped at him. "WHAT! They're getting married so early?" Ranma was about to respond to Ukyo with his own agreement when she suddenly added, "It's going to take me weeks to find a proper dress!"

"Shampoo knows! Getting dress for wedding is too-too expensive. Oh, but its worth it to see Airen in a wedding suit!"

"Hey, wait a minute!"

"That's right, and Ranma darling needs a suit if he's to be the Best Man! You can't just show up in everyday clothes! No offense."

"Uh...none taken? Why do I need a suit for a wedding?"

Kodachi laughed slightly. "Why its the decorum of it all Ranma-darling! I'm sure that some nice civil ceremony will be nice with these two..." Ukyo and Shampoo bristled at her tone, "But I assure you Ranma darling, for our wedding you will be wearing a proper suit and I'm sure you'll look dashing in it! Oh I can just see you now..."

The eyes of the three girls went glassy for a moment as their imaginations engaged before Ukyo shook herself loose first and slapped a fist in her palm.

"Right! There's only one thing to do! Tomorrow we're going shopping for Ranma's wedding suit!" The girls nodded and Ranma sighed before turning and freezing.

There in front of him, with an ecstatic expression on her face, was his mother, and if there was any doubt she had heard that last part, Nodoka Saotome made sure to dispel it.

"My son's getting married! Oh Ranma! I'm so proud of you!"

"M...M...Mom?" Ranma squeaked out.

"Mom?" Kodachi asked, surprised and confused. Especially when she saw the rather pale, sickly expressions on her fellows' faces.

"Oh, Ranma... it's been so long!" Nodoka cried, bursting into tears as she surged forward to embrace her son. Ranma couldn't move, couldn't think; all he could do was act, throwing his own arms around his mother and burying his head into her shoulder.

Unnoticed by any of them, Natsume sniffed and wiped a tear away. Family was such a beautiful thing. And unnoticed even by her, Soun and Genma watched the proceedings in horror. If Ranma was to receive just one errant splash of cold water! This was going to be... tricky...

_We decided that this chapter was long enough it would be best to split it into two chapters, allowing us to focus more strongly on just what sort of havoc Ranma is going to get into while trying to keep his mother ignorant of his curse. We hope you'll enjoy it… and yes, while there is another filler chapter after part two of this storyline, the chapter after it will be our adaptation of Niaho My Concubine…_

_For the curious, Yasukichi is an anime-only character, and yes, he __**is**__ a childhood playmate/crush of Kasumi's, as we see in her end-of-episode flashback when she finally recognizes him – the charm he wears around his neck was the last present she gave to him when he had to move away, a safe childbirth charm that Kasumi got from her grandmother._

_To preempt any complaints about my depiction of Kasumi's thoughts on romance, despite common fan perception, Kasumi has never canonically expressed any interest in Dr. Tofu as a romantic partner – she does mention she'd like Ranma to be older then she is in the first episode/chapter, but that's more of a desire for a mentally mature lover then it is for a physically mature one. And mentally mature isn't Dr. Tofu, not when Kasumi's involved – the fact he flips out like he does around her, to the extent Kasumi is honestly surprised to hear from Akane that he actually doesn't always act like this, would be a turn-off for her, and more likely has precluded her from ever seeing him as a potential boyfriend in the first place. Kasumi treats the "good" doctor nicely because that's just what she does, not because she's attracted to him. Akane may think otherwise, but then again, who would seriously take romantic advice from Akane?_

_As for the "older-older-little-sister" gag, yes, that is a Trigun reference. Nabiki is Kasumi's little sister, but she's also older then Akane, and now that Natsume (who is also about 17 years old) has revealed herself, Nabiki is the "older" of the two older little sisters because Kasumi grew up with Nabiki and Natsume only moved in a couple of weeks ago._


	24. Chapter 24

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** I'm delighted the last chapter got a positive reception, and happy that this chapter came out quicker then the last one did. I think. Anyway, hope you enjoy this little disaster, and I hope we've found a way of handling "Ranma meets Nodoka while still needing to hide his curse" without basically mimicking the events of the second half of her introduction to the series.

Chapter 23: Another Bad Day For Ranma! Nodoka's Coming To Visit? Part 2

Nodoka sniffed softly, tears running unabashedly down her face. "Oh, my boy, my precious, precious little boy... look how you've grown!" She told him, voice harsh with emotion.

Ranma tried to think of something to say, but couldn't. In the end, it didn't matter; even the fear of his life didn't matter. He had his mom back... for the first time ever, he could see her again. He clutched her tightly as he could without actually hurting her.

"Oh, this is so beautiful." Ukyo wiped a tear away as she watched the touching scene with Kodachi and Shampoo. The rich girl nodded and 'hmmed' thoughtfully.

"Now we just have to prevent her from finding out about the curse."

Shampoo and Ukyo glanced at one another, "Ah crap."

"What curse?" Natsume asked, Ranma's fiancées looking at her with an expression of mingled wariness and disbelief.

Before anyone could speak, Nodoka finally released her hold on her long-lost son and took a step back. "It's so good to see you again, Ranma, but tell me; why are you here?"

"It's... uh, a long story." Ranma finally answered. "Ucchan? Can we go back to your place to talk?"

"Wha? Ah, sure, Ranchan." Ukyo quickly agreed.

Shampoo frowned, a visible expression of her jealousy and disappointment; why hadn't Ranma asked her if they could go to the Nekohanten? It was bigger then Ucchan's Okonomiyaki anyway!

The trip passed in relative silence; Nodoka gossiped with the girls, Ranma tried to equate the fact that he was walking with his mother in his true gender without worrying about having to carve himself open, and two father quietly followed with bated breath, hoping against hope that nothing happened to make Ranma reveal his curse.

Finally, they reached Ucchans, and while there wasn't a cloud in the sky as Ukyo fiddled with the keys, Ranma still glanced up from time to time before the doors opened and the group entered.

Nodoka accepted some tea and decided to get straight to business, she was happy that she finally was back with her son, but there was the matter of his accommodations to inquire about. "Now then, Ranma, Natsume-chan told me you had a fight with Genma. Is that why you were camping out there?"

There wasn't really any point Ranma could see in denying it. Best hope she not take this the wrong way. "It was with Soun, but yeah." He admitted.

"Oh, my mistake. But still, what happened son? What was so bad that you had to leave?"

How to put this...? Ranma wondered. "There was... something of a disagreement over my refereeing a match involving his daughter."

Nodoka blinked, she had seen Soun in his moods before, but still... "Just what sort of disagreement? Where you not being impartial?"

"I was. That was kind of the problem."

Natsume squirmed in her seat; she still felt so ashamed of that.

Now Nodoka was confused. "I'm afraid you lost me there, son. How could being a fair, impartial referee get you into an argument with Soun? Granted, he's...emotional, but that shouldn't be the reason."

Ranma sighed softly. "He blamed me for not fighting in Akane's place in the first place, because I insisted it should be Akane's battle to fight, as Natsume was challenging her for rights to be the champion of the Tendo Dojo."

Nodoka glanced at Natsume, who squirmed, and then back to Ranma, "And that's why you left?" Nodoka grimaced, "I always knew he was emotional, but that shouldn't derail your ability to conduct a fair competition. And you are right, it is a fight for the right to be champion of the dojo, which means you technically have no right to fight in it anyway, you practice a completely different style after all."

Nodoka sighed, "This is starting to get confusing."

"Tell me about it." Ranma muttered.

Nodoka shook her head, "Well, I'm sure Soun will come to his senses and apologize, it's such a silly thing to get angry about anyway."

The sound of something knocking over garbage cans outside was heard and dismissed by all present as being stray dogs.

Ranma said nothing. He just looked into the cup of tea that Ukyo had given him. As silence hung in the air for a few moments, the sound of a telephone ringing caught their attention.

"I'll get it." Ukyo said brightly, stepping away from the counter to do just that. When she returned, though, she looked as if she was torn between fear and amusement. "Uh... Shampoo?" She asked.

"Yes? What spatula girl want?" Shampoo asked.

"That was your granny on the phone. She's... not too pleased that you skipped work today." Ukyo informed her.

Shampoo's face went as pale as a sheet before she yanked the phone out of Ukyo's hand and starting babbling apologies in Mandarin. After several minutes, Shampoo finally calmed down and nodded as she listened to Cologne on the other end and then hung up, "Shampoo need to head back to Nekohanten, sorry about that."

The girls nodded but Nodoka spoke up. "You work at the Nekohanten?" At Shampoo's nod, Nodoka smiled, "I've heard so many good things about it, would you mind if we had lunch there?"

No-one dared refuse, so the group left Ucchan's to head to the Nekohanten.

As they walked, Ranma was torn between staying close to his mother, who obviously was happy to see him again, and staying away from her, so he could avoid her seeing if he had some freak water-related accident. He knew that, sometimes, water seemed to seek him out at the worst possible occasions; look at what had happened the first time he'd tried to meet his mother as a man! Maybe that old man hadn't meant it as a blessing when he'd shouted at Ranma to "always live in interesting times"...? Nah, that couldn't be it.

And that was when the first blast of water did come out of nowhere. Ranma repressed a scream, but discovered he needn't have bothered; the water didn't come anywhere near him. Instead, it just narrowly missed splashing Shampoo, who leapt aside swearing in her mother-tongue.

"Nyahaha! Nyaaahahaha!" Came a hysterical shrieking sound

Nodoka stared in confusion as her manly son let out a very unmanly yelp, visibly stepping back apace and trembling with fear at the bizarre apparition that now confronted them.

Shampoo, meanwhile, ceased her cursing to glare at that same creature. "Not you again!" she spat.

"Correct! It is I, the one whom you defeated so long ago and whom who robbed of my rightful bride! It is I, the one whom you shamed! But no more! Now, you shall beg for the mercy of the great and powerful Maomolin! Nyahahahahahahahaaa!"

Ranma had his arms up in a defensive posture, a stance that Shampoo and Ukyo had also fallen into. Kodachi and Natsume, on the other hand, were currently in the same position as Nodoka; staring in confusion at this strange apparition.

"Ranma? What is going on, here?" Kodachi asked in confusion, holding off her familiar pet names for the moment. She had rather a right to be confused, or so she felt. After all, it wasn't every day that you saw a cat the size of a large bull wandering even the streets of Nerima, much less one with an eerie greenish-blue aura around its body, eyes glowing bloody red, and wearing a strange (and, privately, rather tacky) cat-faced amulet on a collar around its fat neck.

"More to the point, why is a giant cat accusing you of stealing its bride? Don't tell you've run into an actual catgirl in your travels?" Natsume joked feebly.

"That not funny!" Shampoo barked.

Natsume winced back; what had she done that warranted the Chinese girl trying to bite her head off? Of course, Natsume was unaware that, as part of the New Year's Incident, Shampoo had briefly become a "catgirl" thanks to Maomolin's neko-magic.

"Nyahahaha! You may have defeated me on that fateful New Years Eve Ranma! But I, Maomolin, shall have my revenge today and claim my bride! And there is nothing that you can do to stop me this time! For I have found the legendary Cat King's Amulet, a magical artifact that boosts my incredible powers a hundred-fold!" Maomolin waved a paw in Ranma's direction, "And I shall be more than willing to give you a demonstration of its powers! Nyahahahaaa!"

Had this been any other opponent, Ranma would have met such a boast with his own confident chest-puffing bravado. But, between his usual fear of Maomolin and the bakeneko's new uncanny aura and appearance, Ranma's teeth were chattering and his legs knocking together so badly that he didn't have a chance of moving, much less trying to trash talk the Chinese ghost cat.

"Ranma? Whatever is the matter?" Nodoka asked.

'Why doesn't somebody just kill me now?' Ranma wondered; this was humiliating enough at the best of times, but to let his mother see him like this?

The Chinese Amazon stepped to the forefront of the group, chúi materializing in her hands as she did so "Stupid cat-ghost get out of our way! Shampoo no have time for likes you!" She jeered, and then she said something in her native language that was undoubtedly very rude indeed.

"Ah, my pretty bride, so nice of you to step forward once more. Why not come with me peacefully and I shall spare these mere mortals?" Maomolin affected what might have been a gracious smile, but it looked more ghoulish than gracious as he offered a paw.

"You was never particularly smart... but this is just pathetic. What makes you think you get Shampoo now, when Shampoo chase you off all those times before?"

Ranma tried to not look like he was either relieved at Shampoo's defense (or Ukyo's, as she was also advancing into a defensive position) or grateful for having her between him and Maomolin.

Maomolin hissed, eyes blazing as he took a step forward, the ground shaking with the action, "How dare you! Very well then my dear, if you shall not come peacefully I shall break your mind and bring you to the wedding altar by force! And as for you..." The giant cat's gaze turned towards Ranma. "I'll make sure you never get the chance to ruin my plans again!"

"Okay! That more then Shampoo need to hear; Ukyo, let's kick this beast's ass!" The Chinese Amazon proclaimed imperiously.

"Precisely why do you think I want to help you with this?" Ukyo asked rhetorically. "Then again, I could use some exercise!"

As her bifauxnen Japanese rival cracked her knuckles, Shampoo hefted a chúi menacingly in Maomolin's direction. "Evil spirit, who seek over three thousand years for human bride, today be your last day plaguing this world!"

"Nyaahahahahahah! Come and face me then mortals and rue the day you ever faced Maomolin! Nyahahahahahahahaaa!" Maomolin began to glow ominously as he drew himself upright and lifted a paw in readiness to strike. A person witnessing the scene would have thought Maomolin looked exactly like a waving cat statue without the gold coin they usually hold. The two sides stood there, waiting for the first move that would start the battle in earnest.

With a giant swipe, Maomolin struck a nearby fire hydrant and immediately a stream of water blasted forth at the group. Ranma dodged out of sheer instinct, but Ukyo and Shampoo were not so lucky as they disappeared into the spray.

"Nyaahahahahaha! You fell into my trap perfectly, now I shall transform my bride into a beautiful bakaneko and marry her! Nyahahahahaha!"

"You're going to what?" Ranma shouted, disbelief, terror and rage all tumbling and twisting over each other in his voice. And then he screamed as Shampoo, soaking wet and now in her cat-form, leapt out and clamped onto his head with all the force she could muster.

Shampoo hated doing this, she really did; she knew just how frightened of cats her beloved was... but if they didn't get out of here now, well, it didn't bear thinking about! Even as her future mother-in-law asked in confusion what the matter was, the concern in her voice evident even though Ranma's terrified screaming all but drowned her out, Shampoo could feel Ranma blur into motion, desperately racing off anywhere in order to be somewhere that the cats weren't. This was good... the sight of Maomolin yowling in rage and chasing after them, a sight Shampoo could easily see from her current position, wasn't so good. She meowed loudly in Ranma's ear, spurring yet another burst of speed out of her unwilling mount.

"Oh, for the love of... Kodachi, take Mrs. Saotome to the Nekohanten and keep her safe, will ya? Natsume, you come with me; we gotta stop this before someone gets hurt!" The soggy figure of Ukyo snapped.

Kodachi nodded and quickly grabbed Nodoka's arm, "I think its time for us to leave." With that she pulled the confused mother away as Ukyo and Natsume sped off to intercept Ranma and Maomolin.

"Just what was going on there? Why did my son flee?"

* * *

Ukyo cast a wary look at her unexpected assistant. "I can explain... but you need to promise you'll keep this a secret. If word got out... my Ranchan's life could be ruined.

Natsume looked puzzled. "Why? What's so secret about it?"

* * *

As she led her future mother-in-law towards the Chinese restaurant as instructed, Kodachi tried to come up with a diplomatic way of explaining the situation. "Because, Saotome-san, Ranma has a reputation for being a powerful fighter here in Nerima. If it got loose that he had this weakness, his rivals and any new opponents would use it against him constantly and drive him mad."

* * *

"You're still not making any sense." Natsume declared.

"Look, I only know this because he met up with me and my dad shortly after he first got it. I... once found him having a nightmare about it, and I managed to coax the information from him. Let's just say that Genma Saotome is a terrible father..." Ukyo scowled.

"I'm listening..." Natsume stated. It was easy to run and talk at the same time, in this case; the three they were chasing left a pretty clear trail to follow.

"The stupid old man was flicking through this stupid old book one day and discovered some supposedly miraculous technique called the Nekoken - Freestyle Catfist Fighting, or Cat Fu. He doesn't stop to read it fully, oh no, he just up and wraps Ranma-honey in fish sausages and locks him in a pit full of starving cats!" Ukyo scowled bitterly.

Natsume stared at her, aghast. "He did what?" She yelped.

* * *

"Tossed him into a pit of cats while restrained and wrapped in fish sausage." Cologne sipped her tea as she shifted on her walking staff, "Of course, your son was made of stern stuff and survived, as well as managing to suppress the effects of the 'training' on him."

Nodoka frowned, "But then why did he..."

"Flee? It's quite simple, Saotome-san, its a reaction he's crafted in order to prevent people from getting hurt. You may think that fleeing is unmanly, but I consider the consequences of his not fleeing to be far unmanlier. After all, what sort of man allows himself to become a berserker, a mindless animal that cannot think, only feel?"

As Cologne took another sip from her cup of tea, Nodoka looked thoughtful, and then hesitantly spoke. "I...suppose you're right."

* * *

Natsume stared at Ukyo. In fact, she was so caught up staring that she almost ran face-first into a streetlamp.

"Look, you see why he doesn't like to talk about it? It not only paints a bull's-eye on his chest, it's humiliating! Anyway, this isn't helping us catch him, so watch where you're going and let's hurry!" Ukyo snapped.

* * *

"But still, it seems embarrassing for my son to fall prey to something like cats." Nodoka sighed as Kodachi and Cologne shrugged.

"Embarrassing it may be, but your son is more of a man not to let it rule his life. If he has to stay away from cats, its a small price to pay."

* * *

It had not been difficult to track the flight of their three targets. Nor was it particularly hard to catch up with them; though neither girl had any idea how it had happened, Ranma had somehow tried to turn down the wrong side of a one-way street, ploughing straight through the wall and into the alleyway on the other side, where he now lay unconscious. Shampoo, while evidently torn to defend her husband (not matter how much he, or his father, or Soun Tendo, or Ukyo and Kodachi, would have contested the title), was forced to keep away from him. The hulking form of Maomolin cackled wickedly and launched some sort of aura blast at the transformed Chinese Amazon.

"Nyahaha! Give it up, myi pretty! Nyou can't escape me forever!"

"Get away from her ya sick pervert!"

That was the only warning the bakeneko had before the angry forms of Ukyo and Natsume descended upon him like divine wrath. As they hammered, clobbered, kicked, stomped, cudgeled and otherwise brought pain upon the Chinese ghost-cat, Shampoo sat down on her furry little haunches, wondering if she should be feeling relieved, grateful, ashamed or angry at being rescued by her greatest rival. She blinked as the strange amulet Maomolin had been wearing came shooting out of the melee and came clinking to a halt nearby. In a dignified fashion, she picked it up by clamping her mouth around its chain, trotted off towards an open drain, and dropped it down into the sewers before prowling back and resuming her seat to watch as the show came to an end.

"Well... that was pathetic." Natsume declared, looking down at the unconscious heap of fur before them.

"Ah, this guy's a wimp. Ranma would pick his teeth with his whiskers if it weren't for that stupid ailurophobia thing Genma gave him." Ukyo spat. A meow with definite overtones of a fake cough caught her attention, and she turned her head to see Shampoo sitting there, watching them. "Ah, yes... can you go find some hot water? I'll just run back and grab her clothes..." She asked Natsume.

So it was that when Ranma regained consciousness, he did so to the sound of Ukyo and Shampoo talking.

"So you remember, this time."

"Believe me, kitty cat, one look at you naked was more then enough for me in this lifetime."

"Ukyo just jealous Shampoo have bigger tits, that's all."

"That's really not something I needed to hear." Ranma made a show of announcing.

"Airen!"

"Ranma-honey!"

"Good to see you two as well." Ranma grinned. "What happened?" He asked, looking around - and quickly looking past the unconscious Maomolin.

"You fainted." Shampoo stated bluntly.

"I did not!" Ranma snapped.

"Okay, you run headfirst through wall in blind panic and knock self out cold." Shampoo casually amended.

"That's better." Ranma said, wounded pride salved.

"Anyway, now that crisis is over and done with, can I ask something?" Ukyo drawled.

"Go ahead." Ranma told her.

"Thank you." Ukyo replied. She then took a deep breath, turned to face Natsume and promptly shouted, "What the hell were you thinking?"

Natsume recoiled in surprise, "Wuh?"

"Oh, come on! You knew about the Jusenkyo curses, surely those idiots back at the Tendo Dojo told you why Ranma can't meet his mom while he's got his!" Ukyo exploded.

Natsume shook her head, "No, they didn't. They were more concerned with getting Ranma to return to the Dojo."

"They were what?" Shampoo and Ukyo screamed, forcing Natsume to step back and hold her ears.

"Speaking of which, where is mom?" Ranma asked.

"Oh, crap. We trusted Kodachi to take her to the Nekohanten." Ukyo realized, slapping herself in the forehead.

"Shampoo not know you care." The Chinese Amazon taunted her rival.

"I don't. But who knows what she's been telling Mrs. Saotome while she's had her alone?" Ukyo asked, to which both Shampoo and even Ranma paled. The latter admittedly less so then the former.

"We better head over there before Kodachi says or does something to put Ranma in more trouble."

Shampoo nodded in agreement. "No telling what lies rich girl say to make us look bad."

Ranma rolled his eyes as he motioned with his hand. "Well, lets get going." Just then there was a creak under their feet before a geyser of water burst through the pavement, missing Shampoo but dousing Ranma fully before it tapered off. A wet Ranma blew a strand of red hair out of her face, "Wonderful, just wonderful."

Ukyo revealed a thermos, prompting a confused glance from the other two girls, "Lucky I came prepared." One quick splash the group was back on their way with a now back to male Ranma.

"Thanks, Ucchan."

Ukyo beamed and Ranma was about to smile as well, when a car drove through a puddle and soaked him, now her. "Oh come on!" Ranma spluttered

Ukyo splashed Ranma again and the group resumed, the Okinawan cocking her head curiously. "I just realized, you were standing right next to Shampoo, Ran-chan… how come she didn't get splashed like you did?"

Shampoo put a finger to her lips in thought and was about to reply when a shout from up above alerted them to another splash and Ranma glaring death at a window washer. "Shampoo think is something wrong with Ranma. Other Jusenkyo-cursed still live normal life, only get splashed every so often – we splashed often, yes, but much, much less then Ranma. Shampoo sure Ranma have whole other curse that make Jusenkyo curse too-too especially annoying."

Natsume blinked. "Another curse? Just how many do you have Ranma?"

The girl in question accepted another cup of hot water while grumbling under his breath before sighing. "You tell me, the way pops used me as his private patsy I have no idea how many people have slung hexes at us."

Finally they turned the corner to the Nekohanten and Ranma sighed, "Please let this be end of this bad day..." The girls murmured their agreement as Shampoo opened the doors and led the way in.

"Great-grandmother, I back." Shampoo announced meekly.

Cologne looked at the way her descendent was clearly waiting for her reprimand and decided to be lenient. "Fortune smiles upon you this time, my child. Mrs. Saotome here explained about how you were beset by that miserable spirit, Maomolin."

"Thank you, great-grandmother." Shampoo beamed with glee.

"However, you will still be disciplined after work today. After all, was it not your actions that brought him to Japan in the first place?" Cologne decreed, cutting down Shampoo's hopes.

"Aw, great-grandmother!" Shampoo protested.

While this was going on, Ranma looked to see his mother, sitting at a table with Kodachi, openly smiling to see she was unharmed. "Glad to see yer okay, mom." He told her, doing his best to ignore the borderline hostile and highly suspicious look Ukyo was directing at Kodachi.

Nodoka's expression, however, was far grimmer. Politely finishing her cup of tea off and setting it gently but grimly upon the table, she rose from her seat. "It is good to see that you are unharmed, son."

Ranma cocked his head to the side, quizzically. "Mom? What's wrong?" He asked.

"I am aware that your... condition... is not directly your fault. Though Miss Kuno was self-professedly unable to clarify all of the details on how you came to acquire your... ailurophobia."

Ranma swore, in the depths of his head. He didn't exactly have the keenest grasp on normal Japanese society, but he was aware that there was a certain stigma against divergence from the norm... and mental illness was one of the worst ways to be an outsider. "I can explain... it was all the old man's fault..." He began.

"Do not." Nodoka stated, simply and firmly. "You are already standing on shaky grounds, my son, as ashamed as I am to admit it. Please, do not prove yourself beyond redemption with your own ill-chosen words."

As she said these words, Nodoka had moved over towards Shampoo, picking up a small vase with a flower in it from the table as she did so. Turning to Shampoo, she bowed formally. "Please, forgive me."

"What for?" Shampoo asked, confused.

Nodoka promptly dashed the contents of the vase in the Chinese Amazon's face. Shampoo's clothing had barely begun fluttering to the ground before Nodoka snatched up the newly cat-ified girl and whirled to face her son, arm outstretched in his direction and causing Ranma to leap backwards. "A true man rises above any obstacle, overcomes any fear! If you have truly lived up to your oath, my son, then you shall master this ridiculous fear of cats and be proven as a true man. If you will not, then my husband has failed and you must die to atone for your dishonor." She decreed, bitter tears falling from her eyes as she said this.

Shampoo, upon hearing this, immediately began squalling in protest, claws slashing at the air as she tried to either struggle free or bite Nodoka for her actions. Unfortunately, this was a rather poor choice of actions, given she was currently being brandished at Ranma like a torch before Frankenstein's Monster. Ranma shrieked in fear and tore off out of the Nekohanten. Nodoka immediately gave chase, her demands for Ranma to stop this and prove his manliness competing with Shampoo's own distressed yowling for audibility.

Ukyo's jaw dropped at the sight. "She can't be that stupid!" She protested instinctively.

"Unfortunately, it seems she is - are you coming or not?" Kodachi snapped, already being well on her way out of the building.

Ukyo realized what was happening, shook her head, and raced off after Kodachi and Natsume, who had both sprung into action.

Ranma ran, and ran, and ran some more, barely aware of his mother's demands that he stop running and prove himself a man among men right this instant over the thundering of his heart and that terrible, terrible meowing behind him. Between his deep, deep psychological wounds and his own understandable fear of death at his own mother's hands, he couldn't do anything but run.

...Well, alright, he could also wonder just where the heck his father in panda form came from after the panda snatched him onto its shoulders and carried him off. Then he found himself being thrown to the ground before Soun dumped the contents of a bucket on him, changing Ranma into his female form and leaving her wet and angry.

"Okay, what the hell was that for?" She demanded.

"Show some gratitude, Ranma! We just saved you!" Soun bellowed, Genma grunting his agreement.

"Yeah, from a mess **you** caused." Ranma scowled back, wringing out her pigtail.

"How is this our fault?" Soun demanded.

"Let's see... you could have made some effort to keep mom from finding me in the first place." Ranma pointed out.

"That's not our fault - if you were at the Tendo Dojo, like you are supposed to be..." Soun began.

"What?" Ranma snapped. "_You_ threw **me** out, ya half-wit! You chuck a tantrum and I'm out on the street - how is the fact I didn't know she'd come around to the Tendo Dojo again **my** fault?"

Soun's mouth flapped as he tried to come up with an answer before turning towards his best friend for support. When he saw Genma was holding up a sign with the kanji for "He has a point there," written on it, he shouted "Saotome, how could you?"

"Whatever, I'm outta here." Ranma scowled, standing up and striding off towards the exit of the alley she'd been snatched to.

"Ranma! Come back here!" Soun demanded.

"Forget it! I'm outta here!" Ranma stomped off, grumbling under her breath as she entered the street before taking a deep breath; maybe turning into a girl would be something useful. If only she could figure a way not to freak out at the sight of Shampoo, she could use her change in forms and her mother's ignorance to separate Nodoka and Shampoo, keeping her mother away from her newfound "instrument" and then think of some way to calm her down.

Ranma was jolted from her thoughts when she heard Nodoka's voice call out, "Ranko! Ranko dear!" She fixed a smile on her face and turned to face her mother, inwardly sighing in relief at seeing Shampoo draped across Nodoka's shoulder like a beaten up rag-doll. She could handle that; so long as Shampoo didn't mewl or anything like that, Ranma could pretend Shampoo really was nothing but a little stuffed doll.

"Ah! It's Auntie Nodoka! How are you?" She fought to keep her tenseness at being so near to Shampoo from appearing on her face or body language.

"I'm fine dear, so nice to see you back from your trip. I can't talk for long however, I need to find my son Ranma. You haven't seen him have you? I nearly caught him but he got kidnapped by a panda!"

Ranma felt her face twitch in an effort to wrestle away from her fake smile as she clapped her hands together. "Oh, that must have been Mister Panda! He so loves playing with Ranma he must have taken him to play a game! Well, if Ranma's still with him when I find that naughty panda, I'll be sure to tell him that you're looking for him!"

Shampoo stirred with a mewl, followed by a yawn that showed off her sharp teeth and Ranma felt her nerve start to break. "!" She dashed off, leaving Nodoka blinking in confusion as Shampoo stretched and lifted a foot to scratch her ear.

Seconds later there was a male yelp and a shout of, "Watch where you're going dammit!" Nodoka's eyes widened and she turned and sped towards the corner and spotted Ranma chewing out a salaryman, a spilled cup of coffee on the ground.

"What the hell is it with you people and losing your sense of direction when you spot a girl? Is it that difficult to remain focused on...on...oh crap." Ranma spotted Nodoka out of the corner of his eye, and she was already grabbing neko-Shampoo, who mewed once in confusion before she started struggling again.

"Ah, to hell with it! Forget I said anything!" With that Ranma took off at a dead run.

"Ranma! Apologize to this man! I'm deeply sorry, sir, rest assured I will discipline him for this – Ranma, come back here!"

Ranma ran, and ran, and then ran some more for good measure. He didn't even bother looking back over his shoulder; somehow, no matter what he did, his mother was keeping up on his trail, and was now waving that sword of hers around with her free hand, which was making people particularly eager to get out of both their ways.

'Gah, this is worse then when Shampoo first chased me around town!' The thought came skittering across Ranma's forebrain from nowhere, but it slammed home with the force of a slingshot. 'Wait a minute…' Now, just where was the closest public bathhouse…? And why was it that being in mortal danger always seemed to make his brain really kick it into notch?

Nodoka gasped desperately for breath, too winded to even speak now – she wasn't really a trained martial artist, not like her husband and son, so it was taking everything she had just to keep up this pace. She didn't know how much more her body could bear… but she had to do this, the contract demanded nothing less! She still groaned hollowly when she saw Ranma suddenly accelerate – but she would not be thrown off! After him she went, around corners and down streets, her legs feeling like they were turning to rubber when she saw him go streaking through the doors of a public bath. She forced herself on despite the pain, but it was really no surprise when she found her footing giving way as she hurtled into the (strangely empty) bath chamber, Shampoo going flying from her grip with a dismayed yowl and plunging into the hot bath on the far side of the room, legs scrambling desperately in the air. Nodoka, meanwhile, found herself saved from a painful introduction to the floor by a pair of strong, feminine arms around her waist.

"Are you alright M- Mrs. Saotome?"

Allowing herself to gasp for breath for a few moments, Nodoka looked into the face of her savior. "I… Yes, thank you, Ranko. I'm sorry, but I don't have time to talk right now – I'm looking for my son."

"…I'm sorry too."

Nodoka wanted to ask what Ranko meant by that, and by the unnervingly intimate embrace she had transferred Nodoka into, but something hard and thin jabbed a point on the back of her neck, and the world went black…

Shampoo rose from the hot waters of the bath naked as the day she was born, mad as a cut snake, and swearing in a fashion that, had she not been dead for a decade and a continent away, would have made her mother spank Shampoo's backside until it glowed red and wash her mouth out with soap. Ranma's mother or not, if that crazy woman thought she was going to get away with this…! Then she stopped, realizing that Mrs. Saotome was being gently laid out on the floor by a sad, tender Ranma, currently wearing his female form. "Airen?" Shampoo asked.

"I saw Happosai use that move on Ryoga during that mess with the Japanese Nanniichuan. Never had a chance to use it before." Ranma declared softly.

"What we do with her?" Shampoo asked, padding over the tiles to her unconscious mother-in-law, oblivious to her nudity.

And, of course, that was when Ukyo, Kodachi and Natsume came bursting into the room. "Put some clothes on, kitty cat!" Ukyo barked at her rival.

"Where you come from?" Shampoo asked disdainfully.

"Can we kindly focus on the real issue here?" Ranma's voice rang out, causing the girls to glower at each other, then concede the draw this time; each wanted Ranma to choose her, after all. Once she realized they had calmed down, Ranma spoke again. "I can't believe I'm asking this, but… do you have that Xi Fang Xiang Gao stuff?"

Shampoo's eyes went wide, and then fell into a sorrowful expression. From her own ki void, she pulled forth a bottle of shampoo. "How far back Ranma want Shampoo to erase?"

"Take…" Ranma choked, swallowed, then tried again. "Take it all. Make her forget she ever heard where I was, that she ever met me again…"

Nodoka blinked awake, her head felt rather fuzzy, and looked around to see the concerned faces of Ranko and the other Nerima girls. "Wha? What happened?"

"Oh thank goodness you're alright Auntie Saotome! You knocked your head pretty badly when you slipped on the soap!"

Nodoka looked around and realized that they were in a public bathhouse. Well, it made sense why Shampoo wasn't wearing anything except a strategically applied bath towel. "Oh, I slipped? It's strange, but I don't remember how I got here? It's all fuzzy..."

Strangely, the girls looked at each other, almost questioningly, before Ranko spoke up. "Well, we spent the day walking around and talking before we decided to visit the bath house, don't worry you didn't miss anything...anything special. Ranma and Genma went off to train and there's no telling when they'll be back."

Nodoka nodded, "Ah...I see. Well, perhaps I'll see them another day."

"I... If you'll excuse me, I gotta... I gotta go, I just remembered some place I need ta be. Girls? Can you keep her company while I'm gone?" Ranko asked, her voice strangely wobbly.

Nodoka noted this, but had no time to question as the other girls promptly pressed in around her, blocking off even her view as Ranko left the bath chamber.

Ranma burst through the doors as quickly as she could, fighting against the tears. "It's just not fair..." She hissed to herself.

"Ranma!" Soun snapped, popping out of nowhere alongside Genma.

Ranma's fists and feet flashed out in a blur, leaving both of the men barely unconscious and in a lot of pain on the floor. "Stay out of my way!" Ranma barked, then tore off as fast as she could. Ranma hated his girl-side, hated it, hated it, hated it... but, just this once, he was glad he was a she. Because being a girl meant that he could cry until the pain went away...

_Some may think the ending of this is a little off. However, anime or manga, the fact Ranma can't see his mother while he has his curse is one of the things that most truly upsets him, in a "makes him sad" way, rather then a "make's him angry" way. Ranma will cry as a boy, yes, but he's much freer with weeping when in female form – for all that he doesn't like his curse, and I can understand why, I am not going to deny that Ranma's quite quick to use it as an "easy out", which I personally think is behavior he's picked up from Genma._

_Anyway, sad to say it, but Nodoka's not going to be forming one big happy family with Ranma… not yet, anyway. In the future… well, who can say?_

_Next chapter will see Soun and Genma rally themselves to make a more determined push to bring Ranma back where he belongs. After that, we plan on doing our adaptation of "Nihao, My Concubine!" And once that's complete… just the events of the Ryugenzawa and Body-Switching Doll to go before we bring up the big climax with the Tendo Dojo Xmas Party!_


	25. Chapter 25

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** I apologize deeply for the long delay in this chapter getting up; there were assorted problems on both our ends, including my moving to a new home. Still, we're here at last. As an aside, in response to a number of reviews about the previous chapter, it wasn't actually that out of character for Ranma to allow Shampoo to memory-wipe Nodoka.

Firstly, while Ranma may feel guilty about it afterwards, he can and will do some horrible things if he feels they are justified in canon.

Secondly, Ranma does want to meet his mother – but he wants to live even more. Witness a certain story in the manga where Ranma does meet Nodoka as a boy – but, thanks to Happosai being a perverted asshole, he does so in girl's clothing, and Nodoka starts trying to kill him, up until she hits her head and then wakes up believing it was just a dream: Ranma is quite content to leave her in ignorance.

Finally, most importantly, in the manga canon, Ranma is actually the main character who abuses mind control magic the most. This has included attempting to use a flower that brainwashes the victim into acting like a "Yamato Nadeshiko" on Akane (and in contrast to the "Koi Rod of Love", which Ryoga fans typically excuse on the grounds Ryoga didn't actually believe it worked, Ranma knew for a fact it worked, having just seen it in action), trying to brainwash Ryoga into loving Akari in her introductory story, and exhorting Mousse to take advantage of a brainwashed Shampoo in the Jusendo arc.

Also, the Memory Wipe Shampoo never really freaked Ranma out. He was annoyed at being forgotten, but the actual ability to wipe memories never really bothered him. It was a wounded ego, not an inherent dislike for affecting peoples' minds.

And just as folks have mentioned it before: to be honest, we can't really say for certain from canon that Nodoka does or doesn't mind the curse. We know that Ranma is eventually judged to not fail because of it – but that's because, when they do confront each other at last, Ranma does so in an incredibly heroic fashion, revealing his identity as Jusenkyo cursed in the process. For all we know, if Nodoka had met Ranma and the truth had come out earlier, she would have killed him for it. Let's not forget the aforementioned story where just showing up in girl's clothing makes her immediately start swinging that sword around, no questions asked, or that Genma, who happens to know her a little better then Ranma or Akane do, is quite sure the risk is great enough that it's better not to approach her while Ranma is cursed.

Chapter 24: Cheer Up Ranma! Genma & Soun's Desperate Plan!

It was a day since Ranma's disastrous meeting with Nodoka. At the Tendo household, Soun and Genma had come together in a spirit of great urgency to renew their original plan of forcing Ranma to return to his rightful place. Sternly, they sat upon the porch overlooking the garden, staring into the horizon with a seriousness belied only by the way they eagerly snatched up some treats from a plate Kasumi had placed between them, Kurumi happily wolfing down her own plate behind them and watching her newly acquired favorite TV show while Natsume serenely prepared tea for her father and his friend.

"Saotome, we have to do something about your son." Soun declared solemnly.

Genma didn't look at his partner, instead focusing solely on chewing - mmm, but the food had grown even more abundant and delicious around here since Natsume & Kurumi had found their father! A pity Soun still refused to admit he was anything more then an adoptive parent, though - this, more then thoughts of Soun's wrath, stayed Genma's tongue from suggesting that they should perhaps consider switching the engagement to Natsume. Genma thought such a plan was perfect; she was a martial artist who could easily earn Ranma's respect, pretty in her own way, quiet, dutiful, obedient and a wonderful cook. However, all her good qualities didn't matter if Soun refused to accept her as his own daughter. Finally, he finished his mouthful and, snatching up a second one, he held back from eating long enough to rumble, "That we have already established. What we need is to figure out an argument to convince him to come back to us where he belongs. We need to establish what it is he can have here that he can't get anywhere else..."

Pleased with his eloquence, he crammed his mouth full again.

Soun sighed, "Food is out, he has three sources that will feed him essentially for free. Considering how well you taught him to survive on his own, shelter is also out. If only we could find some way to attach him emotionally to this place."

Genma looked thoughtful, wracking his brains to try and come up with a solution. Irritably, he drummed his fingers on the porch as minute after minute slipped by without a peep from his mighty intellect. He refused to be stymied by a matter such as this - after all, was he not Genma Saotome? His genius knew no bounds!

Suddenly Genma leaped to his feet, "I've got it!" He then coughed in embarrassment as Kasumi shushed him and he quickly sat back to down to explain his daring, nefarious plan with Soun.

Meanwhile, the object of their plan was busy going about his day.

Of course, Soun and Genma were unaware that Ranma was already out and about, until they stalked their way to the vacant lot in which Ranma had been living. Any onlooker would have had to admit he was impressed with how stealthily the two men approached the lot, encircling it without giving themselves away, then springing out in a masterful ambush. Which just made them look all the more ridiculous when they sprang out and almost ended up clobbering each other before they realized the tent was empty and Ranma was nowhere to be found.

"Great. So, now where do we start looking? He could be anywhere in the city." Soun grumbled mournfully.

Genma shook his head at that declaration. "He's not like Ryoga. No, in all likelihood, he is most likely to be with one of _them_."

He didn't need to clarify who "they" were. Soun furrowed his brow. "I suggest we start at the Nekohanten." He proclaimed authoritatively, and then began striding away in that direction.

Genma promptly followed him, curiosity writ large on his features. "Did you find a clue saying that's where he would be?" He asked, sincerely inquisitive.

"No, it's merely the closest one to check." Soun replied in a light-hearted manner.

Sure enough, the two men came to the famous Chinese restaurant very quickly. While neither believed that even the Chinese would be so crass as to attack them on sight, they were hesitant to just walk in through the front door - besides, if Ranma was here, he would surely have sequestered himself somewhere more private then the restaurant proper. So, they snuck around the back, eavesdropping at the door leading out from the kitchen, through which the Nekohanten would receive deliveries and dispose of trash.

"Um, well, it's not that I ain't grateful for the breakfast or nothing, Shampoo, but... what did you want to see me for at this time of day?" Ranma asked as he placed some clearly used dishes into a sink of soapy water.

"Shampoo was thinking that Ranma needed some cheering up, since he been too-too sad about his mother, so Shampoo invited Ranma over!" The Chinese girl responded happily beside him as she set to washing the dishes they had used.

'Plus I get to one-up the others. Shampoo, you are so smart!' She mentally cheered herself.

"...I...thanks." Ranma finally managed to say, unknowing (and it's doubtful he would have cared had he known) of the minor conniptions this display of hesitant emotions wrought in the spying patriarchs of the Saotome and Tendo families. "But... well, I... didn't really need cheering up." He finally managed to explain.

"Nonsense! Ranma need cheering up otherwise you become like Waterfall Man and cry all the time!" Shampoo remarked with a giggle at the mental image of Ranma acting like Soun Tendo in full flood before banishing it, "Shampoo think Ranma moped long enough anyway, Shampoo want Ranma to smile."

"Oh, really?" Ranma asked wryly, unable to help a small smile starting to form in the corners of his lips. Whatever her faults, and he was certainly not one to deny she had them, Shampoo had always been the bubbliest, most chipper and jubilant of his would-be brides, and now that he was no longer trying his hardest to shut her out, he found it quite infectious. "Well... there is one thing..." He teased her playfully.

Shampoo blinked, caught off guard by the tone of voice Ranma used. "Ranma?"

"I happen to know that somebody has a Super Famicom... I'd like to go one on one with her, if she's willing." Ranma chirped in reply. He'd never gotten his hands on one of the new game machines before until that business with Yotaro, but he dearly wanted to do so again.

There was a thud and a splash that earned a brief 'hm?' from Cologne in response to this. Moments later, Shampoo recovered from her face-fault, "Ranma be too-too mean to maiden's heart. Super Famicom upstairs in Shampoo's room." She gave him a brief huff before smiling, "Shampoo show no mercy."

Ranma grinned wickedly back. "Bring it on!" He taunted her.

Outside, Soun and Genma looked at each other with identically fierce expressions and nodded before springing upwards, clinging to the wall with fingers and toes. It had been a while since either of them had been called on to use this aspect of their training, but they hadn't forgotten the secrets of scaling any surface that their sadistic master had used all of his inventive cruelty to etch into their brains. After all, how else were they to scale cliffs and walls alike in search of his precious underwear? Or escape from inside a house after he had locked them in? Like a pair of giant spiders they skittered up the walls to the window in a bedroom; this, they reasoned, had to be Shampoo's room, and they promptly jimmied the window open and slipped inside.

"Right, find a place to hide; we'll knock that Chinese seductress out cold in one blow, then carry Ranma off back to the Tendo Dojo." Soun ordered imperiously.

Grunting, but not really having a better plan himself, Genma busied himself with looking for the perfect place to hide; fading away into the background was all well and good, but, much as it ashamed him to admit it, he couldn't quite vanish into thin air while standing in plain sight the way that the master could. Speculatively, he opened a cupboard, then goggled at what he found. "Oh, my word!" He laughed, forgetting himself at the sight he saw.

"What is it?" Soun asked, nervously, scurrying over to his partner. "Have you found some of that Chinese black magic?" He added in the same tone.

"Hardly that!" Genma snorted in his mirth. "But look at this!" He declared, stepping aside and pointing triumphantly at what he had found.

Soun stepped forward cautiously, but then his eyes too bulged and he burst out laughing.

In front of the man was a large collection of anime, most if not all of it composed of romance series ranging from serious ones to light-hearted comedies. And they were all labeled as being Cologne's property.

"Looks like the old hag's got a soft touch for romance all right, wonder if that's the real reason she's helping out." Genma chuckled as Soun picked up one title and read the blurb on the back.

"Wonder how much she spends on these, some of these titles look pretty expensive."

Genma snorted, "Probably a couple hundred-thousand yen, maybe more. What's next, she starts buying figurines?" Even Soun couldn't stop the laugh that comment evoked as the image of Cologne decked out like a stereotypical otaku entered their minds.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea, I'll be sure to ask next time." Both men froze and turned to see the owner of the anime staring at them with a very cold smile, "But first, I think I should show you two the way out."

Shampoo and Ranma blinked as they heard a pair of loud thumps before returning to the game at hand.

Outside, a cat passed a pair of crumpled heaps and sniffed them, before running off as the heaps groaned in pain.

Now, Soun and Genma can have a wide variety of unflattering comments made accurately about them, but one thing that cannot be said of them is that they give up easily. Within minutes, they regained full consciousness and the ability to move, and they promptly tromped off back to the Nekohanten. This time, the element of surprise clearly being lost, they instead took up watch outside of the door; when that ungrateful boy came out, they'd pounce on him and teach him proper respect for his elders!

Yet it wasn't their ambush of Ranma that broke the peace, but rather the sight of a small, dwarfish figure racing from around the corner and practically diving through the doors, howling for Ranma at the top of his lungs. Soun blinked in confusion and turned to his partner. "Isn't that the little man who works at the Kuno estate?" He asked.

Indeed, it was Sasuke, and after he managed to gasp some air back into his body, he pelted straight up the stairs into the second story, ignoring the bewildered stares of the few customers who had seated themselves inside the restaurant.

In the lounge room, Ranma and Shampoo both started in shock when Sasuke came bursting in.

"What on earth's going on?" Ranma demanded.

"The mistress... trouble! Need you! Help!" Sasuke gasped, too out of breath to be any more coherent then that.

Ranma knew this had to be serious; Kodachi had sent Sasuke to contact him in the past, once or twice, but never in so clearly desperate a manner as this. He turned to his current partner and sent her his most pleading expression; it really did sound like Shampoo honestly needed his help.

Shampoo pouted; it figures that something like this would happen when things were getting nice and cozy between her and Ranma. Okay, so sitting side by side and taunting each other while clicking the buttons on a controller was hardly romantic by conventional standards, but in Nerima, you took what you could get! However reluctantly, though, she nodded her head slightly; this really wasn't normal, even in Nerima, and it looked like Ranma really did have to go. Deep down in the darkest pit of her soul, she felt all the more put out at the honest expression of grateful relief that swept over Ranma's features before he rolled over onto his back and thrust himself in a backwards leap with his hands as he completed the turn, propelling himself clear out the door and then racing off down the stairs, heading for the street. She shook her head and tried to drown it out by telling herself it was the right thing to do, and furthermore Ranma was a good man at heart - it was one of the reasons she loved him, after all.

"Besides, it's not like this is the first time I've been magnanimous in such a manner - there was that incident with Akane and the Dojo Destroyer, after all. And this time he may actually remember what I did." She told herself in her mother tongue, seeking to reassure herself she had made the right decision.

Soun and Genma watched Ranma's flight from the restaurant with greedy eyes, the fact that this was the chance they had been waiting for edging out any confusion they may have felt at its cause. Immediately they gave chase... though, unfortunately for them, Ranma was the fastest of the three of them, and so they never managed to close the distance. They were, however, able to keep him in plain sight, and so they followed him straight through the gates into the Kuno estate and right up to the front door. Quietly as whispers, they snuck in and followed him, creeping behind the furniture to prevent him from seeing them until they were ready to spring out and grab him.

This turned out to be a very wise decision on their part. It meant neither of them got hit by the sudden barrage of flying crockery that answered Ranma's calling out to Kodachi.

"What on earth is going on?" Ranma yelped as he dodged six vases and an ornamental platter in close succession, using his momentum to propel him through the open door into the room from which the porcelain projectiles had originated.

"Oh thank the kami Sasuke found you! I mean, Ah! Ranma! It's good to see you!" Kodachi called, while weaving around flying crockery. The source for her desperation, and the obvious lie to her words, was the fact that she was occupied with dodging for her life from flying furniture and flailing fists. Both of which originated from a six-foot tall statue of white marble, carved into the shape of a remarkably pretty young woman wearing not the faintest stitch of clothing, though her features were fiercer then Akane had ever been in even her deepest rages.

"What's a stone golem doing here?" Ranma asked, clearly hoping for an answer even as he threw himself into a Monkey style roll across the floor that fueled a diagonal dual-footed leaping kick into the golem's midriff. Despite Ranma's fierce strength, the creature received only a few cracks in its mineral equivalent of flesh, though the momentum did propel it clearly across the room and into a wall with force enough to partially embed it there. Ranma winced when he realized it had also smashed a table in its flight, not that this stopped him from scrambling to take up a fighting position besides Kodachi.

Who, speaking of which, was staring at him curiously. "How do you know about golems?" She asked, sincerely inquisitive.

"It's a long story - but I know enough to know that's not going to put it down for long. Where are your servants? Isn't this their job?" Ranma asked the important question.

"They are with my brother - there was an important meeting with one of my uncles, and they had to go. Please, we have to get this thing stopped before he comes home!" Kodachi pleaded.

"I'll say, it looks like it wants to tear the place apart." Ranma commented, now having had the time to analyze the clear path of destruction left by the rampaging construct.

"What? Oh, yes, that as well." Kodachi dismissed. "But I wasn't supposed to go near that particular room - brother will be so angry with me!" She whimpered, clearly afraid of Kuno's reaction for the first time in Ranma's experience.

Ranma stared at her quizzically; there was obviously a story there. However, the golem was standing up, and Ranma had no time to ask. "Alright, we'll get this thing handled in no time!" He bragged. Which was when the golem suddenly snatched up a flowerpot and threw it at Ranma. Ranma instinctively chopped it in half with a knife-hand slash, but while that deflected it harmlessly, it also splashed cold water over him. She flicked some of the water off of her dripping hands with a sour expression. "Alright... this might be a little trickier then I thought." She conceded.

Watching from the (relative) safety of some nearby furniture, Genma quickly turned to Soun, "The boy has this under control, let's make a hasty departure before they notice us." Soun nodded rapidly and the pair bid a hasty retreat as the golem smashed a fist into a nearby wall. The pair navigated the corridors until Genma, passing a door, sniffed. "Wait; the kitchen is right here, we can grab something to eat."

Soun groaned, "Saotome, really." Then his stomach began to growl and the man flushed for a moment, "Oh fine then."

The pair entered the massive kitchen and Soun couldn't conceal the whistle at the sight of a facility that was built not only with massive funds, but exacting specifications as well, and large enough that it had its own dining table for the staff. Genma on the other hand, simply went for the sandwich trays and the other cold snacks laid out while opening a fridge and grabbing a sake bottle.

"Come on Soun, take a load off and enjoy yourself." Soun shrugged and grabbed a plate and began to fill it.

As the rumbles from the fight further away continued, the pair got down to the business of relaxing as Genma burped, "Ah, this is the good stuff, in fact I think its better than when the boy and I were last here."

Soun scratched his chin in thought. "Wasn't that when the Kuno girl tried to bribe you with her money?"

Genma nodded with a laugh. "I almost fell for it too. But I'm stronger than that!"

Soun shook his head before inspecting one particularly well made pastry, "I wonder how the staff make these?"

"We would be glad to demonstrate on you."

Genma blinked, "Shouldn't that be demonstrate **for** you?"

"Head Chef knows what she said."

The two men blinked, and then paled as knives and other sharp implements began to vanish. That's the trouble with ninja; you never know when a group has stayed behind to prepare lunch for their mistress.

Further away, with the golem, Kodachi wondered what that pair of screams was before dodging a large stone fist.

Now, while Soun and Genma didn't rate very high on the Nerima list compared to, say, Ranma, they were still Happosai's students. And that meant that not only were they genuinely the masters they touted themselves to be, but they were pretty impervious ones when motivated. It was merely motivating them to put their talents to proper use that was difficult, and one of the reasons why Happosai had gone along with their suggestion of having Ranma be his "true heir" instead. As a consequence, they could more then hold their own against the ninjas. However, the sheer number of ninjas meant that this wasn't exactly easy, and certainly not very pleasant. As a consequence, by the time Ranma and Kodachi had finished off the golem, Soun and Genma were making a break from the estate. In fact, if it hadn't been for the fact they were currently engaged in finishing the weakened construct, either Ranma or Kodachi would have seen them as they fled.

A safe distance away, they pulled up to catch their breath and recover their energy. "So now what do we do, Saotome?" Soun grizzled, once he had the energy to do so.

Genma held up a hand as he finished catching his breath. "Well, he's certainly left there by now. We'll go to the Kuonji girl's restaurant, that's the only place left."

Soun looked at Genma. "Why there? Surely it would be more sensible to think that he would have gone back to the Nekohanten?"

Genma snorted. "When has sensible thought ever worked in this place? No, he'll be there, with our luck he'll be there."

Soun got to his feet with a groan. "If you say so." He winced, "I don't think you should have tried to keep eating when they attacked."

Genma winced and cradled one arm, "Force of habit, the Master's training."

After a few minutes to confirm that nothing would fall off, limbs and otherwise, they began limping towards Ucchan's to investigate the situation.

Carefully, painfully, they pulled themselves up to the residential area above the restaurant and began working on the locks and the assorted boobytraps (mostly there to try and distract Happosai long enough for Ukyo to wake up and evict him), to enter an upstairs storeroom. Genma contemplated a few items before a nudge from Soun reminded him that they had already eaten, and paid for their meal.

Finally, they heard voices and the two men leaned against the door to listen.

The voice they heard was Ukyo's, and what it was saying was quite unwelcome. "Do you have your outfit picked out yet, Ranma-honey?"

"I'm having a bit of trouble. I mean, I can't seem to find a suit that gives me the same range of movement as my regular stuff." Ranma replied.

"It's not like there's going to be a fight breaking out, Ranma." Ukyo pointed out, sounding somewhere between exasperated, amused and confident.

A sound of someone shifting, "Well, its not like I don't trust those two to take care of security, its just that...gah, fine, I'm paranoid. I keep having this feeling that when I go to the wedding, a massive fight is going to erupt."

Wedding! Ranma, and Ukyo, at a wedding? The obvious conclusion that the two men leapt two was most unwelcome, and adrenaline flooded into their bodies along with the crimson tide of rage. Both of them, unaware that the other was doing the exact same thing, leapt up and burst through the door, hurtling themselves forward to confront the teens with an outraged cry of, "I oppose this marriage!"

Through sheer surprise, they actually managed to get a good few hits in. But Ranma alone would have been a hard opponent for Soun and Genma together even if they were minty fresh, and with them being as worn out as they were, and with Ukyo as his ally, the tide of battle quickly turned against them and they were trussed up like geese ready for the oven with yakisoba noodles.

Ukyo glanced over at Ranma, "I think you might be on to something Ranchan."

Ranma sighed with his hand on his face. "Lemme guess, you idiots thought I was getting married to Ucchan?"

Ukyo allowed herself a moment to imagine herself in a wedding dress and Genma crying in defeat before shaking herself back to reality.

Soun was the first to recover. "You mean you aren't?"

Ranma groaned and face-palmed again. "No, we were just talking about what to wear to Tsubasa and Asuza's wedding. We have invitations."

Genma looked hopeful but that was crushed as Ranma simply said, "No, I am not taking you as a guest and they intend to bring in security that can make sure nothing ruins the wedding. Somehow I have a feeling that whoever they bring in could give you a run for your money."

"As much as we could have avoided this mess if you had mentioned that little state of affairs to us at an earlier date," Soun bristled, trying to muster his dignity; "There is another matter, far more personal and important, that we must discuss. Now, if you would be so good as to unbind us?" He asked, shaking his hands for good measure.

Ukyo glanced at Ranma, who shrugged, they were as harmless as they were going to be right now so with a quick swipe of a spatula the bonds were released as Ranma sat down and picked up a formal wear catalogue, "So what is it you want?"

Coughing politely in an effort to dismiss the tension, Soun proceeded. "It concerns the... little matter of your place of residence. I have been given reasons to believe that, perhaps, I was inclining towards an error when I..."

"You got some nerve." Ukyo interjected, disdain dripping from her words like venom from the fangs of an angry snake.

Ranma nodded solemnly. "You kick me out because you can't stand me not sticking up for Akane even when I'm not supposed to do that, and now you want me to come back? You gotta be kidding me."

It should be noted that Ranma, while usually fairly quick to forgive people indiscretions against him, could be rather petty at times and was certainly no slouch when it came to remembering a grievance; hence his attitude here. Furthermore, this matter was a particular cause of pique: because Ranma had not only done nothing wrong, but, by the standards of both society and his own unique code of honor, had done everything right.

Soun knew that he was on very thin ground with his beliefs – he merely soldiered on regardless, convinced of his own righteousness. Furthermore, he had been under quite a lot of stress today. So, it was no surprise that Soun's aura promptly exploded to life in his trademark Demon Head attack, looming menacingly over the teens. "Don't start this again! They are not my daughters, and they never have been my daughters! This was started by YOUR refusal to fulfill your duties as Akane's fiancé and defend both my dojo and her honor!" He roared.

Unfortunately for him, he had forgotten something important about his Demon Head attack. While it was true that Ranma's reflex was to cower in fear, Ukyo's reflex was to scream and punch him. Which she promptly did.

Once his nerves settled back down, Ranma's hand came up and mimicked a mouth speaking as he mocked the Tendo patriarch. "Blah, blah and its the same garbage all over again. I refereed and judged Natsume the winner fair and square. Akane wants her honor preserved so badly; she should have trained in more than just throwing a few haymakers and roundhouses. And what obligation do I have to defend that dojo anyway? Its not my school, and frankly seems more like a tax dodge to me."

"Our tax status and your engagement to Akane have nothing to do with each other!" Genma barked loudly. The sound of it evidently startled Soun, and it seemed what he said was not what the Tendo patriarch was expecting, given that he partially turned to face his old friend with a confused, surprised expression on his face.

Ranma shrugged, "Yeah, whatever. Are we done here? Because I still have to find a suit to wear to a wedding."

"How can you be so calm about this?" Soun spluttered indignantly.

At this, Ranma scowled openly, clearly sick and tired of all this. "If you had ever wanted any hope of this crazy scheme of yours working, you should have come to beg my forgiveness a lot sooner then this. I'm tired of clearing up after you two; you ain't got nothing I want, so I suggest you get out of here."

"And if we refuse?" Genma scowled, thrusting his chin out diplomatically.

Even Ranma leapt in shock as Ukyo suddenly rocketed forward, her battle-spatula slamming into Genma like a wrecking ball and propelling him straight out through a window and beyond sight. Smiling a smile that was all sweetness and light, she turned to face the gobsmacked Soun. "Any more questions?" She purred.

Soun shook his head, appalled, then softly walked away, deliberately and controlled in an effort to retain some semblance of dignity.

Ranma stared at the second fiancée his father had foisted on him with a mixture of fear and respect. "Why on earth did you do that?" He asked.

Ukyo shrugged, "Needed to let off some steam, now where were we sugar?" Ranma shrugged and the two went back to picking out formal wear.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chasing the Rainbow**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** Okay, it has been a really long time since we updated, and I'm sorry about that. Real life troubles have kept us from being able to communicate with each other, and so this chapter languished in development hell for a while.

Chapter 25: Another Bad Vacation! Togenkyo Island Blues Part 1!

Kuno led the way down the private dock in triumph, chest swollen with pride and smiling fit to make the top of his head fall off. Finally, he and Akane Tendo were going to have a romantic day alone together - just her and him, out there on the ocean blue in his beautiful new yacht, the Lady Binsense, painstakingly purchased after the wrecking of his precious Subdragon the 5th.

The only problem was that he had not been able to find the elusive pigtailed beauty to join them as well. Well, that, and one other thing...

"Kuno-baby, I should thank you for inviting us along." Nabiki snarked, smiling smugly as she walked alongside her family members; also present was a smiling Kasumi and a cheerful Soun Tendo. The fact was that Kuno had failed to specify just Akane, and the girl had promptly decided that her whole family should come along.

Ah well, the sacrifices made for love.

"Well, how could I refuse Akane's request? Besides, it would be a nice holiday away from the house am I correct?" Kuno laughed even as he inwardly groaned at having to put up with Nabiki. Still, the Lady Binsense was just around the corner and it was a large yacht so there would be enough space to keep contact at a minimum.

He was entertaining the thought of showing off his supreme sailing skills when the group turned the corner to the Lady Binsense's mooring and the group stopped dead as Kuno spluttered in shock.

"WHERE'S MY BOAT?"

A nearby Kuno family worker walked up to him, "Lady Kodachi left this for you." Kuno took the offered letter with trembling hands.

_My dear brother, I have taken the boat to spend a romantic day sailing with Ranma. Much love, Kodachi. PS. You wouldn't have enjoyed yourself anyway."_

Kuno quietly handed the note back and walked into the nearby office and locked the door.

Nabiki hmmed, "What do you think he's going to do now?"

Kuno's scream answered her question nicely.

Meanwhile, miles out to sea...

Shampoo flung her hair dramatically in the billowing wind, eyes lidded until they were half shut and lips pursed slightly in a pose that would have had the average guy killing for a camera… especially because her only apparel was a strange combination of a teeny little two-piece red bikini and shorter, cleavage-baring variant of the shirt & miniskirt combo that usually comprised her outfit when working at the beach. Her current fellow passengers, though, were not quite so impressed.

"Give it up, kitty cat, we ain't on no movie shoot here." Ukyo told her.

"Ukyo just jealous her hair not as long and pretty as Shampoo's." The Joketsuzoku replied, not even bothering to open her eyes or look at the Osaksan chef.

"She is hardly deficient in terms of hair herself, both amount and in beauty." Kodachi interjected, much to Ukyo's surprise.

She stared at the younger Kuno sibling, who blushed and looked away. "...Was that a come on?" She finally asked, in disbelief, looking as though she wanted to cover herself up. As well she might, given she was currently dressed only in a very daring string bikini ensemble – all of her fellow passengers had been quite surprised to see that she had clothes so… naughty.

"Don't be absurd!" Kodachi immediately retorted, her cheeks flushing. "I was merely trying to pay you a compliment, that's all. Ignorant peasant." Ironically, Kodachi was the most conservatively dressed, despite the fact that the last time she and the others had been on the beach together, she had been the most skimpily dressed.

"Shampoo thinking Kodachi not have much chance to say nice things for people in past." Shampoo noted casually. "That said... why Kodachi invite us here, anyway?"

"You saying you aren't enjoying being on the ocean, out of Nerima, in the worst heatwave of the summer?" Ranma called from where he was manning the steering wheel.

"Shampoo not say that. Just wonder why Kodachi ask us to come as well as Ranma."

"Can I not do something nice for my rivals? We may have opposing goals in this matter, but that does not mean we cannot be friends, now does it?" Kodachi asked with wounded pride.

"What she means is that she figured we had a good chance of finding out and sinking the yacht if she tried to steal away with Ranma-honey, so she decided it'd be better to just ask us along." Ukyo replied. She promptly turned up the volume on the radio sitting beside her, coincidentally drowning out any less than polite retorts Kodachi may have had for her.

"If you girls don't play nice, I'm going to turn this boat around and we can go home." Ranma called out, playful - and hardly able to believe he could be so casual when in the company of all three of his would-be fiancees.

"Yes Ranma." Was the chorus that met his proclamation, making the three girls sound like schoolchildren. Especially when they promptly started giggling madly afterwards.

Ranma ignored this. "Hey, Ucchan, change the channel to the weather forecast, will ya?" He called out.

"What for, Ranma-honey? We took a whole different direction. I mean, none of us want to end up on Togenkyo." Ukyo asked.

When Kodachi had tried to collect Ranma, she had done so last of all. Meaning all three girls had been witness to the surprise of Ranma being very reluctant to come near the Lady Binsense. Finally, Ranma had explained that during his mysterious "vision-quest", he had been given a glimpse of a turn of events very similar to this, which had ended up with all of them, save Kodachi who had somehow not been involved, being kidnapped by the women-starved raiders of the floating island of Togenkyo. They had all easily agreed that they did not want to visit that place, and so it had been no sacrifice to promise to listen to Ranma's advice and try to avoid the storm that had "originally" shipwrecked them near the cursed landmass.

"I just think it would be a good idea to check the weather. I mean, we are on the sea; a storm far off may still drive us in a direction we don't want to go." Ranma explained.

Kodachi laughed - to the surprise of Ranma and the other two girls, in a far less high-pitched, obnoxious cackle then she usually did. "My darling Ranma, you worry too much. I am an expert sailor; allow me to reassure you that there is nothing to worry about." She boasted.

"Shampoo not so sure about that..." The Chinese girl stated.

"I gotta agree, Ranma-honey. Kunos aren't exactly known for their modesty." Ukyo said, though she didn't make any move to change the channel on the radio. This was one of her favorite songs that was playing, after all.

"I assure you, everything will be fine." Kodachi said, waving her hand in dismissal of their concerns. "Now then, Ranma darling, please engage the automatic steering mechanism and join me in some lunch."

At that, Kodachi's rivals both perked up. "Your cooking? Sounds good to me." Ukyo said, happily switching off the radio.

"Ukyo not have any pride in own cooking skills?" Shampoo asked, sounding a little disdainful.

"Hey, free gourmet cuisine is nothing to turn your nose up at, kitty cat." Ukyo replied.

"Hmph." Shampoo made her opinion clear but began heading down as Ranma flicked a switch and hopped down to the cabin as Ukyo turned off the radio and got up as well.

"Geez, do you always pack enough to sink this place?"

"A well-stocked galley is the best defence against the doldrums, plus I needed to take my Ranma-darling's appetite into account."

"Hey! I don't eat that much!"

"Yeah, Ranma eat more!"

"Yeah! Waitaminute..."

And so, with an air of squabbling that was yet somehow friendly, the quartet sat down to enjoy a meal. While they were occupied, though, none of them noticed the strange current that came out of nowhere, enveloping the boat and leading it far off course, the auto-pilot not being able to correct its course the way that a human pilot would. Thusly, when the first of the group left the mess...

"What on earth?" Ranma's voice bellowed in confusion, bringing the girls racing out to join him. They found him standing at the rail, staring in horror at an island now lying before them - and one that they had been nowhere near before they had gone down to eat.

"Oh great, we drift off course." Shampoo stated. "Still, is not so bad - we can find out where we are, yes?" She asked, hopefully.

"It's worse then that, Shampoo. Look!" Ranma stated, pointing dramatically.

The three girls curiously followed his pointing finger, following it past rocky beaches and dense forest to... "Is that a green mountain?" Ukyo asked, confused.

"It's a peach tree - a giant peach tree! This is Togenkyo!" Ranma groaned.

The three girls swallowed nervously, Ranma's story coming back to them. "The... men

living here don't really kidnap girls and take them to wife, do they?" Kodachi asked, timidly.

"Yes they do! Shampoo hear stories of this place when Shampoo was little girl. Is too-too bad place for womans." The Chinese girl declared.

Suddenly something hit the water and exploded, sending a spray of salt-water into the air, and prompting the group to reflexively duck as Ukyo looked up at the island, "What the hell was that?"

Ranma shook his head, "I don't know, but we'd better get out of here!"

"Right!" The girls rushed to get the yacht ready to leave when suddenly another explosion rocked the boat and threw them into the water.

"Oh… why does this always happen to me?" Ranma asked, spitting out a mouthful of salt water – she was too used to the taste from previous experiences to let it bother her that much. Another explosion struck the water not too far away, sending a great plume of water splashing over Ranma's head. She choked and spluttered, then looked around in concern. "Girls! Are you alright?"

"We're fine, Ranma-honey – hey, where's Shampoo?"

"Hold still, you lowbred animal! I am trying to save you!" Came Kodachi's indignant voice, Shampoo's own yowls sending an unavoidable shiver up Ranma's spine.

"Make for the shore – it's our only chance!" Ranma called, then struck out, long, slender limbs stroking powerfully, propelling her swiftly towards the shore. And when she got there, she was going to make whoever was responsible for this pay…

With the bombardment failing to cease up, the girls had all the encouragement they needed to make for shore as fast as possible. Ranma had swum the distance between Japan and China - not once, but twice. Ukyo had spent ten long years training constantly at the seashore, which had included frequent swimming lessons. And Kodachi was the heir to a samurai lineage and a scion of noble blood; swimming was something she had worked diligently at. And so they made it to the shore swiftly and without taking a direct hit from any missiles, which would surely have been a deathblow if they had landed.

Upon clawing their way onto the wet sand of the beach, they quickly spotted their assailants; about eight grizzled looking men, carrying a mixmatched array of swords and spears, desperately manning an ancient catapult. Seeing their targets had made it to the shore, they stopped trying to wench the windlass closed and instead took up their weapons, ready to attack.

Ranma didn't need to spit any invectives for her companions to attack. The three girls rocketed out of the surf, charging across the sand with righteous vengeance in their hearts and murder in their eyes.

The trio hit like a storm wave and even with weapons, the first guards crumpled like wet paper against the fists of the three girls. However, their sacrifice delayed the girls long enough for their comrades to put up a defensive stance.

**WHAM!** **CRUNCH!** **BLAMMO!**

Not that it did them any good.

Ranma winced as the girls got to work on the guards. "Ooh, that's gotta hurt." She shook her hair a little to get some water out of it before looking around, "Yup, looks exactly how I remember it. I'm just glad I don't have to save Akane or Nabiki this time."

She scowled slightly at the memories before walking over to the girls, who were just finishing off their opponents, who moaned piteously through the bruises and lacerations from accidentally cutting themselves on their own weapons.

"Done?"

Before either of the girls could answer, a sudden series of inarticulate warcries split the air, heralding a group of dirty, ragged, spear-wielding figures charging from the undergrowth. Instinctively, Ranma, Kodachi and Ukyo lashed out, figuring themselves under attack - it took Ranma several moments to realise she was busy kicking, punching and chopping at other girls, dressed in the rags of dresses and swimsuits. By the time she had called the others to stop attacking, the girls had been knocked across the sands practically to the last woman, and the guards were racing away as fast as they possibly could.

"...I think we made a mistake." Ranma admitted sheepishly, looking down at the ground as she took in the scene of carnage around her.

"Like, I'll say you did!" Whined one girl, wincing as she caressed a swollen cheek. "Like, what was that for? We were coming to save you, ya know? Protect you from those creeps?"

"I would correct that it was those fools who needed protection from us." Kodachi said, with remarkable dignity for somebody who had a cat sitting on her head.

"Where did you girls come from? What are you doing here?" Ukyo asked, removing the combat spatula she had just used to squash one particularly foolhardy lady wearing only a string bikini.

"We're, like, prisoners on this island, the same as you are." Said the apparent spokesgirl for the attackers. "We were all, like, taken prisoner by those creeps in the castle? Until, ya know, Kiyoko saved us - now we're, like, fighting to get off this island and that's why they've taken to bombarding any ships that, like, come too close to the island."

"Oh, great. Just what we need; more complications." Ranma groaned. Then she realized the strangers were looking at her with puzzled expressions and she frantically waved her hands. "Nevermind, ignore me, I'm just talking to myself!" She blurted.

The apparent leader of the group stared a moment longer before shaking her head, "Anyway, we'd better get you down to our hideout to meet Kiyoko. Its like, way too dangerous to stay out here for too long!" As if to punctuate that statement, a war cry sounded and an arrow zipped past one girl's head, which prompted a squeal of fright as the leader waved to the jungle, "This way!"

The group immediately raced off into the undergrowth as spears and arrows pinned the ground behind them and they didn't stop running for several minutes until the sounds of pursuit finally faded into nothing. Without the risk of being hunted, the group of girls lead Ranma, Ukyo, a still feline Shampoo and Kodachi, through paths in the jungle following either memory or some form of hidden marker until the trees began to thin out and the group found themselves on a bluff overlooking a graveyard of ships.

Ukyo whistled at the sight of the array of tents built on and around what appeared to be a beached tanker. "Hell of a setup you got going here."

One of the girls nodded. "Yeah. Now if we could only get our hands on a working engine. Still, welcome to our home."

Ranma blinked, curiously wondering where something like this had come from. "So, who's in charge of all of this? This... Kiyoko girl?" She asked. She wondered how anyone could be smart enough to not only organize a rebellion from the likes of these girls, but keep them out of Toma's hands afterwards.

"Like, follow me, girls." The apparent leader of the ragtag band proclaimed, ignoring Ranma's grimace at being called that. She started towards the tanker, then stopped at a spot where she could be seen clearly - for obvious reasons, as a bunch of girls holding spears and with wary expressions were now poking their heads out from hidey-holes in the tanker. "We have like, returned, bringing new members of the, like, army and stuff!" She called. In response, the spear-carriers disappeared, and she threw a confident grin at Ranma and her companions before leading them to a hole that had been torn in the side of the hull, crudely blocked up by a rude barricade, behind which Ranma and her fiancées could see more of the spear-carrying girls. After several minutes of cursing, they had pulled the barricade apart sufficiently that those outside could squeeze on through.

Inside, the tanker was dark and gloomy, but the girls who had rescued them led Ranma, Kodachi, Shampoo and Ukyo confidently through the gloom and the murk.

After navigating a maze of corridors and bulkheads, the group reached the crew deck of the ship where various other girls were chatting or sleeping, some fiddling with home-made weapons made from sharpened scrap steel, while others reviewed maps or read books.

As they passed through the mess on the way to the Captain's office, Ranma overheard a conversation from a pair of girls at a table.

"I heard the latest scouting party found out that Toma's planning on hitting another set of ships in a few days time."

"Great, as if we didn't have enough trouble."

"Yeah, tell me about it...are you filling in that crossword puzzle?"

"Huh?"

"Dammit, you know the rules! Use a piece of paper! You'll ruin it for the others!"

"Sorry! Sorry!"

Ranma let the conversation drift into the background as the group stopped in front of the captain's office and their guide smiled, "Like, some new recruits to meet Kiyoko."

The guards nodded and one of them knocked on the door, eliciting a call of "Enter!"

The captain's cabin was small, as was necessary for ships, but comparatively luxuriant. A crude curtain had been erected over the bunk, and a trio of rough futons had been thrown to the side, clearly waiting for nightfall, when they would be used. Behind a desk that had been bolted to the floor, so that it would not move with the pitching and rolling of the ship, sat a girl of about their age, fairly attractive looking (if, Kodachi and Shampoo in particular would have hastened to add, a plain, mundane sort of way compared to them), who steepled her hands and looked over them imperiously. Lounging about the cabin in idle repose were three more girls, each of whom looked at the newcomers with bored expressions.

One of these wore what looked vaguely like a stereotypical ninja's outfit - but this had been so heavily altered with garish colors and ribbons it was hard to say. Blue eyes glittered vapidly under a mop of bright pink hair - almost certainly dyed, but given some of the things that the quartet from Nerima had seen, that being her real color was not entirely out of the question.

The second wore clothes that were different in style, but just as garish; a black leather jacket over a dirty white "wife-beater" shirt, deliberately ripped and torn jeans, big thigh high boots with steel toecaps, lengths of chain, broken off pipe, knuckle-dusters, and black hair worn in vaguely 50s American-ish spikes, held together with grease. It was strangely appropriate for her lean body, sour features and general vicious alley-cur demeanor.

The last was the most easy to see, for she was clearly not Japanese in the slightest.

"I had heard Westerners were big, but that's ridiculous." Kodachi breathed in disbelief; though her ebony features and long, blonde hair under a backwards baseball cap suggested she was only about seventeen years old, she was easily as tall as Soun Tendo was. And amply built to boot... Shampoo, still seated on Kodachi's head, let out a forlorn mewl as she stared directly at the giantess's massive breasts, suddenly feeling rather inadequate. Was this how she made Akane feel when she teased her about her lack of cleavage?

"...Why is there a cat sitting on your head?" The punkish girl asked.

"Because she's not trained to sit on the shoulder yet." Kodachi replied primly.

"Enough." Kiyoko leaned back in her chair with a smile, "Welcome to the Hulk, a bitch of a place to visit, even worse to live in."

"So why live in it, then?" Ranma asked.

"Because it's better than being some whore prancing about to amuse that prick up there." The black girl rumbled, "You ain't a person up there, just some plaything and bed warmer."

Kiyoko nodded, "Yes, sad but true. Everything is done for the amusement and pleasure of Prince Toma up there. The other problem is that his army, for all of their stupidity, is quite well-led and trained and much better equipped in contrast to a bunch of civilian girls taken from everything from pleasure cruises to island resorts."

The pinkette put a finger to her lips, "What about that Israeli girl? Isn't she military-trained?"

Kiyoko rubbed the back of her head with a sheepish grin, "Oh yeah, I forgot about her."

"Then how the heck did you lot break out of there, and how do you keep them from just taking you back?" Ranma asked, feeling suspicious.

Kiyoko grimaced before speaking, "We believe for the entertainment value. What spies I have able to report back here tell me that the Prince is bored out of his skull. This little 'insurgency' is both a means of staving off boredom and keeping his troops in practice. For all of our efforts, we're simply another means of amusing Toma."

"I heard the bastard practically had a 'We Have a Rebellion' party the moment we started fighting back." The punk spat, "He knows he has more soldiers than we have fighters, even with the jungle to slow them down, we'd never be able to fend off a full-scale attack."

"Makes sense." Ranma admitted; she could easily recall those scenes of the "martial arts harem competition" that she and the other girls had been forced to participate in during that "other timeline". Pushing those thoughts away, she spoke up. "And I take it that you girls can't get away because he doesn't want to let you go - it's fun to fight back, but no fun if you escape?" She concluded.

"That is our situation in a nutshell. This hulk of a vessel is easily sea-worthy, with some time and hard work, but it's clear that the engine was taken apart a long time ago along with the radio equipment and distress beacon. While the island does technically float were the winds take it, Toma can influence it, somewhat, and he makes sure the island stays away from anywhere that could provide us with either rescue or weaponry as well. If we even had one rifle we could bring him down, and if we could steal his ships we could vanish, so he stays away from heavy shipping lanes and has the docks under heavy guard."

"Anything we build, he sinks. Patrols are constant and they overlap and intersect at regular intervals." The ebony blonde remarked. "One group tried it a couple of months ago. Never stood a chance."

"Great. So does that mean we're stuck here, Ranchan?" Ukyo asked. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life on some floating island!"

"We ain't gonna do that." Ranma assured her. She then turned to Kiyoko. "Hey, if somebody knocks out Toma, then could you girls make a break for it in the chaos?" She asked.

"Easily; we found that Toma moves the Island in a circuit, and it's reaching a point where he regularly deploys forces for raids in a few days time. We've been constructing boats, but they aren't enough to take everyone. If you can disable Toma and force the Island to stay in place long enough for help to arrive, we'd be in your debt." Kiyoko opened a drawer and pulled out a map, tossing onto the desk.

"The island and the palace are old, and we know that Toma and his lieutenants seem to have forgotten about a number of the secret tunnels and entrances. We've been mapping them for some time, so this should be of some help to you."

Ranma looked at her fiancées, who nodded back; this was the only real option they had. "Before we go, we just need ta ask you for two things." Ranma stated confidently.

Kiyoko raised an eyebrow, "Yes?"

"We need at least a cup of hot water, and a change of clothes." Ranma told her.

Kiyoko blinked. "What on earth do you need those for?" She demanded.

"...You wouldn't believe us if we told you." Ukyo finally answered, seeing as how neither Ranma nor Kodachi seemed very eager to speak.

"I...see. Head to the ship's kitchen, you can get some water heated there. However, I am afraid we barely have enough clothes to keep our own numbers modest – we have stolen as many outfits from Toma's palace as we could, but, still, you have seen the state of our attires." Kiyoko answered.

"…I understand. We will do without. But, still, can we get that hot water?" Kodachi asked.

Kiyoko nodded politely at them. "Of course. Erin." The black girl looked up. "Show our friends the way."

"You got it." The girl stood up and stretched with a few pops and cracks. "God, this place is cramped."

Ranma stepped out of the way and indicated the door. "Lead on." She told her.

Erin ducked and stepped through the door, "Kitchen's this way." As the group headed through the ship Erin glanced back at them, "You know something, its weird."

"What's weird?" Ukyo asked.

Erin shrugged, "Nothing, its just...Kiyoko's been planning this assassination gig for months, its practically been her baby. Kinda weird she'd just hand it off to a group of new arrivals just like that."

"Whoa, hold on there, who said anything about assassination?" Ranma yelped. "We'll beat seven shades of snot out of him, no problems there, but we ain't gonna kill nobody!"

"Ranma's right, that's not how we work." Ukyo interjected.

"Indeed, that is a level to which I will not stoop." Kodachi insisted, looking slightly green at the thought.

"Yeah, I figured you guys would say as much. That's why I think its weird, Kiyoko may look all sweet, but something snapped in her when she led the escape. She's been ranting about putting Toma in a grave since day one."

Erin rolled a shoulder, "Another thing, she's been lying to you about weapons. I don't know what this ship was supposed to be carrying but Kiyoko, Yumi, Midori and me found a crate of AKs and a crapload of ammo when we found the Hulk, more than enough to take care of Toma and his troops. We planned on using them to hit Toma and force him to give us some ships to escape, but then Kiyoko squirreled them away somewhere and made us say we found nothing in the ship."

Erin stopped and looked around before she leaned in close, "Yumi and Midori are wrapped around her pinky finger but I know something screwy is going on here. Watch your backs, okay?"

The girls (and girl-turned-cat) swallowed nervously and nodded as one.

_And thus endeth part one of our adaptation of the movie "Nihao! My Concubine". We will strive to have the second part out sooner – there's only three (technically four; Ryugenzawa was a two-OAV picture) OAVs to cover and we'll have reached the climax of this story! We're grateful to all of you for sticking with us this long, and we do hope you'll stay with us until we reach the end._


End file.
